murder begins in summer

Because his mouth was tightly blocked, Qiu Shili wanted to use his nose to breathe, but his nose was also close to the side of Shi Zhanyang's nose, and there was only a little space left for him to breathe.Gradually, he became flustered, and for some reason his breathing became disordered by the kiss, but the more he panicked, the more excited Shi Zhanyang seemed to be, as if he wanted to eat his lips, and Qiu Shili couldn't escape at all. He didn't want to escape, his waist and legs were soft, and he almost fell on Shi Zhanyang's body. Suddenly, he felt that something hard was holding him between his thighs.

At the same time, Shi Zhanyang also let go of him, and pressed his face to the side of his neck, as if to avoid kissing him again, "Sorry, ナナ," Shi Zhanyang said with a nasal voice, "I am now, Shouldn't you get up?"

Qiu Shili rubbed his chin on his shoulder, and said softly, "It shouldn't be."

"Then... what should I do?" Shi Zhanyang said in a hoarse voice, this cautious sense of uncertainty is rarely heard in his voice.

Qiu Shili smiled. He shook his hips on Shi Zhanyang's waist, "Brother, I'm the same as you." I just felt very comfortable."

Shi Zhanyang was stunned for a moment, but also smiled. He raised his hand and scratched the corner of Qiu Shili's moist lips, "It's all swollen by you."

"You're not swollen." Qiu Shili looked at him stupidly.

Shi Zhanyang thought to himself, why did the topic stop at such an embarrassing point, even though he was as experienced as him, he really didn't want to discuss the issue of swelling or not, "I have rough skin and thick flesh—" I couldn't finish my sentence Suddenly, Qiu Shili cupped his hands on both sides of his cheeks, buried his head and kissed him, with a kind of reckless vigor.He still didn't have any rules, biting was also mixed with sucking and licking, and he seemed flustered, but Shi Zhanyang gradually relaxed and responded slowly.He was here, at the scene of the murder, on the big ship floating on the boundless ocean, and he was kissed by this boy who was seven years younger than him so reassuringly.

After an unknown amount of time, Qiu Shili finally let go of his lips and tongue, "Okay, now it's fair." He wiped his mouth, stared at the two "fruits" of his eyes, blushing so much that blood dripped, and just now he could He heard a bit of the plot of the movie, but now, he can't hear anything, his heart is throbbing, ecstatic, but also worried, he is afraid that he has done too much, but now he feels that he cannot bear any blame.

Shi Zhanyang didn't blame him, but hugged him vigorously, twisted his arms carefully around his waist, and slid them on his back almost cautiously, after that, he was picked up by Shi Zhanyang. Supporting his two thighs, asking him to hold his neck steady, he sat up straight, stood up again, and carried him towards the door.

Qiu Shili was like a koala, hanging on his elder brother's shoulder foolishly, wanting to see the condition of the corpse, but Shi Zhanyang forcefully turned his face away, he could only see the milky white blanket by the door soaked in water. There was a lot of black blood, and he couldn't suck it clean. The slippers that flowed outside stained Shi Zhanyang's slippers, but the soles of his feet were still so clean.

"You just pierced into his aorta. When you draw the knife, you may spurt blood." Shi Zhanyang said calmly.He put Qiu Shili on the floor outside the door, went back to the house and closed the door, Qiu Shili wanted to follow him, but as soon as the door was pushed open, he came out with a dagger in his hand.

There was a fishy smell in the room, and Shi Zhanyang's gray sweater was spattered with dense blood spots, and there were some on his face, but he didn't care at all, "Let's go. This place is too unlucky." He rushed to Qiu Shili smiled, took out a handkerchief, wiped the blade clean and handed it to him.

Qiu Shili took the knife and put it back on the scabbard on his back silently. He didn't meet anyone on the road. They had already reached the elevator door. While waiting, he stood on tiptoe and faced each other, using his cuff Wipe off the thick blood on Shi Zhanyang's face one by one until it feels dry and smooth.

Shi Zhanyang was talking on the phone with Lawrence expressionlessly. Seeing him like this, he was a little surprised at first, but he didn't hide, and immediately rubbed his hair twice with a smile.

