[European style] go home

On February 1943, 2, I accepted the most dangerous task since I joined the army: to send a carload of supplies to several companies at the forefront to protect our army from retreating.Misfortunes never come singly, and to make matters worse, there was a blizzard just a few days ago, and in some neglected places, the snow was up to my waist.So, after the chaplain (①) prayed for us, with a strange sense of ceremony, several of us young soldiers set off in a sleigh pulled by two small horses.

This is my first time riding a sled.When I was a child, every December 12th I would guess with great anticipation, what kind of gift would Santa Claus come from afar in a sleigh pulled by reindeer give me?Even though I grew up knowing it was all a little parental trick, I always dreamed of things like sleds.

However, when I actually sat on this rough wooden board with the upturned tail, I didn't have any joy that I should have when my dream came true.The driving soldier whipped the two scrawny horses, making the sleigh go forward amidst their neighing.We galloped on a white slope, and another soldier from Austria said that it was like riding a sled in the Alps.So, in a sense, I'm also a person who has sledged in the Alps.

We skied over snow-capped peaks and across snow-covered plains until we could see, from the low hills, the frozen surface of the Don in the distance.

Ahead is the front line of the German army.Our trenches are like the criss-crossing streets in a city, building a crude transportation network in this ice and snow.I jumped off the sled, grabbed some ammunition boxes and jumped into it.There were only a few soldiers in the trenches. We found the sergeant major among them and asked how far it was from our destination.

"That's where you're going," he pointed in the direction of the Don River. "It's dangerous there. It's only about 200 meters from the Russians—maybe not even 200 meters."

We walked along the east-west connecting trails between each north-south trench towards the east trench.This trench was filled with slovenly soldiers.When they saw us with the supplies, they rushed over and said, "Hey, it's just in time, we're out of ammunition." Then they stretched out their hands to force open the ammunition box I was carrying.

"No, this is not for you guys." I held on to the box in my arms, trying to break out from the surrounding crowd, but five people against fifty people is simply a fantasy in reality.Seeing that my ammunition box was about to be snatched away by this group of chaotic and disgusting soldiers, everyone present was knocked down by a loud noise and fiery air waves.

From the first howitzer horn, the Soviet army began to shell our positions.I and other nearby soldiers immediately rushed into the cat ear hole (②) behind me, and those belatedly had to look at the overcrowded nest in front of them and lie down at the bottom of the trench in fear , kissing his own cross necklace to pray for God's blessing.In these times, even a person who does not believe in God will ask the heaven for mercy.

The sound of artillery shells sounded around us one after another, probably including howitzers, rocket launchers, and mortars... In fact, I don't know the difference between the sounds of these shells, but one of them is very familiar to me-the click of the Soviet army. Qiusha rocket launcher (③), this kind of artillery will emit a very sharp scream when fired, like a cry from hell, so we call it "Stalin's organ".This is probably the last joke I'll hear on here.

When the dense gunfire gradually dissipated, we tentatively walked out of the crowded cat's ear hole.Most of the soldiers who didn't have time to get into the cave to take shelter died.I walked over the corpses lying in the trenches and went to the trench telescope to have a look. The ground outside was dotted with sunken bomb craters.The snow on the ground was lifted high by the huge impact of the shells, and even smashed the frozen soil below, which was as hard as a rock. Clusters of dark colors dotted the snow with different spots.

The road ahead is very dangerous, but I know I must go, as a soldier, I must obey orders.At this moment, the familiar roar of 105mm guns sounded behind us, and then hundreds of huge Tiger tanks and Mark 4 tanks covered with camouflage suddenly emerged from the surrounding dead woods (④), The German counteroffensive has begun!

There was a burst of cheers in the trenches, and the accompanying applause was even louder than the cannons above our heads.All the men in the military uniforms of the National Defense Forces had long-lost smiles on their faces, and they all shouted: "Long live victory!"

