Lianzhou

There are actually not many options for two grown men to go to restaurants. Yan Yan stayed in Yu Lichu's office in the afternoon and turned the public comments upside down, and finally chose hot pot with the standard ending.

The two hit it off and chose a northern hot pot. After ordering, the ingredients were spread all over the table. The clear soup and white water are served with sesame sauce. The beauty is beautiful, but the bad is bad. candied haws.

And Yu Lichu, who was standing beside Yan Yan, dragged him out of the store before he started messing around with great foresight. The mouth that wanted to explode.

Yan Yan took a sip of the sugar for a while, and he was not justified: "What kind of eyes, looking at me with collagen, obviously 17 years old can't have more."

After hearing this, Yu Lichu was very cooperative, and stepped back half a step seriously: "Yes, yes, you are as young and beautiful as Jiaohua. We can't talk about each other right now, and we are committing minor crimes."

"You're still working hard, aren't you?" Yan Yan squinted at Li Chu, and chewed the mints in his mouth with his upper and lower teeth, "It's still early, should we go back directly now, or go down for a stroll ?”

The next day is not the weekend, and both of them have work tomorrow, Yan Yan's original intention of saying this was just a casual question, but Yu Banxian, who has always lived a very middle-aged and elderly life in his spare time, unexpectedly replied this time : "Come shopping with me, I happen to have something I want to buy."

The hot pot restaurant they visited just now happened to be on the fifth floor of a landmark shopping mall in the city center. The two of them are now sitting next to the movie theater, with a circular shopping paradise under their feet. However, Yan Yan followed Yu Lichu's footsteps and walked up the escalator Slowly descending two floors, seeing the two of them directly skipping the men's clothing floor, the person in front of him didn't even have the slightest intention to stop. You must know that the next floor is women's clothing, but Yan Yan didn't know that Yu Lichu What exactly did he want to buy tonight, he didn't ask in the end, but when the two finally went down the escalator to the first floor, Yan Yan suddenly had a premonition in his heart.

Yu Lichu was silent all the way, and when he went down to the first floor, he went straight into one of the stores on the first floor with a clear goal, and waited until his arm touched the glass counter before he spoke the first sentence to the lady at the counter: "This man Quit, take two of the same size, both finger size 18." After saying this, he didn't shy away from the cabinet lady's gaze, and turned to Yan Yan and asked, "Have you brought your bank card?"

However, before Yan Yan could speak, Yu Lichu turned his head back, "Forget it, since you didn't bring it with you like this, then use my card to swipe together first, you owe this money, remember it later Also—tsk, I have kept money for many years, and I haven't experienced this feeling of spending money like water for a long time."

When he finished speaking, the cabinet sister had already trained to quickly take the ring and put it in front of the two of them, her ambiguous eyes never forgetting to quietly walk back and forth between the eye-catching pair of men in front of them.

Yu Lichu graciously let her watch, his posture as stable as Mount Tai, he reached out and took a ring from the counter, then turned to grab Yan Yan's left hand, without saying a word, his movements were neat and gentle, and he directly put the ring on the ring. On the other party's ring finger.

"I bought this one for you—well, the size is just right. There is one left. You are lucky. I will give you this chance today. Take it for me."

When Yu Lichu said this, his gaze slowly lifted from Yan Yan's ring finger, and finally met Yan Yan's gaze—the man's face was full of childish confusion, and his eyes reflected the shattered glass. Light is more dazzling than diamonds, like a cluster of sparks that will never go out.

Yan Yan is obviously not a young boy who has never seen tricks and troubles, but when the object of tricks is replaced by the person in front of him, it seems that no matter how easy he was originally able to perform, he can instantly calm down and change in front of that person. Returning a piece of innocent white paper, it's as if all the promises accumulated for many years have been packed up and thrown back into the mother's womb.

He listened to Yu Lichu's words and blinked in bewilderment, feeling the soreness in his eye sockets that he hadn't seen for a long time, but the corners of his mouth raised and raised unconsciously:

"How long have you been secretly calculating this matter? You have chosen the style, and you are just waiting to trick me into paying for it?"

"You figured it out so quickly," Yu Lichu accepted Yan Yan's push casually, then squinted his eyes and laughed, "Boyfriend, my hands are sore, do you still have the ring? You can leave without me."

Yan Yan's fake composure was forcibly broken by these words. He hurriedly took the ring on the counter, then wiped the sweat from his palms, took a deep breath, and then held Yu Lichu's hand, a little too solemnly Put the ring on Yu Lichu's ring finger.

