his story

Yan Shu took the train for a long time, and changed cars several times before arriving at this remote mountain town.The locals only spoke dialect, and it took Yan Shu gestures with hands and feet for a long time before asking for directions.

Beg Lushan, this place still exists in memory.Yan Shu arranged the rest of the things at hand and came. He was tired after a few days of bumpy roads. He found the only hotel in the town to check in, took a shower, ate, and slept well. Walked up the mountain early.

The mountain is very high, and the more we go up, the more weeds and trees grow, which are lush and block out the sky and the sun.After walking to the end of the mountain road trampled by the mountain people, Yan Shu picked up a dead branch and opened the way by himself. He had no direction and only walked to a high place based on his feeling. He didn't stop until the sun was high and his legs and feet were sore.

The location here is almost close to the top of the mountain, and there are few people around, only the occasional birdsong breaks the silence.Yan Shu sat down on the ground with his back against a big tree, the sun was shining through the gaps in the branches and leaves, his hands were scratched several times by the sharp thorns of the bush, bleeding a little, and it was a little painful.Yan Shu took out a small white bottle from his jacket pocket, poured out a few pills inside, and swallowed it with his head up.

Within a few minutes, the stomach began to colic, Yan Shu couldn't sit still, and couldn't help but curled up and lay on his side on the ground.

His hands and feet began to feel cold, and the sound of his heart struggling and beating was like thunder, and slowly, breathing became difficult, and every heaving and rising of his chest and abdomen was accompanied by exhausted gasps.All the perceptions of the body became very heavy, but the thoughts were unprecedentedly light.He knew that he was really going to die, and it was only at this moment that he knew what it was like to be alive.

The eyes can no longer see clearly, but they are still open in a daze, the halo of the sun above his head shakes back and forth, and fragments of past memories keep flashing in Yan Shu's mind.

Originally, he couldn't blame anyone for consensual things, and he agreed with it, but he still couldn't understand why no one was willing to give things that were exchanged equally.He was in too much pain, too scared, and death was the easiest solution.

In fact, at his age, he would die and live for the so-called love. It would be embarrassing to say it, and he would be severely criticized and ridiculed, but the fact is that he is indeed such a cowardly person.A lifetime is really too long, he needs someone who can stay with him wholeheartedly, that's all.Perhaps this is considered too greedy, so every time the person does not end well, the other party either does not take it seriously, or pretends to lie to him, or agrees but then backs out.

Yan Shu thought carefully and carefully, listing the pros and cons and weighing them one by one, but because he really had no expectations for the future, there was no big difference between choosing to end now and waiting a few more years.

Before his vision was completely dark, Yan Shu thought: Why would someone choose to die and leave a suicide note? Probably because he clearly knows that there are people who cherish him... And if he leaves a sentence, let others see Even if he could understand the meaning of accusation, even if he actually resented himself, he was the only one.

******

The day Tian Ye came back was Saturday, and Yan Shu was waiting at the train station several hours in advance. He stood at the most conspicuous position at the exit of the station and wore the brightest coat in the closet to ensure that Tian Ye could see it at first sight. He, and Tian Ye did see him at a glance, waved to him excitedly, ran over to hug him, then ran back a few steps to drag the boy who was behind, and introduced to Yan Shu in a low voice: " This is my boyfriend, Zhang Jun."

Then the two looked at each other and smiled embarrassedly.

Yan Shu also smiled, and said to Zhang Jun: "Nice to meet you, my name is Yan Shu."

In the taxi, Yan Shu was sitting in the co-pilot's seat, and Tian Ye and Zhang Jun were whispering in the back seat. The two were very close and behaved intimately. The driver looked back through the rearview mirror more than once.

Yan Shu said to the driver: "Master, it's a little hot in the car. Is it okay if I open the window?"

The driver said: "It's all right, let's drive. It's been a little hot recently. After all, summer is coming soon."

This opened up the chatterbox, and the driver talked all the way, from the hot weather to the military training of the students, recalled his early experience as a soldier, and denounced some social status quo based on the current news and current events.Yan Shu also listened carefully all the way, and occasionally shared his views, which was strongly agreed by the driver.

After getting off the car, Tian Ye said: "Xiaoshu is very talkative now, it has changed a lot."

Yan Shu smiled and said nothing.

Tian Ye returned to his home, turned around, and found that there was no dust at all, and everything looked neat and clean. He guessed that Yan Shu had cleaned it in advance, so he rushed into the bedroom and hugged Yan Shu from behind. Muttering in his mouth: "Xiaoshu, you are so kind, I love you to death."

