his substitute

Every dark night is a purgatory without the light of day, a black swamp from which there is no escape.Winter was coming to an end, the heating in the room was sufficient, Chi Yu buried herself in a thick quilt, but was still shivering from the cold.

The blood-stained quilt had been replaced, and the new quilt brought by the housekeeper was as fluffy as cotton, and there were also clean clothes on the bed.

The housekeeper is a kind-hearted middle-aged man, not much to say, every time he enters the house, he pours out the cold drinking water and replaces it with warm water. Later, he adds a few drops of honey to the warm water and puts it with the food.If it is daytime, the curtains of the floor-to-ceiling windows will be opened by a third to let the sunlight in.

But Chi Yu has always been hiding in the shadows, like a poor man who is afraid of the light.

Afraid of the night, but also afraid of the light, and the world is composed of day and night, so there is no room for him in the world.

He barely ate, drank little water, and slept very little.I didn't mean to torture myself, but I didn't feel hunger, thirst or tiredness, and I seemed to forget that if I want to survive, I have to sleep and eat.

Xun Musheng came here many times, and kept repeating "Where is Wenyun?" Every sentence was like a blunt knife, mercilessly poking into his heart.

His throat seemed to be blocked by hot iron sand, and he could only say in his heart over and over again: Wen Yun is no longer here.

——Where is Wenyun?

——Wen Yun is no longer here.

He curled up on the bed, enduring the pain of thousands of arrows piercing his heart.

But Xun Musheng didn't intend to let him go at all, he forcibly pulled him up from the bed, his eyes were stern and determined, he must force him to tell the truth.

He saw his own reflection in Xun Musheng's eyes, haggard, defeated, and devastated, not even a trace of Wen Yun.

Teammates often joked that you two really look alike, maybe you are long-lost brothers.

Wen Yun also followed Le, saying yes, yes, my brother is of course like me, as handsome as me, but cuter than me.

How is it like, he thought, how can it be like the brilliance and the ashes that are about to die.

Xun Mu was angry when he was born, and furious when he left.The door was closed heavily, and the world became quiet, but it did not bring him any relief.

"Forgetting" used to be the most painful thing, but now I find "remembering" even more cruel.

How ironic, he was suddenly awakened from his fantasy. After 8 years, he finally had to face the fact that Wen Yun had left. When the pain was in his bones, he still remembered the scenes in his dream.

For example, in the twelfth lunar month of winter, the smile on Xun Musheng's face when he came to pick him up from get off work, and the warm milk handed to him;

For example, in the southern sea area, when Xun Musheng hugged him and kissed him, there was undisguised love in his eyes;

For example, when Xun Musheng confessed his physical flaws, there was a deep heartache between Xun Musheng's brows, and the gentle comfort in every intimate contact afterwards;

Another example is the heartbeat.

The person he fell in love with in his dream, deeply in love with the person he loved deeply.

People always complain that they forget all their dreams at night when they wake up. Isn't this a good thing?

Chi Yu wanted to forget, but the harder he tried, the clearer his memory became.

Because of Xun Musheng, he has "woke up" many times.

The pain of losing Wenyun and the guilt of falling in love with Xun Musheng kept tearing him apart. He wanted to ask Professor Zhou for help, but the only person who could help him was not in the country.

When dreaming, he didn't know that when he was awake, he had been forced to the edge of the Wanren cliff. He accepted Xun Musheng in his dream, thinking that he had come out of the hopeless life of losing "Chi Yu", but it was precisely this person who was with him. The man with interlocking fingers woke him up completely.

He could never go back to that dream.

In an instant, he lost everything.

Wen Yun's agarwood bracelet was originally given by Xun Musheng.

It turned out that Xun Musheng was the "little brother" that Wen Yun often talked about.

Sometimes Wen Yun was as careful as a hair, but sometimes he was insensitive. He even forgot Xun Musheng's name, and probably didn't know that Xun Musheng had missed him for more than ten years.

He also said that "the friendship between gentlemen is as light as water".

Chi Yu gave a bleak smile, remembering what Wen Yun said when he mentioned Mu Zhu at that time - I fell in love with him, and he has the same character as I am.

It really is.

Chi Yu thought, if Xun Musheng's words and deeds were not somewhat similar to Wen Yun's, he would not have fallen into such a deep trap as if he had been bewitched.

Fanjin City is far away from the downtown area, and it is extremely quiet at night, if you don't speak, there is no sound at all.

For three whole nights, Chi Yu never fell asleep.

He has already been exhausted in the endless cycle of pain and self-blame, and he has no energy in his body, but he can't sleep peacefully.

Occasionally "falling asleep" means losing consciousness and fainting instead of falling asleep normally.

The question of "why am I still alive" seems to have an answer, but it still doesn't seem to.Wen Yun's departure dragged him into despair, but at the deepest point of despair, Xun Musheng appeared and gave him the warmest company he had ever experienced in his life, told him the most blushful love words, and made the most intimate relationship with him thing.

He saw the glimmer of light floating above Purgatory, so he couldn't help reaching out his hand.

Even if that gleam of light wasn't supposed to shine on him.

Consciousness blurred again, and I saw Wen Yun lying on the hospital bed again, calling the word "Chi Yu" weakly and mechanically.Tears fell, even when he was about to pass out, he murmured, why wasn't I the one who died of serious injuries at that time?

I couldn't leave for Wen Yun.

But he enjoyed the meticulous love for Wenyun for half a year.

In the darkness like a deep lake, a deep sigh fell.

A jeep drove out of the agency parking lot, and Zhou Chenzhong sat in the passenger seat with a livid face, with anger and self-blame on his face.

Ye Fenglin was driving the car, and Xun Musheng was sitting in the back seat, his fists clenched unconsciously.

