disqualified hero

/ Dear Mr. O:

Oops, I'm sorry to use cute as the preface, and my language is too poor, and I really can't think of other ideas after receiving the previous letter.Right now, I am writing a letter sitting behind a small table on the balcony. The sun in Tokyo is really good, and the right to sunlight in my residence has not been violated. The warm light shines on my back. I have a cup of coffee in my right hand. Afterwards, my mood also became more relaxed.

Let me talk about my decision first, I am going to write a new work.Some people say that "art comes from life", and I would like to support it with both hands and feet. As you can see, the words I have written all come from daily life, such as those that are called disease narratives by the world, as well as sentimental feelings, Tragedy aesthetics, there are too many titles to list them one by one. In the final analysis, they are love tragedies, which is how I understand them.There is also prose, those prose and poems, there is no doubt that the emotions of the protagonist are the emotions of the author, and the connotation expressed in the words is the thoughts in my heart. From this perspective, I seem to be transparent.

But the work is not something that can be written at will. It needs inspiration and opportunity. A few days ago, I watched a beautiful and complicated love tragedy. I said that the complexity is due to too many participants, and the tragedy is the fate of everyone. It is said that this play has a warning effect, but I think it is beautiful and moved, so I decided to record it in words.

What is more important is another work. I guess I haven’t produced anything since a year ago, and it is also closely related to this work. As for the words I wrote before, they are commemorative, reminiscent, and memoirs after death. After writing everything, I ran out of ammunition and food, and I no longer knew how to write.

I thought I had exhausted my talent, but it came too suddenly, and the past few years have been so muddled that I don't even know what I want to do and what kind of person I want to be.

About a few days ago, I finally saw it clearly. It took a long time to break through the maze, but it usually only takes a moment for the clouds to disperse. Just listen to it as if you were a fool talking in your sleep.

I spent a long time thinking about what is a hero and how to be a hero.

Others will probably laugh out loud when they read it. I am a person without dreams. Writing is a hobby, but I don’t know what else to do besides writing. I heard the teacher say that it is best to find a dream, so I borrowed someone else’s dream .

Isn’t this kind of thing often happening? The father’s ideal is to be an envoy of justice, and the son admires his father very much, so he also dreams of becoming an envoy of justice. My nature is probably the same.

I had a big friend in the past, this past can be traced back to the distant childhood, I made his goals my own, and his unfinished business as my career, and I worked hard for it, and I succeeded ,no doubt.

Now I don’t know what to do anymore, maybe it’s because he did his job too thoroughly, or maybe the society is different and I don’t need to do that, so I started to pursue my dreams, not to say that people without dreams are walking dead (laughs), I want to have a soul, to be a living human being.

It is a pity that society does not need heroes. I mean, society has become different. It is complete and real. People are multifaceted and mature. The society is neither deformed nor distorted. There is no need for tragic desperate Heroes use blood and life to awaken people and complete epic grand narratives. In the final analysis, unless there is a specific historical period, how can there be one person worshiped, and how can they be saved by a single human being? Because they can’t, the pattern of heroes becomes smaller. up.

I finally realized that the kind of hero I wanted to be didn't exist.

I live boredly, write works, solve cases that ordinary people can’t solve, and find some fun for myself. Without Ahong’s dream, I have no dream, so I can do whatever I want. I don’t know when I think about it now. What is the definition of a hero? For a real hero, the name of saving thousands of people is exactly the same as rescuing a cat stuck between the trees.

There is no high or low in life, and neither is good deed.

Awakening is about a moment, and the turning point is what I told you, that child.

I decided to talk to you before overthrowing it. He was very similar to me and very different from me. The tragedy part was similar. When I looked back at my past, I could only see two or three twilight spots, but more of it was thick darkness. I asked myself: Do you feel that darkness should be reproduced in another child?

I don't think so.

I took him out of the house because it wasn't home to him and it would be worse to be stuck in a box, I couldn't get over the way he locked himself in the little door and vomited, it moved me heart of.

[Ah, so I also have sympathy] I thought so at the time.

Thinking about it further, I sympathized with him as I sympathized with myself, and I tried to save him as if I wanted to hold back my past self.

Unfortunately I failed.

He got worse, maybe that was inevitable, but I accelerated the process, and I realized that I didn't have enough power to influence him.

So should I give up?

There are many moments where I want to do that.

In the end, I was still upset.

If people around me know about this psychological activity, most of them will sigh "You still feel hard to get over it", I sigh from the bottom of my heart, and I am actually thinking, would I be like this.

Turns out, yes, I would, I cared about the kid, I valued him more than myself.

When I realized this, the world suddenly became different. Ahong’s voice sounded in my ears, and he said, “There are no heroes, big or small. You can save a world or a person.”

