Being-Towards-Death

In the kindergarten, Chi Xiaoyu was pawing at the railing of the outer wall boredly, pouted to watch the cars coming and going outside the garden, and hoped that her father would come to pick her up soon.It's summer vacation, although the kindergarten teachers will take turns to take care of the children of dual-career families, but the children of dual-career families also have grandparents, grandparents, and grandparents, who come and go, and only one child, Chi Xiaoyu, needs to stay in the kindergarten.

In the scorching sun, the shift teacher squatted down to support her with a sun umbrella, and talked to her in a good voice to go back to the classroom; but despite the teacher's eloquent lotus, Chi Xiaoyu did not develop the aesthetic appreciation of lotus, she was like a puppy, Only to complete the mission of waiting for the master wholeheartedly.

The teacher stretched out his hand and said, "Come on, let's go back, the teacher will accompany you to do your summer homework."

Chi Xiaoyu's facial features twisted together like twists and turns. Just as he was about to say something, his tail suddenly turned up, and he walked parallel to the gate along the railing, leaving the teacher behind, and shouted as he ran, "Dad! You're here to pick me up!"

Chi Yu caught his daughter who plunged into his arms like a small cannonball, and said, "It's so hot outside, why don't you wait in the classroom."

Shi Guyuan also got out of the car, and said with a smile: "We are going home, say goodbye to the teacher."

Chi Xiaoyu reluctantly bid farewell to the teacher, got into the car, held her little face, and sighed, "I miss you so much, I haven't seen you for a day, so take a closer look!"

"I haven't seen you for a day, like every three autumns," Chi Yu looked back at her, "Isn't this the same time to pick you up before, why do you miss us so much today?"

Chi Xiaoyu said bitterly and bitterly: "It's a holiday now, why do I still have to go to kindergarten? The other children didn't go."

Chi Yu said apologetically, "Because Dad has to go to work, he can't enter the research room casually, so he can't take you there."

Chi Xiaoyu reluctantly accepted this reason, and turned to Uncle Shi, "What about Uncle Shi, I can go to the office, I just watch cartoons, I'm very good, I won't run around."

Shi Guyuan turned his head to think about it. He was originally concerned about Zheng Zhichu, but then he thought about it again. He had just uttered harsh words during the day, and Zheng Zhichu, a person who wanted to face him, couldn't make any trouble for the time being; so he said to Chi Yu: "Either let Xiao Fish come to work with me."

"Is it convenient? You are so busy..."

Shi Guyuan smiled and said: "It's not like I haven't been there before, so when you get off work, Xiao Yu'er and I can pick you up together."

Chi Xiaoyu was very good at winking, and quickly agreed, "Yes, Dad, I will pick you up with Uncle Shi, so you don't need to pick me up!"

Chi Yu glanced at her silently, knowing her daughter's little abacus so well that he could almost hear the sound of the abacus crackling and jumping up and down; Don't watch cartoons."

Chi Xiaoyu looked at Shi Guyuan in horror, shaking his head like a bobblehead doll; Shi Guyuan suppressed his laughter, made a wicked face, and said, "In addition to summer homework, I also prepared copybooks for her. Write two articles, if you can’t finish it, you won’t have sweet and sour pork ribs to eat.”

Chi Xiaoyu said: "Dad, the kindergarten is actually very good. If I don't go, the teacher will miss me very much. I don't want her to be sad..."

Shi Guyuan said: "But if you go to kindergarten, Uncle Shi will miss you too."

Chi Xiaoyu was so anxious that tears rolled down her cheeks. Suddenly, she pointed at the gauze and said, "Uncle Shi, did you fight with someone?"

Shi Guyuan pushed down his glasses and said with a smile, "It's all right."

Chi Xiaoyu saw that Shi Guyuan had suffered a loss, beat the air with his small fists, and said with the same hatred: "Whoever hit you, I will avenge you!"

Chi Yu said: "Sit down! How can there be a girl who fights and kills every day?"

Shi Guyuan laughed loudly, and said with relief: "The child is so caring, and homework is not suitable."

Chi Xiaoyu climbed up the pole: "That's right, it's not suitable, it's not suitable."

When she got home, Chi Xiaoyu was still struggling. Taking advantage of Chi Yu's unpreparedness, she grabbed Shi Guyuan's clothes and said pitifully, "Uncle Shi, I like you so much. If you let me watch cartoons, I will love you even more." I like you."

Shi Guyuan glanced at Chi Yu who was busy in the kitchen, made a "shh" gesture, and whispered to Chi Xiaoyu: "I lied to your father, this trick is called cheating. When we are tired, we rest, rest Alright, let’s continue writing.”

