song called love

"I saw Thanatos."

Bai Yanlan was lying on the hospital bed, still waiting for treatment because of anorexia, with a bag of nutrient solution and glucose infused on her arm.

"Death Thanatos?"

Lu Yueyin combed her big waves into a low ponytail, put on light makeup without red lips, and was still dressed in low-key black clothes. She no longer looked aggressive.She did not give her full name, but introduced herself as Evelyn.

Bai Yanlan looked at the drop by drop of the hanging bottle in a daze, and said, "It's a picture drawn by a girl named Yuan Xi."

Lu Yueyin asked: "Can you describe to me what that painting looks like?"

"It's called "Night Sky", dark blue background, no, I think it should be brighter, like the sky at dawn, very clear. There are many stars on it, I don't know what constellation they belong to, it seems to me It was just scattered there randomly. Behind one of the biggest and brightest stars was an elf hiding, and the elf was holding a crooked weapon, but he couldn't see what it was, it was blocked by the light of the stars."

"Hmm." Lu Yueyin wrote something on the medical record and asked him, "Do you like this painting very much?"

"Once upon a time." He slowly clenched his hands into fists, and said: "Once upon a time I liked it very much, because I thought that elf was Eros, the god of love, and he was holding the curved bow and arrow in his hand, and was about to Shooting at a certain couple who are in love with each other."

"Isn't it?" Lu Yueyin put down her pen, stared at her patient, and asked, "You found out that it's not Eros, God of Love?"

"No, how could it be? There has never been a God of Cupids. It was completely imagined by me." His tone was a little fluctuating, and he said in a nasal voice: "It's Thanatos, the God of Death, and the God of Death has always been there."

Lu Yueyin asked unhurriedly: "Why are you so sure? It's hidden by the stars, shouldn't it be invisible?"

"That's what I thought at first, until that day, when I took it off and used my hand to dig out the paint on it, I found that what this cunning and vicious elf was holding was a long curved handle Scythe." He raised a hand in front of his face.

"Which day is that day?" Lu Yueyin asked.

His eyes dimmed, and he said, "The day Yue Yang got engaged."

"Why do you hate Thanatos? Because he is Death? Or do you think he cheated on you?"

Lu Yueyin shifted the topic to the painting. When she talked to anyone, she would never turn her eyes away. Her eyes were impersonal, neither cold nor warm, but very comfortable, making people want to talk.She is not quite like Lu Yueyang, she has more feminine features, her big eyes are energetic but not watery, and she doesn't feel pitiful, so she is only outstanding in appearance, but her heart is more neutral.

Bai Yanlan kept his eyes down, he was thinking about Lu Yueyin's problem, whether he simply hated it, or was it because he was deceived.

No one has ever said that this painting is the God of Cupid, he just decided so on his own wishful thinking, just like his feelings for Lu Yueyang, from the beginning to the end are only his own sentimentality.

Has he been deceived?No, Lu Yueyang never said that he liked him, except for that one unconscious sex, it can be said that they are not even close friends, at most they are close colleagues.It was he who ruined Lu Yueyang's love with his own hands, but he didn't get out of it, but got deeper and deeper.

Seeing that Bai Yanlan couldn't answer, Lu Yueyin asked some interesting questions: "Have you played the piano recently? Your mother showed me your performance at the graduation ceremony. It was very good. Your attending doctor, Dr. Xia, can also play the piano. But it's far from your level."

He thought of that neat and capable young man, and said, "I really can't tell."

"Really." Lu Yueyin said with a smile: "It's hard to imagine that he can sit there and play the piano quietly, right?"

Bai Yanlan also smiled, the last time he touched the piano was the night before he went to Pengcheng to check the surveillance, it was also his birthday, and he never played it again.That was the beginning of all nightmares. If it wasn't for that video being exposed, Lu Yueyang would not have been forced to get engaged in order to protect An Yinxuan.

He shook his head and said: "I can't calm down, I haven't played for a long time, and I dare not, I am very afraid, afraid that something unpleasant will happen if I play it."

"What unpleasant thing?"

"That's right, a lot... a lot... This is my sin." A trace of sadness appeared on his face, and he said, "I saw Yue Yang's engagement ceremony on TV that day, and wanted to celebrate with him, so I opened a A bottle of wine, but I have a bad capacity for alcohol, and I got drunk after a few drinks, I want to go to sleep, how can I sleep well without taking medicine, I just want... just want to eat a little and sleep more peacefully."

