five years later

Liu Youxia didn't leave the door of the study all night, and Anyuan, who was lying across the wall, couldn't sleep.If it wasn't for An Mi who was still sleeping next to him, he might have kicked the bed.

It was always quiet late at night, so quiet that it even felt a little cold.

And there have been nights like this before.That was when they were still in school, and the two sides quarreled over a trivial matter.

She said she was angry but she wasn't really angry, but Liu Youxia dragged An Yuan to her dormitory with a straight face.The two were lying on the same bed, and neither of them wanted to speak first, as if that would be an admission of defeat.

An Yuan is lying on the bed now, but his thoughts are very clear. To be honest, he still remembers his mental activities at that time.For nothing else, that quarrel made him realize that he was not the kind of person he thought he was.

People are always extraordinarily generous to themselves, and they can find a thousand and one excuses for a thousand wrong things.Before meeting Liu Youxia, An Yuan thought he was a gentle person.

This is not the case.

Beneath the gentle surface is a mean heart.The more you care about the person, the more you can stimulate the mean factor in his heart. When quarreling, he can say the most vicious words, and he doesn't care if he hurts the enemy a thousand and hurts himself.

That was the most frustrating period for Anyuan.Before that, he had only quarreled with his father, but in that quarrel, the other party actually gave in first.

In front of Liu Youxia, An Yuan felt at a loss as to being stripped naked.So he kept silent, but his heart was overwhelmed, he regretted so much but he didn't know how to apologize.

Now that the location is changed, similar things are happening again.An Yuan stared at the ceiling, still not knowing what to do.

He lifted the quilt carefully, but An Mi beside him was startled by such a small movement.Fortunately, he didn't wake up, but turned over obediently.

An Yuan looked at his back, feeling a little panicked for a while.

An Mi is that kind of person.Warm innocence, fearless kindness.Spring will pounce on you in the slightly cold wind, even with the smell of grass.

Is it because you are young?

An Yuan thought about it, and felt that he was really a bad adult.Then he got up and went to the bathroom.I didn't close the windows for ventilation before, and it was so cold when I went in.

After using the toilet, he splashed some water on his face, and closed the window with only a gap left.

Originally, he wanted to go back to his room to sleep, but for some reason, he stopped when he reached the door, and went into Liu Youxia's room instead.

Those words in the kitchen were a bit hurtful, maybe Liu Youxia didn't have to be him.

An Yuan wondered what he was doing?If you can't forgive, just refuse it, why did you make such a fuss like this.Wouldn't it be even uglier if the two of them broke their faces in the future?

But is he unforgiving?

No, An Yuan could personally experience Liu Youxia's helplessness at that time.It's just that there is always something missing in the middle, so that it chokes him like a thorn in the throat.

The lights in the room were not turned on, so An Yuan could only slowly move towards the bed.It took him a while to adjust to the darkness in the room.

Half squatting beside the bed, feeling the breath of the other party, An Yuan's heart softened suddenly.

He has always been a timid person, afraid of not getting it, and even more afraid of losing it again.But the feeling of liking Liu Youxia is real, and so is the heart that is still beating.

I don't know how many people like Liu Youxia in this world, An Yuan thought, no matter how he compares it, he is the most serious one.

"I'm sorry." An Yuan whispered, tilting his head and touching the other's shoulder.

"It's ok."

This sound almost scared An Yuan to death, he raised his head quickly, struggled to get up but was grabbed by the other party.

"Where do you want to go?" Liu Youxia dragged An Yuan to bed, lifted the quilt and buried him inside.

An Yuan was too worried to speak, and finally put his arm around Liu Youxia's waist.

He apologized again earnestly: "I'm sorry."

Liu Youxia hugged him and said the same words: "It's okay."

"Why haven't you slept so late?" Liu Youxia patted An Yuan's back lightly, as if coaxing a child to sleep.

An Yuan looked up at him, and asked with a smile in his tone, "Aren't you still asleep?"

Liu Youxia liked his appearance very much.Rather than blindly missing An Yuan's past appearance, it is better to say that he misses the way the two of them got along in the past.

"You said such unfeeling words to me just now, how big of a heart do you think I can fall asleep?"

An Yuan was silent for a while before responding unnaturally: "I have already apologized."

Liu Youxia smiled and hugged him tightly again.

"Anyuan, I love you." After a pause, he continued: "But I don't know what went wrong. If you are still dissatisfied with me, can you tell me, I will Changed."