Under the shelter of these behemoths, we and the infantry on the ground pushed eastward in one go.The moment was so exhilarating that I felt like a crusader in Jerusalem (⑤), and the atheist Bolsheviks were heretics under Saladin (⑥).After crossing several east-west connecting trails, we finally came to the last and closest trench to the Russians.The deafening sound of gunfire almost drove me crazy. There are crooked corpses everywhere. It is easy to see bloody human internal organs here. If you accidentally step on it, it is very likely to splash you all over.

After I handed over the ammunition box in my hand to the dusty and bloody hands of the chief sergeant of the target company, I breathed a sigh of relief as if I had been pardoned, and the state of anxiety and tension that lasted for more than an hour was finally relieved .We returned the same way under the cover of artillery fire, which forced me to encounter those unsightly dead bodies again.But this time I was free to cover my nose with my hand, and I didn't have to endure the strong, nauseating smell of blood in the air.

I never deliberately remember the appearance of the corpse I saw in the bunker, at most I only vaguely remember "this is a half-broken person", but there is always a signal soldier with a large intestine exposed that I can never forget.He was only about seventeen or eighteen years old, with an immature face, and a big gash in his stomach, from which blood trickled continuously.When I faced his pale face condescendingly, he suddenly raised a folded telegram with his hand, and made a hoarse voice from his throat: "Please...give this...to... Captain von Kagneck..."

When I heard the name clearly, my body trembled violently like being hit by a sniper.I knelt down, took the telegram from him, and assured him, "I will."

"Thanks..." He said with the last of his strength, "We will win, right..."

I'm destined to be unable to answer him.All I could do was close his eyes as he breathed his last.

"I want to go back." I said to my comrades.

"Are you crazy, Schumann?" Carl looked at me in disbelief. "Go back to die?"

"I want to go back!" I yelled at him hysterically, then turned around and walked back to the most dangerous area without looking back.I think they must feel that my madness has flared up again.

I'm probably crazy, I don't know what company he's in, so I can only run around the entire bunker with a rifle on my back looking for him.Everywhere I walked was full of dead bodies, flesh and blood flying everywhere, debris flying, and smelled terrible, but I kept walking, catching everyone I met and asking Captain von Kagneck's direction, I was so anxious that I did not notice that our artillery had stopped attacking.

At the same time, I finally found that tall and straight figure in a trench near the front.He was wearing a dark green military uniform covered with dust.I held up the telegram letter in my hand and rushed towards him, but accidentally tripped over a dead body below.Fortunately, what I fell into was a warm, soft embrace, not the cold and stiff bodies of those corpses.

"Walter, your telegram!" I placed the bloody telegram between us.

"Thank you! Albert, I really don't know how to thank you." He excitedly unfolded the letter paper and browsed through the contents, but his expression darkened.He put away the telegram and said to me, "It's dangerous here. The mission is over, you can go back quickly."

I know I can't stay here for too long, but I want to see this pretty face one more time, though I've never seen him in such a state of distress: the blond hair peeping out from under the helmet is stained with fine gravel; His fair cheeks were covered with a thin layer of sand, like a camouflage; his lips were parched from the cold, but his clear blue eyes were as bright as ever.And now those eyes meet mine, God, how I want to kiss him, but I can't.

"I have to go. God bless you." I straightened my clothes and prepared to leave.It would be easier to walk on the ground than to navigate these labyrinthine bunkers, so I decided to climb out of the trenches and join the infantry.How negligent I looked now!I didn't notice the sound of Russian machine guns firing at all.

The moment I stood up on the ground, I felt something hit my chest suddenly, and it became chilly.I stretched out my hand and touched it, and the answer was the bloody palm.

The severe pain spreading from the heart finally spread to the whole body after a delay of a few seconds, my breathing became more and more rapid, and I could hardly breathe——I finally fell backwards.In a trance, I seemed to hear someone calling my name, but I was too weak, and I didn't have the extra strength to raise my eyelids...

The horror of being shot that day still lingers in my mind.What happened next, I have already said in the preface.Thanks to those few millimeters of error, I survived.Those soldiers who were directly pierced through the atrium or aorta were not so lucky.

Interestingly, I did not know Captain von Kagneck's true parentage from the nurse until after I was sent to the field hospital for surgery.

