disqualified hero

Masuji Ibushi's class is very interesting. He has a wide range of interests and noble tastes. In addition to fine arts, he is also proficient in music, dance, and avant-garde art. He has profound literary attainments and masters multiple languages.The students of Chongming High School have great respect for those who possess knowledge, and their special superior status comes temporarily from their grades, so they understand the power of knowledge better than others.

Shuji Tsushima discovered that someone even took notes when Ibuku was speaking, in order to record his exquisite language and use it in the language test.

He spent most of the class talking about art and music, and while chatting, he took the violin out of his pocket, and said to his classmates: "I didn't bring a violin when I came here, so I can only use it to make up the numbers, and I don't say much. , let’s enjoy the music.”

The melodious sound of the piano echoed in the class, and the harmonica sound of Ifubuki seemed to be nobler than that of others, with smooth and full syllables. He didn't play world famous songs, maybe he played country tunes or simply made up by him.

There were not many people drawing, and the students in the same grade were enjoying the music or just staring at him obsessively.

Jing Fu has a very nice face.

One class is only one hour long. After class, Ifushi put away his harmonica and went out with his drawing board in his arms. Tokai Shota saw his back and chased him out without hesitation. He carried a drawing book under his arm .

"Ah, here we go again." Gaoyuan Puli whispered.

"Cut." There was a disdainful sneer from the crowd, "I'm going to be Jingfu's little tail again."

"Can he weigh his weight?"

"It's really annoying. He is like a brown candy. Every time he grabs Mr. Ifuku's hand and babbles a lot of words, and he doesn't give others a chance."

"The teacher has such a good temper that he is willing to listen to trash."

"Just to be polite, the teacher likes Banzhai the most." As she spoke, she called Banzhai who was writing something in the notebook, her expression was focused, and she didn't intend to join the conversation, "Really, Banzhai .”

"Ah? Ah." The beautiful-looking woman raised her head and nodded, although she didn't understand the situation.

"Well——" Shuji Tsushima's nasal voice is charming, "If that's the case, why didn't anyone grab Teacher Ifuku's attention?" The hidden guns and sticks in the words can be ignored, "Our school often has bluffing girls who go to surround excellent male teachers after class. It looks like they are attending an idol handshake meeting."

"Of course we won't do that." A girl's face was livid, her words were harsh, and she stabbed Shuji Tsushima like a sword of hostility with a cold light, but softened when she touched his face, "Who would be as inappropriate as him, Just like a puppy."

Another person joined in chatteringly: "If you interrupt him, you will still be stared at by the puppy, the eyes are so fierce that you seem to want to bark, it's really rude."

Shuji Tsushima stood up.

"Student Dazai?" The people around him asked in bewilderment.

"I'm going to see the puppy."

……

[My miserable daily life started from high school. ]

Tokai Shota recalled his short life. In the past year and a half, he often did this thing. At first, he wanted to find out the reason and how he got to this point. Later, Mr. Fukushi said, "The past memories are precious. experience", so he recalled the shadows, the things he could remember.

First of all, his name seems to be taken from a sports show, Tokai Shota, [Does my mother want me to play football, but unfortunately I don’t have any motor nerves at all].

[Having said that, the name Shota is probably used by more than [-] people in Japan. Its modern meaning may be similar to "Taro" and "Erro". Maybe I didn't have too many expectations for my birth. ]

Since childhood, Tokai Shota has not been a cheerful child. He is good at being silent, and he doesn’t fit in with others. When other children run around in the neighborhood, he just sits at home blankly. Network with other moms in the community.

When Xiangta was five years old, the second child in the family was born, also a boy. His parents were overjoyed at his birth.

"Shota, Shota, do you like your brother?"

The younger brother was named Donghai Chunsheng. From the perspective of Japanese grammar, "Chunsheng" is a strange name, but his parents read too many classics when choosing the name, and his father, strange to say, turned out to be a university literature writer. Those who graduated from majors even took Sinology courses and read Bai Juyi's poems when they were students.

"Just choose this sentence." He heard his father say, "The wild fire will never burn out, and the spring breeze will give birth again. Let's call Chunsheng."

