I just want you to be well

I swept my right arm across the empty bed, and found that Xiao Le was no longer there.I got up a little late today, feeling dizzy and confused, and the world is chaotic.I rubbed my eyes and caught sight of the time on my phone on the bedside table.

going to be late.I hurriedly washed and dressed, and went out without an umbrella.

It was raining heavily outside, and I felt unwell and dared not drive, so I could only sit in the taxi that had just been intercepted in the rain.

When I first entered the office and clocked in, my colleagues were all concerned about my soaked shirt.I casually perfunctory them a few words, and then continued to sort out the unfinished work yesterday in front of the computer.

I can feel that my concentration is becoming more and more difficult to concentrate, and my dizzy head seems to be able to hit the computer at any time.I quickly took out the pills from the drawer and swallowed them whole.

After lunch, I feel that my body has been in a state of fever.I took the thermometer to the men's room to test it, and it burned again.

In the past month, I have had intermittent fever and fever.Sometimes Xiao Le would notice my overheated body and yell that he must take me to see a doctor to reduce the fever, but the next day he would be cured inexplicably by the antipyretics I took, but the night sweats were very severe.In order to make Xiaole feel at ease, I will always use Dr. Xu's saying, "It's okay. It will be fine after a few burns."

Today's mobile phone screen keeps popping up the message "[-]nd Anniversary".I can't fall ill today, even if I want to get sick, I have to hide from Xiaole to get through this day.

Back at my desk, I pulled out my fever-reducing medicine, hoping it would miraculously cure me.

My colleagues all saw the ugliness of my illness, touched my head and asked concerned, "Is it because of the rain? Your body is very hot..."

They are all nice people, but I can only pretend to be okay and persuade them to go back to work.

At the end of the day, I didn't feel like I had a splitting headache, but my body would feel groggy. I had to try my best to control it so that it wouldn't act like it was about to fall down at any time.

It was still raining outside the window, and Xiao Le told me on WeChat that he had booked a table at Calypso to celebrate our second anniversary.

The side effects of antipyretics are really strong.I thought about preparing a gift for him, but on the way to the restaurant, I accidentally fell asleep in the taxi.The sound of the whistle woke me up from a deep sleep, the windows were blurred by raindrops, and there was still traffic jam in front of my eyes.I looked at my phone, and it was almost the time we agreed on.

"Driver, how far is it from the destination?"

"It's almost here. After passing this congested road, it will take about 5 minutes."

"How long will it be blocked?"

"It looks like it will take two to ten minutes."

"Isn't it?"

"Hey, don't you know the traffic in Shanghai?" He suddenly added, completely rewriting today's history, "I think it may only take you 10 minutes to get out of the car and walk there."

I gave the money and got off without hesitation.I took my leather bag to keep out the rain and walked through the roadside full of umbrellas.

The more I walked, the lighter my pace became.This kind of lightness is not like the kung fu of floating on water in movies, but the whole person is dragged forward like a puppet.The vision in front of me became more and more blurred, and I could no longer see the appearance of passers-by. I saw the colorful umbrellas turned into color noise in the photo, gradually eroding my vision.

It must be a side effect of the medicine.There was a sudden pain in my head and I could no longer see the way ahead.How many minutes are left?Have I been to that restaurant yet?

I do not know.

I feel like I'm lying on wet asphalt.The surrounding air began to become thinner, I gradually heard the voices of others talking, and then gradually, I couldn't hear anything.

I see.

I can't take it anymore, can I?

Xiaole is still waiting for me, right?

Please continue to wait.

How I wish that even at the moment when I lost consciousness, you didn't know that I had been taken to the hospital.Only in this way, my previous efforts will not be in vain.

Unfortunately, you still know.

When I opened my eyes, I saw Dr. Xu, she asked softly, "The fever has subsided, are you better now?"

I hummed weakly, "Yeah."

"That's good, Xiao Le and your mother are here to see you."

I was very surprised, but I couldn't seem to make a "surprised" expression on my face.

