[Letter White] I love your grave

2.11

A sunny day.

Han Xin patted the back of his head uncomfortably. His long red hair was just taken to the barber shop by Li Bai and forced to cut it short. He almost lost his red hair.Han Xin imagined his cool red hair being dyed back to black, and felt horrible.

The brown-haired man walking with his hands behind his head walked briskly, looking extremely happy.

This is exactly Li Bai.

Han Xin just stared at him in a daze, and the corner of his mouth couldn't help pulling a silly smile.Followed behind him step by step, like a chick only following its mother.

He suddenly turned his head, and the too bright sunlight hit his back, making his whole body glow.That handsome face was shrouded in a cloud of shadows, but Han Xin could clearly describe every inch of his eyebrows and eyes in his heart.Stretched brows, curved eyelashes, blue eyes, high nose bridge, light red lips, and perfectly curved jaw...

Every minute and every inch made Han Xin fascinated.

Every minute and every second makes Han Xin fall in love with him even more.

His joy, his anger, his sorrow, his joy, his neck, his collarbone, his beating heart within two inches of his chest, his eyes, his skin, his smile, his hands , his feet, his own hand holding his ankle...(①)

——"Why are you walking so slowly?"

And, he who looked back at himself and slowed down.

From the corner of Han Xin's eyes, he caught a glimpse of Li Bai's movements that he thought were very natural—he first slowed down his pace, and then quickly glanced at himself, with a little finger tangled and dawdling——Han Xin couldn't stand his harassment , Holding his hand tightly.

Han Xin heard him pretending to be cold and said: "Why are two big men holding hands while walking on the street?" Han Xin quickly glanced to the side, but bumped into the slight curvature of the corner of his mouth, and felt the obedient return of the other party.

They went to buy ice cream together hand in hand, and the two ordered flavors for each other.Li Bai ordered a watermelon flavor for Han Xin, and Han Xin ordered a chocolate flavor for Li Bai.

Han Xin: "Why do you buy me watermelon flavor?" He looked at the cone, thinking that he doesn't really like watermelon flavor either?

Li Bai's answer baffled him, "Because the colors match well?"

"what colour?"

"Hair color!"

... red, red and green? ? ?

Han Xin: "Are you my wife or not? You are fake."

From morning to afternoon, from the barber shop to the amusement park, obviously the first time I came out was to take a walk in the morning to digest food, but this digestion turned into lunch, and after lunch, I went to the amusement park to play wildly, as if we hadn’t played together for long , with a bang, I saw the setting sun and the beautiful Huoshaoyun falling from the sky.

Han Xin held Li Bai's left hand with his right hand, and his lips touched his, kissing him lightly like a dragonfly touching water.

Li Bai stood right in front of his eyes, with a sparkling smile.

Han Xin stared at him, his lips opened and closed, he wanted to say a lot, but he couldn't say anything.His lips fluttered, and it took him a long time to hold back a sentence:

"... Tomorrow, we will be together for eight years."

From 17 to 25, from naive to mature, he is always by his side.

Every time I look back, I always see him standing behind me smiling.

When he lost him, he would pretend to stop and wait for him, waiting for him to mature day by day, waiting for his heart to catch up with his beat.

Han Xin not only wants to have one eight years, he wants to have Li Bai's second eight years, third eight years, fourth, fifth... He wants Li Bai's life, and Li Bai's eternity.

"plum……"

- "!!!"

……white?

Dazzling lights, sudden tinnitus, upside-down vision, staggered breathing, confused thoughts, and belated pain in the body.

The weak breath hitting the face, and the sticky unknown liquid dripping from nowhere.Han Xin lay on the ground.He seemed to be shaking, he asked himself, was he shaking?he does not know.He couldn't feel his limbs, but they seemed to be there; he could only feel a twitch in his heart at this moment—for the bloody face in front of him, for the idiot in front of him, shielding most of the damage from him.

Han Xin saw a trembling hand caressing Li Bai's cheek, and that hand was stroking his face back and forth, as if trying to wipe his face clean, but the too gentle force and too much trembling instead wiped the blood everywhere It's all, it's a mess.Which idiot's hand is this? It can't even wipe someone's face clean, and it's shaking so badly, like Parkinson's, Han Xin thought, but saw the silver ring on the ring finger of that hand.

