I am not human

"Didn't everyone feel awkward when I just watched the film?" Jiufang Ziyan bit his cigarette, his voice was a bit vague, "Just when I saw, uh, when I was about to go in, I saw that Liao Qingshu was very embarrassed, so I wanted to let He relaxes."

"...Then what's the matter with Pixiu?" Mu Man raised his eyebrows.He felt that he had foreseen something.

"I once dealt with a Pixiu." Jiufang Ziyan's eyes drifted to one side, "The situation was very critical at that time. Several special exorcists besieged a Pixiu that had just grown up, but they couldn't take it down. Later, I used the name detection I suppressed it, and then used a magic weapon to open its chrysanthemum..."

"Wait." Jiufang Zhongjun heard a bug, "Where did you get the chrysanthemum for Pixiu?"

Jiufang Ziyan took a deep look at him, and said, "Poke it open and it will be done."

Jiufang Chongjun: "..."

"Anyway." Jiufang Ziyan exhaled a wisp of white smoke slowly, his tone sounded a little depressed, "I just wanted to say something to ease the atmosphere, and I happened to see that in the film... doing lubrication, I remembered This issue."

"Then you took it as a joke and told Liao Qingshu." Lin Hongle said firmly, with sympathy on his face, "You didn't say it too specifically, did you?"

Jiufang Ziyan: "...Does the feeling of smashing intestines count?"

Lin Hongle stopped talking.He stroked his forehead impatiently.Xiao Hei thought for a while, and asked a very practical question: "Why didn't Liao Qingshu dump you? Did you keep it for the summer?"

Jiufang Ziyan: "..."

He strangled most of the remaining cigarettes into the ashtray, and collapsed on the sofa, with a heavy shadow cast on his body.

Jiufang Zhongjun left his seat silently, sat next to Jiufang Ziyan, and patted him on the shoulder sympathetically.Jiufang Ziyan glanced at him, and silently began to take off his shoes.

"Actually, I don't think it's necessarily the problem." Lin Hongle reassured, "You can communicate with Xiao Liao, or prove to him with practical actions that you will be more gentle..."

"Prove it!" Jiufang Ziyan just took out the cigarette case from his shoe, and when he heard this, he threw the shoe on the floor in grief and indignation, "Now if I touch his butt, he will whip me with his tail, okay!"

The shoes landed on the ground with a loud "snap" sound, and the office door just happened to be pushed open, and the person who came in was so startled that he almost jumped up: "Hey! You scared the baby to death! What's wrong, this is it!"

He scratched the door and looked in, revealing a colorful Shamate's head: "Is Director Xu there?"

"Sheng Yu is back." Lin Hongle got up to greet him, "Mo Yi is not here, she has gone out. Is there something wrong?"

"I want to ask her something about this form." Sheng Yu waved the document in his hand, his face was still sweating, obviously he had just come back from outside.As a monster bird, he has been staying in the mountain management office to do odd jobs since the big battle in city A. He is mainly responsible for some work dealing with monsters. In terms of function, he can be regarded as a field worker, but Jiufang Ziyan never took the initiative to take care of him. , He didn't dare to talk to Jiufang Ziyan, he usually listened to Xu Moyi's arrangements, and his first reaction was to ask Xu Moyi.

Unfortunately, Xu Moyi is not here today. "I'm not sure when she'll come back." Lin Hongle explained to him, "Qing Geng and Zhu Polong are arguing for divorce, and she took Xiao Liao to try to persuade them... Do you want to wait a little longer?"

"Oh, okay." Sheng Yu nodded while wiping the sweat off his face with his hands.He is watery by nature, and he sweats a lot, and the sweat gets into his eyes.Seeing this, Lin Hongle hurriedly turned around and went to fetch the paper box for him. Before he could hand it over, Shengyu, whose eyes hurt from being stabbed, couldn't wait any longer. After wiping his entire face several times vigorously, he exclaimed "cool" as if he had regained his life, and then he had time to look around.

Then he was frightened by the weird situation in this office.

"Are you... in a meeting?" He said anxiously, "I'm sorry, I don't know... I'm leaving now."

"It's okay, you stay here, it's not important anyway." Xiao Hei said, and lifted the wastebasket by his feet to Sheng Yu, "Throw all the garbage in."

"Oh, okay." Shengyu hurriedly threw all the napkin balls in his hand into it.Because the sweat was still oozing out, he simply didn't put the wastebasket back to its original place. Holding the paper box in one hand and the wastebasket in the other, he sat on the ground and asked Xiao Hei: "May I ask, are you What are you talking about?"

"I'm discussing how to get a man to sleep with another man successfully." Muman said lazily while tapping the screen. "The difficulty is that the other man is very afraid of being fucked."

"Ah." Shengyu exclaimed after hearing this, "I know this kind of plot!"

Jiufang Ziyan suddenly raised his head when he heard the words: "Have you met before?"

"Oh, that's not true." Shengyu shook his head, "I just wrote... a novel I read had a similar plot."

