Daming's Bizarre Story: Painted Skin

Zhaoran pulled a beggar household beside him (note: hired specifically to handle funeral chores) and asked, "Who died in this family?"

The beggar glanced up and down at Zhao Ran: "Who are you?"

"Oh, I'm a friend of this family." Zhao Ran held a broken silver horn in his hand, the beggar's eyes salivated, and he looked around: "It's the master of this family."

"Master died? How did he die?" Zhao Ran blurted out.

The beggar stared at the silver horn, threw it to him and said: "Be careful, and I will reward you later."

"It is indeed the master of this family, but he is not dead, I heard that he has become a fairy." The beggar put away his silver horn and said, "Yesterday, the master of this family asked someone to buy a coffin and shroud overnight, saying that he was here Fang Chen's fate is over, and he will go back tomorrow. Let everyone not be sad. He also said that there will always be a day of goodbye in the future, so that the family members don't have to be sad. His servant thought that the master had lost his mind. Who knew that he would see it this morning. Master is really dead."

"How did you die?"

"I heard that the master closed the door and drew the fairy talisman all night, and he died at dawn." The beggar whispered, "Isn't this the way to become a fairy?"

----

Zhaoran said "tsk tsk" twice, and rewarded another beggar with a silver dime. After he left, Zhaoran turned around and asked Jiuru, "Is there such a talisman in Buddhism that allows people to ascend to heaven?"

Jiuru glanced at him: "That's not true."

Zhao Ran stretched his neck and looked at the curtains in the courtyard, Jiu Ru said: "Are you interested?"

"Immortal talisman, who is not interested." Zhao Ran thought, but this fairy talisman probably won't make him ascend to heaven, at most it will let him lie in the coffin again.

Jiuru started and walked towards the courtyard, Zhaoran followed behind and said, "It's not good to break into someone's mourning hall."

He didn't wait for Jiu Ru to reply, and quickly called out, "Is the mourner here?"

A middle-aged rich businessman came out and asked, "Who are you two?"

Jiuru took out a token, and the rich businessman was taken aback: "Your Excellency is the priest of Shenlian?"

Zhaoran yelled insidiously in his heart, he was obviously a monk, but he made trouble for a Taoist priest.

Unexpectedly, Jiu Ru, who looked very shy, would not only lie, but also set the blame on him. It is obvious that people cannot be judged by appearances, sea water cannot be measured, and monks cannot be trusted.

Think about it carefully, honest people all pay attention to one being one and two being two, but the monk said that one is not one and two is not two, one can be regarded as two, and two can also be regarded as one. honest.

"Is the bereaved master here?" Jiu Ru asked without answering, the wealthy businessman dared not doubt his demeanor and quickly bowed: "This way, please."

Zhao Ran was still slandering over there, Jiu Ru turned his head and said, "I am also an optimistic priest, it's just that most people don't know it."

Beep...then are you a monk or a Taoist priest?

Zhao Ran giggled and said, "Uncle Jiu Ru really does more work for those who are capable."

Jiu Ru raised his eyelids and looked at him, but he didn't say anything. Under such stares, ordinary people would inevitably feel guilty, hesitated, and even speechless. It's a pity that he can't do both of the first two, let alone give his mouth to him. blocked.

Zhaoran leaned closer to Jiuru and said in a low voice, "Uncle, does the god Lexington have a celestial talisman?"

Jiu Ru looked ahead and said, "Of course not."

"That's right." Zhao Ran regretted, "If there is such a talisman, my nephew will definitely ask you for a big box, and then travel around the world, and give one to any wicked person."

"the wicked?"

Zhao Ran spread his hands and said: "Let them ascend to heaven early, and let the Jade Emperor worry about it."

----

Before Jiu Ru could think of how to reply to him, the wealthy businessman in front had already stopped in front of the office room: "Sister-in-law, a distinguished guest has arrived."

After a while, a middle-aged woman with a dignified appearance came out. She was dressed in filial piety and bowed slightly when she saw them: "I don't know where the two distinguished guests come from?"

"Sister-in-law, these two are optimistic priests, they must be..." He didn't finish his sentence, but the meaning was clear, the priest naturally came for the fairy talisman.

Clearly said: "Mrs. He, right? Your family is in the Zhenze silk business, right?"

Mrs. He seemed to have some emotions on her originally dull face, she quickly squatted down and said, "It's Xiaomin's house."

"Can you show me the place where your master died, no, ascended to immortality?"

"Yes." Mrs. He led them to walk in. This is a courtyard with two entrances. Even if it is placed in the capital, it is not luxurious. It does not look like the home of a rich silk merchant.

