【Si Pu】A study of the love and death of Apollo

As if being led by something, at this moment there are also people with hatred in their eyes, standing beside hope

08.

Freud said that a woman has an original desire to love a man, and a woman without a husband will fall in love with her son.When Yumupu saw this sentence, he just thought it was funny——didn't that woman start abusing herself just because she looked too much like her father?

Although he occasionally felt that the mother who cried all day long and could only vent her grievances on herself loved him, now the mother who always punched and kicked him also loved him, even though this love came in a bloody storm, distorted into vomit and pus Water texture.He will still remember that when he was four years old, he heard that he liked stars, and the woman who sold her precious necklace to buy him an astronomical telescope smiled as beautifully as she did in the wedding photo.

So he simply tolerated his mother's hatred. He knew that the scars that appeared on his body were grievances on behalf of his mother, because I was born to be your child, and you planted a cause on me, and I will bear your fruit .He doesn't complain, he doesn't fight, he doesn't get angry.

The mother in her childhood was as gentle and beautiful as Yamato Nadeko, exuding a confident and protective posture like a hen. She protected a family under her wings, but she found that she could not protect anything At that time, the feathers began to wither.The face also gradually evolved into a lewd appearance that men like, and the gentleness has also turned into a brazen love that greets you at the door.At the beginning, he could understand that it was understandable for a woman to raise an oil bottle by herself, and it was understandable to use her appearance to make a profit, but even so, the man next to his mother was changed a little too frequently.

He didn't expect things to slip to this point.

It wasn't until now that he realized that this old man who had been criticized by the psychology community for several years was really fucking truth.

Night came early, faster than the slow gray light on the only window in the house.

After returning home, Yu Mupu saw two naked people convulsing like fish with white bellies, and the supreme pleasure made them make weird sounds like birds of paradise.

It has become commonplace.But obviously today's sexせいlove has ulterior motives.

Without even going any further, he saw his brother strapped to a chair that couldn't have been closer to the man and woman on the bed.And the woman riding on another naked body turned her head openly and looked at her own son, which seemed to be a provocation or a demonstration.

The curved surface of her lips moved up and down quietly, probably saying something, but he couldn't hear anything clearly from just now.He doesn't even feel anger or pain, it may be that these two emotions have reached the extreme, but he feels numb.

The whole world slowly descended and darkened, and all he could see in it was Asi's eyes—in such an ugly place, those eyes were unusually bright, and those vague smog or dust couldn't make it clear. The radiance of these eyes obscured and engulfed, like the eternal star, like the lamp that pilots the sponge.

He couldn't read the emotion in his brother's eyes, but at least the eyes hadn't lost their color.

He also had no idea what this woman was trying to do.

In this way, with great numbness and great patience, he walked over to untie the rope on his brother.

The woman didn't stop him.Just with a full smile, she stretched out a charming and flawless hand to hold down the man who was moving on the bed.That smile is sly and beautiful, like a spike wedged in the body.In a trance, Teak Pu thought he saw family photos from before the age of four.

"Apu, I specially asked your brother to come over today to talk about some family affairs."

Teak Pu has no sense of humor, but the situation still makes some Soviet sarcastic jokes come to his mind.Housework, family affairs are discussed in bed.But it was obviously not funny, the heating should not be turned on in the room, that's why he felt cold, the old-fashioned light bulb above his head jumped a few sparks, and an ominous black shrouded the four-and-a-half-fold room.

"I think that I have paid so much for you, it's time to ask for a little reward."

The woman wiped off the cloudy liquid on her body with a napkin, and her delicate snow-white body was shamelessly exposed in front of her own child—even at this moment, Teak Pu had to admit that this woman was so beautiful, beautiful You can't move your eyes away.Her well-shaped lips like water chestnuts are greasy, the color of maroon, the color of sexual organs.

"Have you seen the scar on my stomach? It was branded for giving birth to you. This scar will follow me for the rest of my life. And here, it will never close again."

The hideous smell of heather was invading.

He saw his mother spread her legs toward him and his brother, like a crocodile opening its jaws.In a thick swamp of black hair, the woman is revealing her most intimate part to her twin sons.

Yumupu couldn't help but clenched his younger brother's hand, but didn't dare to turn around to confirm his expression.

And the other man just watched all this, and the playfulness in his eyes is worth pondering carefully.Yu Mupu had an impression of this face, so he didn't bother to be surprised. His mother hadn't changed candidates this winter.

He suddenly felt the presence of his heart, liver, spleen and lungs as they all began to shift.

"From the moment you were born, you have taken away the love that should belong to me. Sometimes I hate myself why I couldn't strangle you earlier. But because of Mr. Saeki's enlightenment, I finally understand. You will one day be Will grow into a man, as striking and handsome as your father, and completely belong to my man. So, I gave up killing you."

In psychology, this abnormal phenomenon is called "empathy". Yumu Pu was surprised that she still had the energy to analyze it. Her mother's "love" was beyond her capacity, and beatings and insults were no longer enough for her to express her "love". This woman found found a new way of catharsis-that is, creating a lover between the two brothers.

"The umbilical cord between us will never be cut. It will bind us together for the rest of our lives. If any of you try to leave me, I will take everything from you."

