Beginning and ignorance

It was an eventful year for the Jiang family. Many things happened from the beginning to the end of the year, and everything was covered with a layer of dark gray.

In spring, younger brother Jiang Xichen fell into the artificial lake at home and almost drowned.Jiang Xichen, who escaped from the dead, was quiet and introverted in the past, and was a bit more frighteningly gloomy and sharp. He was diagnosed with bipolar disorder soon after, and the fall into the lake was actually a suicide.

Bipolar disorder was the reason why Jiang Dongwei and Jiang Xichen's mother died; suicide was also the way she left this world.In the years after her death, the subject was not discussed in the family, and the two children she survived reacted very differently to her departure.

At that time, Jiang Dongwei, who was already 13 years old, cried a lot and locked himself in the room for three days. Finally, he was dragged out by Jiang Hanxun and gradually recovered. Basically, he had gone through a complete trauma repair process.

However, Jiang Xichen, who was only eight years old, did not shed a single tear. He just sat in the yard and looked at the chair his mother often sat on. Later, he didn’t know when he would stop watching it. The influence of his mother’s death seemed to melt into him In the air, it is colorless and odorless.It wasn't until he committed suicide by falling into the lake this time that everyone was able to get a glimpse of the harm he suffered back then.

Jiang Dongwei blamed himself for this.

His character is like his father Jiang Qinmao, and he is always big-hearted.It doesn't matter if the mother commits suicide or the father doesn't come home all the year round, if he should suffer, he will suffer, if he should be angry, he will be angry, if his emotions come, he will erupt, and then he will be fine.

But watching his younger brother, who was the same age as him back then, seek death, and knowing that he was seriously ill but he didn't notice it, guilt and responsibility rushed to him, and all the venting methods he used proficiently were overwhelmed.He suffocated a strange, indescribable self-blame, and finally tasted "unspeakable" at the age of 17.

This inability to speak has not found a way to resolve it. At the end of Xia, Jiang Qinmao brought back another woman.

The woman's name is Lin Yi, a divorced woman whose child is as old as Jiang Dongwei.Jiang Qinmao announced that he would marry this young and beautiful woman who had no special background.

Her origin was unknown, and she came without warning, which greatly angered Jiang Dongwei, who was in the rebellious period of youth. The 17-year-old boy used all the resources he could use to investigate her, and learned that Jiang Qinmao had been cooperating with her for many years before taking her home-according to the calculation, they were in collusion in the second year of his wife's death.

Even Jiang Dongwei, who vented his hatred and complained, couldn't digest the impact by throwing a fit of anger.When he was 17 years old, he just felt unspeakable depression, and then met unspeakable anger, and his whole person became hardened. The face that had just grown out of edges and corners never saw the bright smile when he was six years old. Covered with a layer of icy frost.

Later, Jiang Hanxun recalled that time countless times, picked out every mood and scene related to Jiang Dongwei from his memory, and finally became convinced that it was that time that made his love and desire for him soar, so long that he could not properly cover up and restrain himself to such an extent that the silent and sharp Jiang Xichen saw through them all.

If he wanted to describe himself at that time, he was probably a love saint—he wanted to bear all the self-blame and powerlessness for Jiang Dongwei, and wanted to dispel all his grievances and anger...but he didn't know how to do it, so he wished that he was the one Confused Jiang Dongwei.

But he doesn't know how to do things, someone does.

In autumn, Lin Yi found a new piano teacher for Jiang Xichen.

It was a girl who knew she was different just by looking at her.There is a rare determination in her eyes, and her expression often reveals a hint of arrogance, but her smile contains the open-mindedness and indifference that can only be found after traveling thousands of rivers and mountains.She looked at Jiang Dongwei, her eyes and brows curled up, her voice was gentle but crisp.

"Hi, I'm Zhang Jing. Not only can I teach your younger brother how to play the piano, but I can also teach you guys." He was obviously a pianist who was rejected by the restaurant because he couldn't play Chopin's nocturne, but he dared to say to them confidently In this case.