Yu Lichu is not a person who attaches great importance to rituals. A small ring is light and expensive, but it is given a new meaning at the moment it touches the skin. The cold ring surface is dyed with appropriate body temperature, and the two heads It was a thin red thread that was connected out of thin air. At this moment, he felt that God might never be kind to him. This time he is no longer the victim of drowning. He can guard his lover and experience the past together. All the trivial mediocrity and joy in the years to come.

As long as he thought of this, he felt that there was an infinite overflow of emotions in his heart.

Yan Yan didn't know the ups and downs of the other party's mind at this moment, he just raised his finger and caressed the other party's face, his heart became soft and constricted in an instant, all kinds of feelings melted in his mouth, but in the end he only said: "Why are you deliberately picking?" Just bought it today?"

Yu Lichu raised an eyebrow, and said as a matter of course: "Didn't you notice that tomorrow is 520? Let me confess to you in advance."

After hearing this, Yan Yan said dumbfoundedly: "Then your confession is precious enough, and one month's salary will be burned away like this."

"It's not a loss to beat the beauty with a smile."

After Yu Lichu finished talking, he conveniently took out his card to pay the bill, and habitually put the pen in his pocket after issuing the ticket and signing.

Cabinet lady: "..."

Seeing this, Yan Yan hurriedly took out the pen and returned it to someone, and explained apologetically, "I'm sorry, occupational disease, I'm used to it, I'm not trying to be greedy for your pen..."

After Yu Lichu reacted, he felt a little embarrassed, touched his nose, pulled Yan Yan over, and quickly walked out of the store.

Once out of the shopping mall, a gust of night wind blows head-on, soaked in the temperature of neon lights all over the street, and does not feel the slightest coolness on the body. The two walk side by side through the endlessly flowing road under the night, and every pedestrian feels like they are walking in the daytime After the hustle and bustle of the hustle and bustle ended, they hurriedly headed home. The two walked slowly along the phoenix road, each step being peaceful and solid, like stepping through countless small human fireworks along the way.

The LED screen in the commercial building overhead is colorful, reflecting the intersection in the city center as bright as daylight. On the screen is the next episode preview of a famous provincial and Taiwan dating show. The slender female guest on the screen asks the male guest: "What if?" Your mother and I fell into the water at the same time, which one will you save first?" However, the male guest's subsequent answer was silenced and made into a suspenseful preview. You have to answer what kind of flowers you want.

Hearing the sound, Yan Yan raised his head for a few glances, then turned his head and asked Yu Lichu, "I'm also here to interview this boyfriend. If your mother and I fell into the water at the same time, who would you save?"

Yu Lichu gave him a sideways look, and replied dryly: "Add one more criteria for objection—one who can't swim is not worthy of being my boyfriend."

Unexpectedly, Yan Yan shook his head after hearing this, and then leaned his body in front of Yu Lichu, his eyes bright as if hiding a story: "I don't need you to answer, because I will tell you - you don't need to come down, I will I will send you the mother-in-law and her elders in their entirety." After speaking, he raised his hand and touched Yu Lichu's face twice, full of teasing, "I am so precious to you, how can I be willing to let you into the water. "

Yu Lichu just couldn't stand his awkward look: "So precious to me?"

Yan Yan originally wanted to say something, but in the end he didn't say anything. He raised his right hand and lightly stroked the ring on his left hand. His sloppy eyebrows were gradually put away, and he just looked at Yu Lichu quietly. Countless scenes of yesterday seemed to flash across my mind, and even my voice sank unexpectedly and seriously: "It doesn't matter what I do, as long as you are always well."

Before he could see Yu Lichu's expression clearly, he turned around and changed his expression again and said, "Since tomorrow is 520, let's go to the florist and buy you a bouquet of roses, just in time..."

Yan Yan walked five or six meters before realizing that the people behind him hadn't followed him. He then turned around with some doubts, only to see Yu Lichu standing upright on the spot, looking up at him quietly.

"How…"

"Do you really think that as long as I'm fine, it doesn't matter to you?"

Yu Lichu didn't bring any emotion when he said this, but somehow, Yan Yan saw a bit of pity from the tall figure in the distance, and this discovery made him want to speak almost instantly And stop.

In the end, Yu Lichu was the first to break the silence. This time he took two steps forward, with a relaxed smile on his face: "Then I'll come to interview you too, if one day—" He said this After a pause, it seemed that it took a long time before he reconnected, "There can only be one between you and me, and the right to choose is in your hands, what will you do?"

Yan Yan didn't think for a second, then said without thinking, "Of course I'm keeping you."

Who knows that Yu Lichu laughed after hearing this: "You are selfless, you have fulfilled me like this, I think I will carry this life on my shoulders for the rest of my life, I am afraid that I will not even dare to cough casually." One sound."