"Did you bring the sleeping pills by yourself? Did you take them regularly according to the doctor's advice?"

Bai Yanlan had already lived at Lu Yueyang's house for several days at that time, but the owner ran to the hotel to avoid him. He knew all about it. He wore Lu Yueyang's clothes in those days, and felt the slight familiar smell left on them, just like his Brother Yueyang is by his side, and sometimes he can even see his lover in the house, cooking for him and watching TV with him.

He recalled the situation in those few days, and said in a daze: "I took it there. The doctor seemed to tell me to take one pill every night. I probably took two pills. I really don't remember."

"Why did you eat a lot more than usual that day? Do you remember?" Lu Yueyin said casually, as if she was simply chatting without purpose.

"I didn't expect to take so much, I was drunk, maybe I took it before and I forgot, I took it again, and before I realized it, the bottle was gone, and I wasn't sure how much medicine I brought. , I didn’t care too much.” He paused, choked up and said: “I didn’t take good care of myself, I made people worry, I didn’t expect this to happen, my mother cried very sadly, I’m sorry for them.”

"You don't need to apologize to others, it's not your fault." Lu Yueyin saw that his mood was not stable, and planned to end today's treatment, she got up and said, "The nutrient solution is finished, I'll call the doctor."

Bai Yanlan raised her head, met her eyes for the first time, and asked, "Aren't you a doctor?"

"I'm here to chat with you." Lu Yueyin smiled slightly and walked out of the ward.

Fang Qingyi, who was waiting outside the door, hurried forward to inquire about the situation, and Lu Yueyin took her to her consulting room.

She leaned on the table and said straight to the point: "It's not good, my memory is very vague, I can't tell the truth from fiction, and my anorexia has not improved. I can prescribe some medicine to affect the mind with physiology, and prepare for a long treatment. "

Fang Qingyi's tears flowed down silently, and she could only hear her sobbing in the huge consultation room. After a long while, she suppressed the discomfort in her heart and asked, "How can I cooperate with the treatment?"

"I heard you talk about Bai Yanlan's biological father before, and I initially thought it was a hereditary mental disorder. May I ask if his father is still taking medicine? How is his condition under control?"

"I actually..."

"It's okay, I'm just asking, it's okay if it's not convenient to say." Lu Yueyin thought that Mother Bai had something to hide.

Fang Qingyi hurriedly said: "There is nothing difficult to say, but I have no contact with his biological father these years. I only know that he is in the United States. The reason for our divorce is his father's illness. I didn't know he had depression before we got married. We separated At that time, Yan Lan was still young and not very sensible."

Fang Qingyi was only 20 years old when she married Bai Yanlan's father, Bai Zheng. She had just joined the art troupe, and met Bai Zheng in a chorus performance, and fell in love soon.

Bai Zheng is a pianist. After graduating from the Donghuaguo Conservatory of Music, he was assigned to the National Philharmonic Orchestra for training as the principal pianist due to his outstanding performance.

He is taciturn and not good at communicating with others, but he is kind and gentle.Once Fang Qingyi saw Bai Zheng feeding the stray dog ​​with lunch at the back door of the theater, so she walked over: "You fed it, what did you eat?"

"I'm not hungry." Bai Zheng didn't raise his head, and concentrated on making food for the dog.

Fang Qingyi just watched silently, and after he had given most of the food in the lunch box to the stray dogs, she handed him a piece of bread.

"I can't eat the extra meal given out by our group."

Only then did Bai Zheng look along the bread. This is the most beautiful girl in the song and dance troupe. The person who heard the cellist and the conductor chatting yesterday has a pair of bright and lovely peach blossom eyes, which makes people reluctant to look away after just one glance.

Under Fang Qingyi's offensive, even Bai Zheng, who was as dull as he was, was moved, and they started a formal relationship.

Lili, Fang Qingyi's comrade-in-arms, persuaded her to find someone from the army to take care of her in the future.But Fang Qingyi was young and energetic, and married Bai Zheng regardless of their different backgrounds and family backgrounds.My good friend Lili married an officer in the superior department at that time, and later gave birth to Wang Xiaoyi.

That time Fang Qingyi still thinks about it is beautiful, Bai Zheng will play the piano for her, and Fang Qingyi will sing a few lines to the melody, the two are a match made in heaven.

