underground river

After the plane entered the stratosphere, the cabin noise gradually subsided.This was a late-night flight, and the passengers were a little tired. It was pitch black outside the porthole, and the lights of the buildings on the ground also faded away.

Miao Ran came out of the toilet, saw Sinan still staring out the window with his eyes open, walked over and sat down and said, "Don't you want to rest?"

Si Nan shook his head: "I can't sleep."

Miao Ran frowned slightly: "Why do you feel that your insomnia is getting worse? The doctor you saw this time is useless?"

Si Nan didn't want him to make a big fuss, so he said, "It's more useful than what I saw before."

Miao Ran didn't know how much she believed, anyway, judging from the corner of his mouth, he probably didn't believe it very much.

"A glass of red wine? Maybe it'll be better."

"also."

Miao Ran called the stewardess and ordered two glasses of red wine.

First class was empty on this flight, so it was extraordinarily quiet.Si Nan took a sip of the red wine, and looked at him slightly, "I have a hunch."

"what?"

"I feel that Jifeng will welcome you at Fucheng Airport." Sinan smiled.

Miao Ran suddenly rolled his eyes as if he was choked up: "Is it 'catch me'?"

Si Nan smiled without saying a word.

Miao Ran drank the wine in one gulp, and looked at him with a guilty conscience: "He won't really come here, can he? What you said makes me want to jump off the plane."

"Shhh!" Sinan signaled him to be silent, "If the crew hears what you said, a circle of people will come around and watch you until you get off the plane safely."

Miao Ran rolled her eyes at him boredly.

Si Nan finished his last sip of wine with a smile, called the stewardess to take away the glass, and then turned his head bored to stare at the night outside the porthole in a daze.Miao Ran beside him seemed to be extremely sleepy, and quickly fell asleep with the stamina of this glass of wine.

While staring blankly, Sinan imagined the expression Miao Ran might have when he landed and saw Monsoon, and suddenly felt a little funny.

Ji Feng was his roommate when he was studying in the UK. He is of mixed Chinese and English descent and looks quite British.In the past few years, Miao Ran went to England to look for him several times, and I don't know when the two started hooking up.

Originally, the two were having a romantic and affectionate time, but Ji Feng suddenly proposed to take Miao Ran to meet his parents, and also planned to propose to him, which scared him a little.

Sinan vaguely knew something about Miao Ran's past - his unhappy family and his past unpleasant and dark experiences.In complete contrast to him, Ji Feng was born in an open, warm, loving and understanding family. His mother is a tenured professor at Sinan School, and his father is a respected surgeon.

People from two very different families, in Miao Ran's perception, they can have fun, but if they really want to be together, he doesn't think this difference will bring problems to their relationship.

Si Nan could understand Miao Ran's worry and panic, but Ji Feng felt dazed and panicked by his sudden indifference and leaving without saying goodbye.After Miao Ran blocked his phone number, Ji Feng resolutely dragged Si Nan back to China to chase his wife.

Of course, it's not completely dragging.

Si Nan recalled a conversation he had with Ji Feng before returning to China.

At that time, he told Ji Feng all the worries and anxieties in Miao Ran's heart, but Ji Feng, who usually had a clear logic and rational thinking, suddenly turned into a child, almost blatantly refusing to admit the relationship between him and Miao Ran. differences, and asked Sinan repeatedly: "Can true love be defeated by differences?"

Si Nan couldn't laugh or cry.

Later, he asked Monsoon another question.

It was said to be one problem, but in fact it was a combination of many problems, and those problems were once a nightmare that he could not get rid of.

Si Nan asked him: "What if Miao Ran regrets it now? He just loves and loves and suddenly doesn't want to be with you? Maybe even your existence will make him feel painful, and you will still insist on being with him ?"

However, Ji Feng just frowned after hearing this, and looked at him in a completely incomprehensible manner: "Nan, these questions you asked are so unreasonable. Why does Muse suddenly not want to be with me while loving me? That can only happen." It means that he doesn't love me at all, but I'm sure he loves me, so these questions you ask are not valid. Also, if he really regrets a little bit, then I will be very sad, but I love him, I can Endure these sorrows until he changes his mind, I firmly believe that my existence is to make Muse happy and protected, and I will not allow myself to make him suffer, so can you help me?"

Ji Feng spoke eloquently, but Sinan only listened to the sentence "I'm sure he loves me".

For a long time, he had repeatedly doubted whether the relationship between him and Chen Sen was real or not. When they first separated, he could still tell himself as confidently as Ji Feng that Chen Sen loved him. He was just too sad, and couldn't get over the hurdle in his heart for a while. Although the reality seemed helpless, he always held a glimmer of hope in his heart.