[I didn’t understand Chinese poetry at all at the time. Now that I think about it, this poem probably doesn’t contain many wonderful wishes. It’s just that for parents, finding the younger brother’s name from Chinese poetry is already an expression of great importance. Compared with My "Xiangtai" and "Chunsheng" are the only ones in heaven and earth. ]

"I, I don't like it." When I was in kindergarten, I was already able to express my wishes.

The mother's expression changed all of a sudden, she forced a smile and said, "Why don't you like it?"

"My mother told my father that if I have anything, there is my younger brother." I said, "My younger brother is here to snatch my parents away, why should I like him."

Mother's face turned pale, her cheeks raised mechanically, and she put on a rigid smile. There was no smile in her eyes, but her eyes were wide open with panic. Tokai Shota thought of the goldfish he raised a year ago, He doesn't really remember what the goldfish looked like when it was alive, but its dead look is firmly engraved in Tokai Shota's heart.

[Its young, slippery body floats on the water, its fish eyes are wide open and protruding upwards, I can even see the curvature of its eyeballs from a distance, my mother's eyes remind me of its eyes, of death. ]

After going to elementary school, Shota Tokai’s sense of presence became higher. He got good grades and was often praised by his teachers. Parents were proud of him after hearing this. At the same time, he didn’t fit in well. Playing with the top students, he was quickly defeated by his boredom. Donghai spent his spare time by reading and painting. The books he read were things other children were unwilling to read.

"Lonely elementary school days."

After entering junior high school, Tokai Shota has a long stature, he is taller than his peers, and he wears a school uniform like an empty thin bamboo pole to support his clothes. At that time, his class secretly nicknamed him "Magan".

In fact, his appearance is quite handsome, and his skin is fair, but his hairstyle is thick, and his bangs block half of his face, so that no one can see his appearance clearly through the bangs.

[No, I can’t say no, Mr. Nagano can tell, so...]

Recalling this, his eyes flickered. In order to protect himself, or to avoid the minefield, he took the initiative to bypass this issue. Anyway, that incident caused him to change schools in the second year of junior high school. Teachers were also quietly fired from school.

Up to now, almost no one around him knows about this, even Gao Yuan Puli, who used to be his classmate, probably doesn't know about it, right?

"The absurd middle school era."

[The last is high school, to be precise, from the first year of high school to the present, a year has not yet arrived. ]

Tokai Shota pondered for a long time, thinking that if he added a preface to his past year, it must be "tragic high school years".

[I went to a private high school at the beginning of junior high school, and my grades in that school were barely considered upper class. Even for the class ranking, the teachers paid more attention to me. After I transferred, I had to go to a public high school that was even worse. I was a well-deserved No.1 in that school. These experiences made me think that as long as I get good grades, I can avoid many things, and many top students should be like me, silent and unpopular. ]

After arriving at Chongming High School, the situation has completely changed. Most of the students here are from Tokyo.

[Gaoyuan Puli found me and said to me, "No, Donghai, you have to participate in the social circle of the seniors, and if you can't do it, you have to get along with the classmates, or you will be isolated."]

What was her expression at the time?I recalled it carefully, and found that there was only a vague shadow in my mind. She was not something I paid attention to. When she came to remind me, I even wondered "Is she going to trick me again" and "Am I familiar with her?"

"Oh." In the end, I just answered slowly.

What happened later proved that at least on that day, Gaoyuan Puli really wanted to help me. She learned the truth about this school prematurely, she understood the laws of survival in nature, and knew that people who claim to be conquerors have to fight through bullying. They are weak to establish their own status, and they also know that people are social animals, and if they do not participate in the group, they will be hunted and hunted.

For some reason, I was disgusted by the seniors in the senior grades. I really can't figure out the reason. Maybe he asked me to do something, but I refused. My mother said that I am Japanese in my bones and believe in "don't disturb others" , At the same time, I also refuse to be "disturbed" by others. I will not do things that are done by gentlemen and enthusiastic people.

[Actually, I was not like that before, this is a sequelae. ]

Anyway, for some reason, in just a few days, the whole class knew that I was hated by the seniors. They whispered excitedly, as if they had discovered an interesting toy, and looked at me with a kind of morbid excitement , Then I became the object of everyone's fun, and some people would ignore me. They were already rare good people with a conscience in the class.

Teachers will not help me, even avoid me, I know they are vulnerable groups in this school.

