disqualified hero

"Can your eyes still see me?"

[This is the last time I opened my eyes before my death. ]

Gao Cangmo doesn't like her own name very much. When she grows up, she thinks that her parents gave her this name because of the mentality of being a rare commodity. In order to highlight her uniqueness, even the name is not very common.

After marrying into the Tsushima family, she prefers to be called Mrs. Tsushima. As for the weird name, it is best for everyone to forget it.

She held a Kami-style wedding with Tsushima Haraemon. In fact, Mrs. Tsushima can see it for herself. She prefers Western-style weddings. The wedding dress is much more beautiful than Shiro Mugou. This is a little fantasy hidden in her heart, but like People like them can't escape like that. She knew from a young age that beautiful wedding dresses were not for her.

After marrying as a wife, she adapted to life as a housewife. For her, it was just being transferred from one cage to another, but because she got rid of the annoying name, she even felt a little relieved. My own study room, which has never existed before. For people who live at night, a little light is enough to comfort them. For Mrs. Tsushima, it is probably the same.

In the spring of the following year, a new, still weak life appeared in her belly. For this reason, the belt of the kimono was first relaxed by three feet, and then she simply put on a Western-style petticoat. , Mrs. Tsushima's face will always shine with the brilliance of motherhood.

[This is my child. ]

A touch of joy filled my heart.

Mr. Tsushima Haraemon also attaches great importance to children. Rather than saying that he likes them, it is better to entrust some kind of fanatical feelings in the unborn little life. But it was smaller than a goldfish, and she didn't seem to mind that much.

[It would be a good thing to have supernatural powers. ]

She was humming softly in her throat, it was "Red Dragonfly" by Miki Rokaze. Mrs. Tsushima also liked European and American nursery rhymes, but she didn't have much contact with them when she was young, but Japanese songs and long and short poems grew up listening to them. Yes, he has also received special education, and the ancient palace tunes are so rare that the servants can't wait to stop and listen when they pass by.

She is a very talented woman.

"Red dragonfly in the sunset, where are you? I met you in my childhood, when was that day?

Take the small basket and go to the mountain, the mulberry trees are as green as shade, and the mulberry fruit is picked and put in the small basket, is it dream shadow? "

[Grow up quickly, grow up quickly. ] She thought, [You must be like a bird, with wings stronger than anyone else, and soar higher than the canopy of the sky. ]

Only then can he fly out of the cage.

The child was born as scheduled ten months later. He was a beautiful boy. When the child was born, he would not know whether he had supernatural powers. Some people were even able to determine their abilities after middle age. The redness and wrinkles on his face receded, but her husband's attitude became strange, as if he had great expectations for the child, but also seemed to fear and hate the child.

He was named Xiu Zhi.

"Oh, isn't that—the young master's name?"

"Be careful, the master won't let you mention it."

"Butler Zechuan stopped talking."

She stood behind the closet, Yaksha turned into a phantom, lurking quietly on the beam, Yaksha's ears were her ears, Yaksha's eyes were her eyes, Yaksha was Mrs. Tsushima herself, and she heard those who were hiding from her Whispering that she didn't know, another meaning of [Shuji Tsushima]'s name got into her head.

Yasha sneaked into Tsushima Haraemon's study, opened a secret drawer, and a boy's face was reflected.

[found it. ]

Yasha's colorless pupils reflected the appearance of the photo. He was a very handsome young man. Mr. Haremon's shadow could be vaguely found in his facial features, but more...

[You can already guess what Shuzhi-kun will look like in the future. ] This was her first thought, but when she thought about it, she always felt palpitations that made people unable to breathe, especially when she found that the words "Shuji Tsushima" were densely written, and those words crowded every word in the frame of the book. A gap, the heavy hatred contained in the words made it difficult for her to even breathe smoothly.

She began to try her best to find out about another "Shuji Tsushima". Some of the people who knew him in the house were cleared out, and the rest were immobile. Even Mr. Haraemon didn't know about Yasha The five senses communicate with Mrs. Tsushima, not to mention other people. As long as they avoid her, the servants will occasionally chat about topics related to "Shuji Tsushima". In addition, there is also Tsushima Haraemon himself. Keeping the information of "Shuji Tsushima" like a self-abuse, eliminating the traces of his existence from the old house, but locking him in a world, facing the existence of that person day and night, Mrs. Tsushima will care The way he looked at his son, the look in his eyes, terrified her.