Before Bai Yanlan was five years old, they lived a long period of sweet and happy life. Although Bai Zheng didn't earn much money, it was barely enough for them to live on. Fang Qingyi's job was not well paid but the benefits were good.But compared to other teammates, some are married to military officers, and some are married to the first wave of entrepreneurs, her conditions are very negligible.

Fang Qingyi has never complained about anything, she loves Bai Zheng and the way he plays the piano, it's worth all the hard work.

Bai Yanlan was five years old, and Baizheng began to teach him how to play the piano, and it was at this moment that differences arose.

Bai Zheng didn't have any requirements on the quality of life, as long as he stuttered, it didn't matter if he was full or not, he would wear the old clothes anyway, Fang Qingyi bought him new ones, and he might not be able to find out after wearing them for a week.He has never cared about his appearance, and he doesn't know how eye-catching his appearance is. It seems that life is dispensable to him, and he exudes a fairy air that does not eat the fireworks of the world.

Such a person has an almost extreme perfectionist attitude towards piano performance, every note and every beat must be completely correct, and there must be no ambiguity at all.

So he taught his son to play the piano, which was a disaster.

The more he taught, the more he found that Bai Yanlan's talent was far less than what he had imagined, and his aptitude was only middle-to-upper.Perhaps it is a great blessing for ordinary families, but it is not enough for him, far from enough.

My own son has his genes in his blood, how could he be less talented than him, Bai Yanlan may not be a genius, but at least he must reach his height.

Bai Zheng, like a demon, urged Bai Yanlan to play the piano every day. When all the children in the compound were playing with sand and cars outside, he played the piano at home.Liang Xu and Wang Xiaoyi had no choice but to take advantage of Bai Zheng's performance abroad and ask him to play with him.

Fang Qingyi knew that Bai Zheng was very strict, and she was fine at ordinary times, but when she played the piano, she would reprimand her children, and some words were very hurtful, such as "Why are you so stupid, are you my own?" Is it that difficult to connect? If you don't have talent and don't work hard, what can you do in the future!" and so on, but she still convinced herself that all of this was for Bai Yanlan to become a talent.

"Mom, am I making Dad angry again?" Bai Yanlan, who is in the second grade of elementary school, said, "I may never be able to meet his requirements."

"Yan Lan, your father is very demanding, but he also hopes that you will be successful in the future. You have heard the saying that if you want to be famous in front of others, you have to suffer behind your back. Everyone has come here like this. You should work harder. He is also doing it for your own good." Fang Qingyi looked at her son's immature face and comforted her.

"But, I always make him unhappy." Bai Yanlan's peach-blossom eyes were full of tears, and she said: "In my memory, he never praised me for playing well. Am I really stupid?"

"How could it be!" Fang Qingyi hugged her son tightly and said, "Your father was just talking out of anger, he always praised you in front of me."

And this false self-consolation ended on a hot summer evening.

When Fang Qingyi came home from get off work that day, she knocked on the door for a long time but no one opened it. She thought her husband and son had gone to a neighbor's house, so she opened the door with the key, thinking of calling Wang Xiaoyi or Liang Xu's house when she got home.

The door opened, and the two-bedroom, one-living room was pitch black and very quiet, but Fang Qingyi soon felt that something was wrong, the sound of someone breathing, she quickly pulled away the light cord at hand.

This scene made her unforgettable forever.

Bai Zheng was sitting on the piano chair with his head bowed, while his precious son Bai Yanlan shivered in a corner, his shirt was torn, and there were scratches and bruises on his tiny arms and neck.

Fang Qingyi only felt a "buzz" in her head, ran over to hug Bai Yanlan, and shouted frantically: "Yanlan! Yanlan! What's wrong with you? Where does it hurt?"

She took off Bai Yanlan's shirt, there were still a few bruises on her back, she didn't care about shedding tears, picked up her son and ran outside.When I arrived at a nearby clinic, the doctor checked whether the bones and eyeballs were injured, and they were all skin traumas, so I applied some external medicine.She hugged Bai Yanlan tightly and sat in the corridor of the hospital, like a frightened lioness guarding her cub.

At this moment, she wasn't sad or angry, but just afraid, afraid that if Bai Zheng's hands were heavier at the time, or if she came back later, what would happen?She dare not think.

That night, their mother and son sat in the empty corridor of the hospital, not daring to go anywhere, even for a second she dared not let her son out of her sight, she could not experience it again.