The words were said with a smile, but Yan Yan inexplicably heard a trace of complaint, but before he could think about it, he found that Yu Lichu's expression suddenly and subtly darkened at this moment.

"If it were me, I wouldn't let you stay." After Yu Lichu said this, his eyes suddenly became complicated, "—I will kill you first, and then I will die with you."

Yu Lichu's untimely seriousness made Yan Yan realize something was wrong until now. He then took two steps forward, consciously wanting to ask what's wrong with the other party, but found the words stuck in his throat. No matter what, I couldn't make a sound.

He was standing in the halo of the streetlights shining directly down, while Yu Lichu was standing in the shadow between the two streetlights. After a short silence, the other party finally spoke slowly: "Ordinary people say that it is good to be alive." , the one who dies suffers, but the dead will not know, and the ones who stay are the hardest."

——When you find yourself alone one day, and there is nothing around you when you turn your head, you no longer have too much awe of death like ordinary people.Because for you, the reason itself that made you fear for granted no longer exists.

The moment his words were about to fall, Yan Yan finally stepped up from under the streetlight and walked into the shadow of the slant, only then was he able to clearly see all of Yu Lichu's expressions at the moment.

He was startled to realize that the original gloom on the face of the other party had disappeared, but instead was filled with some kind of deep sadness, which was a kind of deepest pain that he could not empathize with, as if it had washed away the soul.

He felt that the other party was holding back a certain emotion, and instantly drew himself into a fierce aura:

"Yanyan, I don't need you to have this kind of cheap mercy for me. It's never perfect for me. I hope you'll be more domineering. If we're together for a day, then even if you die, you'll drag me along. I am not afraid that you will harm me, but I am afraid that you will not want me."

"——The reason has never been that if I'm good, you don't care, but if you have a bad life, I won't be well, do you understand?"

After Yu Lichu finished speaking, he raised his hand and brushed Yan Yan's broken hair, which had fallen from his head down, to his forehead, but he didn't want to meet the silent eyes behind his hair. The momentary gaffe of leaking out the mouth, momentarily froze in place, at a loss what to do.

Yan Yan raised his head with complex eyes, hesitant to say what he wanted to say: "You..."

Yu Lichu's heart beat like a drum for an instant, but even he himself didn't know what he was afraid of, he only knew that if the current situation didn't get over it quickly, then Yan Yan would probably go to it silently by himself again. Go to the bottom of the horn.

Doctor Yu has been practicing for 30 years and has a delicate mind, but now he has smashed the signboard, and after a lot of searching, he will spell out a sentence to make up for it: "It's my fault too. I'm just talking about whether I'm going to die or not when I'm on a good day. , don’t take it to heart, we have parents and relatives behind us, living and dying together is irresponsible nonsense, it used to be the past, now everything is over, we will all be safe in the future, set a small goal first , How about living to the full hundred?"

Yan Yan was obviously suspicious, but he still responded cooperatively: "You are greedy, there are still 70 years left, you take your time—let's go...go home."

It was just such an insignificant episode that was easily forgotten by Yu Lichu, but it was obvious that Yan Yan was not easily let go.

This night, Yan Yan struggled to fall asleep after Yu Lichu fell asleep for a long time. In his sleep, he had a very long dream.

He usually thinks a lot in his head, so he falls asleep with many dreams, but he has never had a more real dream than this time. He felt that when he opened his eyes, he was in a bookstore on the pedestrian street. It's late spring.

He was standing behind the cooking counter in the store at the moment, and the person standing next to the bar in front of him had a pair of familiar smiling eyes.

He saw the bookmark that Yu Lichu had brought back from the school celebration was pinned to the book that Yu Lichu casually placed on the bar—yes, it was just a few days after the school celebration, and Yu Lichu came to the bookstore when he was free from work. I experienced a lot of heart-to-heart that day, and at this time, compared with friends, it seems that there is more ambiguity in it.

Thinking of this, he felt strange again. Although he was standing in front of Yu Lichu in the dream, he felt that his consciousness was above the whole picture. Self-consciousness is completely connected.

Yu Lichu who was standing opposite didn't seem to be the same as the one he knew, there was obviously a layer of familiarity in the eyes of the person in front of him, but before he had time to think about it, he heard the person say: "I didn't even ask you to return the guitar, so you still think there's something missing in this store?"

In the next second, he heard himself reply without being controlled by self-consciousness: "The store is not short of things, but I am."

Yu Lichu didn't seem surprised, and asked with a smile on his face, "What's missing?"

"Lack of a boyfriend."

"Then do you want to consider me?"

