【Moneng】stay gold

Now if you ask Angel to recall what happened in the year of graduation, she can only explain a few impressive scenes, and the rest are intricately intertwined threads: disputes that seem to be related to Kazdel but have nothing to do with them, well-meaning and Useless consolation and a wasted life once immersed in frenzied suspicion and proof-seeking.The world is full of noises, she is wearing a blindfold and walking along the river, no one guides, no one responds.

winter.

She had never seen the summer palace in winter.

When the train entered the platform along Jinghu Lake, the notary office officials had been waiting for a long time.Can Angel got out of the car and saw the Angel Tower and Summer Palace in the distance silent in the snow scene, and the top of the building was covered with white.It was cold, and the mist formed and dissipated around her mouth.In the past, she only lived here for a few months in summer, and the summer palace gave her memories of the wind, the sparkling lake, the overly rich greenery, the scorching sun, the all-night singing and laughing and the smell of wine.Now this summer paradise is bleak and strange.The train rumbled again and passed behind her.

The official of the notary office took her back to her residence and gave her the key. His lips moved and he asked her in the most friendly tone, "Do you need help moving things?"

"I think I'd better be alone."

"All right…"

The angel nodded wordlessly, she knew he was expressing kindness, but now that kindness has become only exhausting.She opened the door without saying goodbye, and walked into the place she had dreamed of.

The house has been unoccupied for a while, it is cold and less popular, but traces of people living there can be seen everywhere - a half-opened book on the sofa in the living room, unwashed coffee cups, half-open French windows, wind The information documents on the coffee table were messed up, the vines and green plants growing out of the balcony were messed up, and the wine in the refrigerator was messed up.Thank goodness, and wine.Angel Neng immediately opened a bottle, took the wine, threw herself and her backpack into the sofa, and stared at the photo of her and her sister on the opposite wall in a daze.

If my sister is still here——

"Congratulations to Neng Angel for her successful graduation!" Her sister was sitting beside her, she was very happy. "Let's not talk about it later, let's celebrate today."

The two of them ate and drank together, and Angel would happily tell her what happened during the exam, and she responded with such tact.She would tell how she accidentally created a "little" mess in the library before the exam, and if her sister frowned, she would immediately and carefully add, "Only this one, I'll take care of the rest." Time is as clever as a little angel in a religious painting." She will talk about the carnival atmosphere at school graduation, chaotic traffic, hot weather, and people wearing hats and uniforms posing for pictures everywhere.

"How do you feel about your test scores?" my sister would ask.

"Professional grades should be pretty good? But my comprehensive grades must be very poor - I have suffered too many punishments."

My sister would shake her head helplessly, "You're still a child."

"Hmph... No matter how old I am, I'm still a child in your eyes."

"That's true."

She would go to sleep with her sister at night, wrap her arms around her waist, put her icy feet into her sister's bed to keep warm, put them back after her sister protested, and sneak in after a while.

"The times ahead are going to be tough, don't be afraid, what's due will come." My sister would stroke her hair, "Fate has its own cunning and cruelty, and it strikes us when we are least prepared." How do we deal with the ultimate departure? This is a big question that all religious people have to deal with, and I don't know how to answer it... But when time wears everything down, you will be somewhere in the busy traffic. I suddenly thought of me, slowed down, and then ran to the distance again. This is the best ending. No need to tear your heart.

"Do you still remember that I once wanted to teach you a kind of chess in the Yan Kingdom, called Xiangqi? If you have the opportunity to get in touch with this ancient chess technique in the future, you should pay more attention to the chess called pawns. Once the pawns cross the river, You can’t look back when you make a move, think carefully before moving, and don’t regret anything. You are always used to being casual, and I’m afraid you will suffer from this randomness in the future. Randomness is not a bad thing, but there is a big difference between orderly randomness and chaotic randomness Yes. You also have to be wary of people’s praise and expectations, which are the things that are most likely to trap you. But in the end, these are just skills. I'm afraid I'm going back to the philosophical topic you don't like to hear. It's better for you to talk about this issue yourself.

"There are some sufferings that you have to swallow. Even if I am here, I can only watch the suffering engulf you like a wave. But never feel sorry for yourself, and never lose the ability to love and be loved. You are a Naturally optimistic child, I believe you will do it.

"Angel, if there is no accident, I will leave you alone in the world in the end. Regarding life and death, the only thing you and I can think about is whether we can calmly face death with our own will... If my life is already in a coma If you are stagnant, the body depends on a pair of instruments to continue, so I would rather leave decently—then I am afraid that the cumbersome procedures will bother you, Aneng."

After an unknown amount of time, Neng Angel woke up and wiped away the tears on her face. She only felt sore all over her body.

As the sky was getting darker, she got up and turned on the light, and took out a newspaper from her backpack that she had read countless times——"Cazdale Serious Bloodshed Incident", she had read this report countless times, the content was mainly Divol's ugly resume, "a paranoid, persecuted delusional, fanatical racist".Next to him was a picture of Duvole, a picture of him as a young man, a tall Sakota man, blurry but undeniably handsome.

