when you look at me

It was just an ordinary bank card with the words "Gancheng Bank" written on it.It can be seen that this card has been used for a long time, and the original shiny surface is covered with fine scratches.

"Chen Shuo is really infatuated with you," Liang Yuyi sneered, "I was afraid that you would not accept me, so I had to secretly hand it over to me."

Yuan Yiping held the thin card and was speechless for a moment.

"Let's go," Liang Yuyi sat down, sank into the sofa, and said in a tired tone, "In the end, I owe you this matter, and my personal affairs have affected the company. Settle the bill."

Yuan Yiping put the bank card in his pocket and went out in silence.

For a moment, he couldn't think about Liang Yuyi's words, and held the card tightly in his pocket. It was just a slightly old bank card. Like all other bank cards, it had rounded corners and a raised card number. .But this card was like a sharp blade, scraping Yuan Yiping until his palms were numb.

"Yiping, today is your birthday, let's go out to eat? Hey, I bought you a pair of shoes, you try?"

"Yiping, I'm giving you this phone. When you get to Shenzhen, keep in touch with your mother, and also...contact me more often."

"Yiping, should you pay your tuition? Do you have enough money?"

Time and time again, from the pair of Nikes on my birthday, to the Nokia N96 later, to remittances thousands of miles away, and finally to the present.They came to such a point that Chen Shuo didn't even dare to give him anything directly, but Chen Shuo still wanted to give him something after all.

My mother has taught Yuan Yiping since I was a child, you are a boy, you have to be self-reliant and not dependent on others, this is no problem, and Yuan Yiping has always been like this.However, he had to admit that Chen Shuo was special. In those years, whenever Chen Shuo gave him something, he never felt that it was charity or humiliation. On the contrary, it was a kind of secret happiness. All made their relationship closer and more inseparable.

That kind of feeling, if he had to describe it in detail, probably he really felt the feeling of being cared for by someone, he really received that tenderness, and hugged him heavily in his arms.Just like the card in his hand, he is not short of money now, and Chen Shuo knows that he is not short of money, but Chen Shuo still wants to give him a card, not because of charity or pity, but because—Yuan Yiping knows ——Chen Shuo just wanted to be nice to him.

Why is there a person like Chen Shuo who makes him hate him so much that he can't forgive him, but treats him so kindly without reservation.

The next day, Yuan Yiping called Song Ran.They made an appointment to meet at the coffee shop next to Shenzhen University, which was the coffee shop where they met when Song Ran gave Yuan Yiping the photo.

"Did she tell you?" Song Ran smiled knowingly: "Are you here to return the computer?"

"I'm sorry," Yuan Yiping said cautiously, "Actually, I have no position to apologize for her, but..."

"Don't be so alien," Song Ran said with a gentle expression, "I didn't think about what to do to her. When I agreed to help repair the computer, I didn't even know it was your computer. The data in that computer is still being processed, but If you have to take it back, that's fine."

Yuan Yiping didn't answer, but his eyes couldn't help but stick to Song Ran's ring finger. She still had that diamond ring.

"You..." Yuan Yiping hesitated for two seconds before asking, "Do you still want to marry Wang Yuan?"

"Yes," Song Ran nodded with a smile, "Isn't it weird?"

"No, no, it's—"

"Actually, I found out about Wang Yuan and Liang Yuyi about a month ago," Song Ran said softly, "There are always loopholes in this kind of thing. Napkins from a restaurant... After I found out at the time, I really wanted to break up with Wang Yuan."

Yuan Yiping asked in shock: "Then why didn't you break up?"

"Because Wang Yuan begged me to forgive him, hey, it seems too hypocritical for me to tell you this... But you know, my friend also encountered this kind of thing before. At that time, I always insisted that once the other party cheated, We must break up. But when this matter came to me, I realized that it was true, as the saying goes, drink water like a man. When he was begging me, when he was keeping me, he was confessing his inferiority and timidity to me At that time, I couldn't refuse him."

"What if he cheats on him later?"

"I don't know if he will cheat in the future, maybe? A friend of mine told me that the only difference between cheating is not cheating and cheating countless times." Song Ran's eyes flashed: "But at least now, I don't want to be separated from him. After my mother left, I seemed to be very timid all of a sudden. I told you before, I feel like everyone can accept the fact that my mother left, but I can't stand it. I don't understand how they think this Is it reasonable? Later, after a while, I went home one night, got up to drink water in the middle of the night, and saw my dad alone in the study, reading my mother’s unfinished thesis.”

"I suddenly realized that maybe it's not just me who can't accept it, it's just that my dad used another way to express his...confusion? He is too restrained, maybe because he knows that no matter how much he doesn't accept it, My mother can’t come back either. So now I often think, it’s not easy for us to be alive, maybe one day we will die all of a sudden? Maybe tomorrow I will die suddenly, or have a car accident, or even walk on the road. I was hit by a flowerpot upstairs on the way... Thinking of this, I am very scared, I just want to stay with the person I love forever, and I can't wait to marry him tomorrow."

"...You mean," Yuan Yiping said after being silent for a long time, "Maybe there are people who, like us, cannot accept the departure of their loved ones, but the way of expressing this 'not accepting' is different?"

"Well," Song Ran nodded: "Actually, as long as you are not so cold-blooded, it is probably difficult to accept the sudden death of your loved ones, right? Just like Wang Yuan, he told me that his father died from an electric shock. It was very difficult to accept this matter, when he went back to his hometown last year, he even went to the village cadres to ask them about the direction of the village circuit...it turns out that we are the same."

Yuan Yiping's hand trembled suddenly.

"What's wrong with you?!" Song Ran was startled.

"It's nothing..." Yuan Yiping took a long breath: "Thank you, I understand what you mean. I'd better take the computer back, is that okay? Really, thank you."

"Okay," Song Ran got up: "Let's go, I brought the computer here, in the car."

When Yuan Yiping said goodbye to Song Ran with the computer in his hand, Song Ran suddenly smiled at him:

"I found out that I told you a lot of secrets. I have never told anyone about these things. My friends all think that I am a fool. The person I want to marry is not only a Phoenix man, but also a scumbag."

Yuan Yiping looked at her seriously: "I wish you happiness."

Song Ran nodded, turned and left.

Yuan Yiping stood there and watched her until her car gradually disappeared from sight.

Although the late autumn in the southern country is not as high and far away as the sky and the earth in the north, it is also cool in the autumn wind.Yuan Yiping was silent for a long time in the autumn wind. At the moment Song Ran said "I can't wait to marry him tomorrow", he felt defeated. It turned out that it was also a moment of mourning for my life, and he chose to cowardly refuse " Because he is afraid of experiencing those heart-piercing pains again; but there are also people who choose to hold on to the "fetters" like moths to a flame, and bear the deep pain and trembling joy brought about by "being in love" .

For a long time, he had used indifference and refusal to cover up his cowardice. At that moment in front of Song Ran, his cover fell apart, like a silent mockery, falling in his ears.

The phone rang, it was Liang Yuyi.

"Come here quickly, Ma Chen's wife has let go and is going to have a private affair with Ma Chen."