Is a hero who saves only one person a hero?I have no idea.

It's just that I want to save him.

Also saving myself.

D／

……

Shuji Tsushima discovered that his guardian had become different.

[Is the attitude different?or something else?I can't say much, maybe he is more relaxed when communicating with me, he no longer hides and hides, and rarely shows his signature mysterious smile. ]

In terms of action, it is still the same as before, writing clumsy words in his mouth, chatting up with the beautiful waitress in the cafe downstairs, and occasionally dealing with incidents for reasoning, (like Holmes, he calls himself a consulting detective).He doesn't limit what Shuji Tsushima can do, and he has to be with him wherever he goes, but he will read good books and exchange ideas together when the two of them are together.

They watched "Shadow Samurai" together, which is also Akira Kurosawa's work. Shuji Tsushima said: "Under the torrent of history, personal power is useless." Shadow Samurai is stupid.

Osamu Dazai smiled and said, "I find it quite interesting." He said, "The world can change because there are many idiots." The curvature of the corners of his eyes became soft, "I quite like this kind of person."

Shuji Tsushima looked up at him, with a strange look, as if he was meeting Osamu Dazai for the first time, his eyes seemed to say "I never knew you were this kind of person".

"Speaking of which." Osamu Dazai said, "I was entrusted to investigate the disappearance."

"what?"

"The missing incident." Osamu Dazai explained, "The missing child incident." He pointed on the tablet, "It's too big, and the police can't stop it."

"The missing places have spread. At the beginning, it was near the port, which is Yokohama. Last month, it spread to the Kanagawa area. Recently, there have been several reports of missing people in Tokyo. The number is still normal. Some people are missing, but no one can guarantee that they have nothing to do with it." He showed Shuji Tsushima the screen, "From the perspective of scope, there is a possibility of spreading to Tokyo."

"Child trafficking." Shuji Tsushima said, "Why do you want so many children?"

"It's very versatile." Osamu Dazai smiled at him, "Mercenary cultivation, organ cultivation, trading, and if you're lucky, you can even find rare items with supernatural abilities. I heard that there are people with supernatural abilities in the orphanage. Most of the children will be taken away."

"Ah." Shuji Tsushima said, "This kind of business should have lasted for many years."

"From ancient times to the present." Osamu Dazai said, "If you really want to say, the nearest transit point for population is Thailand."

[Hmm... human trafficking. ]

"So are you going to investigate?" he asked.

"Preparations have already begun." Osamu Dazai replied, "Tomorrow and the day after tomorrow, I want to go to Yokohama first, there should be some traces there."

"In the final analysis, if people are transported abroad in containers, the most likely place is there."

An extrajudicial place beyond the jurisdiction of the government.

……

"Zhong Ye, Zhong Ye!"

It has been three days since Nakahara Chuya came back from Tokyo. The first two days were calm. Yang is a self-defense organization that has not yet scaled up. Unless the station is attacked, the interior is generally quite loose. The children have their own lives. You can use it here. Pachinko is replaced with petty theft.

Unorganized and loose makes it impossible to trace personal traces. It is normal for them not to see anyone for two days. It is also possible to die drunk on the side of the road. It's a piece of waste paper, and they have experienced the luxury of adults too early.

Central Plains is also a generous leader, yes, he is the leader of the sheep, other children are so respected, he also thinks so, he regards protecting people as his bounden duty, but he never confines everyone within his own range, If an adult knows his management method, he will shake his head and say, "You are too tolerant."

But no adult said this, so Zhong Yuanzhong couldn't realize it.

He was reading, and he bought the book on the way back. There is a bookstore in Tokyo Station, and books are sold to tourists. He passed by the open bookstore, looked back, and caught a glimpse of the three big characters of Akira Kurosawa.

I bought that book by accident, and I didn't even know the content. Is it Kurosawa's work view or his legendary life?Or his memoirs?Buy it and buy it.

He has been studying this book for the past two days, but fortunately, the content is not very bad.

"Zhongye! Zhongye!" I heard the yelling of my companions again. It was far away before, but now it is very close. Zhongyuan Zhong also guessed that it was some trivial matter, such as someone robbed them of their territory, they stole Sometimes it was discovered by the Mafia and cleaned up.

The latter appeared a few times. He didn't really want to take care of it, but he had to take care of it because of his feelings. The Mafia refused to accept the provocation and was found to have stolen their things. The result was nothing more than three shots in the chest and thrown into the Yokohama sea.He won't just let the sheep sink into the sea, so he wants to help.

"What's the matter?" He jumped off the roof.

"Xianghui is missing."

"Pingtai is also missing."

"The two of them?" Zhong Yuan Zhong also said, "Did they drink too much and dumped it in the trash can?"