However, this expectation turned into a loud slap in the face in the end.

He didn't wait for Chen Sen to turn around. When they separated, he cut off all the contact methods between the two in a fit of anger, but he soon regretted it, but he didn't know how to restore it.

Until he saw the email from Xu Xu.

Sinan attached all his contact information at the end of his reply. In his own opinion, this kind of behavior was almost "shameless". ".

He couldn't believe it, and then he was wronged, angry, and hated that Feng Huo Liaoyuan burned him into a walking dead from the inside out. He hated both Chen Sen and himself. When this burning hatred reached its peak, Sinan secretly bought a plane ticket to return home.

At that time, he and Chen Sen had been separated for almost a year.

After returning to China, he went straight to D University and managed to sneak into the campus.He didn't know what he wanted to do, he just felt too uncomfortable, every inch of his bones hurt like being crushed, and there was a big hole hanging in his heart, leaking out his vitality every moment.

Those inferiority complexes and self-loathing that had been suppressed by him in the depths of his soul all broke free from the shackles at this moment, and came back multiplying.There was a dark shadow in his heart that was pulling him day and night, saying that he would take him to escape, but he held the kindness of that person in his hand, and he just didn't want to let go.

He just wanted an answer.

It was already past eight o'clock at night when the plane landed. That night, after Sinan sneaked into the school, he stood downstairs in the dormitory where Chen Sen lived all night, smoking half a pack of cigarettes.

When it was almost dawn, he counted seventeen cigarette butts.

When leaving, Sinando glanced at the tree beside him.He suddenly envied this tree, being so close to that person.

In the process of walking out of the school, Sinan imagined it. He thought, if possible, he would like to become a glass of water, an old T-shirt in the corner, a dumb taxi driver, or just an old cigarette on the table. pen.

He wanted to become Chen Sen's life, even if he could only keep silent.

Si Nan found a sliver of comfort in this desperate affection, that is, a reason to persuade him to bear all the pain at the moment.

He waited all night and didn't see the person he wanted to see. After waking up, he began to regret what he had done, but just when he was about to leave, the person he had been waiting for all night appeared.

It's at the bus stop in front of the school.

Sinan stood far away from him, wearing a hat, trying his best to hide himself in the crowd.He followed Chen Sen on the same bus, and several times he felt that Chen Sen had discovered him, but in fact he hadn't.

Chen Sen's condition looked a bit bad, his face was so pale that he didn't sleep for a long time, and his eyes were black and blue.

It seemed that he and Li Ziwen hadn't slept all night. They rushed back to school from a certain place just now, but before they had time to cross the road, they had to hurry to the next place after answering the phone call.

That day, Sinan followed him the whole day, like a voyeur who couldn't see the light.

At night, Chen Sen, Li Ziwen and a few men who looked much older than them went into a tavern together. Sinan couldn't follow him in, so he stood outside and waited.

After waiting for two or three hours, Li Ziwen helped Chen Sen out.

When Sinan saw Chen Sen wave his hand at him and say something, Li Ziwen seemed to curse with a gloomy expression, then left him and went in again.

Chen Sen staggered to the next step and sat down. Just two seconds after he sat down, he suddenly jumped up and rushed to the corner next to him, throwing up.Si Nan's hands were faster than his consciousness, and before his brain could react, he had already supported Chen Sen to sit down again.

Chen Sen was not surprised when he looked up and saw him, he seemed to think he was dreaming, and muttered, "Again?"

Si Nan couldn't help but let him lean on him, his eyes wandered back and forth on that face, and he couldn't help touching it.

Chen Sen closed his eyes and impatiently grabbed the hand that was playing tricks on his face, then squeezed his palm habitually, and said with a smile: "Hey, stay a little longer this time, I'm a little tired... "

He seemed to be really tired, and he fainted before he finished speaking.

Si Nan hugged him quietly, tears fell drop by drop, landed on the corner of Chen Sen's mouth, and then slid down, it looked like he was drooling while sleeping.

Si Nan looked at it and laughed, the pain that had been raging in his heart suddenly changed, and he fell silently dormant, a kind of unspeakable distress and longing wrapped him up instead.Even though the person he was thinking about was lying in his arms at the moment, he still felt missing, and the power brought by this missing finally made him free from hatred and fully recognize himself.

What did you realize?Simon asked himself.

Not important anymore.

He bowed his head and gently kissed the drunk man in his arms.

"You said you want to get together and leave, and I promise you. Now I want you to wait for me to come back, see or leave, then I will take it as you promised me."

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