Just now, Zhou Chenzhong, who has always been elegant and demeanor, suddenly lost his composure and shouted sharply: "He is a patient, you will lock him up for three days, do you know the consequences!"

Xun Musheng looked out the window, the lines of his masseter muscles were sliding on his cheeks, his eyes became more and more serious.

He had actually noticed that Chi Yu had a mental problem, but he didn't expect that he wanted to bother Zhou Chenzhong's patients.

When he first found out that all this was a hoax, he looked at Chi Yu as if he were a vicious stranger who stole Wen Yun's identity and Wen Yun's wooden beads. .

But after calming down a bit, he gradually realized that things were not as simple as he imagined.When Chi Yu was leaning against the head of the bed, he was like an empty shell that could not find his soul, and his reaction was always a little bit slow—no, it was not half a beat, or there was no response at all.

Chi Yu never said a word to him, even when he got his hand covered in blood that day, she never called out "pain".And when he asked angrily, "Where is Wen Yun?" Chi Yu's already pale face almost lost the last trace of blood, his eyes were empty, and he was trembling uncontrollably.

It is impossible for a sane person to react like this.

But how can he manage so much!He just wanted to know where Wen Yun went!

Never thought that Chi Yu's illness is so serious that Zhou Chenzhong needs to take care of it.

Who is Zhou Chenzhong?A military psychologist who specializes in treating soldiers who have extremely serious psychological problems and even tend to commit suicide.

Is Chi Yu such a person?

It wasn't until this moment that Xun Musheng slowly turned his attention to Chi Yu, and immediately gasped, his brows furrowed even tighter.

What I just thought of was Chi Yu's appearance of lowering his head and chuckling when he was shy.

The tips of Chi Yu's ears turned red, and soon the tiny star-like blush spread to the pinna, her eyelashes trembled slightly, and there was a gentle light in her eyes.

Xun Musheng shook his head vigorously to drive away the fragments that floated in his mind, and suddenly remembered the "inclination to commit suicide", and his heart twitched uncontrollably.

Zhou Chenzhong said: "Drive faster!"

Ye Fenglin nodded, then glanced in the rearview mirror, "Mu Sheng."

Xun Musheng raised his eyes, "What?"

"Call Uncle Chen and ask him to go and see Wen...see how Chi Yu is doing now."

Xun Musheng held the phone, distracted, as if waiting for a trial.

The butler said on the phone that Chi Yu was fine and had fallen asleep.

"Asleep?" Zhou Chenzhong frowned, "Have you prepared medicine for him?"

"No." Xun Musheng said.

"Then how can he sleep?" Zhou Chenzhong's eyes were flushed with anger, "He didn't fall asleep at all, he passed out!"

Xun Musheng straightened up, his pupils constricted, "What do you mean?"

Zhou Chenzhong pinched his temples, his voice trembling: "You treat him like this, I..."

Ye Fenglin also realized the seriousness of the situation, and advised: "Uncle Zhou, speak slowly. We will be there soon."

"When he was in the worst condition, he couldn't sleep at all without sleeping pills and other medicines for depression." Zhou Chenzhong blamed himself to the extreme, "You lock him up and force him to ask about Wen Yun, you don't understand at all, This is simply killing him!"

Xun Musheng's breathing became quicker, "Uncle Zhou, please explain clearly!"

Zhou Chenzhong shook his head, "Go and see for yourself and see what he looks like now. His squadron leader handed him over to me, and I watched him slowly come out of the worst state. It has been 8 years, and you must not I know that 8 years ago, he not only had very serious psychological problems, but his body was also much weaker than ordinary people due to over-medication. After these years, his body has almost recovered, but his psychological problems have gone to another extreme, but anyway... ..."

Zhou Chenzhong sighed, "At least he is living like a normal person."

There was sudden silence in the car, and Xun Musheng's lips were drawn into a sharp line.Chi Yu's shy smile lingered, and that day when he brought grapefruit tea into the room, he seemed to have called him "Musheng".

but……

"Now." Zhou Chenzhong spoke again, with an unusually heavy and helpless tone: "I don't know if I can save him, and I don't know if he is willing to survive."

"Uncle Zhou." Ye Fenglin interrupted, "Don't say that. The most urgent thing is..."

"Is it to help you force him to tell where Wen Yun is?" Zhou Chen's voice turned cold, and he shook his head again: "No, I just want to try my best to save him. I didn't rush back when he needed it most, and I didn't find him again." It would be remiss of me to try my best to find him after he disappeared."

Ye Fenglin stopped talking.After a while, Xun Musheng asked, "Will he commit suicide?"

When the car drove into Fanjin City, Zhou Chenzhong said: "No, he will not commit suicide. If he chooses to end his life, it is not committing suicide. It is you who killed his hope of living."

On the third floor of the villa, when he saw Chi Yu who was pale and lying on his side, Zhou Chenzhong glanced at Xun Musheng and sighed: "He is not asleep, he is really unconscious."

As Xun Musheng approached, his heart was empty and he felt another pain.

Zhou Chenzhong hugged Chi Yu, "When he was most serious, he was like this now. Mu Sheng, you only took 3 days to destroy his 8 years of hard work."

Xun Musheng's mind was buzzing, and he almost said to himself, "Where are you taking him?"

"Hospital." Zhou Chenzhong smiled bitterly: "I just don't know, whether we can save him this time."

The footsteps faded away, and Xun Musheng stood blankly in the empty room, and suddenly rushed out, shouting, "I'm coming!"

Zhou Chenzhong looked at him, and before he could speak, Chi Yu was snatched away.

Chi Yu moved slightly, his forehead was covered with sweat, and he whispered dreamily.

Xun Musheng leaned over and heard the fact that he didn't dare to think about, but he had already expected it——

"Wen Yun...is no longer here."