[Journey to the West] Tucao Emperor who was delayed by Buddhism

[Hui An's Perspective]

In this world, I have only two identities, one is the second son of my father Tota Li Tianwang, and the other is the eldest disciple of Nanhai Guanyin.

So, what about me?

No name, just a mediocre generation.

Even if I want to be someone who is not unknown, I am afraid I can't do it on my own.This name is like a besieged city. People outside the circle squeeze their heads to get a glimpse of the scenery, while those imprisoned inside just want to see the sky outside.

Most of my childhood memories are vague and obscure, like the evening when the mountains and rain are about to come, the sky is filled with endless gray, although it is not night, there is no light at all, I just widen my eyes in this gray world The eyes look at the unclear world.

Until that day, the mountain rain finally roared, and in my gray childhood memory, a little scarlet painted the canvas.

My young brother, who is still unknown, killed the third son of the Sea Dragon King, and in order to repay his parents' kindness, he eviscerated the bones and returned the father, and shaved the flesh to return the mother.Bright red blood gushed out of Bai Huahua's body, and he cut himself up like a fish on a chopping board.

The body is fragmented, but the soul is finally complete, and the pain is still screaming in the air, which is my nightmare night after night.

Everyone knows what happened next. After his death, my father whipped his golden body to pieces. Later, the Buddha molded his body with lotus roots and worshiped Buddha as his father. He was covered with a fragrance of grass and trees, and he no longer smelled of blood. The famous Nezha leads troops under my father, even my father fears him three points.

He had a happy ending, the bleeding wound had healed, and he was that high-spirited young man again, but the bloody smell still remained screaming in my gray world, and it was my nightmare night after night.

I never understood everything my father did. I asked him once, but he didn't want to answer me, so I asked again and again.

He sat in front of the dim light, slowly wiping his rusty sword with a gray cloth, staring at me with a pair of eagle-like eyes, and said to me: "People often say that when you are born, you can't choose Their parents, yes. But they often forget that, as parents, they don’t choose their children either.”

He dropped the heavy sword on the ground with a clang, and said darkly, "Don't you understand? Your brother is not the son I wanted. He just broke in and took all of me. It's all messed up, everything I worked so hard to manage was messed up by him, understand? What I want is children like you and your elder brother, so you better behave yourself and don't learn to be like him. "

He got up to leave, but the tall figure cast a huge shadow under the candlelight, as if he was an indifferent giant, and I was just a passing ant. Although we are connected by blood, we are separated by mountains, seas and ravines.

He is so far away from me that I can't touch him.

I asked him: "Daddy, what do you mean not to learn to be like your younger brother?"

He looked back at me and said word by word: "For example, never ask this question again."

I looked into his eyes, saw the cold light reflected from the sword in his hand, and was terrified of him for a moment.

My mother said that my father has been leading the army for a long time, and he has a strong killing spirit. Sometimes, it is inevitable to treat the home as a battlefield and the children as subordinates, so I have to listen to him, otherwise he will get angry and may punish me by military law.

So I stopped asking, I never asked him any more questions.

So, my father sent me to Guanyin of the South China Sea.

I knew that he was my master from a very early age, but I was still young when I was apprenticed to him, so I couldn't remember clearly.

Sitting on the lotus, he has serene eyes and long hair drooping like a woman.Sometimes I feel that this world is really strange. My father killed countless people to become a god, and Guanyin of the South China Sea became a Buddha because of his compassion for the world. Those who kill people and those who save people have the same fate.

My master is the most beautiful person in the whole world.

Sometimes I think that the beauty of his life can save all living beings; later I think, maybe it is because of his saving all living beings that he can be so pure.

For a while, he was omnipotent in my heart, until one day, I discovered that even someone as powerful as Nanhai Guanyin is not immortal, and then I began to worry about him.

I asked him: "If the people of the world are in that dire situation, you will naturally save them; but if one day you are in that desperate situation, who will rescue you?"

Every time I ask that question, he just laughs and doesn't say a word, as if the idea is impossible, but I know his answer - no one will come to save him, he is alone like me.I always feel that this is unfair. For the sake of the Buddha, so many people have been saved. When people are in danger, they ask the gods and Buddhas to save them. After the gods and Buddhas saved them once, people want them to save them again. But what if the gods are in a desperate situation? ?

People will ridicule and say you, you are now a mud bodhisattva crossing the river, and you will not be able to protect yourself.

So I said to him: "Master, I also want to die once. You can give me a body made of lotus flowers. Then you will give me my life, and I will work hard for you in the future, okay?"

But he laughed at me: "You silly boy, what are you talking about. Parents who are in charge of your body, hair and skin, how can you let it be ruined like this?"

