What Comes Around Goes Around

Jiang Ke felt terrible.He remembered that when he was a child, no matter what kind of intention he did for good deeds, no one in the family would ever praise him; once something broke and the money was lost, the eyes would always focus on him immediately.Even Qin Hong was no exception, his eyes were all asking: Isn't it you?Don't make trouble for mom anymore.

Perhaps as a redundant alien species, he came with original sin.His unpopularity should also be logical.No matter where he was wronged, he was ignored, he was innocently involved in a fight between boys, and no one listened to his explanation.He's as unreliable as a sticker on his forehead.

As people grow up, these feelings and memories will gradually fade away.But today, that girl's scream brought Jiang Ke back to that time again.No, in fact, since Yu Jingyu's appearance, the thread called inferiority complex in Jiang Ke's heart has been stretched; the accident of the video made that thread even tighter, and today the thread finally snapped.

Jiang Ke stood there motionless, not wanting to speak or react.Even Zong Kai asked him several times with concern: "Are you okay?" He didn't answer.

Why ask?I'm obviously so bad, you care about me. What are you doing?Jiang Ke kept talking to himself in his heart, but he just couldn't respond to Zong Kai.It's not that I don't want to talk to him, it's that I really can't open my mouth.

"Are you uncomfortable?" Zong Kai felt that his complexion was not very good.

Jiang Ke shook his head weakly and frustrated.

"Then let's go and eat." Zong Kai said again.

Jiang Ke still didn't move.Zong Kai let out a sigh of relief, "Is it okay to say something? Can you stop leaving me in a hurry all the time?"

The word "I'm sorry" was on the lips, but I couldn't get it out.Besides, why say sorry?Jiang Ke didn't understand why he wanted to apologize.

It is the rush hour of traffic, and there are people passing by at the alley.Zong Kai couldn't wait for his response, so he took his hand and walked to the side of the road, "Come home with me, I want to talk to you."

In the taxi, the two were hungry and silent all the way.After entering the house, Zong Kai immediately pushed Jiang Ke onto the sofa, "Tell me what's going on with you?" His tone was unusually gentle, even a little irritable.

Jiang Ke avoided his sight, and it took a long time to squeeze out a few words: "Can you not ask."

"You don't want to tell me?"

"..." Jiang Ke neither shook his head nor nodded.

"Do you want me to act as if nothing happened?" Zong Kai suddenly leaned over in front of him, "But don't you seem to have nothing?"

Jiang Ke met his gaze, his expression wavering.

"Can't I make you trust me?" Zong Kai asked, a little hurt.

"...No." Jiang Ke shook his head this time.

"What is that?" Zong Kai stared into his eyes, "I am willing to guess your occasional little emotions, but you can't let me guess all the time, I can't guess."

After Zong Kai finished speaking, the room fell silent. After a few minutes of silence, Jiang Ke asked the question he had asked again: "What do you like about me?"

Zong Kai was very surprised by these words, he hesitated for a moment, took half a step back, and said, "You have been silent for so long thinking about this?"

"Actually, I'm not good enough for you, I know." Jiang Ke raised his eyes to look at him, "Have you ever thought about it?"

Zong Kai almost stunned him, completely unable to understand why the topic jumped here.

"Do you know what you're talking about?"

Jiang Ke nodded, but still asked: "Tell me the truth, have you ever thought about it?"

Zong Kai stepped back a few steps, as if he could see more clearly from a distance.

"If I thought that, would I still be with you? Why would you think so?"

"I'm so bad..." Jiang Ke hung his head, muttering irrelevantly, "It's been from before, how could you be willing to be nice to me..."

"Can you still remember what we did here over the weekend?" Zong Kai tapped the carpet in front of the sofa with his foot.

Jiang Ke looked at him in surprise, not understanding why Zong Kai brought up the topic of restricted rating at this time, but he nodded cooperatively.

"Since you remember, don't you think it hurts me too much when you ask me why I am with you now?" Zong Kai paused, turned his face away, and seemed unwilling to say the following words, "Or say You can do this with anyone?"

"That's not what I meant." Jiang Ke immediately explained.

"Then be more honest and tell me what's wrong with you?" Zong Kai moved his gaze back to his face.

"I said, I'm not good enough for you." Jiang Ke replied in a low voice.

Zong Kai said helplessly, "I want you to tell me why you think so suddenly."

"Not suddenly." Jiang Ke said.

"...Is it because of Yu Jingyu?"

"Not at all," Jiang Ke simply confessed, "I've always been confused. I can't compare to you in anything."

Zong Kai couldn't help frowning, not because he was helpless, but because he felt sorry for the tone of his words.

"I thought you were so smart, you would be stupid too." Zong Kai laughed, "How can anyone really be confident about feelings?"

"I think you are quite confident." Jiang Ke muttered.

"It's really good." Zong Kai walked over and sat next to him, turned his head and asked him, "Do you think I won't feel inferior?"

Jiang Ke looked at him in surprise, the meaning in his eyes was obvious: what do you have to be ashamed of?You are good at almost everything.