"Let's make a choice, Mr. Saeki wants more rewards, and I don't want to make it easy for only one of you brothers."

"Apu." Mother, maybe she is no longer worthy of being called that, the woman burst into a perfect smile, "Don't think that if that man takes Asi away, this matter is over."

09.

Teak Pu could occasionally recall a quarrel between his parents before their divorce.At that time, the younger brother Asi was obviously the more likable child, but at the moment when the family fell apart, both of them actually chose to have themselves.

To be honest, Yuki is a perfect child, and the flaws are well covered up by Yuki.He has good grades, a well-behaved personality, can always say something to please adults, and sits quietly when he is not needed.It can be said that he is the doll that adults most want to have. They can be shown off when needed, and they can be thrown aside when not needed without feeling guilty.

Compared with his younger brother, he is much more gloomy and dull, his grades are pushed to the middle by his deliberate distraction, his personality is not outstanding, and he often makes adults angry. The amount of candy the two brothers get is never the same, but Asi always Each time will be divided equally with myself.In his world, the younger brother of the twins is the red giant star Antares, and he is his companion star.However, when he pointed out Scorpio to Asi, the child swore that he was his brother's companion star.Such unreasonable trust and admiration makes Yu Pu, who sometimes feels inferior because of his brotherly relationship, at a loss.What a wonderful boy Ash is.

So he still doesn't understand what his parents were insisting on at the time.Anyone with a discerning eye knows who is the best choice, but his father pulled him aside that afternoon.The heat was steaming, blowing on his father's face, making him unable to see the other's facial features clearly. The faucet in the mop pool was not closed tightly, and it was smashed into the swollen day.

Apu, go with Dad, I will give you the best life.

The correct answer was obvious, but he hesitated for no reason.

In the end he chose to let that man take Asi away.

The moment the door closed in front of him, he saw that the only person looking back was his younger brother, and the crack in the door squeezed his beautiful eyes a little out of shape.It seemed that the water in the mop pool hadn't finished dripping, and it trickled into his body along the ear canal, that's why his heart felt like drowning.

And now he had to make another choice.

He almost hated this good couple, always giving him the right to choose at such junctures.

"...Aren't you afraid that Dad will know?"

In the end, he could only move out another equivalent existence. He suddenly found that he had nowhere to go, and his age did not increase his bargaining chips. He still didn't dare to speak loudly when confronting his mother.

How difficult it is for minors to play games with adults. He saw his mother's shadow spread on the wall, so huge that he could easily overwhelm him.For no reason, I remembered that the primary school teacher taught them to recognize words, こども, child, what does it mean, "You can do whatever you want to them."

Even if it means castrating their lives.

"Father? It's funny, don't you two brothers have a very good relationship, and Asi didn't tell you." The woman stretched out her soft and boneless hand to caress his face, her movements were full of tenderness.But the words that came out of her lips were so cold, "That good father has been sending Asi to sell in order to make money to support his new daughter."

The truth is jagged, a bloody gash when it touches it.

The fingers were clasped too tightly, the wound from yesterday's beating cracked again, and a thin layer of red soaked through the gauze.

He wanted to cover his ears, but found that he didn't even have the strength to raise his hand.

The woman's rant continued odiously.

"...It's been almost a year, because the buyer likes children, and he even specially found growth-inhibiting drugs for your brother. He even took a photo, do you want to see, he twisted so terribly in front of those people It’s so beautiful, it makes me bow down.”

What a cunning species adults are, they know how easy it is to destroy a child by giving his pain and sorrow a sexual tinge.As long as behavior is linked to dirty words, moaning can be twisted into screaming, tears can be twisted into longing, escape can be twisted into seduction, his existence is a mistake.The toddler is Lolita, the siren of ignorance, a delicacy equated with the forbidden fruit.

He originally thought that he was the only one who was beaten because he was a bad boy.

He thought he could at least protect something.Even just a little bit.

Did he choose wrongly? Was it because he shouldn't have let his younger brother go with his father?That man clearly said that he would give people the best life, that's why he broke away from his younger brother holding his hand——

——Is that why, from that day on, you didn't want to call me brother?

He looked back in disbelief at his younger brother who was being led by him, and what was surprising was that Yuki was also looking at him.The moment he met his gaze, a smile slowly appeared on Asi's expressionless face, as beautiful as a butterfly dying of life, as if the protagonist in those insulting words was not himself, as if he had never experienced anything, and he was still raped by his brother. The beloved little brother is a treasure held in the palm of an adult.

In a trance, he heard the sound of water droplets in that winter again. There were lies, flesh and blood, and mirages in the water.

When he came back to his senses, he realized that it was not an illusion, but that the liquid flowed from his eyes.

His body had been smashed to pieces, only a layer of skin remained, and he couldn't say anything, for fear that when he opened his mouth, what he spit out was not words, but twisted internal organs.

For no reason, he thought that the moment when Apollo 7 exploded, it must have been as gorgeous as fireworks, the flames splashed everywhere, every brief burning was blood dripping out, and every tiny ray of light was cut flesh , At the same time, I finally know what the demise of a spaceship full of hope means.

It was a kind of despair.

TBC.