Bai Yanlan nestled in her mother's arms and fell asleep only after feeling the warmth, while Fang Qingyi stayed up all night. She had to protect her most important relative and not let him get hurt again. She was afraid that she would kill Bai Zheng.

So, separation is the only way.

"I sent Yan Lan to grandma's house. I can't let you see him again. I'll come back to pack my things." After two days, Fang Qingyi and Bai Zheng finally sat face to face.

The family only thought it was a beating of the child, and it was nothing serious. They never thought it would be serious enough to separate, but both Fang Qingyi and Bai Zheng knew that the relationship between them was coming to an end.

"You don't need to go, I'll go." Bai Zheng looked at his hands, the feeling of hitting his son was still there, and he regretted it, "I may not be worthy of marriage or children, I am a coward, and I even touched my children .”

"Yes, you are not worthy." Fang Qingyi's eyes were bloodshot. She had hardly slept in the past two days. When she closed her eyes, she could see the picture of Bai Yanlan curled up in a corner. She choked up and said, "What do you think of Yanlan? Your replica ?You want him to fulfill your unfulfilled wish? You are a coward! Why let him do what you failed to achieve?! Just because your blood is flowing in his body? He is also my son! "

Fang Qingyi broke down and said, "I'm different from you. I just want Yan Lan to be happy. He's eight years old. He asks me the most, 'Mom, have I made Dad angry again?' I told him, Dad It's all for your own good, and now I know that I was wrong! I was wrong at all! You are not for him, you are for yourself! You only love yourself!"

This was Fang Qingyi's first and last complaint in her ten years of marriage.In the dream, her husband was a handsome and talented artist who could play the most beautiful melody in the world, but now that she woke up, this dream was finally overwhelmed by reality and gone forever.

Bai Zheng's hands were shaking. He could no longer be with his wife and children. He was afraid that he would not be able to control him if this continued. There were only zero and countless times of domestic violence. He hurt Yan Lan and Fang Qingyi.It is all his fault. His nature is dull and stubborn. For him, the happiness of family is out of reach. Although he has obtained it temporarily, he will definitely lose it in the end. This is the punishment given to him by God.

The two broke up peacefully. Bai Zheng packed up his things and moved out, taking the piano with him. Before leaving, he smiled and said to Bai Yanlan, "You don't look like me at all."

And this sentence was remembered by Bai Yanlan in her mind, and she still couldn't figure out its meaning.Maybe he was really disappointed in him, so he gave up looking forward to him; maybe he wanted him to be free, so that he would never be imprisoned in the shadow of his father again.

Later Zhou Jianglin appeared. He and his mother had met in a performance a few years ago. At that time, his mother sang on the stage and he sat in the VIP seat to enjoy it.

The ending seems to have no suspense at all, and the mother accepts a very different person from the father as a companion for the second journey of life.Their mother and son moved from the two-bedroom apartment in the courtyard to a big house in the city center and started a new life.

His stepfather was very kind to him and never forced him to do anything. He would satisfy him with any toys he wanted, and treated him equally with his brother who was two years older than him in terms of basic necessities of life.He is very satisfied with his current life and is happy most of the time, but occasionally he still thinks of the narrow living room, the music played by the wooden piano, and his father's serious and stern eyes.

The parents made a clean decision. I don't know if it was the mother who refused to let him or the father himself refused to come. After the divorce, Bai Zheng didn't visit him once, and when they moved into the big house, there would be no chance.

So every year when Bai Yanlan wants to see his father, he secretly buys a ticket for the New Year's concert, and sits down to watch him secretly.Year after year, until one day Bai Zheng was no longer seen.

After inquiring, I found out that my father chose to go to the United States, so the National Philharmonic Orchestra changed the chief pianist, but this has persisted like a habit. Every year, Bai Yanlan goes to the New Year concert alone, as if he can still see that Familiar relatives.

When he was about to graduate from high school, Fang Qingyi asked him for his opinion on whether he should consider going to the Conservatory of Music in Country B, but he flatly refused, and without even thinking about it, he applied to his father's alma mater, Donghuaguo Conservatory of Music, where it was still a piano department.

When he received the admission notice, he thought to himself: Actually, I still look a lot like you, Bai Zheng.

If it wasn't for Fang Qingyi's displeasure, the job Bai Yanlan most wanted to do would probably be to join the National Philharmonic Orchestra and be selected as the chief pianist.