"Is Mrs. He a new home?" Zhao Ran asked.

Mrs. He turned her head and said, "Xiaomin and his wife only moved here less than two months ago, how did your lord know?"

Zhao Ran pointed to the steps under the railing and said: "Northern people sleep on kangs, and southerners sleep on beds. Mrs. He is a southerner, so she must be used to sleeping on beds. These two bruises look like they were accidentally left when moving the bed into the house." , if ordinary wood will not leave such marks, it must be more expensive wood, such as rosewood and rosewood, so it is so heavy. Since such a precious wooden bed is used, then this should be the master bedroom. In general, there is no reason to change the master bedroom frequently, so I think that the wife has just moved in."

Mrs. He said: "Your Excellency laughed, it is indeed a rosewood canopy bed, it was originally a dowry of a commoner's wife."

She said and led Zhaoran through the door of Daoyue Cave, into the side room, then opened the door and said: "This is where the master passed away."

Zhao Ran said: "Can I go in and have a look?"

Mrs. He said: "Your Excellency, please feel free."

Zhaoran went into the room and looked around, there were still some talisman papers piled up on the desk, fine cinnabar was placed in a clay saucer, and there were a dozen or so pieces of talisman papers that had already been drawn, he picked up about one of them with his hand After scrutinizing it for a while, he didn't see any tricks, so he turned his head and asked: "Master copied the talisman papers all night last night, it should be more than that."

Mrs. He said: "Those talisman papers were used up by the master."

"Used? How did you use it?"

Mrs. He said: "The women don't know either, but the master must have copied these talismans for the purpose of ascending to heaven, so of course they will be used."

"That's right..." Zhao Ran turned his head and asked, "Your master married a new concubine, right?"

Mrs. He said calmly: "She went to live in the nunnery a few days ago."

"Isn't she pregnant? How could she live in a nunnery?"

Mrs. He said a little bluntly: "I have been married to the He family for 20 years and haven't had a son or a daughter, so how dare I ask where the He family's heroes would like to live?"

Clearly said: "Master He should be more than one concubine."

"There are three others, but they all stayed in their hometown Zhenze."

Zhao Ran nodded, and walked out of the study, Mrs. He said: "These celestial talisman priests just take it for reference. There are many things ahead, so the women won't leave more adults?"

She bowed and saluted, there was a funeral, and she issued an order to evict guests. Jiuru was about to leave, but she heard Zhaoran say again: "Master He Xiansheng, can you allow Xiaodao to go and burn two sticks of incense? Soak up this fairy spirit."

"Of course, sir." Mrs. He bowed and said again.

Zhao Ran grinned, Jiu Ru took a few more glances at him, and asked Zhao Ran: "Is there something growing on my face? What does Uncle Jiu Ru look at?"

Jiuru gave him two words: "The way of a thief."

It's not a small way, it's a way of thieves.

"Hey, hello." Zhao Ran chased after Jiu Ru's back, he felt that he was a fairy, and he was quite unconvinced by Jiu Ru's evaluation, but it was a pity that He's residence was not big, so he chased him to Weitang a few times.

The mourning hall is already very lively at the moment, Master He's celestial talisman ascended to heaven, this is a big deal, there is an endless stream of people coming to visit, the officials still have some concerns, but the country gentry don't have such a burden.

"Mrs. He, this is the inscription banner sent by the villain." A lean man came over with a banner, which was seven feet long with red silk, and a lot of words were written in gold pen on it. .

Mrs. He bowed slightly and said, "Thank you, Master Song, for your generosity." She turned around and asked someone to accept the flag.

The master Song sighed and said: "I think I drank tea with Brother He a few days ago. At that time, I felt comfortable after returning home. However, my eyes were cloudy and I didn't realize that it was given to me by Brother He." In retrospect, I should have seen that brother He is so immortal, how can he be an ordinary person." After speaking, the man with a sharp mouth and monkey cheeks covered his face and began to cry.

Zhaoran thought sourly in his heart, if you ask me to punch you twice, I will also make you feel comfortable.

Almost all the others rushed forward, those who gave flags and flags, those who gave gifts, and those who gave gifts, all looking forward to having a little relationship with this new immortal.

Just now the rich businessman came over and blocked the way: "Come one by one, come one by one."

Mrs. He said: "Don't worry everyone, please go to the housekeeper and write down your surnames and first names, so that I can burn them to my master later."

"Great kindness." Everyone said, and then voluntarily ran to the housekeeper to leave their names.