Chi Xiaoyu was in high spirits all of a sudden; at night, after Chi Yu coaxed Chi Xiaoyu to sleep, he changed Shi Guyuan's dressing.The two sat on the same side, the light was not very bright, and there were shadows on the eyelids; Chi Yu simply knelt in front of Shi Guyuan, applying ointment for him little by little.

There is no need to put gauze on the wound, and the wound is exposed to the air.Shi Guyuan was apprehensive, blinked his eyes and asked, "Do you think there will be scars?"

Chi Yu said the truth: "It's not good."

Shi Guyuan smiled wryly and said: "Accordingly, as a big man, I shouldn't stick to my appearance and look too petty. It's not like I haven't stumbled before. I don't know what happened this time, but I felt uncomfortable in my heart and said Women are the ones who please themselves, so it turns out that men are the same."

Chi Yu buckled the medicine box, raised his head and said, "It might not leave a scar."

"What if?"

"I don't care," Chi Yu said, "I care more about whether you hurt or not. But I dare not ask, I'm afraid you will say it hurts, but I can't do anything... This feeling is too bad."

Shi Guyuan lowered his eyes and smiled; Chi Yu didn't wait for him to express his opinion, so he couldn't help but said with some frustration: "Guyuan, everything you showed me is so perfect, sometimes I think you are like a dream , you can enter my world casually, but I can't catch you."

Shi Guyuan shook his head, a little pleasantly surprised and a little self-deprecating; he pointed to an unknown pot of plants on the window sill, and said, "Do you think it grows well?"

This potted flower was Chi Xiaoyu's liking, so he just took out a pot from Shi Guyuan's office.The green leaves are verdant and the flowers are blooming, which is naturally good.Chi Yu nodded: "You are really good at growing flowers."

Shi Guyuan said: "But it grows out of dirty and smelly mud, do you still think it looks good?"

Chi Yu was slightly startled.

Shi Guyuan went on to say: "When you change the soil and pot, you can see how disgusting its roots are. Like countless earthworms, densely entangled and entangled, it is very different from its flowers... you will Do you think it looks good?"

Chi Yu didn't answer in silence; Shi Guyuan stared at him for a while, then said, "But if it's not buried in the soil, if its roots are not dirty, it won't be able to bloom."

Chi Yu said: "You said that things that make people sad are ugly; its flowers make me happy, so they are very beautiful."

"If you want it to be so beautiful all the time, you have to comb its roots, fill it with soil, and water it, otherwise, it won't be able to bloom in the next spring. Would you like to?"

Chi Yu could understand Shi Guyuan's implication: Even though the two of them had understood each other now, they still didn't know much about each other's life experience.Three 40-year-olds have lost the blood of youth, and their minds are clouded. It seems that the bottom line has gradually receded with the tide of time.They are like two crickets touching each other's antennae, aiming to test inch by inch.

Therefore, Chi Yu said in a daze, "You didn't show me the root either."

"I'll show you, won't you scare me away?" Shi Guyuan pressed harder and harder, "Chi Yu, I'm not as good as you think. The higher your expectations of me, the more disappointed you will be. I'm afraid I can't do what you want."

After living for a long time, it is not only his age that grows, but also the past hidden in his temperament.As the friendship deepens, his unbearableness becomes more and more easily exposed; even if there is only one ten-thousandth possibility of losing this hard-won relationship, he would rather follow the old ways with fantasies and stick to the old ways-everyone wants the other to give in, but they also know that I don't have this obligation, so I dare not make more demands, just because I can't meet them.

Chi Yu said: "At this point, I won't give up easily. I know we have to have a running-in period, and the time is still long. Let's take our time and don't worry, okay?"

Shi Guyuan laughed, this answer was higher than his expectation, which would allow him to draw more confidence from it.He clasped Chi Yu's hand and said, "Well, don't worry, let's take our time."

..........................................

Chi Xiaoyu got up early the next day, she was afraid that Shi Guyuan would regret it, and after sending Chi Yu off, on the way back, she talked in circles like a lake that had been hit by a stone, explaining logically. film, the importance of rewriting homework——

"...After reading it, I won't think about it anymore, and I can do my homework well."

Shi Guyuan said: "You have to be motivated to do things. Watching cartoons is your motivation. If you want to watch cartoons earlier, you have to finish your homework earlier. The sooner you finish your homework, the sooner you can watch it. There is no need to worry about it."

Chi Xiaoyu was so anxious that she kicked her legs straight: "The teacher said that I can't do my homework at the same time, and I should do my homework first. All I can think about is cartoons, so I'm distracted!"

"It's okay, I'll look at you and make sure you won't be distracted."

