【L月L】Inquisitor

"Can you please stop this childish behavior?"

The heavy wooden door was closed, blocking out all the sounds outside the door.Ye Shenyue and L were left sitting facing each other in the room. L did not answer Ye Shenyue's question, so he continued, "Let them leave, what do you want to say?"

"I'm not the only one who is childish, you also cooperate very well, Yue."

Ye Shenyue didn't comment, "Do I have any other options besides cooperating with you?"

"It doesn't matter who we cooperate with."

"So, what exactly are you trying to do."

"I have some questions, but it's not an important thing to say. But the nature is relatively personal, and I don't think it's appropriate to raise it in front of other people."

L rarely hesitated for a while. He supported the tea table between them with one hand and leaned forward.He approached Ye Shenyue, then slowly tilted his head, the movement of his neck was too unnatural, as stiff as some kind of rusty machine.

"Are you gay, Moon?"

After L finished speaking, he seemed to feel a little uncomfortable, "This definition is too narrow, it's better to say - will the same sex attract you sexually?"

Ye Shenyue didn't feel any embarrassment, nor did she feel that L was offending him.He knew that L was wondering about the kiss, but L was not the only one who was wondering.He was also puzzled by his actions, but he didn't get a satisfactory answer after thinking for a long time.Emotional analysis is not the field that L is good at, and it is also not the field that he is good at.So he simply let it go, just as if he was bewitched by an unknown person.

At that moment, he was curious, terribly curious, eager to prove the existence and continuation of a life—so he did it, and it didn't need a reason.

"Maybe." Ye Shenyue said, "I have no experience with the same sex, so I can't be sure."

"Would you mind then?"

"Homosexuality, no," he said. "Isn't gender itself an absurd division?"

Ye Shenyue is as high as ever, L thought.Even if he tried to look like a normal person, in L's eyes, it was just poor acting, and sometimes it even made him want to laugh.Ye Shenyue may have done it on purpose - resting his chin on his right hand, indifference flowed from his pupils, and Ye Shenyue himself had almost no intention of hiding it, but no one noticed it.

L is not qualified to mock Ye Shenyue, because his acting skills are even more unsightly than Ye Shenyue.He has self-knowledge and simply gave up his acting career early.

"Yes, but is it really okay for you to say this in front of me?"

"Won't you doubt me if I don't tell you? What's more—L, this is a question you asked, and I just gave my answer."

"And L, you clearly know." Ye Shenyue repeated, "You know, you know everything."

"Men love women, women love men." Ye Shenyue smiled, like a gentle reflection, "These are all false images of lies, and 'it' is behind that, who is that 'it'?"

L stared at him, no reflections in the black eyes.It is not clear, but it maintains a strange purity, because there is no light there.

"Rules," L said, "or—power."

L's answer was very frank, Ye Shenyue heard her inner desire.The sound was like a sudden gust of wind. It yelled loudly and blew the flags of the past tottering, leaving them scattered on the ground.

"Why?" Ye Shenyue heard herself asking.This question has been hidden for a long time, and now I finally have a chance to see the light of day again.In fact, when he asked, he regretted it for a second, but then he was relieved.

Ye Shenyue's question sounded inexplicable, but L understood it.He's asking why he follows these "rules".The so-called "morality" and the so-called "justice" are clearly means of manipulating people's hearts, and he is well aware of this.The vertical structure has disintegrated, but "it" still exists.Its existence is not lingering, nor is it stubbornly resisting.It cunningly hides in all existing media, even the outline is transparent, and people see its silhouette by chance, it is only an illusion.It sneers, playing with the self-righteous "truth" of the world.

"Mon. I didn't play by the rules. What I did was not what they thought was right or wrong. It was what I thought was right. To be honest, I don't care about their judgment and I can't say what I did must be right, and I can only believe that I am right."

"Like the answer I gave you before," continued L, "I believe—I believe there is a place where there is no darkness. It may not exist for everyone, but as long as I believe, it is for me To say, is to exist. Only in this way, even if we are exiled, we can move on.”

Ye Shenyue did not speak, it was not his will, but his body violated his order, making him speechless and fell into a long silence.

L is a bad teacher, Ye Shenyue only has this idea.He was so - so repulsive, even hateful.Because they are similar, yet contradictory.If a magnet has two poles, they must be at one end of the same pole, and the repulsive force is trying to tear them apart.It's supposed to work, but it doesn't, and then they move eerily, endlessly closer to each other.

There is one between me and him who will die - Ye Shenyue always thinks so, no matter in the past or now.But yesterday was dead, and now he doesn't care who the last survivor is, and even finds the ending gratifying.He also knew clearly——L also thought so, so this idea actually had a romantic and dramatic color, making it unstoppable, and it took root in his mind.

