Being-Towards-Death

It seems that after drinking, it seems that I am waking up from a dream.

Shi Guyuan sank and floated dimly in the smelly river water, letting the aquatic plants wrap around his limbs.There was an irregular bright yellow figure floating on the water surface, and he realized that he was looking at the world from the perspective of a fish—the moon in the fish’s eyes had thorns, and objects changed into strange shapes through the refraction of the water, forming an arrogance and falseness to the land under the water. speculation.

There was such a strong flash of thought that he wished he was a fish, stopped by the grotesque shore due to misunderstanding, quietly gave up evolution, swung the fish tail, rubbed shoulders with his legs, returned to the dark seabed, and forgot about the neon.Death is no longer horrifying without comparison.

Suddenly his waist tightened, and the water plants on his ankles were pulled out by the roots; Shi Guyuan squinted his eyes, his torso was surrounded by warm human body, and the next second, fresh and clear air broke into his nasal cavity, and the speed almost rubbed out of his chest. A raging fire burned his internal organs to death.

The wet clothes were tightly stuck to the skin, revealing the true weight underneath; Chi Yu easily carried Shi Guyuan up to the riverbank, and the two of them collapsed together, their hands and feet entangled, and their ears and temples rubbed together; Chi Yu got up and pushed Shi Guyuan away Wet hair, revealing closed eyes.Chi Yu slapped his face anxiously: "Gu Yuan, Gu Yuan!"

Shi Guyuan remained motionless, Chi Yu knelt on the ground, pressed his heart, and gave him artificial respiration, his words gradually became crying: "Shi Guyuan, you can't die, you can't... Wake up! Wake up!"

There were several layers of people around, pointing and discussing; Chi Yu shouted in despair with a hoarse voice: "Ambulance, call an ambulance..."

Suddenly Shi Guyuan bounced like a fish out of water, coughed up a few sips of water, and regained his consciousness; Chi Yu hugged him like a child hugging a candy jar tightly, and he sniffed the mixed algae on Shi Guyuan's body With the smell of mud, tears poured down, repeated upside down: "I choose you, I choose you, I don't want anything, I just want you to be well..."

Shi Guyuan supported the ground with one hand and pressed his abdomen with the other. He leaned forward and folded in half, feeling cold all over his body; after a long while, he gently pushed Chi Yu away, and barely stood up without saying a word.It was already dark, and under the street lamp, his crooked body was like a dead tree; Chi Yu hurriedly got up, reached out to help, Shi Guyuan walked around him, and staggered forward.

In fact, he has no direction, he just shouldn't stay where he is, and here is all the dignity he left behind.He knew even better that from the moment he threw away the portfolio, he was wrong.What a person says in a crisis is either the truth, or the situation forces him to go against his will.He had said at the beginning that the relationship between them was all in the hands of Chi Yu, but now he jumped the wall in a hurry, revealing his true colors, how did Chi Yu think of him?

The water-soaked wound was like sprinkled with salt, which made him flustered; the road ahead had no end, and he could keep running forward.But he didn't take two steps, the world was spinning for a while, the heavens and the earth were adjusted, he pressed his abdomen, and he fell to the ground, unable to lift the slightest strength; the gauze seemed to grow into the flesh, and all the sense organs gave out more and more pain signal of.

"Guyuan—!"

Chi Yu caught up, knelt down and held Shi Guyuan in his arms, and inspected it inch by inch; until he found the part that he couldn't help but hide in the depths, he pulled Shi Guyuan's hand away forcefully, pulled up his clothes, and squeezed into a strip Horizontal gauze, and unavoidable, whitish cracks.

Chi Yu stared blankly, his whole body seemed to be anesthetized, stiff and unable to move; the open flesh was like a child's mouth, mocking his incompetence.

Shi Guyuan's forehead was covered with cold sweat, he pulled off his clothes in a last resort, and subconsciously said, "It's all right."

Can't wait for the ambulance.Chi Yu's eyes were red, without saying a word, he hugged Shi Guyuan horizontally, and rushed out of the crowd; losing the buoyancy of the water, he could bear Shi Guyuan's weight with ease; In the middle, kissed Shi Guyuan's eyes as if no one else was there, and murmured: "I choose you, I have decided, I choose you..."