[His gaze penetrates Shuzhi-kun. ] Mrs. Tsushima fidgeted with the fabric of the kimono with her fingers uneasily. She undoubtedly loved her child, and her love for Shuzhi-kun became the brightest, most maternal, and softest part of her life.

[He is looking at another person. ]

She is looking for a solution, but her thinking can't get around the shadow of traditional Japanese patriarchy. Although she may have a turbulent soul, she grew up in a cage but fixed Mrs. Tsushima's way of thinking. She is like a bird in a cage. Can't jump out.

[It is impossible to directly kill Mr. Haraemon and replace him. Shuzhi-kun is too young. Without him, how can I keep my young child in the Tiger's Den Dragon Pool? ] Her first decision was that she could not be separated from her husband's support.

[Shuji-kun must be better and stronger, or if he can please Mr. Haraemon. ]

[Supernatural power, he has to awaken the supernatural power, which is the best. ]

So her second creed is on the same line as Haraemon. She believes that the way for Shuji Tsushima to break the game is to obtain supernatural powers.

[Mom loves you, Xiuzhi-kun. ] She looked at the sleeping baby in the swaddle with loving eyes.

……

Mother died.

Shuji Tsushima looked at "her" numbly.

When my mother left, she was very quiet, with a dignified posture. She probably expected her own death, and put on a beautiful kimono in advance. He had never seen this kimono before, and he had no way of knowing when he bought it. The corners are decorated with pink petals, is it cherry blossoms?It seems to be, and it seems not to be.

[How did she put on the kimono? ] What fills his mind now are all irrelevant questions, Shuji Tsushima's mind is very empty, empty like nothing.

[Even the tie is the most complicated method. Mother can’t even stand up, so how did she put it on? Was it a superpower that helped her? But my father said that with her physical condition, she couldn’t summon it for a long time. Yasha, this is verified by modern technology. ] Shuji Tsushima knew that his mother had supernatural powers a long time ago, and his parents were proud of it, so of course they would tell him the essence of supernatural powers.

"Your mother is no longer able to summon Yaksha." Tsushimaharaemon said, "Her ability is flawed. The strength of Yaksha is similar to that of a human body. You can also see her body, which cannot be used. Supernatural power." When he said this, he was very disappointed, as if he saw an ant that would die if he pinched it, "Compared with the normal ability to control Yasha, it is really far worse."

[Could it be a flashback?She seems to have heard a similar saying before that when a person is about to die, an extraordinary force will erupt. It may be this force that supports her to stand up and complete all the movements. ] Thinking wildly in his heart, but there are also doubts that make Shuji Tsushima anxious. He vaguely has an idea, but he is unwilling to say it right away.

After all, the position of his mother in his heart is different.

[Mother died. ] This is the real thought that lingers in the bottom of his heart.

[No one loves me like a mother anymore. ]

Even if it is a deformed love, a love that makes people breathless, it is true.

"Mr. Xiuzhi!" A woman's voice mixed with two or three wisps of fragrance enveloped him. A human's embrace is one of the most private spaces, and he is now enveloped in Ah Chong's embrace.

Ah Zhong doesn't like incense. She always likes to be refreshed and refreshed. Occasionally, there is a scent, which is also contaminated by flowers. Last time she fell on the ground, there was a smell of mud in the gap between her toes, so she just smelled it. I can't even smell it after changing clothes.That day was the day when Professor Shanren died.

His nose was very nimble, so he could smell the deep smell of blood hidden on A Zhong's body at this moment.

"It's okay, it's okay, Mr. Xiuzhi." She said, "I'm here, no one can hurt you."

She kept repeating: "I'm already here, Mr. Xiuzhi."

From the bottom of her heart, she couldn't help saying: "Come with me, Mr. Xiu Zhi, escape from this place, escape from all this, fly with me to the outside of the birdcage, I will take good care of you."