My half-opened eyes seemed to see my mother. She seemed to be thinner than the last time I saw her.The way she looked at me was no longer the strange feeling before, but a little more caring and loving.She seems to want to stay with me like this, and I haven't seen her for a long time, and I miss her.

But I suddenly thought of Xiao Le, and I was thinking, does he already know everything?Is he angry?

I asked my mother to call him in. She was a bit reluctant, but she did.

Xiao Le seemed reluctant to come in. I saw his haggard face, and my heart softened.My right hand wanted to hold him forward, but I still couldn't exert strength, and he finally held my hand by himself.He slowly lay on our clenched hands, and my fingers brushed his hair lightly. It felt like I hadn't touched his head for a long time, and I missed him very much.

I wanted to say every word to him in a straight-forward manner, but my body was limp and I couldn't exert any strength.Xiao Le didn't seem to mind at all, he stuck to me like a kitten, no matter what I said or how I apologized, he would accept it one by one.

When I just woke up, I was a little confused and didn't listen to all of his words.But I understand that every word and every word of his hope that I can recover quickly and live longer, so that I can always be with him.

Unstoppable tears ran out of my eyes desperately.At this moment, no matter what I say, it is not as important as a single action: holding his hand tightly.

*

Xiao Le brought me a new set of clothes to change.I've been lying in the hospital bed for four days, and I feel moldy all over my body.I took the initiative to go to the breakfast shop opposite the hospital with my mother to have breakfast. Walking on the road, it felt so good to be bathed in the sun, as if I had been reborn.I left the bank card and password alone to Xiao Le to help me go through the discharge procedures. After all, he paid the hospital deposit in advance.

Whenever I see him, I feel how sweet it is to have someone who takes care of you by my side.

I seldom go out for breakfast, so I can finally let it go.My mother and I ordered three steamed buns, two cups of soy milk and two fried dough sticks.In addition, I also packed a copy of the same one for Xiaole.

When returning to the hospital, Dr. Xu happened to be talking to Xiao Le about something.Looking at the dignified expressions of the two, I was a little nervous.If my mother hadn't taken the initiative to go up to say hello first, I think I would have stood still.

"Doctor Xu, will Wei Jun be completely discharged today?" My mother asked happily.

"Yes. His previous low-grade fever coma was due to complications caused by low immunity. Now he has recovered, it's just..."

The mother's expression was a little puzzled, "Just what?"

At this moment, Xiao Le seemed absent-minded.I walked up behind him and put one hand on his shoulder, "What's the matter, baby?"

He seemed frightened, "Have you finished your breakfast? Did you bring me anything?"

I brought the breakfast in my hand close to his eyes, and he complained jokingly, "You really bought it? How unlucky it is to bring them into the hospital!"

"I don't care, I want you to finish them", I tease him.

"No," he arrogantly refused.

"Then I'll eat it myself."

"No!" He stopped me immediately.

"Mr. Yin, Mr. Wei," Dr. Xu stopped us, "Can we come into the office and talk?"

The atmosphere began to become dignified.

Dr. Xu held my latest blood test report in his hand, and his eyes revealed the seriousness of the matter.

"Is the condition getting worse?" The corners of my mouth raised, trying to cover up my worries.

Doctor Xu remained silent with a serious face.

"That's right, Dr. Xu. What's wrong with our Wei Jun? He looks very energetic now."

"I took this report yesterday and checked it carefully over and over again," she paused, "Your current CD value has dropped back to the value when it was just measured a year ago."

"What do you mean?" Xiaole asked.

"That's...Mr. Wei's current CD value is at a stage where he is prone to AIDS."

"Impossible? This report must be wrong. I have been taking medicine to control my CD value. Isn't it good when I tested it two months ago? Why is it dropping now? Maybe I will come back in two months. It's gone up again...", I console myself optimistically, even though it's not my style.But Xiao Le and her mother were both at the scene this time, and I wanted to hide it, but it was impossible.

