cold flame

At this moment, facing the old scenery, Lin Mo found that everything was so similar except for the floating white snow outside the window.The person beside him, in today's changing world, is still standing by his side, watching with him the dead branches and leaves that are about to usher in the new year.

"What are you thinking?" Gao Wenxuan asked softly.

"I was thinking about the past, and I suddenly felt that failing the college entrance examination...is not a pity for me." Lin Mo suddenly said in a calm tone that things have changed.

"I remember that your goal has always been the Yinda University in this city. I never thought that you would go to other places."

"Well, because of some things, I changed my mind."

If it wasn't for the uncontacted "kiss" on the eve of New Year's Eve, he might have been covered by layers of dense clouds created by himself, covering the moon that had already shone brightly at that moment.There is also no ensuing hardship, panic and contradictions, which dye it bright red full of ominous and evil.

It turns out that liking someone is not only covered by the word "beautiful", sometimes the negative effect it brings is the source of pain that adds up a thousand times. Words like "beautiful" are really too insignificant in front of these, it's like throwing a wishing bottle into the vast ocean, putting all your eggs in one basket, carrying hope that is boundless and fruitless.

What Lin Mo couldn't face more than admitting that he was gay was that he liked Gao Wenxuan.

"What's the matter?" Gao Wenxuan continued to ask, he seemed to be very concerned about why Lin Mo suddenly changed his mind and went to study abroad.

"It doesn't matter now."

Thinking of himself who suffered a lot after he made his mind clear, he did not perform well in the college entrance examination due to his inattention to focus on his studies, and finally missed the university of his choice. This kind of regret often makes him extremely disappointed.Changing his original intention and going to other places may seem to others as a way to avoid the failure of the college entrance examination. Only Lin Mo knows that what he has been avoiding has always been the people close to him.

I thought that going to a distant place could dilute everything, but now I realize how naive it is to leave emotions to time to dilute.There are many ways, but at that time he chose the most clumsy one, believing that leaving would be a relief.

In the end, instead of letting go, he got stuck in the mud.The ray of attachment that gradually sank into the bottom of my heart grew into a wall vine that imprisoned the dark room.

In the past four years, Yu Linmo has only verified this truth in reverse, and this alone is not in vain.Because now he decides to start again, no longer cowardly chooses to escape, no longer hides far away and can't help peeping, no longer shifts his eyes guiltily when his eyes meet.

He has to face up to himself, and only by facing himself can he truly let go.

Perhaps it was the brief estrangement in the past month that made him feel that the gap between the two of them might just become a dividing line. This kind of courage to follow the trend made him feel that he could let go of Gao Wenxuan.

He also thinks he can.

On New Year's Day, Lin Mo felt that there was no difference. He had dinner with Yang Hao and the others at noon to reminisce about the past, and in the afternoon he was dragged to an Internet cafe to play games. He waited until it was almost time before going to the hot pot restaurant that he had made an appointment with Xu Yan.

The other party had already chosen a seat and sat there staring at the mobile phone waiting. Seeing Lin Mo approaching, he stood up and waved, smiling, "Happy New Year!"

"Happy New Year, you're still early." Lin Mo sat opposite him.

"I bought something at the nearby store, so I came early." Xu Yan was wearing a gray down jacket with an off-white scarf around his neck, and he put the things on the table on the empty stool next to him.

Lin Mo took the menu given by the waiter, and asked casually while looking at it: "Going shopping alone? What did you buy?"

"I bought some materials for painting for Xiaoshui. Oh, Xiaoshui is the younger brother of the senior, and he is an art student."

"You are so kind to his younger brother, both tutoring homework and giving New Year's gifts."

"Because it's his family." Xu Yan finished speaking as a matter of course, and added, "However, the senior brother still doesn't seem to like me very much."

Lin Mo said disapprovingly, "Maybe it's just that I'm not happy seeing my brother being snatched away, so don't think too much about it."

"Would it be like this? I don't have any brothers or sisters, so I don't understand." Lin Mo was skeptical, and suddenly thought of Gao Wenxuan's identity, and asked, "By the way, when your sister and Brother Gao are together, do you also feel that unhappy? ?”

Lin Mo was taken aback for a moment, and replied, "This is different."

Xu Yan stared at him and waited for a while, and found that the other party didn't intend to explain the difference to him at all, so he tentatively asked: "Last time at KTV, did you quarrel with Big Brother Gao?"

"No, there's nothing arguing about in the family." Lin Mo began to prevaricate with this phrase that everyone likes to use.

"That's right, Brother Gao treats you so well, so he definitely won't quarrel with you."

Lin Mo laughed and said: "Although we are a family, I have no blood relationship with him. After all, we are separated by a little bit. Where did you judge?"

