Spring

(imaginary)

Have you ever thought about dying...

That's an elusive thing.

It's... mysterious... solemn... and sudden!

For the average person, it is the end of life and relief.What it brings is the destruction of the whole soul.

All human conjectures about it will eventually disappear in that smoke screen.Mankind denies its power in order to satisfy its own madness.

It is angry, restless, and demonic.

What is this for?

Just for the sake of having a place in the world—a place where it can be accommodated, where it can be recognized.

It is pathetic and disturbing!

Its accusations against human beings have not stopped, and its demands on human beings have not stopped either.

So, it came into this world...

1.

My name is Wu Zhi, Wu Zhi's Wu, Wu Zhi's Zhi.When my dad named me that name, he was thinking of knowing everything.In fact, I really don't know.

To put it simply, my family can be considered an upper-middle-class family.I am usually leisurely and leisurely, and occasionally I can go out for a walk when I have a vacation.As for me, I can only be regarded as an inferior student.Studying is like having a grudge against me. No matter how hard I try, I will always get a little bit of points.It wasn't until one time, after I fell ill from exhaustion, that I gave up studying completely.Grades or something, just let it go.Anyway, learning is the same as not learning.

So I lived a life of going to bed in the morning and playing at night.This kind of life is actually very boring.Playing every day, there are a lot of good students in the class, they listen carefully in class, they don’t even say a word, they write questions there after class, and they don’t leave their seats. Sometimes I’m curious, don’t their butts hurt?

In fact, I was also the only poor student in the class.In the monthly exam of the class, the second-to-last student was nearly [-] points behind me... The teacher tried to persuade me to study art, but I was bullied by her for two years, but I still didn't agree.Because I feel that I have to be in a good school if I do well.

I still have one wish, which is to find a girlfriend before graduation... It seems that I am not very attractive. It has been two years without a trace, and it seems that there is no hope.

Before entering high school, I also want to say study hard, find a girlfriend, and show affection until college.But now it seems that I may have been forgotten by God.

It is strange to say that I had very good grades in junior high school, and I even won the first prize in the country when I participated in the competition.But now even if I work hard, even if I have mastered the high school learning methods, I still can't learn well, my brain is not that bad...

When I got the test paper for the first midterm exam, I was full of doubts about myself.

……

"Wu Zhi." The teacher said to me earnestly, "You have to work hard. You didn't do well in the midterm exam this time. You usually did well in the exam. Why did you fail like this this time? You have to work hard. .You are a girl..."

I listened with my head down, and looked up at the teacher from time to time.

The school bell is ringing...

"Do you understand?"

I nodded.

"Okay, let's go back."

I trot back to the classroom, I have completely forgotten what happened just now.

"Hey, Wu Zhi, what did the teacher tell you to do?" A classmate who was on good terms with me asked.

"Oh, don't you just let me study hard." I threw the things in my hands on the table, "Okay, the teacher is here, let's not talk about it."

……

I remember this day.

I come home from school—the little attic.Sitting at the desk, I opened my homework, looked at the black square characters on the book, and couldn't get up.I went to the rooftop and looked at the lights on the buildings in the distance - I used to always wonder what time it was turned on.I have a feeling of being lost.I don't know what I really want; I don't know what I'm living for; I don't know what the point of me doing all this... just to live?

I sometimes really wonder what life was like for those who have passed away.Sometimes I just want to see their lives with my own eyes, whether they are many times better than my current life.Sometimes when I stand on the roof, I just want to jump off, enjoy the unfettered landing, and then go to the place I yearn for.

But I never did.

I know that all fantasies are blinding myself, covering my own eyes with a veil so that I cannot see the real situation.But I know very well in my heart that what I think means something.

Every time I think about jumping off the ground, I think - I haven't been to college, I haven't left this little place, I haven't found a girlfriend yet.So I thought, I can hold on a little longer, just wait another two years...

So, I'm still here, alive...

The author has something to say: Well...