"You are so lucky! You received treatment and care in time." The nurse said after treating the wound for me, "Captain von Kagneck sent you here himself."

"Do you know him too?" I asked.

"Of course! He is the second son of General Fritz von Kageneck." The nurse smiled. "His older brother is Colonel Ulrich von Kageneck."

I have never been good at remembering other people's names. Except for a few close comrades in arms, I have already forgotten the nicknames of other people who have worked with me. As for the information about Captain von Kagneck, although I have never met him of these two relatives, but I remember their full names clearly.

During those days in the hospital, the front line was still fighting intensely, so no one had time to visit me.Countless wounded people are sent here every day, and no matter how serious their injuries are, they are all soaked in their own blood without exception.So, whenever the doors of the hospital opened, I secretly prayed that none of my friends I knew would be among them.And this time, it turned out that I was religious enough.

The memory is here, I think it's time for me to get up and continue writing.It is now 11 o'clock in the middle of the night, and there is silence around.Tomorrow is my last day in Dessau, and my grandparents will be visiting me from the remote countryside, so I don't think I'll have time to write.And the next morning, I'm going to catch the train back to Berlin, then to Poznan, then to Kiev and Kharkov, just like I did when I came back.

As for this personal memoir, maybe I can finish it with the rest of my long life after the war, select and publish it, and use the remuneration as an additional income for me. Of course, I will definitely include my friends and me in it. If I am unfortunately unable to return to my hometown, then let this notebook lie here quietly until it is discovered or destroyed by bombs or bombs.

1943. 3, 13

The author has something to say: ①Military chaplains: The chaplains of the Nazi German army were not included as combatants in the army and did not directly participate in combat, but they would learn some necessary first aid skills and assist military doctors in rescue duties when needed. Praying and burial rituals for wounded or dead soldiers during or after the battle, and providing solutions and counseling for soldiers with psychological problems to guide their thinking.

②Cat's ear hole: refers to digging a hole in the side wall of a ditch or soil slope for shelter.

③ Katyusha rocket launcher: the first self-propelled rocket launcher that was mass-produced and put into use by the Soviet Union in World War II.It was called "Stalin's Organ" by the German army.

④Tiger Tank, Mark 4 Tank: They are all German tanks.

⑤ "The Crusades of Jerusalem": the Crusades, a series of well-known religious military operations that lasted nearly 200 years under the permission of the Pope of Rome, led by feudal lords and knights in Western Europe In the name of regaining the lands invaded and occupied by the Arabs, there were a total of nine wars launched against the countries on the eastern coast of the Mediterranean Sea.The cross is a symbol of Christianity, so everyone who participated in the expedition wore a "cross" mark on their chest and arm, so they were called "Crusaders".

⑥ Saladin (1138-1193): The world famous military strategist and statesman in the Middle Ages.He led the Arabs to fight against the Crusades and seized Jerusalem, which brought about a turning point in the struggle between Muslims and Christians here.

☆, postscript

My name is Florian Schuman, I live in Leipzig and I am a university mathematics teacher.The above is the first draft of a memoir written by my grandfather's twin brother, Albert Schumann, during his sabbatical home in 1943.He was a Wehrmacht transport during World War II.

I found this notebook by accident last year in my grandfather's old house in Dessau, in the bottom drawer of the old desk in the utility room.After reading the contents of the book, I decided to show it.In fact, I am incredibly proud of my ancestors for having such deep compassion.He even wrote about his admiration for a handsome SS captain, which was illegal at the time.

This discovery also allowed me to better understand the thinking of that generation. Before that day, all my impressions of this great-uncle were limited to a document with a black and white photo.From the outside, he and my grandfather are like two drops of the same water, but his heart is obviously more fragile and sensitive.

After discovering this relic, I specifically investigated the files of all the characters who appeared in the text.Here I will list their information in order of appearance:

Albert Schumann, killed in the Battle of Belgorod (①) in August 1943.

Helmut Schumann, captured by the Soviet Army in 1945, returned to Leipzig, Germany in 1948 and became a civil aviation captain. Died in 2010.