[I heard from my mother that I am a very sensitive person. I have been like that since I was a child. I can’t tell who hates me. Maybe most people don’t like me, but I must know who really wants to help me Yes, it's a pity that even my parents' love for me is very limited, they love Chunsheng more. ]

[Modern people often say "unloved" and "forgotten people" are talking about me. ]

Shota Tokai thinks he is a rational person. He is definitely not a romanticist as people often say. He doesn't believe that "I am born to be useful". In his opinion, the innate sensitivity is very weak.

But, but...

In May, his dormitory was broken into, and all daily necessities, including mattresses, were overturned from the third floor and thrown down. The life teacher didn't care about the prisoners at all. : "It's a pity that I didn't get hit." Then he laughed.

[At that time, I would no longer be angry. During this period of time, I suffered too much school violence, and I don’t like the character of resistance very much. From my point of view, I can only look at other people with the eyes of a lunatic, and then He arched his back, packed up the remaining stationery, and ran away again. ]

Only this time, they were even more rampant, even lifting the mattress, regardless of whether the mattress dropped from the third floor would hit someone, and just pushed it down.

Rao Tokai Shota was also shocked. His motor nerves are not good, but he turned his head and ran with all his strength, fearing that he would be hit. However, according to the Murphy effect, the more you are afraid of something, something will come, and you don't need to look back. You can feel the heavy mattress getting closer and closer.

"Danger!" The voice came from the back of his head, attacking his back vigorously, it was not because he was hit by the mattress and fell to the ground, but warm and powerful hands wrapped around his back and moved along Move forward with inertia.

[Get, saved. ]

[My desire to live is not strong, but I also don’t want to die from the falling of the mattress. What’s more, if I don’t die, what should I do if I am only disabled, with a broken spine, so I will live in a wheelchair for the rest of my life. ]

After I settled down, I tried my best to support my body and wanted to see who the person who saved me was. Even I understood that I should thank someone after being saved.

[For some reason, I also heard a lot of noises. From the corner of my eye, I glanced around, and found students running from all directions, and I didn't know what to shout. ]

[Does the person who saved me have status? ]

"It's too dangerous." He heard the people around him say.

"Even if it is death, it is too painful to die from being crushed to death by a mattress, and it is a way of death that cannot be appreciated at all."

He held out his hand and said, "It's all right."

I replied in a daze, "I'm fine, Mr. Jingfu."

……

April 6

"Teacher Jingfu, Teacher Jingfu."

"Student Donghai." The man in the white shirt turned around. He saw that it was Donghai who stopped him, and he was a little embarrassed. Ifumoto was talking to Banzhai. They might be talking about the works that participated in this year's national competition.

"Teacher Jingfu." Donghai ran to the man out of breath and said, "Can you show me the work?"

"work?"

"It's the homework from last art class."

"Did you really draw?" Even Banzhai will not do boring homework. No matter whether he does it or not, Ibuku will give the students satisfactory marks. In his words, "The meaning of art class is to let everyone If you have a relaxing time, it would be even better if you can cultivate your artistic sentiment.”

Ban Zhaixin crossed her hands in front of the skirt, she has a good manner, she is definitely not the daughter of the middle class, Gao Yuan Puli once murmured in her ear, saying that she is the daughter of a big chaebol, and she is the next president of the student union , she looked at Donghai in the same way as her classmates, her slight disdain was wrapped in a toothless ladylike smile.

She has no interest in vicious activities against the lower class, but she will never save others by the light of the Holy Light.

"Then I'll go first, teacher." Ban Zhaixin saluted and left, and Jing Fu could only nod his head and say, "I'm sorry, Ban Zhai, you can leave first." Then he turned his head and said to Dong Hai, " Classmates, if you have anything to say, come to my office and talk."

They are in the corridor, not many people, except for those who come and go between the classroom and the toilet, most of the others are sitting in the classroom, in other words, the street is by no means empty, with countless pairs of eyes staring at them.

"Okay, teacher."

Ifuku has not been at the school for a long time. He is a well-loved artist, and it is impossible for the school officials to treat him in the same way as an ordinary teacher. He has a one-person office, and I heard that the residence is also very luxurious.