Shuji Tsushima didn't say anything.

He just looked at the leaving mother, as if looking at the unreachable future.

/ It was a long time later that I realized that love can also be a chain, which locks people in the world.I have long thought of death, and I don’t need to pretense it, that is, I keep trying to kill myself, but when I really touch death, I withdraw my hand, because I suddenly thought that the person who loves me Hope I live.

A man cannot live if he is not told that he can live, but if he is not told that he can die—for a coward, even the possibility of death is lost, especially if the person loves you.

Love is very precious, impurity love is arsenic and cream, as for pure love, it is not something shining like a diamond.

too difficult. /

……

"I'm sorry." Fukuzawa Yukichi stood in front of Tsushima Haraemon's desk. He was so serious that he was cold, and even when he apologized and asked, he had a rigid old-fashioned style. "There are some things that I need to investigate."

Tsushima Haraemon had two black patches on his eyes. He was irritable due to lack of sleep. While Fukuzawa Yukichi was speaking, he tapped his fingers on the table, writing his impatience on his face: "Definitely Do you want this time?" He suppressed his temper, "Mr. Silver Wolf, you know that I recently..."

"I understand." Fukuzawa Yukichi interrupted him, "But, it is indeed very important, and I have to go out."

Tsushima Haraemon was about to laugh angrily. He said: "The house is in a mess right now. If a thief wants to get in, it shouldn't be too difficult. I entrusted Shuzhi-kun to you, sir. It's not an exaggeration to say , Mr. Xiuzhi's life is much more important than mine." If he continued speaking, he would inevitably speak indiscriminately, but he still had a breath of reason, which left a leeway for each of them.

"It only takes half a day." Fukuzawa Yukichi said, "I will recommend the right person to take over my job, and I will never let him suffer any harm. If something goes wrong, I will apologize with all my heart."

Even for an old-school samurai, blocking one's own life is a terrible oath. When it comes to this, it is impossible for Tsushima Haraemon to disagree, but his teeth are on the tip of his tongue. Almost spit out a mouthful of blood, hating Fukuzawa Yukichi in his heart.

"Where is it?" He smiled, "Mr. Silver Wolf doesn't need to swear, the person you recommended..." He paused and said, "The person you recommended must be fine, right? come back earlier."

Fukuzawa Yukichi nodded, and left the room holding the knife.

The room behind him was quiet, and the congressman's skill in nourishing his spirit was considered top-notch. Even if he was offended, he refused to show it. It was just the blood from biting his teeth, and then swallowed it together with the red foam in his mouth.

……

The decision made by Fukuzawa Yukichi was related to Shuji Tsushima. He was going to find the truth, the truth about the death of Keiko’s father, why the housekeeper Zechuan died, and what was Mrs. Tsushima’s supernatural power. He had to figure out these things.

In theory, these things that happened around Tsushima's family have nothing to do with him. He is an employee of the government, an executioner, and a mercenary. As long as he completes his own tasks, he is not interested in doing anything.

"Samurai don't do that." In my memory, Mr. Natsume was sitting on the podium with a staff of civilization in his hand. His style of teaching was not fixed. But it is still deeply rooted in the blood of Edo children, and it is extremely respected for those with a style of Japanese style.

"With a sword, don't you consider yourself a warrior?" He rubbed his mustache and flew up against the gravity of the earth, "Since you regard yourself as a warrior, it is only natural for you to draw your sword to help when you see injustice. A warrior must have loyalty and protection. If you are weak, you have to help those who you feel need help." He said some words that are not applicable in modern society, and in this era, human feelings are extremely indifferent.

"Do what you want." Wielding the staff of civilization, the staff almost fell on him.

"This is what my Natsume Soseki student should be like."

It's not to be recognized by the teacher, but Fukuzawa Yukichi is a good person. Of course, he is a good person and he is the executioner of the government.

[There should be no great tragedy hidden in any child. ] After getting along with Shuji Tsushima for a few days, he came up with this idea. Of course, just a few days was not enough for him to fully understand Shuji Tsushima. It was only from the puppet-like smile of the other party and the cold expression in the face of misfortune. In the numbness, he could vaguely see the huge dark shadow behind the opponent.