............................................................

Leaving the teahouse, Zheng Zhichu received a call from He Tongzhou, saying that the three brothers hadn't been together for a long time, and asked him to come to the Jinlou to get together. It happened that Dai Chenming had something to tell him; the last sentence successfully pushed Zheng Zhichu away. Refusing to choke back into his throat.

Zheng Zhichu rushed to the private room, and from a long distance away, he heard Dai Chenming screaming and howling, he opened the door and went in to see that the room was full of men and women, full of smoke; He Tongzhou was drinking with his girlfriend in a corner.

Zheng Zhichu got angry, grabbed Dai Chenming's microphone, turned off the sound, and yelled into the microphone: "Fuck you, I'm too busy to touch the ground, I only came here because you said something, what the hell are you calling me?" Is something wrong?"

The reverberation surrounds the beam, and the room is silent, only the characters on the screen are still twisting innocently; Dai Chenming picked his nose, popped it out, and said: "You are so angry, so if you don't come, we will just stare at you." Eyes waiting for you?"

"Fart your mother, you boy—"

"Okay, Zheng Er, don't take it out on your buddies if you make troubles."

He Tongzhou sent away the young master princess, lit a cigarette for Zheng Zhichu, and jokingly said, "You'll have to punish yourself three times in a while, how many times have you been told to come out and you won't come out, the spectrum is quite big."

Dai Chenming "cut": "Him? Jinwu Zangjiaozang is addicted, I don't want to leave."

Zheng Zhichu frowned and said, "Can you fucking speak human language, have you taken gunpowder? You are so yin and yang."

Dai Chenming became even more angry: "Zheng Zhichu, do you think of me as a brother, huh? If Lao He hadn't told me, I would have been kept in the dark! If you want to go to Shiguyuan, go there, it's just for fun, we Why can’t I look down on you? I’m like a thief every day, covering up, do you think I’m covering up!”

"You're quite honorable, aren't you? Don't listen to old He's nonsense!" After Zheng Zhichu finished cursing, he turned his finger on He Tongzhou: "Old He, you fucking old woman, what are you talking about?"

He Tongzhou spread his hands together: "Don't wrong the wrong person, I'm doing it for your own good. I heard some rumors and asked Er Ming to go and find out. I don't understand why he won't go."

Zheng Zhichu took a few sips of beer and asked, "What's the matter?"

"That day my dad and I went to Hengyu to meet the charitable donations organized by the government, and we met Liu Mian there. When I came back, my dad told me that Hengyu is actively contacting the city government and wants to build a joint venture with the city government. Resplendent."

Zheng Zhichu immediately retorted: "Impossible, Tang Jun is sick, and if he has a joint venture with the government, can he still have his oil and water? I am not hurting anyone. Just now, Tang Jun dragged me and asked me to use it in the name of Teng Kong. It will be resplendent and resplendent together with Hengyu."

Dai Chenming interjected: "Why not? I've finished asking for you. My dad said that tens of thousands of employees must not be vacated because of changes in the top management. Do you understand what that means? If Shi Guyuan is done playing, vacate It's about to be taken back to the country, so you can be more careful, Lao He and I told you secretly, don't sell us two."

Zheng Zhichu slumped on the sofa and kicked over the high stool next to him: "Fuck it, a bunch of vampires! You bastards!"

Dai Chenming said: "That's what I'm looking for, how about it, is this trip worth it?"

Zheng Zhichu held back his anger and rolled his eyes at him, because he was in a rage, so he didn't bother to talk nonsense with him.Who knows that Dai Chenming doesn't understand color, so he sang all the way forward: "Okay, it's up to you to talk about it, what's the matter between you and Shi Guyuan?" He said, winking, with a wretched expression, "Is that over?"

"Can you shut up?" Zheng Zhichu said impatiently, "Shi Guyuan is dying in the hospital now, do I have that mood!"

He Tongzhou said suddenly: "Zheng Er, are you serious?"

