Jonson's Diary

July 2018, 2, sunny

Xiaosong was sick and listless, and I was very distressed.

Xue Lin hugged Xiaosong and stroked Xiaosong again and again: "Why is Xiaosong's golden hair so short? Could it be that the fur of golden retriever puppies is shorter?"

"I'll say it again, Xiaosong is different from you, he is a Labrador."

Xue Lin pinched Xiaosong's pad, and said dissatisfiedly, "You say I'm a golden retriever?"

I sneered as an answer.He squinted and stroked the ends of his hair, ignoring me.

Xue Lin is of partial European descent and has light brown hair. When the light is sufficient, his hair will be a little golden, just like it is now.

He is lazily lying on the rocking chair with his eyes closed, his messy hair will come and rub against his eyelids, his facial features are very delicate, if his violent temper is changed, he will be the standard Prince Charming, obviously he has such a gentle appearance, But abruptly broke himself into a tyrant.

Xue Lin used to get troubled a lot because of the color of his hair, which is pitiful. He really didn't go to the barber shop to get his hair dyed.

It's strange to say that if Xue Rin's facial features were more European-style, it wouldn't be so troublesome, but on the contrary, his appearance is at most three-dimensional, which has nothing to do with mixed race.

I ended up not moving out.The topic of that day was left alone, and I tried my best to maintain a superficial calm.

say you Love Me?Believe it or not, I don't believe it anyway.That's just possessiveness with encroachment and destruction. If possessiveness is love, he must love me to death.If habit is love, I must love him badly

what is love?Love is enduring patience and kindness.Love does not envy, love does not brag, is not puffed up, is not rude, does not seek its own, is slow to anger, thinks no evil, does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth, bears all things, believes all things, hope, and endure all things.

Love never stops.

I have lost the ability to love, people like me, to mention 'love' is a kind of blasphemy.Xue Lin will meet the person he loves one day.

For me, my life has an inevitable end.

That day won't be too far away, and it won't be too near, and my long-distance run is almost at the end.

The speed of memory decline is very fast. At the beginning, I only read slowly, and then I couldn’t read books. I drew pictures. What I drew were messy lines, and I couldn’t copy them. When I played the piano today, I played several wrong notes.

I suddenly realized that this might just be the beginning of the disaster.I sincerely hope that I can finish before the beginning.

I am alone, and I am working out a workable plan, the general plan is clear, and I am filling in the details.I want to completely withdraw myself from Xue Rin's life, which requires a gradual process.

Xue Lin's sentence "If there is such a day, remember to tell me, I will accompany you" shocked me a lot, and also sounded the alarm for me.I don't think it's important to this extent, but Xue Lin is an emotional person, I don't know if he will do such a thing suddenly.

For him, death is a painful thing, and death is a very difficult thing. I dare not gamble on these possibilities. I must be sure that nothing will go wrong!It would be a pity for Xue Rin to die when I die, and it is unnecessary.

I am Li Weiren's last patient. He said he was going to change careers, and he looked relieved.Apart from talking to him during the appointment time, I didn't have any communication during the rest of the time.

Every time he sees me, he is very energetic and peaceful, no matter what I do he is very calm.

His calmness is actually my hope, or the hope of all patients.

It's not that bad, maybe I'll be saved.I don't know exactly what happened, probably not something good.To disappoint a doctor who loves medicine to this extent is really serious.

In general, people live with too many helplessness and ulterior scars.

Li Weiren's mother is a nurse, his father is a doctor, and his grandparents are both doctors. He did not go to medical school because his family forced him, nor because of his ambition to save lives and heal the wounded. He was just interested in psychology.

This change of career shows how determined he is.

I patted him on the shoulder with a smile and said cheers.He also smiled: "I may be the first doctor to be comforted by a patient."

"My appointment time has long since ended. Now, it's just a chat among friends."

I smiled and told him my plan and asked him if there was any good way.Li Weiren had a complicated expression. He said, "I'm no longer a doctor."

"I know, that's why I asked you, now you are just a friend of mine, I believe you can understand."

He smiled bitterly: "I understand, but I don't agree, and I won't answer."

I was very calm, I just took a gamble to see if he would answer. If he answered, it would help me a little, and if he didn't answer, it would not affect anything.

I smiled and told him about a strange thing that happened recently.

In addition to teaching my two regular students, I will also lead a group of students whose foundation is not very solid, so as to reduce the burden on the boss.Among them was a student who walked alone and was very gloomy.

He told me he was suffering from depression.

I was dumbfounded at the time, this is a very heavy trust, maybe because my usual calm and gentle image is too reliable?

I asked calmly, "What did the doctor say?"

"I didn't go to the doctor." I was anxious all of a sudden, I have to go to the doctor, the chances of seeing a doctor in time are very high, if I keep procrastinating and resisting, I will die.No, I woke up suddenly.

"Then how do you know you have depression?"

"Tested online."

My mind unstoppably began to swipe the screen:

#【Depression Test Questions】Let you easily know whether you have depression#

#【Test】Do you have smiling depression? #

#八道题 Know if you are depressed! #

If you feel that you have a problem, it is serious to go to a tertiary hospital for a few dollars to register.

I am not saying that the test questions must be deceiving. There are professional test questions, but they are just for reference. The specific diagnosis still depends on the doctor.

"Do your parents know? If you feel uncomfortable, the doctor is more reliable!"

Later, his series of insults made me a little confused. The general meaning is:

You are ruthless and unreasonable!I am not mentally ill!How can you say I'm mentally ill and let me go to a psychiatrist?Do you still want to tie me to a mental hospital!Don't you know that people with depression need love?

oh!Indifference.jpg

I don't understand you depression patients very well.Li Weiren hit the nail on the head: "Lack of love, longing for attention."

"Ah, I know, adolescent children lack love in the second year of middle school."

I hid the fact that I had depression to death.

The meaning is that I don't want others to worry, but the biggest reason is that I don't want to hear any nonsense.

For example, "I am very unhappy today. I heard that you are very happy after taking that medicine. Give me two tablets!"

"Your medicine can lose weight! Give me some!"

"I've been playing games all night and can't fall asleep. Give me some sleeping pills!"

I don't mean to blame anyone or complain, they just don't know.I can choose to be 'normal' and choose not to listen.