This matter has a criminal record. Xianghui is 14 years old and belongs to the oldest group in the mutual aid organization. She has orange hair and a cute face, but she prefers revealing adult attire. I also saw her wearing thick purple eyeshadow and wearing Fishnet stockings—Xianghui spent most of her saved money on buying them, but the goods circulating in the slums of Yokohama were not good, so she felt even more cheap after wearing them.

Pingtai likes Xianghui, the kind he really likes, but the relationship between the two of them is not understandable in the Central Plains. He heard that Xianghui worked as a prostitute for money, and later saw it himself. Pingtai didn't seem to care, and would still protect Xianghui. Hui Hui, so that she will not be harassed in the liquor store, and if I have spare money, I will buy her a pink beaded bracelet, and I will exchange it for freshly baked cupcakes.

Xianghui said that she likes to eat sweets.

But she never accepted a cupcake once.

Xianghui said that the pink beaded bracelet was too earthy, but she accepted it. She had never worn it before. Others didn't know where she kept the beaded bracelet. Some people said she threw it away. too much research.

"No." The person who came said eagerly, "Someone saw her coming out of the bar, it was the night before yesterday."

"Then?" Nakahara Chuya said, "I came out the night before yesterday, where did I go yesterday and today?"

"do not know."

"She came out of the bar, and Pingtai stood waiting for her at the back door of the bar as usual. The bartender said that they helped each other back, and they disappeared when they came back."

"It's gone." Zhong Yuanzhong also repeated, "Maybe he went to do something else."

The child who has been anxious since just now suddenly broke out: "No, absolutely impossible!" He said, "Recently, there have been frequent disappearances in this area. We agreed to contact each other once a day. It is impossible for them not to contact everyone. not to mention……"

"Wait." Zhong Yuanzhong also interrupted him, "What do you mean by frequent disappearances?" How could I have heard of it?Kichijiro was stunned for a moment, and even the vigorous anger and anxiety froze together. He opened and closed his mouth several times, but decided to talk about it by himself: "Since half a month ago, many people have disappeared in the slums. He said bitterly, "They are all under the age of 20. At first, most of the children were four or five years old, and then the older children began to disappear."

"Why didn't anyone tell me." Nakahara Zhongya repeated mechanically. "We feel that no one dares to abduct people who sell sheep." Kichijiro Nono said, "The disappearance of other people has little to do with us."

Nakahara Chuya's back molars were stuck together, creaking, but he didn't speak.

He is a smart man, and he easily understood what Kichiro meant. They believed that their organizational force was sufficient and no one would invade, so they simply blocked the news from Zhongyuan Zhong, so that he would not hear other people's mourning wishes when he was strolling on the street, and he would be punished. Talk to protect a few more people.

In fact, the Central Plains will not. Although he is the conscience of the sheep, he has no fraternity. On the contrary, his violence is also outstanding in the mafia organization. If he knows the missing information, he will gather the sheep people together and take care of them. security, rather than blindly expanding their circle of protection.

He didn't sigh, just put his hands in his pockets: "Where is the missing place?" He asked Jijiro.

"I, I'll take you there."

……

"Will detectives take on small cases?" Shuji Tsushima asked. They had already arrived in Yokohama, standing on a main road spanning north and south.

"Occasionally." Osamu Dazai said.

In front of them is Kangzhuang Avenue, on the left is barbed wire and dusty low buildings, and on the right is the sky tree and TV tower. Shuji Tsushima came to Yokohama for the first time, but it did not prevent him from thinking of East and West Berlin, so he asked Osamu Dazai: " Will someone dig a tunnel to connect the two ends of the city?"

"Actually." Osamu Dazai said, "There is no ban on traffic here."

"Don't you even need to show your ID?"

"You don't even need to show your ID." Osamu Dazai pointed to the lamppost and said, "But the city on the right has surveillance, military police, and prices are not low. If you steal something after running into a store, you will be wanted." More importantly What is more interesting is, "The wild dogs don't want to come out of the alley after staying in the garbage dump for a long time."

"If a person shrinks in a turtle shell for a long time, he will become a coward."

……

Three days ago

night.

Pingtai grabs Xianghui and runs down the street.

He is a common boy in the slums, with a crew cut, a knife scar on his body, and possibly a gun hole, but he has never shown it to others.

Pingtai's figure is very thin. Anyone who struggled with wild dogs in the garbage dump since he was a child will be like him. Fortunately, he is very tall, and he is even a bit burly after wearing a coat with shoulder pads. Xianghui helped him find it. Cloth, wrapped around the waist in layers to fill out the empty coat, now he looked less like a scrawny scarecrow and more like a Mafia reservist.