It's so familiar, isn't this what Li Bai gave him when he reconciled a few months ago?

The familiar ring, and the secret, childhood scar on the base of the finger.

Only then did Han Xin realize that it was his own hand.

He told himself that it was you who were trembling.

You panic.

You are going to lose him.

Han Xin struggled to sit up, but his weak arms could not support the weight of his upper body and Li Bai.Halfway through sitting up, he fell back again.Han Xin's brain went black for a while, and his brain hurt, but he still wanted to sit up and check Li Bai's situation.

It seemed that someone around him helped him up.

Han Xin took a big gulp of air, trying his best to suppress the suffocation that spread in his chest.It seems that there are only four colors left: red, white, black, and brown. Red spreads on the ground, blooming on Li Bai's soft hair and back, white hits Li Bai's face, black covers everything except them, brown It was Li Bai's curly hair, stained with dust and blood.

He helped Li Bai up and rubbed the other's face, causing large patches of red to be everywhere.Han Xin opened his mouth to say something, but only heard a hoarse voice in his throat.

After an unknown amount of time, he saw Li Bai's eyelashes trembling.Then the beautiful blue eyes opened a slit.The clear blue is mixed with gray, and it is cloudy and unclear, as if it is diffused.

"You promised me a hug."

Li Bai squinted his eyes halfway, pulled out a weak but good-looking smile, and tried his best to half-open his arms, posing for a hug.

"No...no...let's go to the hospital first, okay? When you recover, we can hug you any way you want..."

Something cold flowed from the eye sockets.

Han Xin's face was hot, and his eyes were red.

Li Bai still stubbornly opened his arms, staring at Han Xin while breathing heavily, unwilling to speak.

... At this time, Han Xin suddenly remembered.

I remembered what the two of them had said when they were together.

The image of asking Li Bai to a hotel for dinner and having a talk with him automatically appeared in my mind...

"He seemed to see Li Bai yelling at him with a stubborn face back then. Han Xin couldn't remember what he was yelling at. The confession, sentence after sentence, defeated Han Xin's rationality, so he had to stand in front of Li Bai in a daze.

Then what?What did Li Bai do at that time?

Han Xin vaguely remembered that the other party seemed to run away after a long call, and he... himself rushed up and hugged him in his arms to prevent this guy from leaving. I really think that I pity him, but actually I like Liu Bang..." (②)

No... more than that.

It's obviously not a question of what Li Bai said...

It was him, it was he who promised something after holding Li Baixu in his arms...

The picture in Han Xin's memory suddenly became very clear, and then rushed up.

—— "Let go of me! You don't like me, what are you doing like this!"

Back then, Li Bai struggled hard to break free from his embrace, but he was afraid that if he struggled too much and would be pulled and bumped back accidentally, if he had an oolong hug and "disappeared", the loss would not be worth the loss.

But Han Xin back then didn't care so much.He just lowered his body and breathed hot air in the opponent's ear.

"I will be nice to you, so good that you dare to hug me... I will give you countless hugs, as long as you want, you can ask me to cash in anytime."

At that time, these words soothed Li Bai's heart, but now these words have the meaning of lifting a rock to shoot himself in the foot.

"It seems that you... finally remembered... Han Xin... I don't want your hug, as long as you... as long as you are willing to let me hug you..."

"..."

Suddenly, Han Xin's tears came down.

"If you don't speak... it will be regarded as your agreement."

Li Bai said with a smile, and hugged him without hesitation.

This hug, compared to a hug, is more like Li Bai's inability to support his body "pressing" on Han Xin, and it can even be called "smashing".

Han Xin felt as if he had been divided into two parts, soul and body.His soul was floating in the air, watching Li Bai's desperate efforts, watching his fingers gradually become transparent from between them, watching his relieved pale smile, but his body could not move.

move!You are moving!

But he couldn't do it.

"Ah, sure enough...but still, thank you."

until he disappears.