"Mr. Wei", Dr. Xu said very seriously, "I'm afraid, you have already developed drug resistance..."

"What?" I looked at Dr. Xu in surprise.

Xiao Le lowered her head and remained silent, while my mother was still confused by Dr. Xu's terminology.

"This also explains why you suddenly fell into a low-grade fever and fell into a coma, and your body began to have a lot of big and small problems." Dr. Xu deliberately avoided my eyes, "because your resistance will start to weaken, and in the future these conditions will be more serious. It happens very often, it can get worse, it can…”

"Doctor Xu, don't scare me, what will happen to Wei Jun?" Mother asked anxiously.

"I'll lose all immunity..." Before Dr. Xu could finish speaking, I interrupted him by slapping the table.

"Enough", I said excitedly, "If there is drug resistance...does it mean that my medicine is useless?"

"No, you still have to continue taking the medicine, or your condition will get worse."

"But the side effects are still there? And can't prevent other concurrent conditions?"

"This, according to your inference, is indeed the case, but if you don't take medicine, it will definitely accelerate the decline of immunity, and..."

I interjected, "Doctor Xu...", choked up, "How long can I live?"

I could hear Xiao Le's rapid breathing, which only appeared when he was particularly frightened.

"One year at most."

At this moment, only Xiao Le and I were left immersed in the infinite silence, and only my mother and Dr. Xu were chattering about how I should be treated next, where I should recuperate, and how I should live.

*

"Jun'er! Where are you going?"

I ran away from the building at the speed of a race walk, biting the fried dough stick in my hand with displeasure.a year?Can only live for a year at most?God when have you been so mean and mean to your own people?

"Wei Jun!", my mother kept calling me back.

"Auntie, you go back with the key to Wei Jun's apartment first, and I'll chase him." I watched Xiao Le march towards me in a trotting posture.

"Wei Jun! Don't go so fast!", Xiao Le followed and called me.

But I didn't look back, but started to trot slowly.

"Wei Jun!"

I still ignored Xiao Le and walked further and further away on my own.

I could hear him swearing.

"If you take another step forward, you won't even think about looking back for me!", he seemed to shout out with all his strength.

I still don't understand.When I stopped, the fried dough sticks in my hand had already eaten the wrapping paper, the soy milk had already been spilled in the plastic bag, and the steamed buns had already cooled down.

I looked back at the street, there was no one else except the cleaning lady, and I felt alone again.I frowned tightly, feeling unwilling, and glancing around melancholy, I couldn't help feeling frightened.

I began to quicken my pace and grope around, trying to find Xiao Le, but I searched several streets in a row, but all came to nothing.

"Xiao Le! Xiao Le!", I ignored the wait and see of passers-by, and shouted repeatedly, hoping that this game of hide-and-seek would end.

I keep looking.

"Xiao Le! Don't hide! Come out! I know you are around here!"

Still haven't found it.

I suddenly regretted doing it.I just want to vent my emotions and put on a show, why does Xiao Le take it seriously?

I decided to give up.

I looked down at the crumbling breakfast, ready to find a trash can and throw it all away.I walked into a small park and easily locked the trash can with the words "garbage sorting" with my naked eyes.Just as I was about to stuff my breakfast into the bucket, a voice stopped me suddenly.

"Why did you throw my breakfast!"

It's Xiaole.

I turned to look at him, he was a little out of breath, he should have just arrived here.In other words, he just lost me, and didn't give up looking for me?

"Why did you leave like this without saying a word? Do you know that Auntie and I will be very worried about you?", he complained angrily.

I lowered my head, didn't speak, and stood there stiffly.

He approached me slowly, "You think it's a big deal just because you're sick, right? Even if you're self-willed, we can't control you anymore, right?"

He was really angry, but his tone gradually softened.I dare not speak, because I just want to be willful, I just want to vent my displeasure, why is God so unfair to me, why can't He let me live longer?