And Fang Qingyi also knew that his son had a deep hidden obsession in his heart, that is to follow in the footsteps of his biological father, and he only hoped to get recognition and praise from that population.As a mother, all she can help is to create the best conditions for him to do what he wants to do.

After being married to Zhou Jianglin for so many years, did Bai Yanlan really accept this family?She and her husband each brought a child to form a new family. Both are boys and are of similar age. Outsiders will inadvertently compare the two.No need to say how outstanding Zhou Han is, but Bai Yanlan has different opinions in the eyes of many people.Not to mention the amount of money earned, the job of an artist is also looked down upon by many business people, which is the same as those people looking at themselves, a vase.

Zhou Han inherited Zhou Jianglin's flexibility and thoughtfulness, and started from scratch to build an investment company into billions of dollars.Bai Yanlan has a career and status that most people envy, but in the eyes of those who usually deal with her, she is so insignificant that she cannot be on the stage.

She understands it too well, because she has been here for more than ten years.People only saw the brilliance of her marrying into a wealthy family. Zhou Jianglin protected her very well. He never went out to fight with mistresses and mistresses, but he must have disdain for her behind the scenes, and she couldn't even be a topic of conversation after dinner.

Every time she goes out to socialize with Zhou Jianglin, she just needs to smile at the side, there is no need to humbly flatter or argue tit-for-tat. From the very beginning, her role is only the background, which can neither add nor subtract points, which fully demonstrates her dispensable.

In the past, others would politely praise her for being beautiful, but gradually she realized that these people were all looking at Zhou Jianglin's face, all because she was Mrs. Zhou.

She doesn't want Yan Lan to follow her old path and become like her and be despised by others, so she encourages Yan Lan to become famous and respected as an artist.But the facts proved that in Zhou Jianglin's circle, these efforts were in vain, worse than Zhou Han's one finger.

Bai Yanlan suffered from severe anorexia and depression, but he never asked anyone in his family for help. He thought that he could handle it. Could it be that she, as a mother, made her son so helpless!

God gave her a chance. Her treasure, her heart, and her most important person were rescued, and she was determined not to be able to withstand any more accidents. Fang Qingyi secretly made up her mind.

"His father was hired as a lecturer by a conservatory in country A. He probably also had signs of depression after the divorce. At that time, the domestic treatment of this mental illness was still a shortcoming, so he just went to country A to cooperate with the treatment." Fang Qingyi said Tell me everything you know in detail, and I don’t know if it’s helpful: “I know that he also has a sister who plays the violin and committed suicide at the age of 22. I don’t know exactly what happened, you Is this a family tradition?"

Lu Yueyin roughly understood the family background, and said: "Because there are many situations that cannot be verified, but from what you have said, we will treat them according to the family's genetic diseases first."

Fang Qingyi was silent for a while, then burst into tears again, and asked, "Can you help him recover?"

"It's still too early to discuss whether he can recover. It's okay to continue to consult with me, but considering his status as a public figure, the general environment is not suitable for rehabilitation treatment. I suggest changing to another place." Lu Yueyin took out a few from the drawer Passed the information to her and said: "This is my mentor, Dr. Tang. He is currently working as a professor in the Department of Psychology of the University of Medical Sciences in Country A. He also has a psychological clinic. He is very accomplished in treating patients with genetic mental disorders. You can find him."

Fang Qingyi nodded, put away the materials, hesitated before going out, and said, "About your brother, I..."

She and Zhou Jianglin later found out that the doctor who rescued Bai Yanlan that day was Lu Yueyang's mother, and they introduced the twin sister for psychological counseling.She didn't want to use this person at first, but after looking at her resume, she found that although she was young, she was already a top authoritative expert in the country.

Fang Qingyi, who was desperate, had no choice but to agree to let Lu Yueyin treat Bai Yanlan, but her identity was kept secret from her son, which was beneficial to both parties.

Through the understanding of Bai Yanlan's condition in the past few days, she found that Lu Yueyin was very professional, and gradually realized that it was neither Lu Yueyang nor An Yinxuan who caused today's consequences. Just like Zhou Han said, it was just that Yanlan was ill, but they It was not discovered in time.

Intellectually, she knew that she shouldn't hate those two people, but she couldn't accept it emotionally, so she wasn't sure what her thoughts were when she brought up this topic, maybe she just wanted to thank Lu Yueyin.

And Lu Yueyin didn't excuse anyone, and didn't intend to mix up all the previous grievances, but just said very plainly: "He is him, and I am me."