Erich Krantz committed suicide in Kharkov in January 1943.

Karl Schweiger, killed in the Battle of Berlin (②) in April 1945.

Sergeant Major Hans Gowers, killed in the Battle of Belgorod in August 1943.

Captain Walter von Kagneck was captured by the Soviet Army in 1945 and went to work in a Siberian prisoner-of-war camp. He was later sentenced to 10 years in prison. Returned to Berlin, Germany (East Berlin) in 1955 and became an engineer.Because he once joined the SS, he was persecuted many times. Died in 1992.

Thomas Toner, who disappeared during the Battle of Berlin in April 1945.

It can be seen that most people lost their lives in the war.Ten years ago (in 2005), I accompanied my grandfather to Berlin for the [-]th anniversary of the end of World War II.We stood with those who opposed the war, and listened to the veterans complain tearfully about the harm caused by the war.

Prior to this, I had the good fortune to get in touch with Captain von Kagneck's grandson, the Berlin banker Thomas von Kagneck.This year he will also participate in the commemoration of the 10th anniversary.We made an appointment to meet at the Brandenburg Gate (③) at [-] am this morning.

I recognized him from a distance because his blond hair was so dazzling.I shook hands with him.He was tall, about 190 centimeters; his features were undeniably handsome, and the contours of his face seemed to me to have the same evaluation in my mind as those graceful images of functions.

"My grandfather was persecuted a lot because he joined the SS. You know, people in East Germany (④) hated the Nazis." He said, "This is also one of the things he regrets most in his life. Although he Did not participate in those inhumane atrocities."

“My great-uncle wrote about the indiscriminate reprisals of the partisans for attacking their camps,” I said. “It seems that everyone, whether Wehrmacht or SS, is guilty in war.”

"Yes." He smiled at me approvingly, "so the best thing to do is to avoid the war. But without the war 60 years ago, we wouldn't be together now. "

"That's true." I replied.

People in the distance have already started to release the doves of peace in their hands.With the sound of flapping wings, the entire sky over Berlin was covered by a vast expanse of white color, just like the land of Eastern Europe after snow more than 70 years ago.

“My grandfather once wanted to write a memoir, and he wrote a lot of chapters, and he ended up throwing that notebook in the fireplace,” he said, “because he thought his experience was sinful. Sadly, I couldn’t.” Be the first to see what's in there. I asked him, but he won't talk about the war."

I don't know if Captain von Kagneck found my great-uncle adoring him, perhaps he never imagined to his death that he had such an important place in another man's heart.

"I think we can continue this friendship," I suggested. "I will come to Berlin again next year."

"Of course!" He laughed, his pure blue eyes were like the clear water of the Elbe, and now I understand a little why my uncle fell in love with that young officer.If I were to colorize that black-and-white photo I had seen while searching the archives, it would have the same eyes as the pair before me.

When I got back, I printed out everyone's ID photos and pasted them all on the last page of that notebook: Albert Schumann, Helmut Schumann, Erich Klein Z, Karl Schweiger, Hans Gowers, Walter von Kagneck, Thomas Toner... It's as if they really had a photo together.I think the owner of this note must think this is a good idea.

The author has something to say: ①The Battle of Belgorod: It took place between Nazi Germany and the Soviet Union in early August 1943. It was the Soviet army's counterattack against Ozerov Rumyantsev in the latter part of the Kursk Battle in one of the battles.

②柏林战役（1945.4.16-1945.5.9）：苏德战争中，苏军实施的最后一次战略性进攻战役。苏军突入柏林中心区。1945年4月30日希特勒在总理府地下室自杀。这场战役标志着纳粹德国的灭亡和欧洲战事的结束。

③Brandenburg Gate: a landmark building in Berlin.Located in the center of Berlin.It was built between 1788 and 1791 by order of King Frederick William II of Prussia to commemorate Prussia's victory in the Seven Years' War.

④东德：即德意志民主共和国，1949年10月7日到1990年10月3日期间存在于欧洲中部的社会主义国家。1990年10月3日正式并入德意志联邦共和国，两德统一成为当今德国。