[Super... amazing. ]

Donghai looked at the office with bright eyes, and there was a wall of books. Not only books were placed on it, but also paintings and some weird images were hung on it.

"It's amazing." He couldn't help praising, "Etruria, Greece, Amor..." He walked in front of a small statue of the Wheel-Turning King, "Is it the secret religion of Tibet?"

"Yes." Ifuku was surprised, "Do you recognize it?" Etruria, Greece, and Amor are all the image styles he hung. Every country and every religion has religious patterns or works of art. , the vast majority of people looking at these works can only praise them as "beautiful, elegant, and artistic", but few can tell the source.

"Yes, I like to study religion, and I have read some books because of it." Donghai said, "I have seen these images in books."

Ibuku became interested in his words, and the two sat in the office chatting all over the world, from Japanese naturalism to women's spiritual awakening, from the Four Books of the ancient oriental country to London mythology, from hippies to the Islamic country, their dialogue is He is casual and has extensive knowledge. Dong Hai's cheeks are flushed. He has his own pride. He thinks that he has read enough books and has knowledge. Those people who bully him are the destruction of knowledgeable people by mediocre people. , he told himself that he can't be ambitious with people of low intelligence. From the past to the present, he who has not been loved uses this to build confidence and find a position.

"Your knowledge is quite rich, so I guess you are much smarter than ordinary people." Ifuku said, "Because of this, I think you understand the status quo. This is by no means brazen. I am still popular in the school. As for you, I think there is no need to talk about the status quo. If Mr. Donghai wants to finish high school in peace, he should be more low-key. Why bother to offend others? Being with me will only make your situation worse Poor, even for our own sake we should stay away."

"No." Donghai said firmly for the first time, "As long as it doesn't burden the teacher, please allow me to come to you to ask questions from time to time."

"It's definitely not a burden to me."

"Then please allow me to be rude." His eyes flickered. "There are always things that are more important than low-level bullying. As long as I can learn from you, teacher, no matter what kind of discrimination you endure, as long as you don't drive me away."

[I want to be understood. ]

"Ah, so you say..."

[I want to be loved. ]

"Then I too..."

[Teacher, the way you look at me is the same as looking at everyone in the world, it is fraternal. ]

[I want to be loved. ]

"It's hard to say anything."

Jing Fu said with a smile: "If possible, please share with me any reading experience in the future."

[Then there's no way. ]

[I will not reject those who are thirsty for knowledge. ]

……

[ah. ]

Shuji Tsushima and Shota Tokai looked at each other, [Sure enough, it's a puppy, and it's a puppy who almost barked. ]

Shota Tokai looked at him really funny, holding his picture album in his hand, and was concentrating on talking something, when he saw Shuji Tsushima approaching, he distracted him a bit, and Tokai felt it immediately, he didn't care Staring at Tsushima mercilessly, his eyes were not only vigilant but still vigilant, and his back molars were clenched tightly.

In the eyes of Shuji Tsushima, his face changed and he became a dog. The dog here is not a derogatory dog, he actually thinks it is quite cute.

[The black wet nose, the face wrinkled from biting back the teeth, the fierce eyes set in the eye sockets, will you scream? ]

[Really, I obviously haven't done anything yet. ]

"What's the matter, Dazai-san?"

"Hey, I want to ask a little question." Shuji Tsushima said, "I heard from a classmate that transfer students must choose the clubs they want to join within a week. After hearing the introduction just now, I found that the clubs on campus are very interesting, because I can't join them for the time being. Decided, I just want to go around in the interested club first." He asked, "Can I come to the art club to audit?"

"Of course." Jing Fu said with a smile, "The art club welcomes all students who are interested in art."

……

"The above is what happened to me." Shuji Tsushima finished his explanation.

"That is to say." Odasaku organized the words, "You think there is something wrong with Ibuku, and there is something wrong with Tokai Shota."

"Huh?" Shuji Tsushima said, "You've already heard that after a lot of talking."

"Oh, yes."

"Hey, it's really boring." Shuji Tsushima complained, "Odasaku, you are sometimes very interesting, and sometimes you are not interesting at all, just like an old man who is prematurely aging."

