rainy tonight

There was the buzzing sound of the mobile phone vibrating next to his ears, Chang Jiayu regained consciousness from his wild thoughts, and looked at the time, it was already time to get up.

He took a deep breath, quickly got out of bed, changed into clean underwear, went to the bathroom and quickly cleaned the criminal evidence that he had worn all night, and hung it on the balcony.

Mrs. Li had already put breakfast on the table, Chang Jiayu ate it sullenly, and Yan Jun sent him to school.

During the morning reading, Chang Jiayu was a little absent-minded.

How he could have such a dream is so unbelievable that it doesn't make sense to think about it.

The content of the dream is fine, the most difficult thing to say is the person in the dream...

The more Chang Jiayu thought about it, the more uneasy and depressed he became, and the few ancient poems he had memorized became messed up again.He scratched his hair, bit the bullet and continued.

After the evening self-study, Yan Jun came to pick him up as usual, Chang Jiayu didn't talk all the way as usual, Yan Jun seemed to have noticed his strangeness, and looked back at him several times in the middle.

Chang Jiayu was lying on the back seat, covering his eyes with his hands, watching the lights outside the car flickering by.When Yan Jun looked back at him and stayed for a long time, Chang Jiayu clenched his palms and covered his eyes completely with his sleeves.

The following week was a bit awkward. Since having that dream, Chang Jiayu didn't know how to face Yan Jun, and the communication between the two of them was obviously less.

This Friday, Yan Jun had a day off at home and called Chang Jiayu at noon.

After the call started, he said: "I'm at home today, come back for lunch?"

A familiar clear voice came from the other end of the phone: "No, it's more convenient for me to eat at school."

After not being able to chat for a few words, the call ended, Yan Jun sat by the coffee table for a while, and Aunt Li brought the washed tea set and put it away, but was stopped when she was about to leave.

"Jia Yu...has anything happened to you during this time?"

Mrs. Li was stunned for a moment, thought for a while, and said, "Probably not, I didn't find out. The children usually stay in their own room to do their homework, and they have always been quite obedient."

Yan Jun pondered for a moment, then lowered his eyes and said, "Got it."

The days passed for a while, and in mid-December, most people had already started wearing down jackets.

Bai Song's make-up classes are still in progress, and his parents are also very strict, not letting him go out to find his classmate Crazy Lang. Chang Jiayu can only make appointments with him to play games occasionally, and it has been a long time since he went out together .

Just when he was bored, Song Fanqing sent a message asking him if he wanted to go to the library of K University together, and Chang Jiayu quickly replied that he agreed.

The two made an appointment, met at the school gate on Saturday morning, and went to K University together.

Chang Jiayu didn't think about what books to borrow in advance, so he wandered freely in the library, and walked into the dense library in the other half of the building.

The museum exudes a smell of old things. Many books are also some years old. The title pages are badly damaged, and the pages of the books are already yellowed from the side.

His gaze swept across the bookshelves, and he glanced out of the corner of his eye, saw a few words, and quickly stopped in his tracks.

From the overcrowded pile of books, Chang Jiayu hesitated for a moment, and took out a book. The words "gay" on the cover were not too big or too small, but it was full of weird attraction.

Chang Jiayu stood holding the book for a while, still unable to hold back the curiosity and desire in his heart, he opened the book and began to read.

This is a book about the psychological research of homosexuality. Chang Jiayu looked at the densely packed words on it with anxiety, as if the fog in his heart was being slowly pushed away by his hands, and he had a clear understanding of some things a bit.

Since being exposed to this emotion, he still cannot define and recognize what homosexuality is in his heart.Although the book was old, it answered his confusion with theoretical description and analysis. His curiosity about new things and his hidden desire to explore made him involuntarily read page after page.

The cold wind blew in from the half-open window, and Chang Jiayu's nose was icy cold, but his heart seemed to be on fire.

His thoughts became clearer and clearer, but his reaction became much slower.When he heard footsteps coming from his ear, Chang Jiayu raised his head subconsciously and saw Song Fanqing standing just one step away.

With a snap, he subconsciously closed the book.

Chang Jiayu soon realized that his actions were trying to cover up, but he could only bite the bullet and put the book in his hand back on the shelf.

Song Fanqing had obviously seen the name of the book, and was just stunned for a moment, before quickly saying, "I've been looking for you for a long time, is there any book you want to borrow?"

Chang Jiayu shook his head, not embarrassed to look into his eyes, and said a little uncomfortably: "No, have you finished the photo yet?"

"Ah."

"Then let's go."

After going through the procedures for borrowing books, the two of them came out of the library of K University and walked along Weiyun Lake.

In winter, students from K University walk in twos and threes on the roads on both sides. The water of Weiyun Lake is deep and clear. Occasionally, a few birds fly across the lake, their wings brush against the water, and then fly high into the sky.

In the silence, Song Fanqing noticed Chang Jiayu's annoyed mood, walked with his head down for a while, and suddenly said, "I have read the book you just read."

After coming out of the library, Chang Jiayu has been a little uneasy. After hearing what he said, he immediately raised his head, his expression was extremely surprised and unbelievable, and he answered after a long time: "Really... I think that book It's okay to talk."

Song Fanqing nodded: "Well, it's more detailed."

Chang Jiayu heard the implication, and asked, "Have you seen many of this kind?"

"Yes." Song Fanqing hugged the book tightly in his arms, "I have someone I like, and he is the same gender as me."

Chang Jiayu was a little dumbfounded after hearing this, but he didn't expect Song Fanqing to tell him this matter directly.

Even though he had a better understanding of this special sexuality just now, he also knew that most people would not accept it or even repel it and hate it, and Song Fanqing's ability to tell him must be due to enough trust.

After walking on the gravel road for a while, the two simply rested on the roadside seats for a while.

"I'm not sure about a lot of things right now, like what exactly it's like to like someone."

He had never experienced these things before, so he felt throbbing for the first time, but felt vague and uncertain.

Song Fanqing put the book aside, rubbed his wrist, and said, "Actually, I can't say it very clearly. I like someone... probably because I feel different when facing him and other people."

This answer is easy to understand. Chang Jiayu silently included the situation between himself and a certain person, and found that it was indeed the case.

He smiled for a moment: "Thank you, then I understand."

After returning home, Chang Jiayu used the computer to look up some theories and sayings about homosexuality and love, and he hurriedly closed the computer when Aunt Li knocked on the door outside.

The hot milk warmed the stomach, and the heart seemed to be warmed up by the heat, with a little restlessness.

Putting down the cup, Chang Jiayu jumped onto the bed and lay down on his side.

The evening wind blew the curtains, and the hanging nets trembled. The huge leaves of magnolia formed patches of shadows on the window sill, shaking repeatedly, breaking the night into fragments.

Chang Jiayu turned over, put the back of his hand against his forehead, and closed his eyes to feel the touch of the wind blowing over his cheek.

He thought that he probably really fell in love with Yan Jun.

The author has something to say:

Happy National Day to everyone~

PS: It’s so difficult to send this blessing. I can’t post it after frantically clicking on it in the background. Recently, the web page is often 404, the app is habitually white screen, and the server is desperate...