First love Fangxing

The author has something to say: This article is the fifth and the last article in the series of "Haling Opera House".If you are interested, you can read the other four articles first~

〖Yuan Lu, Huaqing〗 Help!How to approach people older than yourself, online, etc. (Completed)

〖Dong Zige, Lu Suxuan〗Uncle, let me help you forget him (Completed)

〖Qi Yan, Hui Fansheng〗[Recovery] Exclusive God Horse's Most Lovely (Completed)

〖Hu Yi, Luo Xiaofei〗A love with a difference of 24cm (completed)

Topic: Let’s talk about the secret love experience that made you desperate

Have you ever had a crush or are you crushing on someone? TA is your brother or sister?Is it your teacher? TA married?Same gender as you?Is there a big age gap with you? TA makes you feel that you can have any kind of relationship with TA, but you cannot be a lover (love) person alone.You have made a lot of efforts but still can't get rid of this hopeless relationship, you can't tell others, you are miserable, you are getting deeper and deeper, you are desperate to suffocate!

Right now, if you want to speak, I'm willing to listen.Come on, tell your story, it will make you feel better.It's not certain, TA will see, have you changed your career since then?

Anonymous User:

I have an older brother who is 3 years older than me.Let's call him F.

He was originally the grandson of my grandfather's best friend.It is said that this close friend is a comrade-in-arms of grandpa, and they have a life-threatening friendship.Therefore, when the grandfather learned that his best friend and his son and daughter-in-law died in an accident, leaving behind his sick wife and young grandson, he immediately took care of them from thousands of miles away.At that time, F was just over one year old, and his grandmother died of illness not long after he arrived.Before dying, the old man entrusted F to my grandfather.My parents had been married for more than five years and still had no children, so my grandfather suggested that they adopt F.Both parents are filial and kind-hearted people. Seeing that F is cute and well-behaved, I followed the old man's wishes.

It happened that my mother and F had the same surname, so I kept F's original name, and claimed that the child was my own and took the mother's surname.

Not long after F's adoption was completed, my mother became pregnant in October and gave birth to me.

Both parents are workers in state-owned factories and are very busy.For as long as I can remember, F has been in charge of almost everything for me. F is very gentle and considerate, and puts me first in everything. It can be said that he revolves around me most of the time.He played with me, guided me in my homework, took care of my daily life, and responded to my requests.Although our house has three bedrooms and one living room, we have always slept on the same bed, under the same quilt, and talked a lot every night, and then we hugged and slept together, like two Siamese twins.However, this kind of life that I miss every time I think about it, ended in the early autumn when I was 14 years old.

At that time, I was just in the second year of junior high school, and many topics surrounding girls appeared unknowingly in the chat topics of boys around me.For example, so-and-so in the class looks so cute, so-and-so in which class seems to be prettier than in elementary school, so-and-so's breasts seem to be very interesting, who (male) and who (female) hold hands back after school It's time to go home, so and so dug out a very erotic magazine from my parents' cabinet and so on.Every day, young and ignorant teenagers are never tired of such topics.Yet, somehow, I have no interest in such topics.I didn't know why I wasn't interested at first, until one day...