"Fiction..." Jiufang Ziyan wrinkled his nose, and seemed to be quite disdainful of such things, but after thinking about it, he asked, "The people in the novel, how did they solve it later?"

"Oh, it's very simple." Shengyu wiped off his sweat, and threw another ball of paper into the wastebasket, "That little attack directly raped Xiao Shou."

Jiufang Ziyan: "..."

"The main thing is to force love." Sheng Yu continued to add, "Xiao Gong's daily routine is to go to Xiao Shou. If he quarrels, he goes to sex; At this frequency, I usually look affectionate and don’t marry someone who is not a gentleman, tearing up two white lotus flowers for him, almost half the progress of the book, Xiaoshou is obedient... Eh, Director? Are you okay? Director, you His face is so ugly."

"Well, it's okay, Ziyan's shoulder is uncomfortable, I'll squeeze it for him." Jiufang Zhongjun pulled the corner of his mouth, pinched Jiufang Ziyan's body with one hand, and pressed him down desperately to prevent him from impulsively going up to his own employees. Chopped.

"This won't work, it's too violent, it's not good." Muman said in a tone that he didn't think it was a big deal when he watched the excitement, "Let's change to a milder one, one that is gradual and peaceful."

"Step by step." Shengyu wiped off his sweat, and started to think seriously. After a while, he slammed his hand, "Ah, I remembered, I drew a notebook before..."

Everyone: "???"

"... I read a cartoon." Shengyu pinched the ball of paper and forcibly changed his words, "Well, it's a training route."

"...Ah?" Jiufang Ziyan frowned, "What the hell?"

"It's to tame him physically and conquer him spiritually." Shengyu explained, "Just put a vibrating egg butt plug, or you can try the master and slave kind. Of course, this is only a relatively common method... Wow!"

Jiufang Zhongjun couldn't stop him, another shoe on Jiufang Ziyan's feet also flew out, aggressively, and aimed directly at Shengyu's face - although he didn't know much about masters and slaves, he knew what it was after hearing it. good words!

Sheng narrowly avoided the murderous shoe, still in shock: "Department, Minister, what, what's wrong, this is..."

"Good boy, don't be afraid." Muman stepped forward, picked up the shoe, found another cigarette case hidden inside and handed it to him, "Minister Jiufang gave you cigarettes. Come on, what else can you do?" , Speak out, let the minister listen."

Sheng Yu took the cigarette case tremblingly, and immediately felt a pain in his back.He didn't dare to look at Jiufang Ziyan's expression. After thinking for a while, he hesitated and said, "Or... the only thing to do is to take medicine?"

Jiufang Ziyan: "!!!"

"I really didn't write this!" Sheng Yu hurriedly said, "It's like this in many articles! Even the radio drama I assisted..."

"Oh. It's also a radio drama." Muman nodded in admiration, "God, God, versatile."

"No, it's not the Great God, it's Little Transparent..." Sheng Yu was sitting on pins and needles, sweating like a waterfall.Did he say something wrong? Why did the minister stare at him like this?Is it because he is too ostentatious!

Wanting to leave but not daring, he started throwing balls of paper into the wastebasket frantically, one by one.Xiao Hei sat quietly on the side, silently observing the amount of paper balls in the wastebasket. Seeing that it was more than half full, he suddenly said, "Enough."

Shengyu: "???"

"Don't throw it away. That's enough." Xiao Hei said, stood up, took the wastebasket and went out.Everyone only thought that he was going to take out the trash, but they didn't care, but when he walked to the door, he suddenly turned around and raised his chin at Shengyu.

"Aren't you going?" He said, "You're not afraid of death."

Shengyu was stunned for a moment, and as if he had received an amnesty, he put away the cigarette case in his hand, and quickly followed Xiao Hei out.Lin Hongle closed the door behind him, turned around and shook his head.

"It's all the method in the novel, it's useless." He said to Jiufang Ziyan, "I still think we have to solve the problem from the root cause. Since you scared Liao Qingshu, then it's up to you to appease him. The two of you should communicate well. For a moment, solve the psychological problems first, and then consider other things.”

Jiufang Ziyan patted Jiufang Zhongjun's hand on his shoulder away, gave a "hmm" and nodded sullenly.It sounds like this is the most reliable method, although communication is really not something he is good at...

Obviously Lin Hongle also thought so, so he added: "Or you can buy some wine? I remember that Xiao Liao doesn't drink very well, right..."

"...!!!" Jiufang Ziyan was furious!If he had a third foot, the third shoe he was wearing on that foot would also be kicked out by him without hesitation!

He just wants to have sex with his lover happily, and teach him some nonsense!

Glancing over Jiufang Zhongjun who was still rubbing his hands and Muman who was in a good mood and started to feel angry again, he snorted and stood up abruptly: "Forget it, I won't tell you. A bunch of trash who haven't left the order , what's the use of it!"

After finishing speaking, he didn't even look at the faces of the few people, he slammed the door and walked out after putting on his shoes, while Jiu Fang Zhongjun behind the door yelled endlessly:

"I told you! I have a girl! Friends! Friends! I'm not single! Not at all!"