Yan Shu put down his luggage, turned around and broke him away, and said with a smile: "Okay, you guys rest for a while, pack up your things, and have dinner at my house in the evening."

Tian Ye nodded and repeated again: "Xiaoshu, you are so kind."

Yan Shu returned to his home, took off his red coat and threw it in the laundry basket, and then went into the bathroom.The sound of rushing water rang out, covering up other movements for a while.

At the dinner table, Tian Ye kept talking about the people and things in the school, which classmate and which classmate had a quarrel, framed each other in private, which teacher was caught cheating, and his family even made trouble at school... He was too busy talking. After a few mouthfuls of rice, Zhang Jun stuffed a bean curd ball into his mouth and reprimanded him "you can't talk about food" before he finally calmed down.

After dinner, Tian Ye proposed to go for a walk to digest food. After three years of not coming back, M City has changed too much, and everything he saw felt fresh.They came out on leave, and the weekend holiday was only five days in total. Tian Ye planned to take Zhang Jun to have a good time around.

Yan Shu said that he still had to review his homework, so he didn't go with them. After cleaning up the dishes, he went to the restaurant where he worked.

It was the busiest time right now, and the people in the back kitchen didn't even have time to catch their breath. Someone saw Yan Shu coming, and threw him a pair of plastic gloves, telling him to wash the dishes quickly.

Yan Shu spent most of his time standing by the sink washing and scrubbing. During this period, he was also called to serve and remove dishes with the waiter. After two or three hours, the rhythm of the back kitchen slowed down.

After ten o'clock in the evening, the restaurant's business hours ended, and Yan Shu walked home.The glove had a hole somewhere, and the fingers of Yan Shu's right hand were soaked white.

He took a hasty shower, lay down on the bed and fell into a deep sleep after a while.

The next day, Tian Ye proposed to go back to his and Yan Shu's alma mater, but Yan Shu failed to evade and was forcibly dragged away.

I remember that the tall teaching building of primary and secondary schools has only three floors. The once white walls have turned yellow, and there are signs of peeling off the wall on the top.In the classroom that used to belong to them, there are colorful blackboard newspapers, and the desks and chairs have been changed from two benches to one per person. Only the words "study hard and make progress every day" above the blackboard still retain their familiar appearance.

Tian Ye still had a childlike innocence, so he bought three white sugar popsicles from the canteen at the school gate, and shared one with each of them.He held Zhang Jun's hand without hesitation, biting a popsicle in his mouth and chattering about the surrounding scenery and the embarrassing things he did in elementary school. Zhang Jun listened patiently with a smile all the time.Yan Shu walked behind them, the popsicle in his hand melted quickly under the sun, making his hands sticky.

Then they took a car to go to the junior high school where they had been studying for three years, but unfortunately they were stopped by the guards when they arrived at the door.

After a hasty lunch at a noodle shop, they rushed to high school without stopping.Perhaps to facilitate the entry and exit of students studying at school on weekends, the gate was wide open, so they managed to slip in.

Tian Ye asked Yan Shu if he still remembered that they skipped class to play by the reservoir when they were freshmen in high school. He accidentally fell into the water, and Yan Shu had to go into the water to save him. As a result, both of them had a bad cold.Yan Shu said that of course they remembered, and they also told the teacher that they missed class because of a sudden illness, and they used this as an excuse to avoid the punishment of skipping class.

Zhang Jun said: "It turns out that you dared to skip classes in high school. No wonder you became more courageous in college."

Tian Ye acted coquettishly at him: "Didn't I reform myself a long time ago, now which time I don't honestly follow you to work hard together."

Because they had to catch the return bus that day, they went back after a short stroll.There were not many people on the bus, and the seat was very empty. Yan Shu sat in the last row, watching the scenery passing by outside the window, and fell asleep unconsciously.

He had a dream.In the dream, one day when he was 17 years old, he and Tian Ye were on their way to school. Suddenly, Tian Ye squatted on the side of the road and refused to leave. Yan Shu went to pull his arm, and the response was Tian Ye's sobs that he tried to hide.

"Xiaoshu, they say I'm a pervert."

"I don't want to go to school."

"Let's go to the reservoir, I've always wanted to go."

Yan Shu said yes without hesitation.