Chi Xiaoyu's resistance was ruthlessly suppressed by the authority of adults; when she entered the office, she was arranged to sit next to Shi Guyuan, doing her homework with a sad face.Shi Guyuan is really dual-purpose, while handling work, he also has to supervise the little girl to study.

At noon, Liu Mian knocked on the door and entered the office with a document.Shi Guyuan noticed that he had glanced at Chi Xiaoyu, and then hesitated to hand over the document. With the score in his mind, he quietly let Chi Xiaoyu watch the cartoon.

Chi Xiaoyu was very excited, kissed Shi Guyuan deeply, and bounced into the sofa in front of the TV like a bouncy ball; Shi Guyuan looked at her bouncing back, took the document, did not open it, but faced the cover with " Chi Yu asked in big characters: "Is it all inside?"

Liu Mian avoided the seriousness and said lightly: "It's easy to investigate the living ones, but it's a bit troublesome for the dead ones."

Shi Guyuan took a sip of water, raised his chin, and motioned for him to continue.

Liu Mian looked back at Chi Xiaoyu, and said in a low voice, "Boss Shi, this girl... is quite pitiful, Chi Yu is not her real father."

Shi Guyuan said: "Oh, I know that. I was just about to say, these two days when you have nothing to do, walk around and go through the adoption procedures. It's okay for the child to go to kindergarten now. In the future, he will go to elementary school. There is no trouble with household registration."

Liu Mian responded, thinking about Shi Guyuan's intentions in his heart; Shi Guyuan didn't let him go out, so he had to talk: "I asked Xiao Zhao to investigate, the relationship between Chi Yu and Xu Liwei is not that complicated, we should go over the confession with Xu Liwei It doesn't matter..."

Shi Guyuan frowned: "Are you sure it's okay?"

Liu Mian said: "It shouldn't matter too much. Chi Yu had no contact with Xu Liwei in Gaoqi before, but he was entrusted by others. This Xu Liwei is a relative of Xiaoyu's mother," he said with a smile, "this Chi Yu It's infatuated enough, for a woman..."

Shi Guyuan suddenly raised his eyes, his gaze was as sharp as an eagle.

Liu Mian quickly changed his tone and said in a low voice: "Chi Xiaoyu's mother left shortly after she was born, and the child's father was in debt and died too. I heard that he committed suicide; Chi Yu is serving the parents of this couple again. , and it’s not easy to help others raise a daughter.”

Shi Guyuan didn't speak for a while; after a long while, he put down his water glass as usual, and talked to Liu Mian with a smile: "Why didn't I see you yesterday? What did you do?"

Liu Mian's back was instantly drenched in cold sweat.He received a call from Qian Youdao early yesterday morning, and heard that the number plate of the casino had been taken away by Fatty Zhang. When I came to the company, there was no one in the residence, and the restaurants and bathhouses I frequented disappeared. At the end of the day, I found nothing. Until now, there is no news.If it wasn't for Shi Guyuan's discovery of something strange, how could he care about who Chi Yu was?

He absently put the fax sent by Xiao Zhao into the document bag, glanced at the summary of the summary, and then recounted it to Shi Guyuan just now with embellishments—the left and right information are all in the document bag, what was missing, See for yourself.

So he smiled and said, "It's not the middle of the month, there are many things to do, otherwise I should have slapped things on your table yesterday."

Shi Guyuan also smiled along with him, but Gu Pan still had some fluctuating emotions that could not be settled; Liu Mian didn't dare to ask more, seeing Shi Guyuan waved his hand, went outside and closed the door by the way.

Shi Guyuan was left propped up on his forehead, looking back and forth at the thick and thin document, and Liu Mian's words "This Chi Yu is also infatuated..." came to his ears for a while, and for a while it was Chi Yu and him yesterday. Wan said, "Time is still long, let's take it slowly..."; he closed his eyes tightly, with a lot of force, squeezing the wound, and there was a sharp pain; but when he opened it again, his ears and eyes were clear.

He thought, why not give each other a chance?They are not young boys who just fell in love. Who doesn't have an impossible person in their hearts?On the contrary, Shi Guyuan felt that Chi Yu loved women before, but now he can accept him. Isn't this an affirmation of him?

Even if...

He looked at Chi Xiaoyu's small head that was not higher than the back of the sofa - the child's face hides the portraits of his parents, but even if he is similar to Chi Xiaoyu's mother who died young, in Chi Yu's album, at least From beginning to end, it was a man—it was him.

He seemed to have found a way out from the corner of his horns, he didn't know whether it was joy or sorrow, he opened the drawer, and put the file bag in it.