The same is true of his future plans, join a mafia gang, climb up as much as possible, at least not die too early, if he dies early, the only beneficiary of illegal income is Xianghui.

"What are you crazy about?" Xianghui also heard him talking, lit a cigarette in return, and blew the smoke rings all over Pingtai's face, the girl is actually not very good at smoking, she just hid the tobacco under her skirt, She made a sophisticated gesture when necessary, and in order to blow out smoke rings, she coughed for a long time, so that Heita had to pat her on the back to give people comfort.

"I spend the money I earn by myself, and I don't owe you any favors." She said, "Isn't it good that you support yourself with your money and mine support me?" She said casually, "I've already negotiated I'm going to work as a waitress in this shop next month, they like young people like me, and I can get out of the sheep at that time, you find a job, we all go out, it's just right."

"You want to quit the sheep?" Pingtai was very surprised.

"Otherwise?" She said angrily, "I am 16 years old, and I can get married in other cities in Japan." In fact, she is only 14, at most 15, Xianghui has always claimed that she is 16, and she aspires to be the oldest one.

She proudly announced: "Always let a little older child protect you. It's not shameful. Now that you're an adult, even if you can't shoulder the responsibilities, don't cause trouble for others." She compared her height and said, "Zhong also He's shorter than me, he's just a kid."

"Those people have face, but I don't."

In fact, she doesn't have much contact with Zhongyuanzhong, but she has also received real benefits from the previous times when Yang competed with other organizations for territory. Even when she works in a bar, others will respect her two points because of her affiliation. From this point of view , Xianghui is undoubtedly very grateful to Zhongyuan Zhongye, but she is the eldest sister, and she hates being under the wing of others all the time.

She also sent a few books to Zhongyuan Zhong, and some fresh milk, and she didn't say more than five sentences, and the above is all their intersection.

From this point of view, she looks down on the other older members of the sheep.

Pingtai didn't say anything. In fact, he hoped that Xianghui would stay in the sheep. Zhongyuan Zhong was young and young, with powerful abilities, and he valued loyalty. In the organization, he would definitely be protected, but he knew the character of the other party, and he knew that she would not agree.

"That's it." Xianghui said, "I'm going to work."

"I," Pingtai called out to stop her, "I was hired to guard the door of the bar." He was very embarrassed, "It's the side door."

"Okay." Xianghui said, "I'll come to you after it's over."

They were supposed to go home together. Xianghui and Pingtai each had a small nest, and the two houses were next to each other.

[how so? ! ]

Ping Tai hugged the fainted Xianghui and ran away. He didn't understand the current situation. Xianghui was very good at drinking. She usually came out at two or three o'clock, but she didn't come today. He walked around into the store from another side door suspiciously. In the warehouse, I saw a sack that could hold one person, and there were several sacks on display in the warehouse.

He instinctively sensed something was wrong, so he opened it with trembling hands, and No. 1 was Xianghui.

Half of her blooming false eyelashes fell out, and her makeup was muddy with sweat, but she was still alive.

So Pingtai didn't think about anything, picked up Xianghui and ran away. His only destination was the doctor.

Someone was catching up, one, two, three. He moved his chopstick-like legs and ran at the fastest speed, trying to get away from them and shake off the pursuers.

"Zhongye! Zhongye!"

Pingtai shouted in despair: "Help us! Chuya!"

……

Zhong Yuanzhong also picked up a string of bracelets.

Pink, strung with glass beads.

Men will find it suitable for women, and women will find it earthy.

The beads that Pingtai gave Xianghui are just like this.

Kichijiro stood behind him, anxious, Nakahara Nakahara could almost see flowers in the bracelet, and Kichijiro didn't even know why he stopped in the middle of the road to dig up the dirt and pick up the trash.

[Should we go forward, the bar is just ahead. ] The words twirled on the tip of the tongue several times, and almost spit it out, only to hear a clear and sweet child's voice behind him: "Do you want to wear it on your hand, so feminine."

Nakahara Chuya's face was distorted.

[Do you want to die, brat. ]

……

The door of the curry shop was pushed open, and the wind chimes rang.

"Welcome light... it's you."

"Yes." O said, "No, don't be too busy Uncle, I'm not here to eat curry today." He said, "I have a job, I can't come back to eat curry for a while, and I have to leave soon."

"Before I leave, I want to ask, have you received a reply?"

"Yes." The curry uncle put the snow-white envelope on the table.

"Take it with you on the road." He narrowed his eyes narrowly, "It has a much more aftertaste than our curry, right?"

O said: "No, the two are different in nature and cannot be compared together." He put his heart in his arms, close to his chest, "I'm going to work, uncle."

"Be careful on the road."

Next stop, Yokohama.