Fukuzawa Yukichi scoffed at this to become a person who exudes holy light like a savior, but his inherent chivalrous spirit told himself that it was impossible to leave Shuji Tsushima aside.

[All I can do are the little things I can do. ] He said, [Say solve the mystery at hand, drag him out of the terrible cycle of tragedy. ]

Fukuzawa Yukichi walked towards the garden in the middle of the street, and his clogs stepped on the gravel road, making a crisp sound of "tapping and tapping". As long as he wanted to, even if he stepped on the bell, his feet would not make a sound.

The eight paths flowed towards the center from equal directions, and when walking out of the dense bamboo forest, the field of vision became wider. The wind came from the east, caressing his hair, and even the bamboo branches behind him were "swirling, swishing" , as if saying goodbye to someone.There are low fences on the left and right, and carefully cultivated flowers in the fences. The sunflowers have not yet set seed, and the flower discs are facing the sun. There is a wooden chair at the center of each long fence, which can accommodate four people sitting side by side. It is unique, Fukuzawa Yukichi At the end of the road, there was a person sitting.

His back was facing Yukichi Fukuzawa, so he couldn't see anything clearly, except his black windbreaker and hair of the same hue, his hair was fluffy and soft, like a cloud floating in the sky.He took two steps forward, jumped over the person sitting on the chair, and the wind poured his soft words into Osamu Dazai's ears: "For the next half day, I'll leave it to you."

What kind of face is the person behind him?It could be a laugh, it could be nothing.

……

"I don't really understand." Fukuzawa Yukichi made a phone call with Natsume Soseki. At this time, Natsume Soseki was far less mysterious than ten years later. He was a university professor and was well-known in teaching. Students will come to his classes specially. He talks about classical literature, modern literature, comparative literature, philosophy, logic, history, and politics.

Few people like him have learned infinite things in a limited time, and they have learned them thoroughly. According to some students, he seems to have lived hundreds of years ago. Otherwise, how could it be possible? How can you master so much knowledge with so many wonderful ideas?

"Hmm." Natsume Soseki pondered, "I don't understand."

Even when he was in doubt, Fukuzawa Yukichi was very steady, "He told me those things on purpose," he analyzed Dazai Osamu's behavior, "In fact, he knew everything and wanted to help Shuji, but he refused to do it himself. Instead, tell me."

"That's because he knows you will definitely act." Natsume Soseki stroked his beard on the other end of the phone, and he said with a little pride, "Osamu Dazai is the smartest of my students."

His ability to deconstruct people's hearts has reached the level that Natsume Soseki praised.

"Then." Fukuzawa Yukichi said, "Why didn't he do it himself." He said, "This is the best solution, and there is no need to go around in circles." He is an aboveboard person and good at plotting.

Natsume Soseki said: "You can't guess with the optimal solution." He said, "Under normal circumstances, he will indeed find the most convenient solution, except when facing himself."

Osamu Dazai never told his past, but Natsume was able to guess a little truth by virtue of his extraordinary experience and wisdom. In the process of personality formation, childhood is very important, and Osamu Dazai's past is also important. As dark as Shuji Tsushima, but he eventually grew into a person who made Soseki Natsume proud of him from the bottom of his heart. There must have been a lot of things happening in the middle.

He must have someone who extended a helping hand to the young Dazai Osamu. Like Fukuzawa Yukichi, that person is a "straight-hearted" and "dead-brained".

Natsume Soseki could even guess what Osamu Dazai would say when questioned.

"I can't," he'd say. "I shouldn't be the one to save him."

[I don't deserve to be that person. ]

"I will not lend a helping hand in advance. Everyone named Shuji Tsushima should suffer misfortune."

Thinking about what Osamu Dazai might say, Natsume Soseki's beard stood on end in anger, wishing he could hit him on the head with the stick of civilization.

"Anyway, you go according to your ideas." He said, "Don't worry about Dazai, you help him find out the truth, and he helps you protect the child for half a day. This is a very fair deal."

"In the end, maybe you'll find the answer."

……

Fukuzawa Yukichi visited some places one after another. The Takakura family in the north of Aomori is said to have moved to Tokyo, and there are only old people in the family.