This time, when he saw "myself" who was concentrating on drawing flowers behind the cooking table, his hands suddenly stopped, and then a smile sank into his chest, and he felt a momentary turmoil: "Okay."

He suddenly realized that he was dreaming, but for no reason, he felt that everything in the dream seemed to have really existed.

Immediately after the next second, he felt his consciousness withdraw from his body, and the environment he was in was changing, and the constantly changing fragments appeared one by one in front of his eyes like a revolving lantern.

He looked at himself lying on the sofa playing with his mobile phone, Yu Lichu's notebook was placed on the side table behind his head, the man was busy writing a thesis, and wanted him to make room for him, but he refused, so he saw that the man was helpless Sighing, not getting used to his stinking problem, he simply lay down on him, and stretched his hands from the sides of his head to the back to touch the keyboard, forming a gesture like lying down and embracing, the sides of the two necks Sticking to each other, they used this posture to compete with each other childishly and smackingly. After a while, they both felt sore, and finally they both laughed.

Then the clip stopped suddenly, and other pictures lit up in front of my eyes.

Chasing each other's shadows under the street lamp, intertwined and depressive panting when emotional, and talking at the window in the middle of the night, he heard himself talking to the people around him without any scruples, and saw himself still bright in the dark night Ruju's eyes.

"Time is precious because time never comes back."

He heard his own voice ringing in his ears, it was both strange and familiar, and then the picture turned sharply downwards, and he saw a lifeless child curled up in a corner suddenly appeared in the picture, with the riddled suicide note in his hand, and waiting When he finally saw who the lying child on the ground was, he felt the vibration of his chest and the "self" in the picture merged into one again, and the blood in his body seemed to freeze instantly.

He saw "myself" rushing out after receiving a call, and saw "myself" being stopped by Qi Wen on the way, the other party's resentful eyes were undisguised, full of poisonous jealousy and ridicule.

"You killed that child, do you want to kill his mother again?"

He saw "self" break free from the shackles of the opponent's palm like crazy, and the rational strings in his mind were pulled into a full bow by self-blame and escape.

He saw "myself" hiding in a corner where no one was around, took out his mobile phone with shaking hands and sent a text message, but he didn't know where the cold text message ended up going.

These fragments changed so quickly that Yan Yanshang was dragged into the next scene before he had time to recollect them. This time he felt that his consciousness had returned to his "self" body, but the scene in his sight gradually faded away from the crowd in front of him. Moved to a cloudy sky.

——It turned out that he fell straight from the edge of the top floor, but the severe pain only happened for a moment, and then his consciousness sank, and when he woke up, he was already standing outside the door of the emergency building.

He became a ball of withdrawn consciousness again, just stood aside like this and watched the corpse covered in white cloth slide smoothly in front of him, and then he saw a familiar figure appearing in his sight.

He watched the person not far away stepping on the helpless but calm footsteps, like a lifeless puppet on a string, he took out his mobile phone and dialed a number stiffly, but the strong back was in a few minutes Seconds later, it quickly withered at a speed visible to the naked eye, and the next second it turned around and rushed to the bathroom next to it.

Everything after that flies by like the pages of a book blown by the wind, day after day.

After he left, Yu Lichu seldom cried. Except for the initial emotional ups and downs, his performance was always indifferent, until one day, the man lay in bed for a long time, and woke up as if he had just experienced a big accident. Meng, followed by a trembling cry, but died without making a sound.

He watched him get up and cook noodles, watched him sit at the table and eat slowly, watched him drag his body to take the clean bowl to the sink to rinse it, and then, the man looked like he was on a whim, and went straight to the entrance to put on his clothes Just out the door.

He followed Yu Lichu's footsteps and walked all the way in the rain. Seeing that the other party was drenched in the rain, he didn't notice it. He wanted to raise his hand to protect him from the rain, but found that the raindrops passed through his outstretched hand. In the end, it landed on the shoulders of the person in front of him.

In the end, he could only watch helplessly as Yu Lichu went all the way to the bookstore in the rain. Fortunately, the rain was not heavy outside, so he didn't get soaked. He was severely ill for three days. Although he knew that the other person was always in good health, whose body was made of iron, but he was only thinking about Yu Lichu, but he didn't realize that he had already taken this dream as reality. There is no right to blame the other party.

After all, it was himself who let go and left without saying a word.

Yan Yan couldn't see his expression at the moment, but thinking about it, it wouldn't be easy to see where he was going. He seemed to be overwhelmed by guilt in an instant, and he didn't know where to put his hands and feet. He wanted to step forward and get closer to Yu Lichu. In the end, he didn't dare, so he could only stand in the corner of the bookstore and look at the other party.