Zheng Zhichu drank beer without saying a word; Dai Chenming's eyes widened, and he jumped up as if he had discovered a new world: "Fuck, brother Zheng, are you serious? Brother looks at you with admiration!"

He Tongzhou said: "I kindly advise you, Zheng Er, don't put yourself in it. That Shi Guyuan is not a good person. He is registered with the government now, and what kind of family background is your old Yijia? Don’t forget it! Otherwise, it’s going against your whole family, just for Shi Guyuan, it’s not worth it.”

The two brothers sang together, disturbing Zheng Zhichu's mind, and said in a deep voice: "Whether it's worth it or not is up to me! Don't stay here to cause trouble. Is there anything else? I'm leaving."

"Hey, it's only been a while—"

When the phone rang, Dai Chenming and He Tongzhou looked at each other, and they both looked at Zheng Zhichu.

It was an unfamiliar landline number, Zheng Zhichu picked it up, and after a few words, his face turned pale and his hands trembled slightly.

After hanging up the phone, he was stunned for a while, then swept the table full of bottle trays to the ground, and sprinkled them all over the floor.

"Fuck it!"

He poured his anger into this curse, and then rushed out of the door like a whirlwind.

.........................................................

Zheng Zhichu rushed to the hospital by car, and ran amok among the crowd like a lion out of a cage; in winter, the number of people with influenza increased, and the hospital was like a vegetable market; : "Where is the one that fell into the water? Ah? I'm asking you, where is it!"

The little nurse was so frightened that he could not speak. The older head nurse patted him on the shoulder from behind and said, "Are you Shi Guyuan's family? Please follow me."

They took the elevator to the emergency room floor, and when they opened the door, they saw Chi Yu hanging his head, waiting lifelessly on the bench; land.

The doctors and nurses on duty rushed up and grabbed Zheng Zhichu: "This family member, don't be impulsive, please come and sign. May I ask who are you from the patient?"

"I'm the patient's younger brother! What the hell is he!" Zheng Zhichu pointed at Chi Yu, "He's not a fucking fart! Why do you make him wait here!"

A little nurse said: "This gentleman sent the patient to the hospital."

"Fart! Without him, Shi Guyuan wouldn't be able to do it!" His eye sockets were about to burst, his eyeballs were bloodshot, and he pointed at the silent Chi Yu and said, "You fucking wait for me! I'll settle the score with you when I come back! ——Where to sign? Let me tell you, if Shi Guyuan dies, your hospital will never continue to operate!"

After Zheng Zhichu domineeringly followed the nurse away, Chi Yu wiped away the blood stains from the corner of his ruptured mouth, and stood up little by little while leaning on the wall; Every sound in the movie; different images of falling into the water crossed in my mind.

He was annoyed, he hung up cowardly, looked forward and backward, but hurt others and himself; but what he has always been sure of is his love for Shi Guyuan, and it is definitely not a plagiarism of the youthful throbbing.

Can a person only fall in love with one person in his life?Before meeting Shi Guyuan, he was determined; after meeting Shi Guyuan, he knew he was wrong.Shi Guyuan used his elegance and sternness, gloomy tenderness to weave a net and cover him.He used to think that he was destined to be the soft-shelled turtle in Shi Guyuan's urn, but what did he do to force Shi Guyuan into a desperate road.

Is it just to protect Xiaoyu?Or is he really, subconsciously, making a choice between the past and the present?

The lights in the emergency room went out, and the focus finally appeared in Chi Yu's eyes; at this moment, he really decided what he wanted.

......................................................

Shi Guyuan's wound was infected. After re-disinfection and suturing, after the anesthesia wore off, he woke up from the pain soon.

A few hours after Zheng Zhichu ran, the hair specially made for the funeral was already in a mess; when he saw Shi Guyuan opened his eyes, he scolded him with puckered mouth: "You're so embarrassed to wake up!"

He carefully shook the head of the bed so that Shi Guyuan could lean on him more comfortably, but his tone was completely opposite and irritable: "Next time, hurry up and find death pain, and don't torment me if you have the ability!" He said, mixed a glass of warm water, and plugged in a straw Pass it to Shi Guyuan's mouth, "Drink water?"