I told him: "My parents gave birth to me, gave me bones, and gave me flesh. Of course I am grateful, but they want to take my heart and blindfold me, and say to me: From then on, everything you do is for your family; from now on, the right and wrong in your heart are the interests of your family. But I just want to be myself, I don't want to be Li Tianwang's little prince, nor I don't want to be a descendant of the Li family. I want to use my own eyes to see the true and the false. I don't want to press the mountain on my body, and I don't want to roll and struggle in the mud all my life. Master, I want to be your disciple, I I also want to help the world like you, but in everything I do, I have to be choked up by my father's bones and my mother's flesh. I am not reconciled. Just let me die once, and if you come When the mountains and rivers are exhausted and life and death are in danger, I will take my life to save you."

But he just laughed, and whenever I said something stupid, he would pat my head. As time passed, as soon as he patted my head, I knew I had said something stupid.

He laughed at me for being stupid, but he didn't understand.If my parents were like this, they gave me my life, and they wanted me to pay it back with my whole life, put shackles on my hands, and locked me in a high wall that they couldn't break through. I would rather die once like my younger brother, no matter what There is also the opportunity for freedom.

But he never got angry with me, as if I was an insignificant person.I always caused him all kinds of trouble, and he was so angry that he chased me around.I have seen Guanyin Bodhisattva of the South China Sea a long time ago. When I saw him, he was sitting on a lotus platform, calmly as if he didn’t care if the whole world collapsed today. This is such a person, sweating profusely in the South China Sea. Come and catch me, sometimes I feel so happy.

I always feel that time flies by in Nanhai. In the blink of an eye, I am no longer the child who was chased by the master. Later, there were more dragon girls of good fortune in Nanhai, who were much taller than I was at the beginning. Those days when Nanhai was extremely quiet Gone forever.

This world seems to have changed a lot overnight, but one thing remains the same—that is Shiqi in the mountain stream, who has been waiting for me in the mountain stream for hundreds of years.

He has never stepped out of the mountain stream, no matter how many years he has, he always looks like a child, his hair is as pure as new, like warm ice and snow.

I did the most outrageous thing wrong in this world - I let Jingzhe steal the treasure of the South China Sea, was driven out of the mountain by Guanyin of the South China Sea, and lost my only place of refuge.

Master looked at me with disappointed eyes. I thought I was not afraid of anything, but later I found out that I was afraid of too many things, and his disappointment made me miserable.

I had nowhere to go and nowhere to hide, and I was not even worthy to ask Master for forgiveness.The South China Sea has already had a dragon girl of good fortune, and my existence has long been insignificant.

When I went back to the mountain stream, I thought that I would become a monster all my life and not want to go to heaven to be a fairy, but I only saw an extremely cold corpse, the warm new snow melted, leaving only a puddle of mud.

Just when I thought I would spend my whole life in this quagmire, my father came after me. He held the sword that had been pointed at Nezha in his hand, pointed it at my head, and said to me: "I will send you I went to Guanyin of the South China Sea simply because you were too useless and wanted to find a way out for you, but you betrayed Xitian and joined hands with the monsters from the lower realms to steal the treasures of the South China Sea? How could I, Li Jing, give birth to a son like you?"

As you said, as a parent, you cannot choose your children.

I thought I was the kind of son you wanted, but now it turns out that I'm not even me.

At that moment I laughed, I thought it was so funny, I thought he was so pitiful, even more pitiful than me.

He pulled me up and shouted: "Go now and bow your head to Nanhai Guanyin to admit your mistakes. If you don't go, you will die in the quagmire of the lower world! Don't think you are my son, I dare not kill you! You Humiliate the reputation of my Li family and embarrass my Li Jing, my Li family does not have a son like you!"

At that moment I was terrified, I was terrified—I dared not stand up, I didn’t dare to look at him at all, I was not afraid that I was never the son he wanted, but I was terrified that I was not the apprentice that the master wanted.Maybe it was like this from the beginning, because I am the son of the Li family, so he had to accept me, even though he didn't say anything, but what if he didn't want me at all from the beginning?

That kind of fear overwhelmed me. My father asked me to go to Nanhai to admit my mistakes. I was not afraid of being blamed or punished, but what if I made a mistake that was insignificant to Master?

At that moment I was overwhelmed by great fear: I am nobody, I am insignificant to anyone in the world, I am dead, gone, leaving no shadow, I have been refusing to allow myself to admit this fact, but what if Now that I followed him to the South China Sea, I will know the result, the result I fear most.

Perhaps the only person in this world who cares about me is Seventeen, but at that moment I looked at his cold body and thought that I am the most useless person in the world. Not only can I not save my only friend, but I can’t even save myself .

So when my father forced me and asked me whether to go to the South China Sea to ask Master to accept me again or kill myself, I suddenly calmed down.

I thought, where do I need to go to such trouble of deboning and shaving meat.

I took the sharp knife that my younger brother used to carve bones and cut open the chest, only dug out the heart that was still beating, put the heart that was getting colder in my hand, and said to him——

"Take everything but it."

The author has something to say:

There are three changes in total today, this is the second change, don’t look at the string