he lived

The days without work are actually the same as before.Still can't sleep all night, you can only watch him appearing in various places around you in the dark night, smiling at you, sighing at you, stretching out his hands to you and making flying gestures Sometimes, you can't help but want to reach out and dance with him.

He will appear by your side 24 hours now. During the day, when you are sitting on a chair to rest, he will squat at your feet and look at you intently.At noon you stand on the balcony looking into the distance with a wistful look, and he puts your shoulders on your shoulders and talks to you softly.At night, when you lie in bed and can't sleep all night, tossing and turning, he will also curl up beside you, frowning at you sideways.

If this person is not a hallucination, I really hope to have such a person by my side.Unfortunately, this is all just an illusion.Sometimes when I think about it, after so many years, the only person who can accompany me is just such a shadow, which is really unacceptable.

For this reason, I consulted some online psychological counseling on the Internet, almost all of them were the same, and they all suggested that I go to the hospital's psychological outpatient clinic for face-to-face diagnosis. After all, words cannot intuitively feel the condition, especially in the special industry of mental illness.

To be honest, I don’t particularly want to get rid of this illusion. I’m already in my 30s. I’ve been wandering and lonely for so many years. It’s rare to have someone by my side. How can you give up so easily.

The purpose of my consultation with them is actually just to be able to sleep peacefully at night, since there is no such way, forget it.Although sleeping pills are strictly controlled and difficult to buy, it is still very convenient to buy a few bottles of melatonin. I started a career on melatonin, although it didn't work very well.

Enduring the dizziness after the onset of the drug effect every day, I lay on the bed and waited for the dawn.At night, under the shadow of the night, people are always prone to think too much, whether it is the inspiration of a writer, or the desire of a desperate person to die, although I do not belong to the two, but sometimes I still feel that this is not me The world that should live.

He didn't feel any warmth since he was a child. He went home to deal with the funeral of his adoptive father before finishing high school. He was addicted to alcohol and finally died of alcohol. The aorta in the neck was punctured on the bottle of his wine, and the body was only found by the people of the same village a few days later.

Since then, I have been wandering alone in the world.No one misses, no one remembers.