SOTOPIA: Artificial Pseudo-God

"Why do you want to join the FBI? It's not because of the credo of 'loyalty, courage, integrity'."

It was early the next morning when Theodore asked Maynard the question in a slouchy accent.The thin sunlight cast a muddy shadow behind the half-drawn curtains, making the division between light and dark on the floor blurred.

Maynard had his back to him, curled up on the other side of the bed, eyes open.He propped up his upper body, and his rare appearance without glasses was much gentler than usual. "Not because I want to join, but because I think I am suitable for this job."

"That's it." The older Theodore said nothing.He took out a cigarette and a lighter from a side drawer, and thick smoke soon rose in the room.A few seconds later, Theodore felt Maynard touch him.

"Can I have one, please?" Although his voice was cold and lacking in enthusiasm, Maynard tried his best to show his politeness as a junior.Theodore nodded and handed him his cigarette directly.

A long silence followed.The two didn't talk about future arrangements or anything like that, and they didn't have any romantic conversations. They just left contact information with each other while sharing the silence, and foreshadowed the long-term underground relationship in the future that was doomed to never see the light of day.

Until the smoke in the room gradually dissipated, Maynard glanced at the clock on the wall, and began to pick up the scattered clothes and put them on. "I have to go," he whispered.

Perhaps it was because the room temperature had returned to a normal state, and the emotional tide that surged last night also quietly receded.The bare skin was quickly covered by appropriate warm clothes to insulate from the early morning chill.Theodore looked at the back of Maynard who was dressed in an orderly manner, and finally did not say the phrase "I will take you back".

Not long after that, Maynard followed the arrangement of his superiors and began his life as a national civil servant.First I went to Chicago to participate in trivial and complicated grassroots work, and it was not long before I was transferred to San Francisco, California, and then Los Angeles.Theodore remained at the Quantico base in Virginia—the two happened to be on the east and west coasts of the United States, living separately across the vast land.

Maynard is originally from Norfolk, Virginia.On the rare days of going home to celebrate festivals throughout the year, sometimes he would take the time to contact Theodore—it was a connection, but the actual content was no different from that night.The place where they directly make an appointment to meet—mostly at Theodore’s residence, and get straight to the point—the only difference is the time and place of each sexual appointment.

Without the shackles of the relationship between teachers and students, coupled with the working level and ability capital that have been promoted all the way, when facing Theodore, Maynard gradually no longer maintains a subconsciously low profile as in the past, as if always using the most efficient way of harming the other party and oneself at the same time.Whether it's simple and concise words, or the sophisticated and sexy subtle interaction like a spy movie, just as the country they are in is gradually taking off the hypocritical cloak whitewashed with humanitarian lofty hopes, the cold and cruel nature is revealed step by step.And they chose to maintain the status quo.

This monotonous and hidden relationship continued until the first Christmas after the millennium.

Maynard sat on Theodore, with his head raised, his favorite Winston cigarette still dangling from his mouth, his eyes were facing the ceiling, and his vision was only a smoky, fuzzy blurred focus.

When the cigarette was about to go out, Maynard bent down directly and pressed the cigarette into the ashtray not far above Theodore's obliquely.Theodore's strong hands were still supporting his waist, and he moved casually from time to time.

Although the two may appear to be in a state of extreme apathy, it must be admitted that they are mutually convinced that the other is the most ideal object they can find when the fire of desire is kindled.This may explain why Maynard often goes to the bar to relieve stress, but always sits in the corner of the bar staring at the whole cabinet of famous wine in a daze, and is unwilling to sleep with any strange love object.

Maynard began to feel that such a somewhat sick relationship could not last long.No matter what kind of personal relationship, once it gets involved with business, the consequences will be unimaginable.He had his own business and emotional needs, and so did Theodore.But the solution doesn't necessarily have to be a simple and rude break-up—Maynard suddenly wants to talk to Theodore about more in-depth topics.For example, "Should we reposition our relationship?", For example, "Break up completely or have a formal relationship", For example, there are more sayings he can think of.Say nothing at most, maintain the status quo, and see if the deadlock will automatically break down.

Ironically, however, Theodore didn't give him the chance.

Just before Maynard was about to speak, Theodore suddenly said: "I resign from the academy and officially bid farewell to the FBI system."

Maynard froze.The expression on his face ranged from disbelief to suppressed anger, and he didn't say a word.After half a minute, he muttered to himself: "You didn't come to discuss with me."

Theodore smiled bitterly, explaining the reason seemed to be his greatest kindness: "There are some problems in the FBI, the Department of Justice, and even this country, and I have found other ways to help solve the problems."