Obviously as long as you send him to the hospital, as long as you refuse his hug, it's just, it's just a car accident...

Han Xin's trembling fingers touched the pile of clothes in front of him, and touched the white shirt with bloody and miserable flowers on the back. Clothes cried out loud.

……

Han Xin got out of the back seat of the black car, told the driver to wait for him at the door, and walked into the cemetery with a bottle of packaged red wine and a pair of glasses.

Li Bai's mother died for love, and his father also understood what he wanted after his mother disappeared, so he left.Li Bai is the only child left in the family of three.He was raised by the grandmother next door, who also died long ago.

Han Xin couldn't see that Li Bai was alone and didn't even have a grave, and he couldn't bear to use Li Bai's savings—it was worked out by him bit by bit.So Han Xin paid his own money to buy two cemeteries for Li Bai and himself, side by side, he was on the left, and Li Bai was on the right, because Li Bai always liked to stand on his right and hold his hand hesitantly.

Of course we should hold hands together even after we die.

Han Xin approached Li Bai step by step, approaching his forever 25-year-old lover.

Squatting silently in front of his grave, he unpacked the wine bottle and opened the cork for him.

The red wine from [-]□□ left before I had time to drink it for you. It was said to be for you on the eighth anniversary... I don’t want to wait for the countdown to the anniversary. I’m really impatient.Han Xin wanted to say this, but he couldn't make a sound, just like that day, suffering from aphonia.After a while, he closed his stupidly opened mouth, pursed his lips, put the glasses in front of Li Bai's own, and each of them filled a glass.

The memory of that day after seeing Li Bai disappear, only chaos remained.He desperately found a cemetery for Li Bai, finished the funeral, then found the old man, and knelt in front of him, as if he said something and didn't seem to say anything, probably because he said that there was no one else in his life except Li Bai. For a few days and nights, and because of his mother's red and swollen eyes from crying, he had an extra cemetery of his own.

Another fiancée surnamed Yin was missing.

——Li Bai is so pretty...

Han Xin caressed the young man's cheek in the photo.

If they are colorful, if they have warmth, if they don't just stay at 25 years old, they will be very happy.

The brown-haired young man smiled brightly in the photo, gesturing with a V letter with one hand.The photo is incomplete, but he was cut out separately, the left half is Han Xin, and when he can't wake up, the other left half of the photo will be pasted up.

Below the photo is the name, below the name is the date of birth, and beside the name is the dazzling date of death, Han Xin feels uncomfortable no matter how many times he looks at it.Next is the epitaph.Han Xin didn't know what Li Bai would write, and he didn't want others to think about it. He just asked someone to engrave a line that Li Bai once said, his favorite words from his mouth:

I have been planning our future.

Then he added a sentence on his own initiative:

You want too.

Han Xin squatted in front of his grave for a long time, but he couldn't keep squatting here.

Han Xin looked at his watch. It was time for the next meeting and he had to go.

So he said to Li Bai in his heart: Li Bai, happy 28th birthday.Remember to wait for me to accompany you first.

Li Bai, I have given you the future you want me to achieve, but you have to work hard together.Lying here alone and being lazy, what does it look like? It's not at all like the conscientious you you used to be.

The bud of Han Xin's love just sprouted three years ago, and it grew into a lush tree three years later, and after another three years, the shade of the tree covered the place where all his love was.

It's just that there is no one else who can honor his countless hugs.

Can you wake up and hug me again?

This time, I promise you won't disappear.

End.

The author has something to say: PS: ① Part of it is from the lyrics translation of "It's Consuming Me" ② Part 2.4

car accident.Originally bumping into Han Xin was blocked by Li Bai.

Li Bai: I know that I can still be rescued after entering the hospital. At present, it is only bleeding, but I still hug Han Xin without hesitation, and I also know that I will die in all likelihood.

Han Xin: Let me know the ending a bit more.Probably because I liked Li Bai very much and had an accident when he was approaching the stage of love. Emmm, it's not that I don't love, it's just that I don't love deeply? (And the girl surnamed Yin was just a baby kiss agreed by the parents orally, but it was invalidated after that)