when you look at me

A few days passed, and Yiping was awakened by the alarm clock at seven o'clock this morning. He turned off the buzzing and vibrating mobile phone, and sat on the bed for a while.

Then he turned on the phone screen again.

Friday, June [-]nd.

So fast.

——So fast, it's been ten years.

Yuan Yiping got out of bed barefoot, the air in the room was damp and heavy, he looked out of the window, the sun was not out.It looks like it's going to rain.

Yuan Yiping bent down and picked up the clothes piled on the ground one by one and threw them into the laundry basket, looked around the room, and tidied up the messy desk again: the open book was folded and closed, and the rubber powder was carefully pushed into the Trash cans, pencils and ballpoint pens are all inserted back into the pen holder.

Then he stood still for a while.

Yuan Yiping called Liang Yuyi.

"I have something to do today, please take a leave." Yuan Yiping said.

"Ah," Liang Yuyi said in a surprised tone, "Didn't you feel fine yesterday? Why did you catch a cold all of a sudden?"

"Ah?" Yuan Yiping rubbed his brows: "I have a cold?"

"The voice has changed," Liang Yuyi sighed, "Can't you feel it?"

"Maybe...a little bit," Yuan Yiping said, "It's not very comfortable to wake up today."

Liang Yuyi instructed: "Then take advantage of the weekend to rest well."

"okay."

Yuan Yiping climbed back to the bed and slept for a while. When he woke up again, he was awakened by the sound of pattering rain.

It was raining heavily outside, and the raindrops were crackling on the glass, and the dark clouds in the sky were so thick that they were crumbling.Although he has been in Shenzhen for many years, Yuan Yiping is not used to the humid subtropical climate.It is so humid that after the rainy season, the air seems to be able to grab a handful of water.

I brushed my teeth and washed my face, ordered a takeaway, it was just [-]:[-].

While waiting for the takeaway, Yuan Yiping smoked two cigarettes.My head was dizzy, and I felt a little nauseous after smoking.

That night in Changsha, Chen Shuo asked him if he smoked, and he said no.In fact, he lied to Chen Shuo.He smokes now and then, though only once in a while, but it's not—it's not impossible to smoke.

He just wanted to reject Chen Shuo, or in other words, he didn't want to give Chen Shuo a good face.

Yuan Yiping finally had nothing to do until he finished eating the takeaway.He clicked on the address book, closed it, opened it again, and closed it again——

Then click on it a third time.

He dialed Chen Shuo's number.

Quick pick up over there.

Yuan Yiping asked directly: "Have you gone to visit my brother's grave?"

"..." After a while of reaction, Chen Shuo said, "I'm on my way."

His voice sounded neither sad nor happy, very calm.

Yuan Yiping felt a throbbing pain in his temple: "Did you—really go?"

"Really," Chen Shuo slowed down his speech slightly, as if emphasizing, "I'll be at the parking lot of Jiulong Garden soon."

The empty hand was clenched into a fist, Yuan Yiping was burning with anger, it felt like there was really a fire burning his heavenly spirit cover.Yuan Yiping gritted his teeth and said, "After 10 minutes, wechat video."

"Yiping," Chen Shuo sighed softly, "This is a cemetery, so it's inappropriate...and I won't lie to you about it, I'm indeed here."

"You won't lie to me? I can't believe your nonsense," Yuan Yiping sneered: "Ten years, Chen Shuo, in the few years when my brother just left, my mother went there every year—have you been there? "

Chen Shuo stopped talking.

Ten minutes later, Chen Shuo sent a video call request.

He did go to the cemetery.

On the screen, behind Chen Shuo are rows of white stone monuments.This is the cheapest cemetery in Jiulong Garden. On the flat ground, one stele is next to another.The more expensive ones will be located in a larger area, or next to a small river; the more expensive ones will be on a mountain not far away.

When Yuan Yizhi was buried, the family's money was only enough to buy the cheapest cemetery. My mother felt uncomfortable, holding the green cremation certificate and crying: "Xiaozhi, my mother has no ability to let you live a good life." , you're gone, and mom doesn't have the money to buy you a bigger place..."

Chen Shuo said: "Auntie, I still have some money here, let's buy the one by the river, there are mountains and water, Yizhi will like it."

Yuan Yiping shook his head: "Mom, don't cry... If you cry, my brother will too... This land is very good, there are so many people, my brother just likes to be lively and lively?"

Later, I bought the cheapest cemetery.

Whenever he thinks of this scene, Yuan Yiping feels absurd. The three living people are seriously discussing which cemetery Yuan Yizhi, who is no longer alive, would like.

"Is it okay?" Chen Shuo's face turned pale: "I brought some wine and food for Yizhi, if you believe it, I will close it."

"...Well," Yuan Yiping had nothing to say, and he didn't look at Chen Shuo's indifferent face, just stared at the white buttons on his black shirt: "Close it."

Falling back on the bed, the headache got worse.

Yuan Yiping knew that he had gone too far in this matter, to the point of insulting Chen Shuo, and he used his own brother.But Yuan Yizhi—brother—please forgive me.I want to go to work to make money, but I can't come back, you know that?Yuan Yiping rested his arms on his forehead, frowned in pain, and thought, brother, Chen Shuo went to see you, I let him go, I don't know if you are happy or not.I hate him. In my junior year, I paid off the money he borrowed from our family. I thought I could forget him, but it didn't work. I still hate him.

I hate how he can easily get out of your death, I hate him for giving me alms without heart, I hate him for being shameless, I hate him for being cruel.

Brother, so, don't blame me for what happened today, okay?