These things are too far away from the ivory tower of the angel, and it is still difficult for her to feel the real ugliness from the typeface.But she still caught a glimpse—she suddenly remembered the inexplicable libel case last year, the hateful woman.Then the ugliness suddenly became clear.

The opposite page of the newspaper read: "Fallen Angels: Mastema, the Notary's Killing Machine."

The newspapers reported on Mostima's service and a brief introduction to the medals she received.She used to be an agent of the notary office and carried out many top-secret missions.

"Mostima's guardian gun was aimed at the heads of at least 13 more people, including two Sarkaz children, during the Kazdel incident. She inappropriately exaggerated Divol's Dangerous, when the negotiation was about to succeed, she misjudged the form as an assaulter, causing unnecessary force and deterrence, leading to the collapse of the negotiation. Mostima is currently facing charges from relevant departments. In this raid, Moss Tima will also be held civilly responsible for the death of Operation Captain Adele, whom she mistakenly shot in the midst of the chaos."

Below the report is a photo of Mastema with her back to the camera, a gun in hand, and in front of her to the left is Divol lying down as the doctor pulls a dead Sarkaz girl from him .The ground between Divor and Mostima was covered with shiny things: blood, bullet casings, glass shards.The lens was very low, and the halo and wings of Mostima were not captured.

"Full details of the failed accident have not yet been released by the Notary Public. Mostima's career may have ended as a result of the accident. She is also facing manslaughter charges from Adeli's family." According to the notary police officer, who did not want to be named , At present, the Rutland Act is in effect."

The report ends here.The angel stared at the last sentence—she still couldn't imagine what had happened, what had changed.

A month ago, when all the news reached her ears, she thought it was a fantasy—but a series of follow-up measures forced her to face the reality: her sister had passed away forever, and Mastema had lost her life. Sakota's identity.The two people she loved the most in this world suddenly disappeared.But disappearing, there should always be a place to go, even if it is death, the soul should have a fucking home, so where are you now?Why don't you leave me a reply?Even a gust of wind?

She wrote to Mostima and it was confusing and she said a lot of very weak things, but Mostima didn't write back to her and didn't show up at her sister's memorial service.She asked the staff of the notary office responsible for condolences to the survivors, and the answer was that Mostima had been fired.

"But she really killed...?"

"The Lateran Act does not deceive people. Alas... this kind of thing often happens. When the situation is chaotic, some of the injuries suffered by soldiers do come from their own people. The body armor on them not only protects against the enemy, but also protects against the enemy. own people."

"But Mastema won't. Others might. She won't."

The staff member was a kind-looking young man. At this moment, he looked down slightly and looked at Angel Neng, "Why do you trust her so much?"

"Because she and I are very, very, very good friends."

"You're too subjective. When you're too subjective, it's hard to see reality."

No Angel felt his throat was about to explode.

She is too subjective?For the first time, she recognized with horror a possibility: Had she lost her eyes to the truth because of her affection for Mastema?She was desperate to hear what others had to say about Mastema to be sure, but who could she go to?It was only then that she realized how little she knew about Mastema. This perception was extremely clear at this moment. When she got the newspaper, she found sadly that she had spent half an hour reading it , and got more information about Mostima than the two of them have known in the year since they met.

When my sister held a memorial service, Angel Neng went to collect her urn.But many years later, she learned that her sister had already been buried in the back garden of the Sakota embassy in Kazdale, because her body was tested for origin stone toxin, and the government did not allow the body to be transported with ore disease virus. When returning home, they can only be buried after disinfection and cremation.Her sister was actually sleeping in a foreign country, and like many of her comrades-in-arms, never returned home.

After the memorial service, Angel could not breathe, so he could only take a step and stop for a while.The staff helped her to the lounge, where the decoration was simple and warm, with thick curtains and several oil paintings hanging on the wall.

The Angel put the urn aside and sat down slowly, feeling a sore head.She suddenly felt drowsy, but the next second she stood up suddenly, feeling her whole body was numb and aching with fear—she saw the oil painting on the opposite wall.It is a woman in the painting, standing behind a layer of hazy gauze, but even though the gauze blurs her face, the angel can still recognize the contemptuous corners of the eyes and the pitiful smile, those eyes can emit sympathy and mockery at the same time s eyes.Those were the eyes of Mastema.Neng Angel walked towards the painting, and she saw the business card posted under the painting - "King Emperor".

It turned out to be you.

It turned out to be you.

You are here waiting for me.

Can Angel feel dizzy, because she has been trying to pretend that her sister has not left her, Mastema has not disappeared, pretending that she can still see her sister when she returns to the summer palace, and then everything will be the same as before, and must be the same as before. Same as before.She breathed nervously, but felt that the air was getting thinner and thinner, and the world in front of her eyes gradually lost its color, as if some monster was greedily absorbing the air and colors in the corner, only the painting in front of her was in color.The energy angel looked around, as if looking for this kind of monster, looking for some kind of abnormality.She felt that her body was about to turn into a piece of glass falling at high speed, and then countless fragments exploded.She trembled, took a sharp breath, and then fled the scene with the body box in her arms.