"Thank you, Nana." Qiu Shili said silently when he saw him.

After washing up before going to bed, Qiu Shili insisted on washing his eldest brother's dirty clothes and handkerchief together with his own.He knows a lot of ways to clean fresh blood, and now the conditions are limited, cold light salt water, soap and moderate scrubbing, the effect is not bad.

Afterwards, he stared in the mirror, at himself in it.

He didn't seem to have changed much, there was no panic in his eyes, and his lips were less swollen.As for the murder, perhaps it was because he had done too many psychological constructions, but now, he didn't have any obvious real feelings. He had seen a lot of bloody smells and falling to the ground.In fact, what Qiu Shili feels now is a kind of confusion. He doesn't know how he should look at what has happened, just like he doesn't know how to look at those two kisses.

He even cared more about what Shi Zhanyang thought.

After thinking about it like this, he didn't even want to get out of the bathroom.

But after all, he couldn’t hide inside forever. Qiu Shili took a deep breath and pushed open the door. As expected, Shi Zhanyang hadn’t slept yet. As usual these days, he sat quietly on the bed and looked at him as if he was waiting for him. .

Qiu Shili grabbed the corner of his pajamas, walked to the bed, and stood silently.

"ナナ," Shi Zhanyang said, "you can tell me anything you want." His eyes were so gentle that he seemed to be able to see everything clearly.

Qiu Shili was stunned for a moment, "I just brushed my teeth and rinsed my mouth."

"En." Shi Zhanyang nodded.

"So, those..." Qiu Shili put his hands behind his back and pinched his fingers fiercely. He finally mustered up his courage, "Those are gone!"

Shi Zhanyang's eyes went blank for a moment, and then he immediately understood, and a smile gathered in the corner of his eyes, "You can't live without brushing your teeth."

"I know. Brother, I'm a man, or your younger brother. You think I'm still young, but I'll grow up soon." Qiu Shili took a step back subconsciously, and asked abruptly, "Will you wait for me? "

Shi Zhanyang looked at him peacefully, and after a while, he said, "You know I will."

Qiu Shili was stunned, "I don't know."

"I was wondering," Shi Zhanyang leaned against the bed, sitting cross-legged, "Can you get closer to me?"

Qiu Shili's scalp was numb, following his instinct, he moved forward and stood up straight with his knees against the edge of the bed.

"Nana, did I scare you today? Looking back now, would you be scared?" Shi Zhanyang asked softly.

Qiu Shili shook his head.How could he be afraid, he thought quietly.All he knew was that his face was getting hot again.

Shi Zhanyang smiled softly. He held Qiu Shili's two forearms and grabbed them from behind to in front of him. Then, he held Qiu Shili's moist and warm hands in his palms, stood up slightly, and touched the water Kissed him on the cheek.

"Got it now? I'll wait."

The night was very late, and the kiss was very short, Qiu Shili's chin was rubbed by the new stubble of his elder brother, and he suddenly felt sore eyes, "I thought, I thought that brother would never want to kiss me again. You'd say I'm a kid, your brother, and it's not right for us to do that. Then you push me away."

Shi Zhanyang showed a weird expression, as if he was saying "You have too much imagination", but he still listened patiently, and then said, "Is it right? This kind of thing is not for others to judge. I just want to Make sure of one thing, Nana, do you know what you are doing now, and can you be responsible for your actions?"

Qiu Shili didn't answer right away. He pondered for a long time before saying, "I know. I can do it too."

"Okay." Shi Zhanyang nodded, and didn't ask any more questions. When he decided on something after careful consideration, he would often only say "good".He didn't let go of Qiu Shili's hand, but said slowly, "Of course I'd like to kiss you, to be precise, I really want to. But that kind of pro-French can't be too much at the moment, I don't want to commit a crime."

Qiu Shili gradually became less tense. He even blinked and dimpled from his smile, "Brother, you said it yourself, we commit crimes a few days a week."