He saw Yu Lichu holding the guitar and sitting in the seat where he used to sit and read a book, and he let go of his hand after a while, and the whole person leaned back in the seat and closed his eyes in a daze. Yan Yan didn't know whether the man kept How long has it been in this position, all I know is that the other party was finally brought back to his mind by the reminder of the text message in his pocket, and what happened next was beyond Yan Yan's expectation.

He thought, maybe this scene will be engraved on his heart forever, and he will never forget it until he dies.

He watched the people in the distance stand up quickly as if leaving the string, and the lit screen of the mobile phone still clearly sent those three words into Yan Yan's eyes even after a distance, and then the person in front of him seemed to be suddenly blurred With all his strength exhausted, he slowly knelt down without any struggle.

It seemed that since Yan Yan left, he had finally accepted the fact that the other party had abandoned him and left in complete despair.

The space with insufficient light sources suddenly became cramped, as if even the air was filled with sympathetic sadness. In the silence, every groan of Yu Lichu was like the barrel of a gun exploding next to Yan Yan's ear again and again. I have never seen a person who can cry so embarrassingly. The person in front of him is curled up on the ground, constantly tightening his fingers and grabbing the clothes in front of him, as if a black hole has opened out of thin air in his heart, constantly absorbing all the sorrows in this world.

Yan Yan felt his viscera twisted into a ball, and strong self-blame and remorse came up from the tip of his heart belatedly, easily crushing him, the pain was rampant in his chest, and he didn't know it until he was knocked bloody. He staggered forward and knelt down beside Yu Lichu, shaking his hands and wanting to hug him, but found that his hands went straight through Yu Lichu's body. He was so anxious that he was about to cry, but he found himself She couldn't even shed a little tear.

He could only keep kneeling and sit by Li Chu's side, watching the man lying on the ground, picking up the despair and stuffing it into his body bit by bit, finally sealing his tears and gradually calming down, until the rain outside was getting heavier, Yu Lichu finally tidied himself up and stood up, and left the bookstore without putting the guitar back where it was.

Yan Yan watched the man gradually disappear into the background of the rain curtain, and suddenly lost the courage to catch up. He seemed to realize that it was just a dream until now, but he also didn't realize until now that Yu Lichu taught him so For a long time, he can do everything according to his heart and don't rely on obsession, but he has always been so stupid that he can't learn what it means to be truly open-minded.

After thinking about it, he chased after him, but the road seemed extremely long, and he couldn't catch up with Yu Lichu's footsteps after chasing for a long time, until he saw people in the distance who seemed to be tired from walking and stopped. Sitting on the edge of the flower bed by the road, it seems that there is only this drowning duckweed left in the world, unable to find its home in the precarious wind and rain.

Yan Yan couldn't help but also stopped and stood where he was. He didn't know how long he had been standing like this. He felt a coolness on his face. He raised his hand to wipe it, only to realize that tears were streaming down his face. He turned his gaze, Only then did I realize that I was holding a black umbrella in my right hand, and my whole body was no longer a mass of void, but gradually became a reality.

Suddenly, a little joy emerged from the sadness in his heart, and then he took a step forward and walked firmly towards Yu Lichu step by step.

The black umbrella cloth cut a curtain of rain and covered the man's head safely. Then, he saw the man in front of him slowly raised his head. The moment his eyes met, he was embraced by the man before he had time to react. full of.

"You're back."

The handle of the umbrella came off the moment the other party hugged him, but Yan Yan didn't care. He just hugged the other party back with the same strength, carefully put away the guilt all over his body, and only mobilized the most tender part of his life. The tone responded:

"Well, I'm back."

When Yan Yan opened his eyes again, the surroundings were pitch black, only the moonlight outside the window cast some light in, but all these light sources seemed not as bright as the pair of eyes beside him.

He woke up from a dream, but it was still midnight, and Yu Lichu beside him woke up at some point, staring at him gently and soberly.

"I just…"

Yan Yan's heart was filled with infinite emotions at this moment, but Yu Lichu's index finger stopped his lips and teeth out of thin air.

He saw that the other party moved his finger away and stroked the hair on one side of his forehead gently: "It's all a dream, it's all over when I wake up."

He seemed to be bewitched by the voice, and the depression in his heart disappeared for a moment, and he felt drowsiness came back strong again.

The moment before he fell into a dream, he only remembered the kiss that the other party pressed softly on his forehead, and the dreamlike whispers that lingered in his ears before he lost consciousness.

He heard the other party say:

"Thank you for coming."

"—Thank you for being here."

All I want in my life is nothing more than that.

-End of the book-