Died at the age of 17

【My 17 years old】

I want to start with my childhood, when I was ten years old and I felt death for the first time.I stood on the stage, alone and helpless, and made a fool of myself under the gaze of everyone. I remember the ridicule and sarcasm in the audience. From now on, I will be the girl with low self-esteem in the eyes of my relatives and friends.

I killed that moment, as well as my past self, and what survives from now on is a completely strange me.That kind of death is not the death of the body, but the sealing of self-consciousness, just like at a certain special moment, you kill yourself, and it is another person who lives on your behalf from then on.

Before I was 17, mediocrity was boring.I hate this kind of ordinary, I don't want to be defined and arranged, I want to be a unique existence.I've been planning my way to my goal, you know some people are just not beautiful, that can't be changed.Some people are born without talent and cannot draw well.No matter how hard I try, my grades are only average, and I become a shadow in the class, a dispensable existence.I don't know how to get along with people, I am always humble but go to please.Until later, I wrote my own words, and I found that I am different, my words are beautiful, and I can use words to build a world that everyone envies.

I have been polishing my writing. I revised my prose again and again, and I wrote a dozen thick ones. Later, I took the art test. Because of my arrogance, I only applied for the theater major (screenwriting) of two schools at that time, and all of them failed. In the end, I went to another major in one of the schools that I didn't like very much and required a waste of time to go abroad.The major I yearn for is only one step away from me, but I can no longer reach it.

When I was 17, I suffered from depression.Insomnia at night, anxiety during the day, and frequent crying.During that time, I thought a lot, about my mediocre present, about my non-existent future.I am extremely sensitive, and I will be touched by everything around me, like the water flowing out of the faucet in the summer sun.I have an unprecedented emotional experience, suffering and enjoying.One of me shed tears silently in the hot day, and the other recorded and watched in the warm night, reveling recklessly.It's painful, but also beautiful.

I want to seal up my emotional experience at the age of 17. I can't think of anything better than a novel to record emotions.So I wrote this short article.

I feel that I will heal soon, and this perception of emotions and good and evil will disappear, so I want to seize the last time and seal up the memories and emotions of my 17 years old.

That me, died at the age of 17.What a dream.

【Self-evaluation】

I also write reviews, and I’ve been writing reviews for almost four years. I can basically point out other people’s problems, but when it comes to myself, it’s even more difficult. It’s impossible to speak objectively and fairly.

Speaking from the purpose of creation, this article is not to please others, but to discover myself.So no matter what kind of data I can accept, I just want to try my best to let more people see it.

I can give myself a score of 60 on the 60-point system for this article, but I have never given myself a score higher than [-], so I have already performed very well. What I can't reach is my limited ability.

First of all, regarding writing, this is probably the pinnacle of writing in my life.Probably, I will never waste my time on description like this in my life.The standard for evaluating text is very clear, fluent and easy to read is the best, but it is still too indulgent, going too far on the road of vanity.Many floating pens and private goods are flawed.The background of this article is very suitable for description. The text, characters, and plot form a whole and form a unique atmosphere. I am quite satisfied.I am very sorry for the difficulty in reading caused by my willfulness.

Second, about the story.The design of the plot has always been my weakness. How to correct this lie is a big problem for me. Kawenka’s is about to die, because it is not serialized simultaneously, so you can’t see it. Thanks to my dad for being with me suffer.This is also the direction I will improve in the future.

Finally, about the characters.The biggest flaw of the characters is that I can't make the two characters pay equal attention to each other. This is a common problem of many n-streaming web articles.I like Vulcan so much, I want to give him all the good things together.Xia Musha's character design in the early stage was not mature enough, and it was too late to recover in the later stage.

As for the idea, it comes from the story behind Picasso's "Weeping Woman". Picasso was brilliant in his youth and was sought after by countless noble men and women.Later he met Doramar, the legendary talented woman who completed "Guernica" with him.Possessing her, abandoning her, driving her crazy, this is the way this cruel genius expresses his love.However, from the beginning of writing the outline, the whole story has drifted in a very confusing direction, because the previous article on the painting has already been written, and it would be boring to write again. Originally, Vulcan and Xia Musha were set as writers. Therefore, the classification of the column is also divided into major artists.After laying the groundwork, I finally decided not to use it.

The theme is about youth, has anyone noticed it?It doesn't matter, hahaha, my dad who discussed the plot with me before didn't see it, and I guess no one will know except me. 17 is a wonderful age. At 17, we still have hope for the world and love. We believe in order, in fairness and justice, and in hard work.We are brave enough to declare war on everything.After that, life will pass away little by little, the worldview once believed to be true will collapse, and the future will only be bleak and ordinary, and everyone will be lost.For the rest of my life, I will live in the shadow of being 17 years old.

Died at the age of 17 is the eternal seal of a beautiful and fresh life.

I love suicide as a way to end life. Small lives bloom in the night sky like fireworks. The brilliance at that moment is enough to illuminate an ordinary life.

【Future direction】

In my eyes at the age of 17, what I write is not a commodity, but a work of art.Even if it is immature, even if it fails, it can only be said to be a failure of artistic creation, not a failure of business.

My problem lies in my biased understanding of the term Danmei.Danmei in my eyes is "a rebellion against morality and a pursuit of the ultimate sensual beauty." 'I want to keep going, I just don't know how much longer I can go on.

In fact, this kind of self-righteousness is not brave, but stupid, and I know it very well.

If I am lucky enough not to die early, I will write a lot of things.Essays, novels, reviews, even translations.Perhaps one day in the future, you will see an article in a magazine, website, or tabloid, and feel that this style of writing seems familiar.I will also write web articles, if there is a plausible brain hole, after all, I am not good at making up stories.

If I hadn't died, I might have kept writing. Literature is the only way out. The only difference is my extremely pure dream.Literature is my refuge, the last pure land in my world that is not polluted by the world. I will think about decorating it, rather than trying to get anything from it.

I want to try more possibilities, and I want more people to see me.I want to write drama, I love that blooming, I want to write non-fiction, reality is always better than story.

傅愚

2018. 8, 2

The author has something to say:

It has been almost a month and a half since the end of the college entrance examination and the completion of the manuscript. Thanks to the little cuties who have seen here for their company all the way.

There is a lot to say, so after thinking about it, I will write a separate chapter.

column for support

column for support

column for support

repeat three

And two articles to be published later.

Danmei supernatural "Damn" forced photographer x good-for-nothing little celestial master

Lily quickly travels through "The Road to Feminism" (If you don't read Lily, you can actually understand it. I think the setting is great.)

and finally

The long novel "Torrent" that I dare not open easily (The fate of teenagers in the big era is too easy to hit the street, so I must keep collecting it.)

Click into the column to see it.

If you are interested, you can find out, and click a collection by the way.

Love you guys ~