Don't think I'm just a sheep

Liang Yusheng is like a bystander, all the past, like a movie scene, keeps skipping in his mind.

In the first life, he and Zhuo Yijing met for the first time in the forest. He rescued the other party who was injured in the leg, and brought the young man who couldn't tell where his home was back to his hut in the forest to recuperate.

Those days should have been the most depressing and lonely days for him. He was forced to give up his beloved literature, take over the family business, learn everything from scratch, and walk among tricky businessmen every day, full of exhaustion.

But after meeting Zhuo Yijing, this optimistic and dependent lamb touched his heart inexplicably and gave him the courage to face life again.

After that, they could almost be said to be dependent on each other, and spent their whole lives leaving indelible marks in each other's lives.

Liang Yusheng thought that he was good to Zhuo Yijing, since they were together, he pampered each other as much as possible, and after exchanging hearts, he wanted to give him his heart.

But after seeing Zhuo Lin's kindness to Zhuo Yijing, he realized that what he did was far less than one-half of Zhuo Lin's back then. If you hold it in your mouth, you are afraid that it will melt, from small things like changing clothes and washing your clothes, to big things like going out for a walk, Zhuo Lin will definitely do everything for him in a meticulous manner.

No wonder Zhuo Yijing always thinks of Zhuo Lin when she is weak.

His little sheep roll used to be so dependent on him, even if it was a small cold, he could feel sorry for him for a few days, and he would hold her in his arms wherever he went.

But after all, he failed to take good care of the other party, causing Ah Jing to suffer so much alone after he left, and the smile that was always on his face seemed to have disappeared forever with his departure.

The decades of my life flashed through my mind, but it only took a few hours. Liang Yusheng was enduring this slow and endless pain, physical and psychological, all of which were clamoring for release, but he I can't even move, I can only be trapped on this bed alive, and suffer all the pain of my flesh and blood.

But this is not the most unbearable, what makes him unbearable is the memory of the next second life.

In his second life, his name is Jiang Dong. Although his family is not considered a wealthy family, relying on the papermaking skills handed down from his ancestors, the whole family can make ends meet.

Perhaps it was because his appearance could not be changed, so in the memory of that life, Zhuo Yijing only moved to their neighbor in the next house when he was weak.

Whether it was Zhuo Yijing, Yang Lu or Liang Yusheng himself, they probably never thought that in Jiang Dong's memory, he still fell in love with Zhuo Yijing at first sight in this life.

It's just that the general environment at that time was not as open as modern times, and masculinity was not prevalent at that time. It was very difficult for two men to really be together, and they would inevitably suffer doubled strange looks.

Liang Yusheng was afraid that this other kind of affection would frighten the other party, so he didn't show it for a long time.

But the sky failed, the court was corrupt, the people were in dire straits, and internal and external troubles caused many literati to abandon their pens and join the army, and began to discuss how to protect their families and the country, how to reform, and the sales of paper products also fell sharply.

Jiang Dongkai has been running around with his father all day long to make a living for the whole family. Love and love can only be temporarily put aside.

By chance, they met an official who purchased supplies for the imperial court. The Jiang family has made paper for generations, and the quality is impeccable. Although the official was corrupt, he helped to do things after receiving some benefits, and the paper was purchased smoothly. After entering the palace, I finally stopped worrying about sales.

The whole family finally breathed a sigh of relief. Jiang Dong was about to put the matter of confession on the agenda, but the official came to the door again. The reason was that Jiang Dong was caught by the only daughter of the official's family when he was visiting with his father. , the other party made it clear that Jiang Dong would not marry.

Jiang Dong had Zhuo Yijing in his heart, so he refused this marriage. The officials felt that they had lost face, and threatened to sue the emperor, saying that the Jiang family sold inferior paper products to the palace, and sentenced him to the crime of deceiving the emperor.

The official himself is not of high rank, but he is backed by a big man in his family.

The imperial court is corrupt and the sage is stupid. If this case is sued, it must be a crime of deceiving the emperor. The whole family will be executed, and dozens of members of the Jiang family will probably lose their lives because of it.

On the other side, the lady from the official family loved Jiang Dong so much that she didn't care about her face, she followed her father to the door and stayed at Jiang's house, she was already Jiang Dong's person.