They went to the reservoir, and Tianye looked at the calm water and said, "Xiaoshu, there are news of students drowning in the reservoir every year. Do you think their ghosts still stay here?"

Yan Shu said: "Don't think about it, we'll sit here for a while and leave."

"Ah."

Tian Ye agreed in this way, but Yan Shu fell into the water without paying attention. Yan Shu couldn't allow any time to think, so he jumped down too, and dragged Tian Ye back to the shore with all his life.

Yan Shu was so angry that he almost beat him, but Tian Ye cried, wailed, and burst into tears.

Tian Ye choked up and said, "Xiaoshu...they all looked at me strangely...they secretly called me a pervert...I don't want to..."

"My parents ignore me...they don't want me anymore...they are busy with their new lives...I'm just thrown away by them like garbage..."

Every time Tian Ye said a word, Yan Shu's heart felt like being stabbed by a needle. He couldn't stand the pain, so he covered Tian Ye's mouth and hugged him into his arms.

Yan Shu said: "Ono, you and me, I will not abandon you, we will always be good friends."

Tian Ye's body froze for a moment, and the next second he hugged Yan Shu tightly, as if he had exhausted all his strength, and even began to tremble uncontrollably.

Tian Ye said: "Little tree, you promise me that you will always be with me, don't leave me alone, we will always be together, okay? Okay?"

Yan Shu heard the heartbeat of the two through the wet school uniform, and he said, "Okay, I promise you."

******

On Monday morning, Yan Shu dragged his suitcase back to the university.He failed the college entrance examination that year and failed to reach the admission score of his favorite school, but Tian Ye performed exceptionally and ranked among the best, and received an admission letter from a top domestic university.Yan Shu politely rejected the teacher's suggestion to repeat the study for a year, and filled in the most famous law major of a school in the city.At that time, the head teacher tried to persuade him for a long time, but Yan Shu still insisted that he felt that where he studied was not the most important thing, but ability was the benchmark that determined everything.The head teacher didn't believe his rhetoric. She kept asking why, but Yan Shu had no choice but to tell her that she was worried that she would fall too far behind her peers when she went to college a year later. The head teacher still didn't believe it, but she didn't know how else to persuade him. Only by him.

The junior year's studies are very tight, Yan Shu has to spare time to do part-time jobs, and then he has to arrange internship tasks. He is also preparing for the postgraduate entrance examination, so he doesn't have much time to contact Tian Ye these days.

On the afternoon of Wednesday, Tian Ye called and said that he and Zhang Jun were going back to say goodbye to Yan Shu at the gate of Yan Shu's school.

Zhang Jun and the taxi driver stayed in the car, and Tian Ye brought a large bag of snacks to Yan Shu, saying that he planned to eat on the road, but accidentally bought too much, so he asked Yan Shu to share.

Yan Shu took it, thanked him, and asked them to be careful on the road. Tian Ye smiled and agreed, and he leaned into Yan Shu's ear and asked, "What do you think of Zhang Jun?"

Yan Shu said: "Very good."

Tian Ye smiled even more happily: "I also think it's pretty good. We plan to study abroad after graduation, and then go to a country that supports same-sex marriage to get a certificate."

"He has come out to his family, and I plan to make it clear to my parents, no matter what they think, anyway, I have made up my mind to be with Zhang Jun for the rest of my life."

"Xiaoshu, you have been taking care of me since I was a child, and it was you who encouraged me and comforted me. I have the courage to pursue my own happiness. I am really grateful to you. If you encounter any difficulties in the future, you must Tell me, and I will do my best to help you."

Yan Shu stared at the field fixedly, and after 1 minute, or about 2 minutes later, he heard himself say: "Okay."

Zhang Jun shouted through the car window: "Xiao Ye, hurry up, you will miss the train if you are late."

"Understood!" Tian Ye turned around to greet him, and then said to Yan Shu: "Xiao Shu, we will keep in touch in the future."

He turned around and trotted away without waiting for Yan Shu's answer. Yan Shu watched him get into the car, until the bright yellow taxi disappeared from his sight, and he still stood there for a long time.

When I returned to the dormitory, a text message from my roommate followed: "Fuck Yan Shu, you even skipped class!!! Today is the old witch's class and she has to call roll!!! Come here quickly!!!"

Yan Shu looked at the exclamation marks all over the screen, lowered his head and gave a short laugh.He suddenly felt a little heatstroke from the sun outside just now, so that he lay down on the table and couldn't lift his head up for a long time.