She exudes such a vigorous vitality, which is enough to attract people.What's more, when she calmed down, she looked so much like the posthumous photo of the Jiang family that can be seen everywhere. Even Jiang Hanxun, who is not related by blood, would involuntarily miss the former mistress of the Jiang family if he looked at her for a while.

He turned his head slightly, and for some reason, secretly observed the way Jiang Dongwei looked at the girl.

The result did not go against his intuition and understanding of him - he saw involuntary tenderness in his eyes.

Throughout the autumn, Zhang Jing taught piano to Jiang Xichen.After class, she and Jiang Dongwei could be seen strolling towards the lake from time to time. They would not get tired of going around the huge artificial lake three or four times.In the winter, she even went swimming with the brothers in the Great Lakes.When they came back, Jiang Hanxun saw tenderness and attachment in Jiang Dongwei.

He came to Jiang Dongwei when he was six years old, and Jiang Dongwei was seven years old.For a whole ten years, he has seen Jiang Dongwei flirting with countless girls in school and life. He has rich experience, skillful techniques, and opens his mouth; People love and obey in every possible way.

No matter what kind of projection and empathy, Jiang Dongwei undoubtedly really loves Zhang Jing.

Realizing this, he was heartbroken and dizzy even to take a second look at any of these two people.That kind of pain should be psychological and invisible, but at that time, it seemed to really affect the nerves and muscles, and deeply pulled the body itself, making him curl up in pain several times when he was alone.

"Xun, do you think I should apply for a school in Europe? Teacher Zhang usually spends more time in Europe, and she doesn't like the United States very much." Jiang Dongwei was blind, unable to see the pain of the person in front of him, showing it for a long time The missing Sunshine smiled and asked.

No.Jiang Hanxun drew this word in his mind, pressed the spine of the book in his hand tightly with his fingertips, so that he would not look up at him, and answered with his voice in his mouth: "See if you like it, but I still think that studies should be the focus of consideration." .”

"Can you have some sentimental suggestions?" Jiang Dongwei patted him, although he was reproached, but with a smile in his words, he lifted his legs up on the railing with his back to him, and sat back to back with him.

Neither of the two can see the other's face, and they don't know the other's expression. This is the tacit understanding between them when they speak their hearts.

Jiang Hanxun sighed silently, let go of the innocent spine, and looked into the distance, as always, he was the one who spoke first, cutting in very directly: "If you really like her, it's nothing to give. But, what you really like Is it her? Also, you are like her, Xiaochen is already angry, don't you plan to talk to him? Or—"

He paused for a while, took a breath, and then asked: "Have you forgotten that Xiaochen is a person who may jump into that lake at any time and leave forever like his mother?"

This question was too sharp, it directly crossed the line of questioning, and it was almost on the verge of "accusation".

He knew that he was provoking Jiang Dongwei, and knew that Jiang Dongwei would be furious the moment he was questioned, but the back-to-back tacit understanding was not to be dominated by temporary emotions, and to finish the conversation no matter what.

The two of them were so close that they could feel the movements of the other party. He could feel Jiang Dongwei adjusting his emotions.After a long while, Jiang Dongwei answered him.

"Xun, I think I don't need to tell whether I like her or not. Because I can keep liking her without asking the truth. Is this enough for her? She..." Jiang Dongwei smiled, Probably because the hand was in front of the nose, the smile was a little restrained, and it sounded particularly doting, "She is not the kind of person who will be entangled in such hypocritical issues."

After finishing speaking, he put his legs down, turned around, got off the railing, and stood in front of Jiang Hanxun again.

"Okay, my problem is solved. Xun, that's the decision. I'm going to start preparing to apply for a school in Europe. I'll go there first next school year. You help me look after Xiaochen. After I figure out the environment there, I will bring you and Xiaochen here."

What he said was "decided", so who can refute it?At least, Jiang Hanxun couldn't.

He made himself turn his face to the side, looked at him from the corner of his eye, smiled slightly, and replied: "Okay." On the other side of the temple, there was clearly cold sweat, and he was "disheartened" four times. This word crashed into his consciousness more clearly than ever.

Can there be a turnaround?Should he start to create a turning point?At the cost of destroying Jiang Dongwei's fascinated happiness, is he willing to make a turnaround?

No.He is reluctant.