when you look at me

After the dinner was over, Yuan Yiping told Liang Yuyi exactly what Wang Yuan had said. Liang Yuyi bit her lip and was stunned for a moment, then nodded and said, "Okay, I understand."

"What do you know?" Yuan Yiping always felt that the matter was very serious: "Wang Yuan wouldn't deliberately punish you—no, what did you do to him back then?"

"Can we stop talking about such a mess?" Liang Yuyi lazily rolled his eyes: "Go back, I'm exhausted."

"Liang Yuyi," Yuan Yiping said seriously, "It's really impossible, so don't embarrass yourself... Zhang Yuzhe is also an adult, and he should bear the responsibility for his own mistakes."

"I know——" Liang Yuyi sighed, "Let's go, let's go, I'll take care of this matter, leave it alone."

Yuan Yiping instinctively felt that Liang Yuyi and Wang Yuan must have a deep quarrel, otherwise Liang Yuyi would not have to be so evasive.But now, more troublesome things are coming.

Tang Qingyu called.

Yuan Yiping pressed the answer button: "Hello?"

"It's me, Tang Qingyu," the fat man's thick voice came from the other end of the phone: "Are... is it convenient for you to talk now?"

Yuan Yiping said, "It's convenient."

Tang Qingyu coughed twice in embarrassment: "That...Xiao Yuan, can I ask you something?"

His attitude and tone are full of seriousness and sincerity, and he is completely different from before.

Yuan Yiping: "What's the matter?"

"I don't know how you and Wang Yuan met," Tang Qingyu said, "But can you, don't tell Wang Yuan that I'm gay?"

Yuan Yiping: "..."

"Is there an unusual relationship between Wang Yuan and your friend surnamed Liang? Xiao Yuan, I'm serious, Wang Yuan is a straight man, he has nothing to do with me... in my circle, those people There's no need to let him know."

Yuan Yiping couldn't help asking: "What's your relationship with him?"

"Brother," Tang Qingyu smiled, "A very tough brother, so if he finds out that I'm gay, it will be awkward for us to get along in the future, right?"

Very strong brother?Yuan Yiping thought to himself, no brother who is particularly strong is like you, so he sent Wang Yuan to wear a coat when he went out.

Imagine again, the short and fat Tang Qingyu put on a suit jacket for the tall and handsome Wang Yuan...

Forget it, it's too spicy for the eyes.

"I see," Yuan Yiping agreed, "I won't say it."

Tang Qingyu hurriedly said, "Okay, okay, thank you."

"By the way," Yuan Yiping looked aimlessly at the road outside the window, and couldn't help asking after a few seconds, "Is Chen Shuo familiar with you?"

Tang Qingyu: "Yes, we have known each other for three or four years. The last time I went back to my hometown, he went to Changsha on a business trip, so we made an appointment to meet in Changsha."

In the bar in Changsha that night, the picture of Tang Qingyu and Chen Shuo hugging and kissing came to mind again.Yuan Yiping suddenly felt a little annoyed: "Is that the first time you two met that night? The first time you met - a date?"

"Don't worry, don't worry, this..." Tang Qingyu was begging Yu Yuan Yiping now, but he didn't dare to put on the face of "this is very normal": "We didn't do anything in the end, right... ...it's not you who came..."

Yuan Yiping thought, if I hadn't come, you would have done everything you should have done.

After thinking about it again, this is something you love and I wish, why bother to take it out and make it difficult for Tang Qingyu?Chen Shuo and Tang Qingyu didn't sleep well. He and the others had slept countless times.

"It's nothing, I'm just asking," Yuan Yiping forced himself to calm down: "Do you know why Chen Shuo resigned?"

"It's really for you—that's what he told me anyway," Tang Qingyu said, "It was after he returned from a business trip, and within a few days, he told me that he couldn't bear it anymore and wanted to resign to find you .”

"After he returned from a business trip?"

"Yep."

Yuan Yiping was stunned, he thought that Chen Shuo came to him because he called Chen Shuo to have sex on the night of Yuan Yizhi's death.

Did Chen Shuo plan to come to Shenzhen to find him before this?

Then why did he... go back as soon as he said it.

"Xiao Yuan, I don't know exactly what happened between you and Chen Shuo before, but," Tang Qingyu slowed down his speech slightly: "Chen Shuo is still very sincere."