Shi Zhanyang choked for a moment, and soon laughed, "Yes, but I don't want to commit that kind of crime, I would despise myself."

"Oh." Qiu Shili nodded cooperatively, swallowed his yawn, and asked suddenly: "Then can you stop making jokes about marrying a wild man's wife in the future?"

"Hahaha, okay, okay," Shi Zhanyang couldn't help covering his face, "Are you sleepy? Go to sleep after praying."

Qiu Shili didn't intend to move, and asked again, "Have you not prayed for a long time?"

"Well. I think the Lord is too lazy to care about me." Shi Zhanyang tried his best to look serious.

"The Lord will not abandon us. He loves everything," Qiu Shili straightened his back and said seriously, "But, brother, I don't know how to pray tonight."

Shi Zhanyang also became serious, "Why?"

"I violated a lot of teachings today."

This sentence seemed very easy, but Shi Zhanyang could tell at a glance how much Qiu Shili was thinking.Whether it is the taking of life, or the love between the same sex or even relatives, it seriously violates the so-called "God's ethics".Shi Zhanyang himself felt nothing, after all, there was no god in his heart, and he had never counted on God's forgiveness and protection.But Qiu Shili was still a child who obediently went to church with his father every week.

His innocence led to his pain.

Shi Zhanyang absolutely didn't want to destroy his innocence, but even more didn't want him to live in contradictory dreams.The reason why he kissed, the reason why he couldn't hold back his own desires, and made those promises, was because Shi Zhanyang had already begun to treat him as an adult.

I don't know if Qiu Shili understands this truth.

"I understand," Shi Zhanyang said after being silent for a while, "ナナ, some of my thoughts may be quite cruel, I can only guarantee that they are true, and you can choose to listen to them later. Even if you don't pray tonight, it's nothing event."

"I want to hear it now." Qiu Shili's voice became much calmer.

"You can sit down." Shi Zhanyang patted the bed.

"I want to stand."

Shi Zhanyang nodded, pondered for a few seconds where to speak, and said, "You feel that you have committed a crime, and you don't know how to face God."

"No, I am not afraid of sin. My father told me that he killed so many people and did so many wrong things. After repenting, those sins will be eliminated. He said this is what the priest told him," Qiu Shiliyuan said. And the bright eyes were full of confusion, "Is that so? Should I repent?"

Shi Zhanyang said firmly, "He's not right."

"what?"

"He's lying to you. Or the priest is lying to him."

Qiu Shili bit his lip, speechless in a daze.

Shi Zhanyang raised his hand, stroked his shoulders slowly, and said slowly, "No matter who you are or what excuses you put on, violence is violence, mutilation is mutilation, murder is murder, and no matter how heavy the crime is, you can't do it because of it." I feel numb, I feel that life is humble, and I can’t use this as an excuse to wash myself off and deceive myself. ナナ, you are completely different from your father, you are just beginning, you must always remember this.”

As he said, he held Qiu Shili's shoulders and squeezed them vigorously. His gaze was bottomless, full of extreme obsession and sincerity, "There is no need to defend yourself. We, you and I, have never been together. Not innocent, whether to kill or not, incest or not, and whether to confess or not, are all our own choices."

"Yes," Qiu Shili stared at him mistyly, "it's my choice."

Shi Zhanyang felt a momentary heartache, and then the pain continued, as if many broken needles were pricking the apex of his heart bluntly, because he was tearing something precious and useless with his own hands.But no matter what, he had to finish the sentence, "You will think, fate is beyond our control, what kind of family we are born in, what kind of responsibility we are burdened with, who we fall in love with, why are we defined as 'guilty' by others? '? You're right, for a long time, I felt bad about it, often very sad, because I chose to accept this fate, I can't blame anyone else. But then I found something more worth thinking about thing."

Qiu Shili seemed to have hit the mark on every sentence. He looked at Shi Zhanyang as if he was begging for help. He didn't dare to blink, but sat down next to him, holding his hand firmly.The calluses and scars between his fingers are so familiar, making him feel safe.