"So I said you really need to get to know me again." Zong Kai smiled, "A person tries to be the best in everything, sometimes not because he is so self-motivated, but because he feels that he is not good enough. "

"... But I think you are very good, you are good everywhere."

Zong Kai turned his head away, looked at the carpet in front of his feet, and asked without beginning and end: "What do you think I exercise for?"

Jiang Kexin said that for the sake of looking good, most gays go to the gym.But he didn't say it, he turned his head to look at Zong Kai, waiting for him to speak.

"Because I have the same pressure as everyone else, I need to vent." Zong Kai said, "It just happened to choose a method with good side effects, which will not harm myself or others."

"Look, you're so particular about releasing the pressure." Jiang Ke said with some shame, if he was to change him, [-]% of the time he would choose the stupid way that Zong Kai said would harm others and harm himself.

Zong Kai shook his head with a light smile, turned his face and asked him, "So can you tell me now, what do you think is wrong with you?"

"Nowhere is good."

"I've always liked a worthless person?" Zong Kai said helplessly, "What can you not tell me?"

"It's not that I can't say it, it's that I don't know how to say it." Jiang Ke lowered his head, looking at the slippers on his feet in some confusion.It's really hard to express his inferiority complex, it's accumulated from every little thing since he was a child, and he can't tell where the root cause is.He only knew that every time this feeling popped up, he would feel extremely powerless.

Zong Kai was silent for half a minute, then suddenly got up and squatted in front of him, looking up at him, "Then let me ask you. Are you thinking about the past again?"

The eyes behind the lenses are so bright and gentle, Jiang Ke thought, they can really see through people's hearts.Zong Kai understood at a glance what he didn't really want to understand.

Although the "game" between the two of them back then was not as obvious as the bullying color of those children, it was still an incident of bullying and being bullied after all.After Zong Kai transferred to another school, Jiang Ke never played such a "game" with anyone.If he hadn't met again by chance, the incident at that time would have been completely buried in his memory.

He didn't want to think about these things, not because he didn't want to face his childishness, but because he didn't want to be forced to recall his feelings at that time.In other words, he didn't want to feel the grievances brought to him by his family over and over again.

Jiang Ke's silence made Zong Kai understand that he guessed right.He clapped his hands and said, "Jiang Ke, everything that happens in this world has its meaning, it depends on how you interpret it."

"You really never hated me?"

"Hate is too heavy a word, we can't talk about it at all." Zong Kai looked away, as if recalling, "Actually, I can't tell, maybe I acquiesced to you treating me like that at that time."

"Why?" Jiang Ke couldn't figure it out for so many years.

"To some extent, you diverted the pressure from my parents." At this point, Zong Kai laughed, "To be honest, you really made me curious and confused. I followed you several times. You you know?"

Jiang Ke grinned a little ashamedly, and lowered his head even lower.Zong Kai reached out to touch his cheek, and looked for his eyes, "Don't you think this is also a kind of fate?"

Jiang Ke turned his head away vigorously.Zong Kai didn't find his eyes, but felt his fingers were a little damp.

"I've seen you at your worst, what are you afraid of?"

What are you afraid of?I am afraid that you are too kind to me, and that you will be disappointed one day, Jiang Ke thought.No one has ever truly accepted all of him, including Qin Hong.Obviously, he didn't choose his own birth, and it wasn't his will to become a "oil bottle", but as if he owed everyone in his family, he could only use confrontation in exchange for some sense of existence.He knew Qin Hong didn't do it on purpose, but he would still get hurt.

"I saw you cry for the second time," Zong Kai rubbed his thumbs under his eyes, and he didn't know if it was a joke or the truth, "I thought I'd see you on the bed this time."

"...You have a good idea..." Jiang Ke sniffed and muttered in embarrassment.

"You can try it in the future." Zong Kai smiled, his feet were a little numb, he got up and moved a few times and asked, "Are you hungry? I'm going to starve to death."

Jiang Ke just looked up at the wall clock, it was already 08:30, "Go out to eat?"

"Let me do it, it will take half an hour." Zong Kai said, "Go take a bath first and refresh yourself."

Half an hour later, Zong Kai brought two plates of vegetable salad to the table.Jiang Ke rubbed his stomach that was about to convulse, and sighed at the back of Zong Kai returning to the kitchen: "Just eating grass?"

Immediately, Zong Kai brought two plates of grilled chicken breast.

Jiang Ke was so hungry that he was a little panicked, so he pinched a piece and stuffed it into his mouth. While chewing, he mumbled, "If I lived with you, wouldn't you let me eat this every day?"

Unexpectedly, Zong Kai asked, "Do you want to live with me?"

Jiang Ke paused, "...I just said it casually."

"I didn't say no." Zong Kai pulled the chair opposite Jiang Ke and sat down.

Jiang Ke looked at him, swallowed the chicken in his mouth, and didn't answer.

"You can come over on weekends," Zong Kai said again, "it's a bit far from your company."