Jiang Dong couldn't argue with a hundred words.

This matter soon spread to the ears of Zhuo Yijing next door. Zhuo Yijing thought that she and Jiang Dong had already had a mutual affection, and she didn't believe such a statement at all, so she turned around and found Jiang Dong to express her feelings.

Jiang Dong didn't expect that the love words he had hesitated for several months would finally come out of the other party's mouth first. But at this time, he was already on the verge of riding a tiger, and he was afraid that someone would implicate Zhuo Yijing, so he said that he needed to think about it for a few days. .

He did consider it, but the result of his consideration was still that he only wanted to be with Zhuo Yijing.

That night, he packed his bags, planning to sneak out of the small door, and go to a deserted place with Zhuo Yijing, to start anew and live their little life.

Unexpectedly, he happened to be caught by his parents who were worried about him and came to check on him. When they learned of his intentions, both parents knelt down in front of him.

Jiang Dong is not afraid of death, his life alone is nothing, but if he leaves, dozens of members of his family will probably be buried with him.

There was an official who forced the marriage, and the lives of the whole family stood in the way. Jiang Dong couldn't make it that night.

Zhuo Yijing waited happily for Jiang Dong's reply, but what he waited for was the news that the other party was about to get married.

He rushed into Jiang's mansion, and in the already decorated wedding room full of red curtains, he asked stubbornly: "Jiang Dong, is this the answer you gave me?"

No one knew how much Jiang Dong's heart ached at that moment, but as a son, he couldn't just watch his whole family be buried with his love, let alone watch the person he loved accompany him to bear the risk of death for no reason.

After an unknown amount of time, he nodded lightly and told the biggest lie in his life, "I'm sorry Ah Jing, I love a woman, and I don't agree with your feelings."

Zhuo Yijing was heartbroken, and turned to leave, but a woman walked out from behind the red screen, it was the official lady who insisted on marrying Jiang Dong, she pointed to the direction where Zhuo Yijing left, and asked sharply: "This is Why don't you want to marry me?"

"Yes, as you can see, even so, do you still want to continue this relationship?" Jiang Dong answered simply, without any delay.

The eldest lady who was spoiled since she was a child really couldn't swallow this breath, she turned around and said firmly: "Of course, you love him and he loves you, but you just can't be together, you are mine, sooner or later, I will make you fall in love with me."

Jiang Dong closed his eyes, "In this case, I just ask you one thing, he may marry a wife and have children in the future, or find someone who loves him the same to spend his life, please don't bother him with your father." Life."

"As long as you live a good life after you marry me and cut off contact with him, why should I care about a stranger's life and death?"

"Okay, as you wish."

Jiang Dong married the official lady according to the agreement. The line to welcome the bride that day was very long, and there were many onlookers. The moment the expenses were raised, he still saw Zhuo Yijing who was much more haggard in the crowd.

All his life, he never forgot the look in Zhuo Yijing's eyes at that time, so cold, so desperate, how much he wanted to rush up to embrace him and give him all his love.

But no, he could only grit his teeth and continue the wedding. As the wedding progressed, his heart gradually sank into the bottomless abyss, and he never saw the light again.

Jiang Dong didn't touch his wife on the wedding night, and he didn't have any other thoughts about her in the following years.

No matter how the other party scolds him, beats him, or how harsh things they say, his response is only one sentence, "When you forced me back then, you should have thought of this result. I will give you the marriage you want, no matter how much more... ...life is here, you can take it at any time."

In the fifth year of marriage, the woman's stomach still remained silent, and there were gradually rumors outside, saying that there were all kinds of things, Jiang Dong didn't care, but his wife gradually began to lose her composure.

Once, Jiang Dong personally delivered paper products to another city. When he returned home, he accidentally ran into his wife rolling with a young worker at home in the bedroom.

Instead of feeling angry, he breathed a sigh of relief. Seeing his reaction like this, his wife in name was completely given up.

From then on, the two slept in separate rooms, and Jiang Dong didn't care about her singing every night, and she no longer forced Jiang Dong to love her.

But because the courtyard where the two lived was separated from the main house, no one except the two and the little worker knew about it.

Another year passed like this, and finally the good news spread from the Jiang family that the young lady was pregnant.