He walked up to me and kept pushing me with his small fists, "You think you are sick only because of yourself? You are the only one who is sad, and we won't be sad? You are too self-righteous, Wei Jun..."

His eyes began to turn red, and his voice began to soften.

"Have you ever thought that I will be unhappy, I will also be stressed, and I will also be sad", he suddenly hugged me, I was so moved by his sudden action that I couldn't move, and I didn't know what to say What.

"You told such a big lie before, I forgive you. No matter how willful you are, I can't stop you. But, don't lose your temper at will, and even if you want to, don't stay so far away from me. I am really afraid that after losing you, I will never see you again."

I threw away the breakfast in my hand and hugged Xiao Le tightly.

"I was wrong", I stroked his hair tenderly, "I was really wrong. I was just upset, why is God so unfair, and only gave me the last year", I stared at him, Thor Looking at his sad face, "I'm really scared this time. I'm afraid that I will leave you forever and leave this world in a year...but I...", I suppressed my tears and choked up.

"Who said you only have one year?" He had already cried and said with a gentle smile, "Dr. You, do you love me?"

When I was about to speak, he blocked my mouth with his index finger.

"You only need to do one thing now".

I lost the ability to speak in the affectionate look at each other.

"Don't use lies to make up an illusion of happiness. Our life is very good now. Although it is painful, we live a more real life and understand its preciousness..." He said affectionately, "I just want to Accompany you through the last time, no matter how long is left, no matter how tired and bitter, I just want you to be well and live well."

I stroked his face, as if I had lost touch for a long time, I couldn't help but kiss his soft lips, I really miss Xiao Le's taste, everything about him, his love.

I want to take all of him.Knowing that I can't take it away, I only want to have it for as long as possible.

*

When we got home, my mother had already prepared a table of meals.There was silence at the dining table, the three of us took care of our food and swallowed.Xiao Le and I would look at each other from time to time, and would also put a few pieces of meat on my mother.Seeing the sad look on my mother's face made me feel a little uncomfortable.It is obvious that I am sick, but it will affect the whole family.

Mother put down her chopsticks and looked at us, "Jun'er, why don't you go back to Beijing, at least your dad and I can take care of you."

I don't really want to answer this question in front of Xiao Le, "Mom...can't you have a quiet meal?"

Mother gave Xiao Le a wink, and Xiao Le also looked a little at a loss.

"You can't stay here by yourself. Xiao Le also has a job, so it's impossible to be by your side 24 hours a day..."

"Mom, I don't want to go back." I glanced at Xiao Le, "I'm going back, what should Xiao Le do? I just want to stay with him."

"Then have you thought about me and your father? Have you thought about yourself?" My mother suddenly became excited, "What if Xiaole is too busy to take care of you? I can't just watch you Just get sick like this..."

Xiao Le pretended to be calm, and finally said, "Wei Jun, how about..." He hesitated, "Why don't you go back to Beijing with your aunt. At least your parents will take care of you."

I was a little surprised and a little angry, he actually stood by my mother, "Don't you want me to stay here with you?"

He looked struggling, "Of course not. It's just, just, your illness... What you need most now is someone who can take care of you every day, and I have to work, so I can't take care of your needs all the time... "

"Yeah, son. If something happens to you all of a sudden, your dad and I can at least take care of you, and..."

"And what? Do you all want me to go back to Beijing and trap me at home?" I said a little excitedly, "And...Yin Le, do you really want me to go back? You are not afraid of me leaving, we will Never see you again?"

It's hard for me to imagine that he and I just opened up our hearts in the morning and agreed not to leave each other, why did he change his mind now?

"No...Wei Jun, the first priority now is to keep you alive. Only if you live can I have the opportunity to continue to see you and be with you." He was a little flustered, with fear in his words, "I really want to be with you , but I am also very afraid that the thing that fainted last time will happen again. What I am even more afraid of is that once it happens, I will never see you again..."

I stopped talking, although I was a little angry, but they were all thinking of me.I put down the tableware in my hand, walked into the room and closed the door.