Xu Yan picked up a chopstick of fish tofu, and before he could remember to blow it off, he began to say, "I can tell, it's like treating my own brother, no...it's not very similar, the senior doesn't treat his brother like this .”

"So it's not."

"I think it's a bit like how seniors felt about me before." Xu Yan found it strange after he finished speaking, and explained embarrassedly: "Of course, you are definitely different from us..."

"No, it's the same, I'm gay too." Lin Mo said this sentence in a relaxed tone for the first time.

Xu Yan opened his mouth with a look of shock. He leaned forward on the table and asked in a low voice, "What you said is true? You're not kidding, are you?"

"What's so funny about this kind of joke? Of course it's true. Lin Zi also knows, but he just didn't tell you." I thought that Xu Yan would know these things when he was with Lin Zi, but who knew that Lin Zi didn't seem to mention others to his lover at all. In order to prevent Xu Yan from having more misunderstandings in the future, Lin Mo felt that it would be better to speak earlier to save trouble.

"I remembered! The senior kissed you before, so you were real..."

"Ahem..." Lin Mo choked on the spicy oil, gulped down a mouthful of water, and denied, "Where are you going?"

Xu Yan didn't even believe this bold guess, so he asked with a dry smile, "Then who do you like?"

"Why did you jump to this topic all of a sudden?"

"Didn't you discover your sexual orientation because you have someone you like?" Xu Yan believes that sexual orientation is not innate, so he thinks that Lin Mo should be the same as himself, there is someone he met later that made him go Same sex on this road.

"Probably not."

Lin Mo really can't answer this question accurately, probably because he has an older sister at home, which made him not have the same curiosity and desire to explore girls as other boys since he was a child, and even found it troublesome to get along with some girls, so he has always shown his love for girls. "Falling in love" is not of much interest.

It wasn't until he met Gao Wenxuan and fell in love with him that he realized that he was gay.But on the other hand, without Gao Wenxuan, he probably wouldn't choose to date girls, right?

The conclusion is that he is born gay.

"Lin Mo, I suddenly admire you a little bit!" Xu Yan put down his chopsticks and said solemnly. He also stopped the waiter next to him and said, "Please add two bottles of wine for me."

"Why do you think of drinking? You don't mean to respect me, do you?" Lin Mo teased with a smile.

The waiter swiftly put two bottles of wine on the table and left after helping to open them. Xu Yan poured a glass by himself, picked up the wine in front of him first, and raised his glass: "It's a toast to both of us, no, it should be a toast to all of us." .Whether there is someone you like or not, being able to know yourself is a great thing, cheers to our courage!"

"Cheers, the first day of the new year is indeed suitable for drinking."

It was only at this time that Lin Mo felt a strong sense of renewal. He discovered that Xu Yan had an advantage that most people did not have, that is, he always had his own set of views when it came to dealing with conventional wisdom.Paint the gray walls resolutely with bright colors, which naturally exudes vitality and warmth, which is not something that people who spread chicken soup every day can have.

Xu Yan is not good at drinking, and after walking out of the store for a while, his face was still flushed, and he followed Lin Mo with his head down, as if he was afraid that his feet would get tangled.

"If you're hot, take off the scarf and blow it on." Lin Mo saw Xu Yan tugging on the scarf from time to time, thinking that he was getting hot after eating hot pot and drinking alcohol.

"No, I'm not hot..." Xu Yan shrank his neck and pulled the scarf even tighter.

Lin Mo suddenly remembered that the other party had taken off his jacket but didn't take off his scarf when he was eating hot pot just now. He seemed to understand something, a trace of embarrassment flashed across his face, and he looked up to see the advertisement on the screen of the building.

Xu Yan noticed his gaze, looked over his red eyes, and blurted out, "Ah, it's Master Simon's piano recital."

"Well, next week."

"That ticket must be gone." Xu Yan turned his head and saw a black figure in front of him, "Senior!"

Xu Yan, who was dressed heavily, ran over immediately. Because his slightly drunk body could not control the speed, he almost bumped into Lin Zi's arms. Is it mine?"

"I forgot." Xu Yan raised his head slightly apologetically, the blush on his face became more obvious.

Lin Zi raised a hand to touch his head: "I'm still drinking."

"Well, I drank a little."

"Hey, can you pay attention to the occasion, although there are no people here, but I haven't left yet." If it wasn't for helping to carry the painting materials that Xu Yan bought for Lin Zi's younger brother, he would have left the moment Lin Zi appeared.

Xu Yan broke free from Lin Zi's embrace as if he had just woken up from a dream, took the bag and said, "Thank you."

Lin Mo put his hands in his coat pockets, and said to Lin Zi, "Okay, I'm leaving, you guys continue."