"That thing is," Shi Zhanyang stroked his back with his spare hand, "For people like us, we must have a set of standards that we firmly believe in, which is the truth we have established ourselves, relatives, lovers , the priest, God...no one can be shaken. Until death, we must have this kind of confidence in ourselves.” As he spoke, he hugged Qiu Shili as cautiously as if embracing a young tree in spring, afraid of tearing the new leaves. Touched off, "I don't care if others say it is right or wrong, let alone refer to any teachings, but I must have it, otherwise I will live a very painful life."

Qiu Shili listened very seriously. He leaned into that warm chest and thought about it bit by bit. Finally, he put his hands on Shi Zhanyang's shoulders and asked, "Brother, what is your truth?"

Shi Zhanyang's voice sank, "Don't kill innocent people, protect what you love, and what's more, revenge must be revenged, an eye for an eye."

Hearing this, the ups and downs in Qiu Shili's heart suddenly settled down, like dust falling into a desert.Because he was suddenly sure that he was a part of that love.

He simply thought, brother's truth is my truth.

Maybe this seems unintentional and cowardly, but Qiu Shili knew it was not.This is his decision.When Shi Zhanyang said so much just now, what he wants to tell him the most is that people must have absolute confidence in their own decisions. If a person doesn't even believe in himself, who else can he trust, and who else will believe him? ?

Qiu Shili understood.

He felt that his eldest brother and himself were actually lucky.At least, apart from himself, he still has a big brother to believe in, and his big brother is still being believed in because of his existence.

So he buried his face in Shi Zhanyang's chest, and wiped away the tears that didn't flow out.

Qiu Shili still prayed before going to bed that day. Standing in front of the porthole of his room, looking at the dark sea, he whispered the same prayer every day, thinking in his heart: "Lord, I killed someone, and I will pay you back." Falling in love with a man who is just like me, who loves me the most and trusts my brother the most. That is not family affection, not dependence on elders, it is naked lust, and the desire for exclusive possession... But I don’t need to forgive, even if I am guilty, even if my hands are stained with blood, face hell, and be punished by you for the rest of my life, I must go this way," he wet his eyes, "he said he would wait for me, I just ask Love him forever as I do now, and if one day death do us part, please bring us back together, anywhere."

Qiu Shili didn't know, just a few thoughts, and God might not be able to hear it, how could he be so emotional and feel so heavy in his heart.Wiping the corners of his eyes hastily, he looked longingly at the end of Shi Zhanyang's bed for a few seconds, and finally went to close the door, ready to climb back to sleep on his own bed.Before he took a bath, he pressed his knife under the pillow. Although his eyelids were bloodshot when he closed his eyes, and his nose seemed to have a stench that couldn't be washed off, he thought he could have a good dream.

However, as soon as he pulled the doorknob, Shi Zhanyang closed his notebook, looked at him, and said to him, "Nana, you don't have to sleep over there."

"...Can I?" Qiu Shili pointed to the place next to him.

Shi Zhanyang nodded and said, "But I think we should still cover two quilts."

Qiu Shili was stunned for a moment, almost screaming softly, he ran back to his bed, hugged the pillow and quilt, then ran to Shi Zhanyang's bed, put them all on it, Shi Zhanyang Help him lay it out quickly.

The knife was left next door, but Qiu Shili didn't intend to take it just now. He didn't want to be covered in spikes by his elder brother's side.He felt that his happiness was really simple, so he got into the quilt contentedly, moved a little closer to Shi Zhanyang, and obediently tucked himself in the quilt.

When a dry kiss fell on his forehead, Qiu Shili greedily breathed that familiar and long-lost breath, he knew that he really didn't need to take a knife, he was so safe that even nightmares couldn't bother him.

"Good night, big brother." He didn't want to look too silly and excited, so he closed his eyes.

"Good night." Shi Zhanyang said softly.Put the computer aside and turn off the desk lamp.

Shi Zhanyang also felt that he should have a good night's sleep. Qiu Shili slept alone in the room near the door for the past two days. .Now he can relax a bit for the time being, even though he just received an email in which his father's angry questioning lines told him that there will be a lot of troubles after returning home.