I clearly remember that on that day, my mother brought back a bag of chocolates from the unit, saying that the leader of the unit brought it back from a business trip abroad.There are more than ten pieces of chocolate in that bag, several kinds, and the packaging is very beautiful.From the bright eyes of F, I know he likes it very much, because he likes to eat sweets very much.I don't feel so good about sweets, especially chocolate, so I pushed the whole bag in front of F.He is very happy.We did homework together that night, and F ate chocolate while doing it.I laughed at him for being greedy.He said it was so delicious, he couldn't help it, and peeled off one he thought was the most delicious, and gave it to me. I didn't eat it, so he stuffed it into his mouth.Later, he told me that he felt a little light and his heartbeat became very fast.I saw that his face was flushed, and his forehead was a little hot when I touched it. I was afraid that he would have a fever, so I would tell my parents.He stopped me and said that my parents were tired from working all day, so don't let them worry.I took a thermometer and took his temperature, and I was relieved to see that it was normal.He insisted on finishing his homework before going to lie down.I was worried about his condition, so I sat on the edge of the bed and read a book while keeping an eye on him.He slept very restlessly, tossing and turning from time to time, kicking off the quilt, and looked very uncomfortable.I climbed into bed, took him into my arms, and patted his back like he used to put me to sleep.My body is cooler than his, he clings to me, settles down for a while, and then starts to rub, which makes me feel a strange feeling in my heart, as if there is an electric current running around my body.There was a hint of hot air mixed with alcohol in the nostrils, and suddenly, the mouth and nasal cavity were filled with the strong breath.I pushed him away in panic, but he still jumped on me desperately, scaring me out of bed. F twisted his body on the bed, ripped through his clothes indiscriminately, and almost stripped himself naked.Then he put his hand into his pants... I stood by the bed in a daze, watching him from beginning to end, my body was hot and my mind went blank.The next day, my mother reminded me at breakfast that there were liqueur chocolates in those chocolates, so don't eat so much at a time. F seems to have no memory of what happened that night at all.And I, even though I knew it was the result of alcohol, couldn't look him in the eye anymore.The thing is, I started dreaming about F frequently, dreaming about his flushed face and body, and the tight curve of his neck when he orgasmed.I was overwhelmed and terrified.I started to deliberately distance myself from him.I moved out of the bedroom we had shared for 14 years and it didn't make me feel better.So I deliberately stayed outside to avoid him, and deliberately picked his thorns and made things difficult for him.These stupid and naive behaviors did not have any effect. On the contrary, seeing him sad and suffering silently made me feel even more uncomfortable and wanted to get closer to him.However, the fear of my emotions being different from ordinary people, and the rebellious psychology of the rebellious period made me do more excessive things, causing a lot of harm and pain to each other.

Gradually, F has also changed. He no longer circles around me, loses his smile, becomes quiet and silent, and even has a cold temperament on his body.When I realized it, we also became like two strangers living together under the same roof.

I depend on F, and F also depends on me. When I tried my best to get rid of this dependence, F also took advantage of the trend to do the same thing.In fact, I think he succeeded.But I found painfully that all the struggles I did were futile, and I was even stuck in a quagmire, the more I struggled, the deeper I sank.

Day by day, I went to high school and learned genetics, and I found out that type A blood type F and B blood type me and my parents are not a family secret.Also know that F knew about it three years before me in the same way.

At that time, I got in touch with the Internet and found that there were many people like me. Gradually, I became less afraid and even had hope in my heart.I began to face up to my feelings, accepted the fact that I fell in love with F, and tried my best to ease the relationship between us, trying to make up for the vacancy of those years.F also gradually responded to my changes. Just when I felt that we had become much closer and we could go back to the past with more effort, he brought back his girlfriend from college.On that day, I used the excuse of celebration to get drunk despite everyone's dissuasion.After that, watching him and his girlfriend run long distances into the marriage hall, and then watching them get divorced, I never showed my feelings, just being a younger brother.

It's not that I don't want to reveal it, it's just that the fact that F is heterosexual has suppressed all my confidence.It is very painful to be a loved one who suppresses feelings and wants to cuddle tightly in one's dreams.I have thought about confessing my love countless times and taking him as my own, but when I thought that I would be rejected, hated, alienated, and the relationship deteriorated to what it was before, and even my relatives would not be able to do it, I gave up the idea and comforted myself , as long as he is happy, isn't it good?

Well, it's pretty good, hehe, I have a look on my face.

Six months ago, F got divorced.The reason for the divorce is said to be that the relationship has faded and they broke up peacefully.But I've always been skeptical.The two of them are college classmates. They stayed in school together after graduation, and worked together to transform from counselors to teachers. In the eyes of outsiders, they can be said to be an inspirational and enviable couple.Moreover, F is quiet and silent, while S (ex-wife) is very lively and cheerful. They have been dating for 7 years before getting married. I think this relationship itself is not easy.There is really no reason to have such a good relationship for so long, and it will be gone after less than a year of marriage.If it's that simple, why am I in so much pain?

But to put it bluntly, I am very happy that they divorced.I called and heard him say "it's okay" and "don't worry" calmly and relaxedly, I couldn't even say a word of comfort.I was afraid that he was calm on the surface, but in fact he was suppressed, and that my consolation would only scratch the surface, and I was even more afraid that I would get hurt.

Now, we chat occasionally on the Internet, just like normal brothers, nothing else.

I think we'll stop there.

Occasionally, I also hope that he can meet his next love and cherish each other.

And I will live with this feeling forever.

Later, this post sank into the ocean of memories of Liu Muyang, a 27-year-old mother-fetal single youth, and was buried deep in the sand.He didn't know, because of this post, his relationship really took a turn for the better.