An Yuan kissed him on the cheek, looking a little pitiful. "It's my fault, it has nothing to do with you."

"How could it have nothing to do with me?" Liu Youxia stroked his chin, and looked at him seriously. "Tell me how you lived these five years."

Time actually flies by.If Liu Youxia didn't come back, An Yuan would hardly realize that five years have passed.But as soon as the other party came back, he opened up the two veins of Ren and Du, and the things he did in the past five years flashed in his mind like a movie, without the slightest pause.

Of course a person can live without another person, but living itself has no other meaning.For An Yuan, Liu Youxia means all his love.It might be a bit paranoid to say so, but young people's minds are often lonely, and they don't care about other things.

Hearing Liu Youxia's voice, An Yuan felt inexplicably at ease.He recalled what happened in the past five years, and suddenly smiled, very dull, without any color.

"Nothing special. I found a job after graduation, and then quit two years later. I made enough money to support myself, and my dad didn't need me to do much. It was fine."

Liu Youxia didn't seem to answer this question, and then asked again: "That's really it, nothing else?"

An Yuan replied with a weak voice: "What do you want? To see me live alone, half dead?"

According to the past rules, whenever An Yuan started talking like this, there would be either silence or disputes between them.Although she was silent now, after only a short while, Liu Youxia spoke.

"That's not what I mean. Every time you talk about this kind of topic, you always have to be like a hedgehog, either stabbing me or yourself. Xiaoyuan, can you really trust me once.

I know this request is unreasonable, but I can't stand your indifference.Every time you talk like this it makes me realize my failure.I'm a coward, and I'm afraid I'll run away again.Didn't you promise to love me well? "

An Yuan remained silent. What is the point of this repeated quarrel?He apologizes again, then he accepts again, the problem that should be solved is still stuck there.

This is not what he wants.

"It's not like that, I didn't say that on purpose." An Yuan's voice fell on such a cold night, as if it was covered with frost as soon as he opened his mouth.

"I, I just can't believe you."

How difficult is it to face your own heart?You think that you are different from others and can maintain the best posture in front of parents, friends, lovers and colleagues.Don't do to others what you don't want, learn to be considerate with considerable empathy.However, you are still a layman.

A layman like everyone else.

An Yuan covered his face and cried.No matter how hard you want to admit it, no matter how embarrassing it is, this is the truth.He thought he could avoid the vulgarity, but in the end he still didn't dare to give all his sincerity without reservation.

Liu Youxia let him cry, and kept stroking the other person's hair, and the shaking body in his arms made him feel sad too.

After an unknown amount of time, An Yuan finally stopped crying.He looked at Liu Youxia with those tearful eyes, but what he said broke the other person's heart.

"Don't leave me, okay?"

This was one of the few times An Yuan cried in front of him, but it was the first time he showed weakness.

Liu Youxia felt very distressed.It was not his original intention to force people to such a point. He originally just wanted to have an open and honest talk, but he never thought that the final result would be like this.

But what came out after the heartache was happiness, just like the mood he had when he kissed An Yuan for the first time.

"No, no, no," Liu Youxia kissed the other party's teary eyes, then his nose, and finally rubbed it on his lips. "It is enough for me to have you, and I will never run away again."

"It's not like that," An Yuan continued his words with a strong nasal voice. "If you want to leave, remember to tell me. I won't be your burden, and I will take good care of you."

That's what he wanted to say.As early as five years ago, I wanted to say something to Liu Youxia.

Don't say a word when you leave, take me with you, okay?

Liu Youxia suddenly remembered that sentence, when you like someone, you will be humbled into the dust, and then bloom.

It turned out that he had been wrong all along, and An Yuan liked him.An Yuan liked him so much, but he left him behind.

It's him who should say sorry.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, never again, really never again."

An Yuan covered his mouth, which was still talking, revealing the dimple at the corner of his mouth. "I get it, I don't need to say sorry anymore."

"At that time we were all too young, we didn't know what understanding was, and we didn't know how to like people. Looking back now, it's rare for me to judge others by myself in front of you, and I don't blame you for wanting to leave. But I really I've changed a lot and I'm a better person now than I was five years ago."

"I promise." An Yuan said these three words with a trembling voice, which reminded Liu Youxia of the "Iswear" that the hero said at the end of the movie.

"I promise too." He promised, his eyes seemed to glow in the dark.