"You know what, L. Homosexuality is somewhat narcissistic."

"I know. Freud said that homosexuality tends to explore the more familiar inner self of the same kind than the unknown opposite sex, so it is somewhat affected by the image of narcissism."

"That's right." Ye Shenyue didn't deny it, "L, I'm actually very different from you."

He stretched out his hand and dragged the cooled teacup in front of L to him. The black coffee had dissolved an unknown amount of sugar, and it became a little viscous.He swirled the teacup to get the almost frozen liquid to start flowing again.Then his lips pressed against the cold glass wall, and he drank it without any hesitation.

"Like this cup of coffee, you enjoy it, but I think it sucks."

But their differences can only end up in this cup of coffee.

Ye Shenyue didn't say this sentence.Because it is a devil, it breaks free from the cage by blurting out, and is no longer bound by it, even he himself will be bewitched.

Ye Shenyue pursed her lips and crushed it between her teeth.There was a smile on the corner of his lips, a little cold and a little regretful.He stood up, as if tired of looking at L.The corners of the black shirt were wrinkled, as if someone had carved time marks on the stone wall day and night.

"Yue, it's hard for me to imagine someone you'll fall in love with—because you only have yourself in your eyes."

"What about you, L," Ye Shenyue said, "what's the difference between you and me, you can't even pretend to be yourself, can you?"

L tried to argue, but couldn't think of a good reason to explain it.Yagami sounds like he's right, because his life is itself a habit.Like a clock, the hands keep turning day and night as long as there is battery power remaining.Within the framed circle, sprint at a fixed scale.

But he knew Ye Shenyue was wrong.

"No." L retorted loudly.He showed an unusually resolute attitude in this matter, in exchange for Ye Shenyue's slightly surprised glance.

Then, the ceiling suddenly fell back, and the white teacup fell silently on the carpet.It rolled to the side of the coffee table, revealing the complicated bronzing patterns at the bottom, circle after circle, like vines entangled and spiraling upwards.The remaining black liquid is like a swamp, with undissolved sugar stains on it.

L grabbed Ye Shenyue's shoulders hard, and pressed Ye Shenyue back on the sofa.He seemed to use a lot of strength, and Ye Shenyue felt some pain in his shoulders, and his back sank deeply into the soft cotton fabric of the sofa.

"Sorry." For Ye Shenyue's expression of dissatisfaction and surprise, L apologized without sincerity as always.

"Perhaps as you said, I may not even be able to hold myself in my eyes. But, I am a human being—I am not a god, and neither are you."

After L finished speaking, he paused for a long time. The space between them was too narrow, and even the slightly warm breath they exhaled was oppressed.Ye Shenyue saw the blackness in L's eyes slowly condense into a kind of entity.It could not see faces, but he remembered its voice, for it whispered to him day and night.

"Did you ever tell the truth once in your life?"

It's that devil.The devil breaks free, he is free.

"If the difference between us makes you so unbearable, then why did you gulp down that unpalatable cup of coffee." Ye Shenyue heard it say, "You can't look away, you can't get rid of you Myself—or rather, me.”

"Youare Aliar"

Everything in the world seems to be crudely included in a simple binary theory of opposites.They are one, fatally attracted to each other.In the same space they are in, even time can do nothing. L is not a determinist, but he has to admit that many things already have the shadow of the end from the beginning.

For things that are too similar to himself, people will only have two emotions: disgust and obsession, and he has a deep understanding of this.Those deprived attention and obsession are fermenting secretly, turning into a simple entanglement.It can be defined as a psychological paranoia, or it can be defined as an intellectual search.

But if you have to give an initial reason-from love for yourself.

L bowed his head.

The fingertips inserted into the hair are like water plants growing out, swaying and lingering softly on the fingertips.The moment the lips were pressed together, the temperature in the mouth was so comfortable that it was nostalgic, the tip of the tongue was entangled, and the sweet and bitter taste spread between the two of them.It's gentle, then sticky and ferocious, chasing obsession.

But the teeth collided together, Ye Shenyue frowned in pain.Then L suddenly laughed, a muffled laugh from his chest, even his lips were trembling slightly.

"Do you have to spoil the atmosphere at this time?"

L seemed to want to defend himself, Ye Shenyue interrupted him, "I don't want to hear your apology, to be honest it can only have a counterproductive effect on me."

Then L sighed almost inaudibly. After all, he followed Ye Shenyue's suggestion and swallowed the word "sorry".

"I just thought of Mi Haisha. I once said that she only loves the perfect image of her own imagination. I just didn't expect-I would fall into the reflection myself."

"L, I'm not a reflection."

"I know, it's good," L said, "because I—"

Ye Shenyue saw L showing a somewhat disappointed expression, at that moment the past and reality subtly overlapped in memory.

"It's so lonely."