【Si Pu】A study of the love and death of Apollo

If you can't forgive, just let go of my hand

13.

Yu Musi stood quietly on the balcony for a few moments, then suddenly raised his hand and slapped himself mercilessly.The cheeks were swollen, the tongue was numb, and a trace of blood flowed from the corner of the mouth.

He knows what he's doing, he's sober.

In the state of slurred speech after being violent, he called the police.

"...I was scared, I watched my mother push that uncle down the stairs...I was really scared. Mom said go out and buy me ice cream, but I was really afraid that she would kill me..."

Obviously there is still an indifferent smile on his face, but the words and sentences that come out of his mouth are so sincere, they are as pitiful as a little lamb waiting to be slaughtered.If you don't see his expression, just listen to this tone, you will be able to discover the flickering conscience and compassion of all life.

"Little friend, is it convenient to leave your name?" The teeth trembling in extreme fear, the ambiguous whimper of the child aroused the strong sympathy of the operator on the other end of the phone.

"My name is Apu...Yumupu."

"Okay, little Apu. Now tell me where you live, and the name of your guardian, will you?"

"I dare not... help... her! She's back!"

Then hung up the phone with a terrified scream.

So what if there is an alibi, so what if the facts are, if you want to be honest about why your child killed someone, you must tell about your own dark and dirty deeds.

At that time, who will believe the crazy words of a woman whose mental state is questionable.

While the society brutalizes young children unscrupulously, it regards young children as the inviolable gods of vulnerable groups.

As long as you take advantage of this and pretend to be a victim, you can't be hurt by anyone.

Besides, he has already practiced this.

Yukiji turned his head, with a cruel smile still on his face, as if he had just finished an interesting prank, but he was facing a pair of wet and clear black eyes.

Yumupu didn't know how long he had been awake, but he just stood behind him.The light cuts his face clearly, his pupils are shaken, everything that is worthy of forgiveness in the world has been touched by the broad brown, concern and another deeper emotion are tearing apart, so that for a while he She couldn't show any other expressions, and couldn't speak.

He saw the man take off his pants to his younger brother, also witnessed the moment Asi pushed him down, and even witnessed him beating himself violently, and then calling the police station.

If it was in the past, Yumu Pu would have rushed up immediately after seeing these things, confirmed his brother's safety, and protected him behind him.But something stopped him from doing so.

Seeing the smile on his younger brother's face when he turned around, it was the same as the morning he killed the crow, and he belatedly understood what was between them.

A sense of disobedience that spread and grew silently, and the seeds of fear buried in my heart without knowing when.

The rudiment of fear may have been born earlier than he imagined. It began with the corpse, blood, and pieces of flesh in an early morning, with his outstretched hands, and with the smile on his face that could make the patrolling angels stop and watch.

The flickering moonlight outside the window fell on the thin body in front of him, casting a light and broken shadow. Asi hid in it, looking at his brother with a natural and innocent look.

He said, Apu, I didn't mean it, I just don't want to be hurt again.

Exactly the same excuse as the day when he killed the crow.

But he just didn't want to be hurt again.Yumu Pu chewed on this sentence repeatedly, he just didn't want to be hurt again, do you understand, even if he becomes a monster, he is still your brother, and you pushed him into the abyss with your own hands.

Anyone can say that Yukiji is sick, but you are not qualified. It is you who caused him to become like this, and you must be responsible to him.

"Ace, come here."

Hearing this, Yukiji almost couldn't wait to rush to his brother, copying and pasting the scene in the early morning, but Yumupu hesitated to open his arms—even so, he hugged his brother.

The body lying in his arms was trembling slightly, and the crest of his neck was wet by something.

"Brother... don't leave me. I love you..."

Teak Pu closed his eyes, his eyelashes trembling like dying butterfly wings.

In the end, I responded with an almost desperate tone, I love you too.

14.

The case ended faster than they imagined. After the simple transcripts and evidence collection, the fact that the murderer was the crazy mother was settled. She was quickly sent to a mental hospital with strict supervision. Did not see above.

Custody again falls to the father.

When I led them out of that dark and painful room, the sunshine was too good, and the wind was like the hands embracing a newborn baby. They were gentle, anxious and cautious, and the road ahead was bright.It seems that there is still hope for everything, and everything can be saved.

But Yumupu's eyes were darker than the pubic lice growing in the corner.

After realizing how dirty his father's pious skin was hiding, Yu Mupu now rejects all physical contact.He broke free from his father's hand without a trace, and grabbed his younger brother instead. Asi looked at him sideways and smiled with straight white teeth.

His usual smile made his mood a little better.Even after being hurt so much, the younger brother will still smile at himself undefended, even if there is a majestic morbidity buried under this innocent appearance, Yuki is always his younger brother, and it is he who wants to protected child.

