Xinhua Road

The earth

Missing the sky

I

Footsteps on Broken Sadness

go to the sun

On the way to work in the early morning, the road has already been covered with two inches of snow.The sky cleared, and the sun radiated a soft light in the east, warming away all the sorrows stored in the night.There are also a lot fewer people doing morning exercises than usual.I improvised that little poem.

Inexplicably, I hope that these poems will be seen by Mengmeng, and I hope to receive his message in the morning. The chat last night made me feel guilty for a long time. I don’t know if Mengyiye has insomnia, but I can be sure that he has been sad.But I still hope that his words will arrive on the screen of my mobile phone like the sun rising from the east every day.

I was out of my mind throughout the morning, constantly looking at my phone, checking the Internet, and usually Meng would send me one or two messages, or ask me what I was doing, or tell me what he was doing, and I didn’t hear him until noon one word.Is he really mad at me?Or have been immersed in sadness?All kinds of speculation made me uneasy all the time, and I waited a bit tormented.

I rarely take the initiative to send messages to others, the more I care, the less proactive I am.Some past experiences of waiting have left me terrified.Especially the helplessness of not answering the phone, not replying to the message, and not seeing people. Only those who have experienced it will understand that feeling.And I have experienced that kind of feeling for a long time, the nerves of the whole body are tense, and the attention is highly concentrated, just to wait for a news about that person.When you hear the dog barking outside, your ears will prick up hope. When you still can't hear the sound of opening the door, you will feel a kind of pain piercing your heart, which can only be diverted by torturing yourself.

I once heard a story about a woman's loneliness and despair during the war as she waited for her husband to come home.In order to pass the difficult night, she dumped a whole pot of beans on the ground, and then picked them up one by one, and so on and so forth...until she was so exhausted that she could not fall asleep.

I haven't done anything that crazy, but it's about the same as that woman.I usually love reading, there are many books, I used to read to forget, because before I met that person, I was addicted to the world of books, reality is just a dream to me, only books world is real.

But when your heart is full of one person, nothing in this world has anything to do with you.No matter how hard I tried in those days, I couldn't convey a single word in the book to my heart in exchange for that person's departure.At the end of reading, I tore off the book page by page, spread them on the floor one by one, and then tore them up one by one, spreading them all over the room.Then glue all the pieces together page by page.I don’t fall asleep until I’m exhausted, and after I can’t sleep for a few minutes, I will be woken up by distress, and I will continue to repeat those things, go to sleep, and repeat... I don’t know how many nights like that I have spent Knowing how those nights went, I'm alive anyway.

So after suffering the pain of waiting, I learned to restrain myself from taking the initiative, because if the message sent with all expectations and pride cannot wait for a reply, a heart will fly from the clouds to the abyss eight hundred times, Time will also slow down to several centuries in reincarnation.Thoughts will also perform various idol dramas and court dramas, where happiness and tragedy coexist.So in order to avoid losing my pride, I am willing to wait silently, even if I can't wait for a word, as long as my self-esteem is still there.

In this way, I spent the whole morning guarding my self-esteem, and I don’t know why I have to wait. Is it just because I am used to the words that appear every day, or is it because of the joy brought by an interesting soul?Anyway, I can't tell, just looking forward to it inexplicably.At noon, I had a simple lunch in the cafeteria, and took a nap with my mobile phone in my arms.When I woke up, I checked my phone, but there was no new news, so I turned my attention and browsed an article on the WeChat official account "Dream of Red Mansions" with nine songs and nine pictures, which was unforgettable.My favorite is the song "Wang Ning Mei"

One is Langyuan fairy flower

One is flawless

If there is no coincidence

I met him again in this life

If there is a coincidence

How to get distracted

This poem is very similar to my mood at the moment, and some of the past that is automatically shielded is also like the flood of the river embankment rushing me into the abyss of pain.I could barely contain my tears and had to let it go wild for a while.Fortunately, this kind of sadness comes and goes quickly, because I saw Meng's message, and I sighed who will accept it in this life!

Just those few words activated the anticipating cells in my body one by one, and I started working with peace of mind.I wonder why his words have the effect of detoxification in just a few days. I can't figure it out, and I don't want to communicate.

I still can’t remember what to chat about in the evening. It seems that the explanation of loneliness is a problem that plagues too many urban men and women.People are impetuous, naturally there are many troubles, the Internet is developed, communication depends on the cold screen, no matter how heart-warming words are, it is not as good as having a warm person by your side.Fortunately, my loneliness tonight was washed away by the words of the dream.

Meng once persuaded me tonight to find a boyfriend. I told him that people have always been chasing after me, but whenever I want to go further, I feel fear, fear of the future, fear of being bound by others, I told him, no Let such a person break into my life again.

He replied: Why do you need to confine yourself like this?All spring cannot be covered by one snow.Thinking of snow always makes me feel down, so I typed a poem on the screen without thinking: If you teach that there is no hatred in your eyes, you don’t believe there are white heads in the world.

"Ten years of life and death are boundless, do not think about it, never forget it. Thousands of miles away, there is nowhere to talk about desolation. Even if we meet again, we will not know each other, our face is covered with dust, and our temples are like frost. At night, we come back to our hometown. No words, only a thousand lines of tears. It is expected that the place where the heart will be broken every year, the moonlit night, and the short Matsuoka."

I saw this poem by Su Shi sent by Meng, and knew that he remembered his first love again, so I didn't know what to say.After thinking for a long time, I replied: long-term lovesickness, long-term lovesickness, short-term lovesickness, infinity.

"This feeling is only to be remembered, but it was lost at that time." This is the last word Meng replied to me tonight.