How can one do good deeds without leaving a name for such things as being attached to relatives and nobles.

The head of the family surnamed Song finished leaving his name and came over again and said, "I don't know if we will have a chance to pay homage to Brother He's fairy face today?"

Mrs. He said: "Today is the master's Xiao Lian (note: the person died on the second day, and the coffin has not yet been closed), and all of you are relatives and friends. Naturally, you can go in and have a look, but please don't make any loud noises, so as not to It disturbed the master."

"Naturally, it will definitely not disturb Master He." Everyone agreed.

Zhao Ran wondered in his heart, Mr. He has escaped from his mortal body and went to the heaven thousands of miles away, how could he be disturbed?

He was upset in his heart, but people squeezed into the crowd, waiting to see Master He's fairy face. Unfortunately, there were too many people, and he stretched his neck on tiptoe, but he couldn't see it. Fortunately, Mrs. He was still thinking about him and Jiu Rubian said: "Two priests, please come to the front."

"The priest is here too." Everyone had a look of surprise on their faces, and they believed more in their hearts.

When they saw Master He's remains, they still had no doubts. The Master He in the coffin had a ruddy complexion, and he didn't look like he had died in vain. Sleeping in the six-inch thick coffin made people feel solemn.

"Immortal, Immortal!" Immediately, the people beside the coffin knelt in a circle, and the room was full of kowtows.

Mrs. He closed her eyes slightly, and when she opened them, she suddenly lost her voice: "You, what are you doing?"

Everyone was startled and looked up, only to see that there was a person on top who had leaned half of his body into the coffin, his face was almost touching Master He's, this person was exactly Zhao Ran.

"Give it up!"

"Even if it is the mortal body of the Xian family, it is also the mortal body of the Xian family, how can you allow yourself to be presumptuous!"

"Exactly, thanks to the fact that you are still a cultivator!"

"He doesn't even wear a Taoist uniform, who knows if it's true or not!"

All of a sudden, there was a surge of enthusiasm, many people were blushing and their necks were thick, and the anger was hard to break, so Zhao Ran had no choice but to knock on the coffin and said with a dry smile: "The fairy family should have the demeanor of the fairy family, I just want to see if this coffin is suitable for use. If it doesn’t work, how about six inches, the emperor of the Zhou family uses eight inches, and the immortal family must use at least nine inches.”

Everyone was a little murmured, they couldn't say that Mr. He should use a nine-inch coffin, they didn't hear that Zhou Tianzi only used an eight-inch coffin, but they couldn't say that this new immortal should not use a nine-inch coffin.

The voice in the hall suddenly became quieter, Madam He said indifferently: "My master is ascetic in this world, so I don't care about the size of the coffin. If you two adults are fine, please come back early."

After hearing this, Jiuru turned around and left, and Zhaoran had no choice but to follow.

"Hey, hello, why are you leaving?" Zhao Ran asked after catching up.

"Others have issued an order to evict guests, why don't you go and wait for them to evict you?" Jiu Ru said.

Zhao Ran said with a smile: "Uncle, you are too thin-skinned, we are men, we should be thick-skinned."

Jiu Ru stretched out his hand and pinched his face fiercely, and let out a "hmm", then said clearly, touching his face in pain, "Jiu Ru why did you pinch me?"

"It's quite thick."

Zhaoran let out a "hiss", turned around and saw the beggar household just now, and the beggar household came over with a smile on seeing him: "My lord, what else do you need to take care of the villain?"

"I do have something else to take care of to get rich?" Zhao Ran took out a piece of silver and waved it around in front of the beggar's eyes.

The beggar's eyes were swaying back and forth with the silver ingot, swallowing his saliva and saying, "Master, as long as you don't make me commit murder, I can do whatever I want. If it's murder and arson, please allow me to think about it for a while."

"It's not that serious. It's not about murder and arson. I just asked you to go to the house to fetch potted flowers for me." Zhao Ran leisurely said.

"Stealing flowers?"

"Take a plate of flowers."

"Steal, steal bouquet?"

"Take a plate of flowers."

"Steal...take the bouquet of flowers." The beggar understood, "What kind of flowers does the young master want to take?"

"Go into the inner courtyard. There are potted flowers outside the side room of the main wing. It's about this big and tall." Zhao Ran gestured.

The beggar household had a problem: "Master, you have to be clear, what if there is more than one potted flower in it, what should I do if I take it by mistake?"

"Simple, have you ever seen grass?"

"I have seen."

Zhao Ran tossed the silver ingot in his hand and said, "Just go and fetch the flower that looks like grass the most."