Jiang Dong knew in his heart how this child came to be, but he didn't care, it was good to have a child in name, it blocked the eyes of parents who were always hesitant to speak, and blocked the conversation outside.

It's just that he didn't expect that this child was like the last straw that bent Zhuo Yijing, making Zhuo Yijing finally no longer have the slightest expectation for this relationship.

The child has been trained as the heir of the Jiang family since he was born, and he has learned papermaking technology since he was a child. Fortunately, the child is like his mother, so no one doubts his background.

Time is still moving forward, Jiang Dong has survived for decades, his parents and relatives at home have passed away one after another, and he has nothing to worry about in the world, so he began to search for Zhuo Yijing's whereabouts wholeheartedly.

It's not that he really expected Zhuo Yijing to wait for him for so many years, he just wanted to see each other again in his lifetime, and he would die without regrets.

But after asking all the way, Zhuo Yijing seemed to have disappeared into this world out of thin air. Since it was reported that his wife was pregnant and moved away from the next door, no one knew his whereabouts anymore.

Jiang Dong was unwilling to give up, and kept sending people to look for him. After several years, he finally found a person who looked very similar to Zhuo Yijing. The age of acquaintance.

The man claimed to be Zhuo Yijing's child, and after hearing that Jiang Dong was looking for his father, he came here to tell him that his father was doing well, and hoped that Jiang Dong would stop bothering about his whereabouts.

In this life, Jiang Dong left with regrets, even in his death he was unable to see Zhuo Yijing again.

He was blinded by appearances, how could he have imagined that Zhuo Yijing was full of him, so why would he have a son? The young man he saw was Zhuo Yijing himself, but even if he understood at that time, it was too late After all, the two of them missed it...

# # #

After reminiscing everything, Liang Yusheng finally understood why Zhuo Yijing in this life was so cautious that he didn't even dare to express his love easily, because he had been brave before, but bravery did not bring him the happiness he deserved.

Liang Yusheng finally understood why Zhuo Yijing was always so disturbed, especially after seeing that woman... because that woman was clearly his wife in the previous life.

How many heartbreaks do you have to go through before you can turn that cheerful and clingy little sheep roll into what it is today.

Now even if Liang Yusheng thinks about the acquaintance with Zhuo Yijing in this life, he feels distressed to the point of suffocation.

Approaching each step cautiously, and sharing his feelings for Liu Xiyue for several years, what kind of mood does that person have, and he has accompanied him all the way to the present.

Liang Yusheng couldn't move, couldn't speak, and even had difficulty blinking, but at this moment, he felt that any pain in his body was not enough to punish his mistakes, nor was it enough to make up for the suffering Zhuo Yijing had suffered in these years.

After ten long days like this, Liang Yusheng was finally able to speak. He heard the bedroom door being pushed open, and he spoke intermittently: "Brother Yang...Thank you for taking care of... Ah Jing all these years."

He had the memory of his past life, so he naturally remembered that year. It was he who begged Yang Lu for help in the underworld, and Yang Lu got to know Zhuo Yijing. It is indeed thanks to his care these years that Zhuo Yijing was able to live well. In this world.

"You're welcome, since I promised you back then, I will definitely do it."

Liang Yusheng took a breath, and said again: "Actually, you don't need to... come here every day, don't worry... I will definitely... get through it."

Yang Lu walked over, sat on the chair beside the bed, and was silent for a long time, "You misunderstood, I'm not afraid that you won't be able to make it through, I just want to see... how much that person suffered for me back then."

Although Liang Yusheng had vaguely guessed it when he heard Yang Lu talk about it before, he was still surprised to hear Yang Lu admit it himself.

After all, Yang Lu's appearance in front of him is too omnipotent, and he is also gentle and friendly. It is really unimaginable that he will hurt the person who loves him so much that he would rather let go and leave.

I understood the doubt in his eyes, but Yang Lu didn't explain any more, but said with a little envy: "Actually, I envy you very much, I envy you at least having the opportunity to pay for him and to make up for the mistakes you have made. , and I, I don't even know how to punish myself for him."

"Didn't you say that even for thousands of years, it will always make him happy?" Liang Yusheng didn't know the story between them, so he could only comfort him with what he had said before.

"Yes, there will always be such a day..." Yang Lu sighed lightly, not knowing whether he was echoing or comforting himself.