He won't let go of Yukiji's hand again.

Even if he did those deeds instead of him, even if he needed to bow his head, even if he was likely to kill someone instead of his younger brother and spend the rest of his life in prison, he would never leave his younger brother alone.

Even if it means going to hell, let me go for you.

The first two weeks were very peaceful. The man quarreled with Xuxian's wife because of the issue of raising two children. In the end, they broke up and returned to the lonely family.He treated the two children who had been violently treated very gently, mixed with a trace of imperceptible caution.The two brothers bump into each other to wash and dress, and their elbows often bump into each other. Men who go out early and come back late will not prepare breakfast for them, but they will leave a lot of pocket money. Usually there are only two brothers in this room, and they use silence to dig out the space. Canned meat and quick-frozen bento, went to school together, and went to sleep.

It seems to be a normal single-parent family life.But Yumupu knows that the more calm the water surface, the deeper the darkness that sleeps.Occasionally, he could hear the darkness about to move, like a sledgehammer hitting the surface of the water, making a splashing sound.

Sometimes when he was about to wake up from sleep, he felt a person slowly approaching him, reaching out to unbutton his shirt and pants, and rubbing his body back and forth with a gesture of extreme desire, fingers on the buttocks and hips Swimming between.

He thought that sooner or later he would open his eyes and stab the heart of this shadow.

He even stole the kitchen knife at home, wrapped it up and kept it close to him, and never left it.

Yumupu knew that sooner or later he would use this knife to kill others or himself.

As long as he can use it to protect his younger brother.

The news of Apollo 11's moon landing was broadcast through loudspeakers in the streets and alleys. Passers-by, classmates, and even teachers carried newspapers with the headline "Aerospace News" under their armpits.But he, who should be the most excited about the news, tore up all the planetary posters and moon landing notes he had collected one by one in a sticky dusk.The pieces of paper were scattered on the ground, like broken hope bubbling blood, also like the darkness at the bottom of the lake hitting the water surface, more like the burnt Apollo 7, which was ruthlessly buried in the raging fire before it could take off among.

He has decided not to go anywhere.

He has decided to protect his brother.

But why is he still crying?Crying until his eyelids were as bitter and salty as a salt marsh, crying so hard that he couldn't speak clearly, crying so hard that he almost laughed at himself for being cowardly, but the tears still couldn't stop, he had never seen so many tears, It gushes out like a gushing spring, with such force that it makes him feel that he has exhausted 70.00% of the water in his body.

He killed his own ideals with his own hands.

He killed his past self with his own hands.

He personally killed the disgustingly hopeful version of himself who thought he could save something.

It seems to be a promised commandment in the dark.On that day, Yumu Pu saw the fireworks blooming high and heard the silence of all horses. The whole world celebrated the feat of astronomy, and everyone fell into a dream full of hope.But he ruined his dream, floating in the world like a wandering spirit, and the joy of passing by was incompatible with him.

It's just that the crescent moon above the head is waxing and waning, and the clear light is so graceful that people can't sleep well.

He pushed open the door on another full moon night, and finally saw the scene that he had sketched and suspected countless times in his mind. Compared with the pain, he felt more relieved when the dust settled.

Holding the handle of the knife, he slowly approached the man who was trying to subdue Asi in the darkness.

He is the brother, the victim, the potential Oedipus, the martyr of an unjust fate.

As an older brother, he must protect his younger brother; as a victim, he must seek justice for himself; as Oedipus, he will follow his fate to kill his father; as a martyr, he is always ready to sacrifice.

Let me do it for you with the blood on your hands.

When his father tightly strangled Asi's neck and had no time to take care of the surrounding situation, Yumu Pu finally walked behind him.

Lifting the kitchen knife took less force than he had imagined.

"It's better for you to bathe in the moonlight more."

Shoulder blades protruding like butterfly wings, Heifetz's piano sound, he doesn't understand why the two have something in common, just like he doesn't understand why sadness and joy are so sharp in Spanish dance music.

The moment it was stabbed down, a transparent phantom appeared in front of his eyes.Yu Pu saw Yu Musi in a short memory, the short hair of the twin brother was entwined in the wind, like the twisted limbs of a millipede.

"Only by moonlight can creatures escape the curse of life."

The backlit mosaic blurred Yukiji's facial features, only the smile at the corner of his lips pierced through the haze and hit Yukipu's retina.

"Don't Apu love me the most, then you will kiss me, let me kiss you."

The world is upside down, and there are nine twists and eighteen bends in the mouth of Mother Goose.

The misfortune of life is the misfortune of death, a dream to the degree of chocolate.

He will remember it as a promise.

"Apu...I really love you."

The sound of the blade sinking into the flesh.