On the way to escape, the staff seemed to ask her a few questions, but she forgot all of them, and also forgot what she said.Her only thought was to find Mostima, she was going to find Mostima.

Mosttima's only response to her was an unspoken gift.

At that time, Angel Neng was about to board the train back to the Summer Palace, when Shan Jin suddenly appeared out of breath, holding a strange, mottled box in his hand.Angel Neng felt that the box was inexplicably familiar, but he couldn't remember where he had seen it.

"An anonymous courier cannot trace the gift address." Shan Jin said. "It's delivered to the apartment. I'm afraid I'll delay your business, so I'll send it to you as soon as possible."

"Thank you."

The angel can take the box.Since the accident, Shan Jin has been caring for her, and will call her every hour, as if she is afraid that she will commit suicide if she thinks about it at any time.She got on the train with the suitcase, Shan Jin talked about trivial things through the glass for a while, and chased the train for a while before disappearing.

The Archangel was sitting on the sofa floor now, looking at the box, she remembered—this was the suitcase that Mostima carried with her.She hastily opened the box.The contents were familiar to her, the different components of the gun, she didn't understand what it meant, just put them together.

Holding the assembled guardian blunderbuss in her hand, Neng Angel suddenly understood: This is Mostima's guardian blunderbuss, and she no longer needs it.

The angel fell into a coma for a long time again.

After waking up, she suddenly remembered the purpose of her trip - she came to pack up her sister's belongings, and she would never return to this place.She was going to Kazdale, she was going to Mostima, she didn't trust the newspapers, she didn't trust the notary.She had to find out all the details of what happened in Kazdel that year by herself.

Thinking of this, Neng Angel immediately started to clean up.In one go, she took all the photos out of the frames, arranged them in rows, and put them in her schoolbag.She disassembled Mostima's guardian gun and put it back into the box.She went upstairs, and then she stood at the door of the study, because it was empty—all books, poems, files, notebooks, and materials were gone.Someone came, someone took them.Obviously for snooping.Can angels be filled with grief and anger, how can they be so cruel?These things should have been cleaned up by her, by her to sort out the wonderful words left by her sister in the world, which is the only thing she can do now, but they have taken away this right.The rationality that had been holding on all the time collapsed at this moment, and Angel Neng slid down slowly against the door frame, and finally burst into tears.

Now, four years later, sitting on the streets of Longmen, Neng Angel can finally describe all this in a relatively calm manner.

You may ask, "Are you in so much pain that you want to die?"

Maybe the angel would answer with a smile, maybe there was, but she forgot.She used to have a bad breath in her chest and was determined to fight against fate. She once wandered in front of the holy church for a month, collecting information on the bloody dispute among the people of Sakazping, and was almost arrested by the authorities as a spy.She had been determined to punish whoever was behind all these tragedies—fate, gods, or whatever—but one day, when she saw the Holy Church at sunset, the malice suddenly disappeared.

She wants to live, there are so many things to do before her eyes, she has to do it no matter what, otherwise she will really let everything down.It would be ungrateful if she continued to be melancholy all day long, with a long face, frowning at the countless untruthful reports, making her friends feel very restrained and sad when they saw her, showing sympathy, and entertaining others with bitter tears. , I'm so sorry.She has to learn to be happy.

She had lived a life of great pleasure, and only for the pleasure of it, for she was easygoing, she had many friends, and she shunned all kinds of sorrow and pain.She didn't want to eat bread with tears, didn't want to face an even worse day after a miserable night, she kept her grief out of her way of life, she hated that, tried not to sink herself into it - but that was exactly It was God's arrangement for her, and it was the last gift left by her sister.She originally lived an incomplete life. After a year of grief and disorder, she finally understood the wisdom hidden in the pain and saw the whole picture of life.At the beginning of life, sweetness and pain have revealed their different attractiveness, but what we pursue is often permanent sweetness, but in fact, it will starve the soul.

Suffering is actually a kind of revelation, allowing the blind man to be born again and open his eyes to see the truth.She has been able to experience more comprehensively, with heart and reason, what she had vaguely perceived by intuition in the past.She knew that the scariest thing was not a heartbreak, but a heart that became as cold as a stone.

After she figured it out, she kept following the legendary fallen angels. Living like a nomad, she suddenly found a job seriously, took out the only money she had, and eagerly changed out of her childish schoolgirl-like clothes , I cut my hair short again, which is very good, and it looks like a newcomer.She reconnected with a few close friends from the past, and then, all of a sudden, she came to Longmen and joined Penguin Logistics.She still hadn't seen Mostima, but she had regained her grip on life.The investigation of the Kazdel incident is also going on quietly in the back and forth.Nor was she overjoyed at the fact that she and Mastema had regained a physical connection, at least not in the way she thought she would be.

But she also knew that the withdrawal from Mostima was only temporary, and after a while, the longing would reoccupy a corner of her heart.

However, unlike before, she is already a newcomer.She has understood true happiness.

Just when she was able to face up to her sister's departure, and was about to put Mastema as a frozen person belonging to the past, and just take it off from time to time to savor it for a while before putting it back, Mastema suddenly appeared in front of her In front of my eyes.

fate.

tbc