Such a hint was specific enough, and Maynard felt that he could find a suitable place to commit suicide if he couldn't understand Theodore's meaning.

The joy and comfort brought by physical entanglement seemed to be frozen at this moment. At this moment, Maynard could only feel the coldness from the depths of his soul. Strategy now looks like a complete collection of bad jokes.

Maynard is less hopeful of a bright future for herself.

So, when Theodore started his security consultancy and stepped away from his life, Maynard said nothing, even though the only communication between the two was a brief meeting in bed.

"I'm not going to involve you in these things any more than you've got nothing to do with me," said Theodore.

——I've been involved in the Sotopia affair, but I won't tell you.

Not long after the Yinbao incident, Maynard, who had become the head of the special office, thought so, but he just said coldly, "Never sell state secrets under any circumstances."The sentimental thoughts that existed for a moment, the unspoken words, the undercurrent surging emotions that cannot be conveyed, have disappeared in the repeated restrained silence.

The 2009 LA reunion won't be the last straw on the camel's back, either.

Maynard's adherence to departmental institutional rules was almost insane, and even more so after Theodore's stay at his home.He didn't have the habit of taking his work away from the office area—partly because of intelligence confidentiality, and partly because of work efficiency.During this period of time, knowing that Theodore was not interested in it, Maynard was still almost pathologically unwilling to take back even half a piece of extra paper.

Anyway, Theodore would not care about this small problem.

Sensitive issues related to emotions and personal pursuits were shelved indefinitely, but the solution to physical needs followed the conventional path.Only one night, what Theodore opened was not a drawer containing some daily consumables, but a retro phonograph that Maynard bought a few years ago because of its beautiful appearance, but rarely used it.

It was a classic waltz.

Maynard, who hadn't changed his suit yet, glanced at the packed suitcase next to him, and probably understood the reason.

Theodore, who was dressed formally, came to him, and the gentleman's gesture seemed to invite him to dance.

"I won't." Maynard replied stiffly.In fact, he will, although only a little.

"It's okay, and I won't either." Theodore's ability to open his eyes and tell lies is obviously much stronger. Apart from the habitual gentleness in his sincere eyes, something more mellow is brewing.

Just like that drunken night many years ago, Maynard did not refuse Theodore's invitation.Two middle-aged men in full suits are just waltzing slowly to waltz in the spacious living room. The dance steps are too standard but the soft beauty of the dance is lost. Behind the black humorous picture is a wider sense of helplessness and sadness.

Theodore's arms wrapped around Maynard's waist, guiding him in an elegant and restrained twirl.In the second half of the dance music, Theodore leaned into Maynard's ear and whispered, "I'm leaving tomorrow."

Maynard felt that his throat was congested, and the deep pain that had been brewing for 15 years exploded in the bottom of his heart.He wanted to say something, but the words were like jumbled parts, so difficult to assemble: "I used to think—"

Theodore suddenly lowered his head and kissed him, and this was the first time they had kissed.

The gramophone was still working, but they had stopped.

Maynard closed his eyes, and his voice trembled when he spoke: "Do you really have no second plan?"

"If I could have another life, I would have made a different choice. Unfortunately, I don't have one." Theodore's voice was full of regret.

Waking up in his own bed the next morning, Maynard found nothing but a hangover headache and Theodore's discomfort.

Theodore was away, but the luggage had not been taken.

Maynard guessed that Theodore might have gone out temporarily to solve the last business in Los Angeles, and he would come back soon to pick up his luggage and leave.Maynard didn't plan to delay his daily schedule for this-he hired a temporary driver and went to work at the FBI local bureau as usual.

Around one o'clock in the afternoon, Maynard's phone on his desk vibrated, and an unsigned message popped in front of his eyes.

——I'm downstairs from you.

Maynard turned and looked down at the street outside the building.

He did see Theodore.

The man that Maynard hated and couldn't let go of was standing downstairs, with a relaxed expression, and even blew him a kiss from the air, as if he was about to say goodbye at all.

Maynard pursed his lips.As if venting his anger, he took out a black marker pen from the drawer and wrote a line of words on the glass window.Capitalize, bold.

- Go to hell (GOTOHELL).

Across the distance from the fourth floor of the building to the sidewalk outside, Maynard saw Theodore smiling and waving goodbye to him, then got into the car, and quickly drove away from his sight, as if he had never appeared in the first place in Los Angeles.

He won't take me because I never expected him to.

In the final week of 2009, Theodore bid farewell to Maynard again, and Maynard lost Theodore again.