[Does he want me to ask questions, but I really don't know what to say. ]

"Anyway, let's wait a little longer." As it turns out, Tsushima is also very good at asking and answering himself. His IQ is too high, and his thinking is beyond the reach of ordinary people. Oda Saku thought, maybe he often asks himself Answering to pass the time, so it will be the same when chatting with people, "It is estimated that something more interesting will happen in two days."

"What's more interesting?"

"It's dead people." Shuji Tsushima said, "If you look at the photos on the Internet, serial killers will never stop."

"Ah, if you want to kill someone, can you stop at any time?"

"No, it's not the same, he is completely different from you Odasaku." Tsushima said, "For example, what do you think about the murderer, and to what extent?"

"It's work." Odasaku thought about it, "I have to do the work, the degree, I don't know what you said, I don't have a very real understanding of this matter, if you let me choose, I still eat Spicy curry is better."

"Well, sure enough, Odasaku, you've become interesting again."

[It's really hard to judge whether he's interesting or not, I'm talking about it differently every day in Tsushima's mouth. ]

"It's true for you, but it's definitely not for the prisoner." He said, "The other party created it with the intention of brewing a work of art. He wanted to turn people into that. It must be the final work. To please myself, but I think his aesthetic level is low, he just wants to find novelty, the prisoner behind it."

"It's impossible for you to stop such a person, because he has already tasted the sweetness, and anyway, the dead are still alive, right, that is to say, there are even ways to hide, and it will definitely be more rampant." He concluded. , "I will definitely do it again."

"Ah," Oda said again, "but what if we don't see a new victim."

"Then it's all about luck," Tsushima said finally.

……

[The moonlight is very good today. ] Odasaku opened the window and lived on the mountain. He seemed to be closer to the moon. Somehow, his thoughts drifted to the harbor of Yokohama with the evening wind.

As long as he was in Yokohama, he went to the port every day, once in the morning and once in the evening, when he ran in the morning and at night respectively.

[We agreed to meet at the port. ]

Because of the agreement, I will go back to Yokohama every day to wait, no matter what the reality is, I have to go with the last hope, maybe, maybe.

Oda Saku doesn't know what he's thinking, is he holding on to hopes that are even tinier than dust, hoping that Mr. D will create a miracle, and on a sunny morning or a breezy night, a tall man walks in front of him , smiled and asked: "Are you Mr. O? I've been waiting for a long time."

Or maybe he just wants to keep the agreement, the agreement with his only friend, he uses this to keep remembering D, keep recalling the two people's address books, and keep proving that he once had a friend, so as to reorient his life, Take the path of becoming a writer firmly.

Take Mr. D as an anchor, a lighthouse, and a milestone in your life.

He turned his head to think about his own heart, and analyzed himself according to Shuji Tsushima's self-deprecating way, but he still couldn't figure out what he was thinking, Oda Saku thought, maybe he was just a confused person, and he couldn't even see himself clearly.

[The weather outside is very good, and the moon is also very clear. If you can’t go down the mountain, let’s run around the school at night. ]

After thinking about it, he started to act. He put on his sports clothes and went out for a run.

Platycodon flowers have been planted around the school. Besides bellflowers, there is also a flower garden in the school. I passed by it in the afternoon, but I didn’t go in to see it. I passed by at night. I don’t know why, and I suddenly became interested. What's up?" and went in.

[Hey, it turned out to be a constant temperature flower garden. ]

The first thing that catches the eye is not the flowers, but the trees, they have long and wide leaves, hanging down from a height, the leaves are stacked one by one, even the vision is covered, raise your hand, the leaves are crisp and slippery The touch touches the back of the hand, and the strong fragrance floats into Odasaku's nose. He is not a botanist, so of course he can't distinguish the smell of flowers, but to be honest, this floral fragrance is really unpleasant, it seems to have knocked over a flower. A bottle of concentrated essential oil made his brain dizzy.

In a daze, he saw fireflies, whether they were wild or raised in flower gardens, they were connected into a dense milky way, which at first glance looked like silver chains under the moonlight, like the surface of a sparkling sea.

There are people at the end of the sea, did the fragrance of flowers make him hallucinate?Odasaku couldn't sense his own body, he stretched out his hand, trying to catch the phantom in his heart, and squeezed out a confused voice from his throat:

"Mr. D?"

[Etc., etc. ]

[Not quite right. ]

[I smell the stench of corpses. ]