Ah Zhong's family owned a Japanese hotel, but due to poor management, the hotel was sold to others, but she also lived the life of Miss Duan.

Keiko's home is the last place. Her home is in the urban area. It is a one-family building. When the time comes, the moving company's vehicle will be parked in front of the house, and the staff in overalls will be moving large furniture into the trunk of the car.

She cut her hair short, and her beautiful face under the long hair is very heroic against the backdrop of another hairstyle. Fukuzawa Yukichi does not deliberately pay attention to women. In his eyes, women are the same as men, but he has normal aesthetics .The woman's bangs are cut short, and her eyebrows are exposed. Even if she draws a few times with an eyebrow pencil, she can see her raised eyebrows. Her eyebrows are thick, thin and sharp, like a sword drawn from its sheath, which can cut everything myth.

Seeing Fukuzawa Yukichi approaching, she raised her eyebrows high. The spirit of the young woman was different from before. She seemed to have suddenly removed all the decadence, self-abandonment, confusion and negative hatred in her body, leaving only the fresh vitality.

"Come in." She brought Fukuzawa Yukichi into the house, seeming to guess his purpose, "I saw you once at his house." Keiko said, "You are following the young master, are you the new bodyguard? ?”

"Yes."

"Then what's the point of coming to me? Could it be that you want to be an amateur detective and find out all those things?"

Fukuzawa Yukichi nodded silently.

Keiko sneered: "You always say, did Dazai tickle you for doing this? That bastard, I should have seen his true face clearly a long time ago, knowing that he just wants to find someone to work for him, and I don't want to do anything." Having said that, there was no unpleasantness in his eyes. On the contrary, Fukuzawa Yukichi thought that it was Dazai Osamu who did something, maybe he had returned the truth to him, and Keiko became so different.

"Okay, okay, it doesn't matter if I tell you what you want to know." She said, "Anyway, I won't stay here anymore, so I'll just do a good deed in the end."

She first mentioned her mother's body: "It's already healed, and Dazai refused to tell me the specific reason. He was mysterious. He only said that she was possessed by someone else's supernatural power, so her body was abnormal. Modern medical methods can't solve that, but he Help solve it." She said, "It's because of the soul, it's funny, do people really have a soul?"

[Soul, Yaksha. ] He connected the information he got from Dazai with the testimony he got near Takakura's house, and his heart brightened.

Later, the two chatted for a while, and Keiko's chatterbox was completely opened. The shackles that once wrapped her body, such as hatred, worry, and hesitation, suddenly disappeared. She told Fukuzawa Yu Ji: "Is there nothing wrong? If you have anything to ask me, you have to come to me within three days, and then I will move to Tokyo."

"Dazai said that he would tell me the whole situation within three days, so as to fulfill my commission to him."

"Going to Tokyo?" Fukuzawa Yukichi sat still, and Keiko, who had short-cut hair, shrugged in a Western style. She was handsome and modern in jeans and a denim jacket.

"I found a job, which was related to what I learned in college." She said, "I also saved some money after working at Tsushima's house, not to mention that the old bastard left us a real estate in Tokyo, although he said The internet scolded the bastard bastard and said that I hate him, and I still need to use the leftovers, otherwise I would not be a peerless idiot." She pouted and said, "Who wants to stay in a rural place like Aomori, and they It's annoying to have different abilities coming and going, so I don't want to follow along."

"Anyway, the vast majority of people in the world don't have supernatural powers, and some are a minority. I want to take my mother to Tokyo to live my life. What old Japanese-style houses, superpowers, and entanglements between men and women Ah, it has nothing to do with us."

She is going forward.

"However, anyway, you seem to be a pretty good person, remember to help the young master." She said, "He is quite miserable. Even if I work for three days, fish and two days, I still hate their family. They all feel miserable."

"If you can, help him." She said, "This is already the greatest kindness I can show as a familiar stranger."

"That family, Ah Chong, Madam and Master, are all paranoid."