Shi Guyuan bit the straw, and when his mouth was moist and his voice became more mellow, he said, "I'm sorry."

"If you really feel sorry for me, get well soon," Zheng Zhichu tucked in the quilt for him, the weather has dropped violently, and it will be below zero in a few days, if Shi Guyuan and Chi Yu come out a few days later, the two The person fell directly on the ice and fell to his death. Don't worry, "Time is running out. Your visa is here. When you are discharged from the hospital, I will send you to the United States. At that time, we will choose a large rural area with better scenery. The farmer grows his own vegetables, raises flowers, and raises two big dogs to guard the gate, who will bite whoever comes; I go there from time to time, and I can change my mood."

As he said that, Zheng Zhichu laughed childishly, "Hey, tell me, did I win? The flight is mine!"

Shi Guyuan rarely showed a smile: "Well, you are amazing."

"Is there any reward for winning?" Zheng Zhichu wagged his tail like a pug, and leaned forward with bright eyes, "It must be! You reward me, get well quickly, don't let anything happen again, I I can't take it," his face became serious, "I can't take it."

Shi Guyuan stroked his hair, felt his hands full of hairspray, suddenly thought of something, paused, and asked: "Is the morning going well?"

"If I do something, it must go well, so don't think about it."

Shi Guyuan nodded and closed his eyes.

Zheng Zhichu pushed him, gloating and said, "Why didn't you ask about Chi this time?"

Shi Guyuan said, "Don't make trouble."

"Listen to me early, good morning. What do you want to eat, I will buy it for you."

"Whatever," Shi Guyuan thought for a while, "Let's make porridge."

"Okay, then you wait."

Zheng Zhichu went downstairs proudly; after a while, the door of the ward opened, and Shi Guyuan looked over from the side, Chi Yu's silhouette was exactly the shape of the hollow in his heart.

Chi Yu walked in lightly, and sat in Zheng Zhichu's seat just now; Shi Guyuan looked out the dark window and said, "What time is it?"

"it is midnight."

Shi Guyuan frowned: "Where's Xiao Yuer?"

"...I ask Brother Song to take care of me for a night. Xiaoyu and Xiaohan haven't seen each other for a long time."

"When did you guys get this good?"

Shi Guyuan said it casually, but Chi Yu was silent; after a while, Chi Yu said: "Xiaoyu made a fuss several times and said she missed you. When you leave the hospital, let's go pick her up from school together."

"...Chi Yu," Shi Guyuan said, "Don't force yourself, in the future, it will disappear."

Chi Yu raised his head abruptly, with a panicked expression: "What?"

"As I said before, you have the final say on our relationship. I also know what you mean..."

"No, I chose you!" Chi Yu grabbed Shi Guyuan's hand through the quilt and explained anxiously, "I want you," Shi Guyuan glanced at him, and he continued, "Whoever you judge 20 years, 30 years, I will wait for you..."

Shi Guyuan took his hand deeper: "What if it is the death penalty?"

"You can fight for a reprieve! Then slowly reduce the sentence... Isn't Xu Liwei like this?"

"Chi Yu, I have killed people. And smuggled. I deserve death."

Chi Yu said desperately: "I can't... I can't... Is there any way..."

"No," Shi Guyuan cruelly cut off his escape route, which was also Chi Yu's delusion, "Xu Liwei commuted his sentence because someone of mine has money, but you have neither."

Chi Yu buried his face in his hands, sobbing; Shi Guyuan pulled his hand down, looked at the tear stains on his face, and said, "Don't cry, crying...it won't look good."

Things that make people sad are not pretty.Chi Yu thought of the reason why they missed that movie after their first kiss, on the sofa in the hotel.

He choked up and said, "In your eyes, am I always ugly?"

Shi Guyuan was stunned, and replied after a while: "You saved my life..."

"But I... I love..."

"I love you," Shi Guyuan said, "I'm sorry to ruin your painting."

After finishing speaking, he pulled Chi Yu's tightly clenched left hand and crossed the string of bodhi seeds on his wrist: "From now on, I won't see you again."