Yuan Yiping was so upset that he opened his mouth several times to ask Tang Qingyu, "If he really likes me, will he still go out for sex with me every day?" In the end, he didn't ask.

In the life accumulated over ten years, Yuan Yiping has gradually realized that he is a person who is incapable of love.

Love is impotent.That's right.

He has resentment and hatred towards Chen Shuo, and has all kinds of complicated feelings that he is aware of but not aware of.He admitted all of this.However, the avoidance and indifference towards Chen Shuo these years is not entirely because the other party is Chen Shuo.

It is said that relatives are a part of life, Yuan Yiping thought, then probably when Yuan Yizhi left, he took a certain part of his body with him.

It was like a house collapsed in my heart, and as time passed, the ruins were covered with white snow, and the house never stood up again.A person with ruins in his heart cannot love others.

What Yuan Yizhi took away was his courage to love.

Yuan Yiping will never forget that when he was in the fourth grade, he was bullied by his classmates and called him an illegitimate child.In fact, he knew in his heart that what an illegitimate child was, it was just that his father ran away with another woman.But he didn't know how to refute it - my dad ran away with someone else - and it didn't seem to be a good thing.

Yuan Yizhi appeared at this time. At that time, he was already in the first year of high school. He had bulging muscles on his arms. He was holding a wooden stick that he didn't know where he came from. He asked the little boys with a cigarette in his mouth: "You What did you just say? Say it again."

Later, the man with the cigarette in his mouth died.He died very quickly, ten months from diagnosis to cremation.Before the diagnosis, there were no symptoms. It was nothing more than a certain shipment and suddenly fainted on the ground.

Later, Yuan Yizhi read a suicide written by a Taiwanese female writer, who said that people who have seen the back of the world will not be happy.He finally understood that Yuan Yizhi's departure was part of this "back side". After seeing this "back side", he could never go back.Confucianists say that entering the Tao is like an arrow, and Yuan Yiping feels that he is also like entering the Tao, but this "Tao" is about farewell, powerlessness, and uncontrollable fate.

After Yuan Yizhi left, he didn't dare to give up his heart, nor did he dare to accept other people's love.

The bond between life and life is too heavy.

After eating that meal at the Japanese grocery store, this matter passed away in Yuan Yiping's place in a daze.

Yuan Yiping asked Liang Yuyi if it was resolved, and Liang Yuyi replied lightly: "It's sort of."

Is it?

Liang Yuyi didn't want to say anything, so Yuan Yiping didn't ask any further.

After another period of time, when he was off work, he saw Zhang Yuzhe downstairs in the office building. The child was holding a bag of KFC in his hand. When he saw Yuan Yiping, he looked very embarrassed: "Uh, Teacher Yuan."

Yuan Yiping understood, and asked: "Are you looking for Teacher Liang?" Although Yuan Yiping knew that, given the relationship between Zhang Yuzhe and Liang Yuyi, he no longer needed to call Liang Yuyi "Teacher Liang".

"Well," Zhang Yuzhe blushed a little: "Is she... upstairs?"

"Yes, I'm probably coming down soon." After thinking for a while, he added: "You can just wait here for her, and you need to swipe your card to go upstairs."

"Well, well, I know."

What Yuan Yiping said in his heart was, what do you know, she was discussing with the vice president just now where to go on the weekend, you know?She also doesn't eat KFC because she will gain weight.

I also thought of Zhang Yuzhe's ex-girlfriend, that little girl with a ponytail and always wearing denim skirts and white canvas shoes.Probably won't be seen anymore.

It's good to be young, Yuan Yiping secretly sighed, it's easy to believe in anything.

During this period of time, I called my mother, but my mother never mentioned Chen Shuo.Yesterday Yuan Yiping couldn't help asking: "How about Chen Shuo? Did he really resign?"

The mother sighed: "I don't know, this child is really mad at his parents. His mother hasn't come out to dance during this time, and I haven't seen anyone."

Now that the words have come to this point, Yuan Yiping has nothing to ask.

Inexplicably, everything returned to calm, going to and from get off work every day, smoking occasionally; watching Liang Yuyi dealing with her boyfriends; not hearing any news about Wang Yuan, nor receiving any more calls or text messages from Tang Qingyu.

That night by the Xiangjiang River, the few days when Chen Shuo came to Shenzhen, was almost like a sudden dream, and finally gradually faded out of Yuan Yiping's life.

In one heavy rain after another, the summer unexpectedly passed by like this.