Immediately, his father, an authority that could not be resisted but could be killed, lost his strength like an umbrella with its skeleton removed.The man's head kept spitting out black liquid, his lower lip was dripping with blood, his white pupils opened slightly, and he collapsed down.

boom--

As the sound sounded, the spinal nerves soaked up pleasure like branches and leaves stretched.

boom--

The moonlight is so dazzling.Under the vast moonlight, my father finally escaped the curse of life.

boom--

Saliva flowed from both sides of the base of the tongue, the black bitter potion I drank on the day when I had the worst fever when I was young.

boom--

Yumupu saw his father's face clearly again.

Described as desolate, the whole person is lifeless, but a series of low-pitched laughter erupted in a flash of light.

"You don't understand...you'll regret it...I wanted to protect you..."

The man raised his hand weakly, but instead of attacking, he handed a stack of papers to Yumupu.

There is a sense of disobedience, and there are vaguely some fragments that cannot be put together.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the younger brother who was restrained just now, his face darkened, and he stretched out his hand to snatch it.

The body reacted before consciousness, and he grabbed the stack of papers.

The psychological test report was written in bold and bold on it.The subject column is filled with a name that is only one letter away from myself.

—He is deformed.Unsympathetic, good at self-framing, reveling in the Electra complex, and having reproductive desires for his brother.Has not suffered any violations, has a certain degree of delusional plot and violent desire, hates his parents, and always plans to kill——

—the paper was snatched.

But the most important piece of the puzzle has fallen into place.

Light returns to light, darkness returns to darkness, and among the fragmented shadows, things begin to return to their original nothingness.

The previously vigorous sense of disobedience finally got the answer it deserved.

The mother said that the father was using Ah Si to make money in order to support his new daughter.However, his recent life made him discover that after his father remarried, he had no children.

The so-called irrefutable truth in that woman's mouth.

Tsukasa Yuki was tied to the chair in an unmovable posture.

The police call said that his name was Apu's younger brother.

The crow and the man died before they could argue.

Salivating eyes behind him.

The fingers that linger on the body at night.

I love you.

One by one, the conspiracy suddenly surfaced.

Eliminate all impossible answers, and the last one, no matter how implausible, is the ironclad truth.

——There has never been any prostitution, there has never been any abuse, there has never been any shadow, and there has never been any harm.

The silent air turned into a sharp knife to cut open the texture of the heart, and he felt his eyes hurt so much that some hypocritical liquid almost flowed out.But his tears had been dried up a few days ago, so nothing came out.

All the missed signals, such as erosion, such as gnawing, will eventually be infinitely expanded into mistakes that cannot be forgiven.

"why."

Yumu Pu suddenly began to hate the damn rationality, obviously thinking that it would be fine to just collapse like this, but his brain is still functioning normally, it does not allow him to collapse, does not allow him to be sad, and even urges him to ask a question Explain, seek peace of mind for yourself.

Tell me, tell me you were forced, everything was fake, tell me I didn't kill the wrong person.

Knowing that everything was irreversible, Yuki still raised his face, smiling with crooked brows and eyes, like toffee froth floating on the coffee, with an innocent expression that made people unbearable.

"Because I love you."

The truth is jagged, a bloody gash when it touches it.

These few words were like the knife in his hand, piercing into his body fiercely, before the pain could be felt, the second half of the sentence was already suppressed.

"Apu can still choose to believe that I'm a good boy. Why do you have to know the truth? Isn't it good that our two brothers can continue to love each other like this? A Si has worked hard for this day for a long time, and finally got rid of all obstacles. The one who made you mine. They're all taking away the love you gave me, that's why I did it, I just want my brother to love me only."

He saw Asi's mouth open and close, but he couldn't hear what else he said.

The world darkened, darkened, until the body, the blood, the bones, and the deepest part of the soul.

Yu Mupu raised his right hand, and he could still see blood seeping out from between his fingers, dripping down.In a trance, he thought it was coming from his own heart. There was a big hole in his chest, and the pain couldn't be stopped.

The past and the future disappeared together, and the Ming Dynasty was swallowed up by tonight.

Everything is irreparable.

The moonlight as white as paper cut through the sky, watching everything in the world with a completely indifferent attitude, and the dark night was poked with small gaps.Teak Pu heard the bell strike twelve times, and it was another new day.

It's Yuki Division and his own birthday.

"The promised gift, brother, don't play tricks."

Even though he felt that the body in front of him was full of cracks and would shatter if he touched it, Yuki still leaned over and kissed his trembling lips like paper blades.

At the same time, he held his elder brother's hand and pushed the kitchen knife inserted into his father's body an inch deeper.

00.

きみをあいしていたけけなの、あなたもそうでしょう

FIN.