[Paranoid to the point of almost insanity. ]

Keiko felt that her mother was also a little paranoid, otherwise she wouldn't have been waiting for the man he called her father for ten years, and silently hated Miss Shizumi from the bottom of her heart.She may have inherited her mother's paranoia, but her solid views prevent her from having any thoughts about Miss Jingshui, so she can only hate her father.

But when she thought of the people in that family, everyone was more stubborn than her mother, Keiko couldn't help shivering.

[It's too awful. ] Her eyes were full of pity for Shuji Tsushima.

[Really, it's too miserable. ]

……

Tsushima Haraemon never thought that his reunion with "him" would be like this.

There have been many scenes in his dreams, rarely he is holding his son who has awakened supernatural powers, with a proud face, while the man opposite has only pity and mockery on his face, making him look like a loser.

More often, the self in the dream is prostrate on the ground, like a god or Buddha, standing on the clouds, looking down condescendingly.

[He looks down at me, like looking at an ant trapped in dust. ]

Shuji Tsushima, let's call him Dazai Osamu, a man who has grown into a young man calls himself this way, and he doesn't seem to like his original name, which makes Tsushima Haraemon even more angry.

[That’s the name my father prepared, because I’m full of expectations for you, so I’m called Xiuzhi. ] There was almost white gas coming out of both nostrils, like an angry bull, its tail was swinging up and down, and its hooves were kicking, wishing to kick Dazai Osamu's chest. [I even named my son the same name as you! ]

"Long time no see, Mr. Haraemon." He greeted hypocritically like a gentleman, "How are you doing? We haven't seen each other for almost ten years. You haven't changed at all, and the family is the same."

[It's Mr. Haremon again. ] Tsushima was even angrier, [Since childhood, even my elder brother was reluctant to call out, and dared to show a troubled expression when asked, "I'm not used to calling you that", not too used to it?Is it something that makes you feel reluctant and ashamed that I am your elder brother? ]

Burning with jealousy.

"Why are you back?" He heard himself asking stiffly.

"Well, there are many reasons." Dazai Osamu rubbed his chin, "The part I can tell you should be that I haven't been home for a long time, and I came to a trip to search for my hometown. This is indeed the reason for my return. The letter stated I’ve already said it, but today I’m only here because a friend asked me to watch the young master for a long time instead of him.”

"In terms of blood relationship, he is my little nephew."

[coming. ]

His heart skipped a beat, and the suffocation flooded from his surroundings like a tide. He was stuck in the mud, and his seven orifices were filled with mud.

[His real appearance...]

"However." Dazai Osamu's voice seemed to be broken, of course it was heard by Tsushima Haremon's ears, and put in other people's ears, maybe he thought he was normal.

"You actually named him Shuji Tsushima, Mr. Haraemon, what kind of mood did you have when you named him this name?" Osamu Dazai's eyes were surrounded by pitch black, and black dense silk threads were entangled together, staring at him. Eyes, human beings will have the most primitive fear, "Is it because of me? Is it because I feel that I can't surpass me, so I put my distorted thoughts on him? It's too sad." Shujima Shima is still Haremon.

Dazai didn't like the man in front of him very much. It had been a long time since he poured black sludge-like malice on others, but from the first time he saw this man, he lost control .

"How does it feel to have that child by your side and watch it day and night, Haremon-san?" he said in an almost brisk tone. Do you still have that notebook, the notebook with my name written all over it." He condescendingly looked down at the man in cold sweat, "Oh, if you are like this, it is impossible for you to touch the corner of my clothes in your whole life."

／When I saw "Father", I realized that I hated this man so much that when I met another poor substitute, Mr. Haraemon, I couldn't cover up the badness of my character Nature, teasing him, spurning him, oppressing him. /

/ These actions of mine have shaped him into another person, a man who is more paranoid, more fanatical, and more cowardly, so that I don't even have the desire to kill him a second time. /

／Then Shuji Tsushima of this life was born, and he subtly imparted the humiliation, oppression and distortion he received from me to another person. /

/ This reincarnation is so wonderful. /

I put the tragedy on Xiuzhi.

The moment he lowered his head, his eyelashes lightly tapped his eyelids, revealing a lingering sickness similar to Shuji Tsushima's.

[It's disgusting. ]