taste time

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It's just that I see someone clearly, and then I don't want to get close to her anymore, whether it's not far or not, everything doesn't matter.

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☆, go home

I called my mother for a while, and my mother said that I haven't been home for a long time. Although I don't want to go back, but after hearing what she said, I decided to go home on the weekend.

Woke up early in the bed, thinking that Huang Shiya must still be asleep, so I sent her a text message, "I'm going home." I usually stay with her on weekends.

After leaving the school gate, I went to the public transportation station and waited for the public transportation. After sitting for about an hour, I almost arrived.

It's not too far, but I just don't want to go back.I seem to have had a generation gap with them since I was a child, and the topic they talked to me has always been grades.Some people say that the influence of a family on a child is immeasurable.I don't know if my withdrawn personality is my fault or if they influenced me.As far as I can remember, my parents were always arguing, even fighting.Dad loves to drink when he is in a bad mood, and loses his temper after drinking. My brother grew up under the slap of a stick since he was a child, but the more he beat him, the more he refused to admit defeat and resisted.When my brother was studying, his grades were particularly poor, and he was beaten every time he finished the exam. I remember one time when my brother didn't dare to go home and stayed at his classmate's house for a week.Junior high school was not finished, so my brother said he was not going, anyway, it was useless to study, and sooner or later he would be beaten to death by his father.Dad was going to be very angry and wanted to beat him again, but after all, my brother had grown up, and he didn't fight back like when he was a child.Mom cried and said, "Look for yourself, do you still look good? I am not like my son, and my son is not like my son, what a crime!" I hid behind the door, not daring to cry or go up to pull it. Just look at them.Later, my brother ran away, and almost never returned home, and I didn’t get through the phone with them. He just called me sometimes, and sometimes sent me money, telling me to study hard. It’s very hard to earn money in the current society.

When I entered the door, my mother hadn't come back yet.Back in the room, the quilts on the bed were all washed and folded, I know it was done by my mother.My mother is usually very strict with me. Although she has never hit me, she often has nothing to say to me, but I know she loves me.Seeing this, I suddenly had the urge to cry.After laying out the bed, tidying up the closet, and then sitting on the sofa, I felt empty.

Looking in the kitchen, the refrigerator is empty.I changed my shoes and went to the vegetable market to buy some vegetables.Mom called and said she wasn't coming back for lunch, and I was home alone, so I ate my meal hastily and cleaned up the dishes.For a while, I didn't know what to do.It's like this every time, when I go back to my home, I feel like a guest, always wondering what to do.Going back to the room and looking at the phone, there were actually two missed calls, both from Huang Shiya.Call her quickly and ask her, "Shiya. What's the matter? Is there something wrong?"

"You can't call if you have nothing to do! What's the matter at home? How did you go back?" Hehe, you are worried about me.There was a burst of joy in my heart. "It's okay, I haven't been back for a long time, so I came back to have a look. What? Are you worried about me, or are you missing me!" Strange, why am I as glib as Huang Shiya? Sure enough, Jin Mo Zhehei!

Shi Ya said unhappily, "I don't have either, I was just thinking that no one will bring me lunch today."

. . . . . . "You haven't had lunch yet, have you?!" Sister, what time is it now!

She lazily replied at the other end, "Well. I'm going to starve to death here." Speechless. "Why are you lazier than a pig! You can't just get up!"

"Hey, smart. You know me best." I don't want to know you that well.I started aunt again, "Hurry up, a girl, why are you so lazy, do you remember the last time your stomach hurt, the doctor told you to eat on time, do you still want to hang salt water!" This girl's living habits are very bad Law, it seems that I have to talk about her carefully, the body is my own, if you don't feel sorry for me, I still feel sorry for you.It's just that I still dare not say this sentence.

"Why are you more nagging than my mother! I'm packing up, and I'll be leaving soon. When are you coming back?"

Hey, there are three moods in one sentence.In the first sentence, I wanted to strangle her to death, and even said I was nagging.The second sentence, I don't have to waste my time.The third sentence, this girl is thinking about me going back.

He smiled and replied, "Maybe tomorrow afternoon."

After hanging up the phone, I fell down on the bed, feeling very happy.

I know it's wrong for me to think about her like this, my motives are not pure.However, love is involuntary, I like him and like to be with her, even though she only regards me as a friend.In fact, I know in my heart that this relationship of mine is destined to be borne by me alone.Don't say she knows, we may not even have to be friends, assuming, in case she agrees, we have no future.None of my conditions allow this to happen.

After thinking about it, he fell asleep in a daze.It was already afternoon when I woke up, and I read a book, Zhang Ailing's "Half Body Fate", which was also remade into a TV series, played by Ruby Lin.I still vaguely remember a line or two of the theme song:

just pass by

Is it the result of fate

why bother to meet you

Why do you love me when I meet you

. . . . . .

A few questions strongly express the helplessness and pain of being in love but not being able to stay together, just like Manzhen and Shijun.Is it really the result of fate?

Mom didn't come back until after my dinner was ready.When they saw me, they said how I looked thinner and darker.I also asked myself to pay attention to nutrition, don't save too much, the body is the most important thing.I nodded "hmm".Then I asked how I was studying, and I lowered my head and said softly, "It's pretty good, and it's about the same as before." In fact, it's a lot worse, and I still don't understand physics, and it feels more and more difficult. Made me dizzy.Mom said again, "That's good, you have to study hard at school. Look at your brother, he hasn't studied for a few days, and he fights and makes trouble outside all day. Let us worry about it. I have lived a hard life all my life." Bitter. You don't want to be like him." My mother would use my brother as a counter example to educate me every time.In fact, in this society, why not work hard? Don’t look at the influential people in the workplace, who are well-dressed and not exposed to the wind or rain, they all have their difficulties and pressures.

When Dad came back and saw me, he just said lightly, "Shan'er is back?" I responded with a "huh".I know that Dad has some patriarchal feudal ideas.He beat his brother because he hated iron but could not make steel, and he loved him deeply and took responsibility for it.

The three of them ate around the table, and no one spoke, the atmosphere was very depressing.I hesitated for a while, and asked in a low voice, "Dad, how is your work going?" Dad took a sip of his wine and waved his hand, "Don't worry about it, you just need to study hard." I replied "Oh" again , also did not speak.He seemed to have suddenly remembered something, and asked with a sullen face, "It's almost the end of the semester. How is the review going? I called your class teacher and he said that you have obviously slipped these two times. What's going on?"

I sighed in my heart, even if I didn't tell them, they would ask the class teacher.Suddenly I was very scared, everything about me seemed to be under their control.Lowering his head and trying to pull out the rice, Nuonuo said, "Maybe it's carelessness. I feel better recently, and I'm almost ready for the end of the semester." That's all I can say.

"That's good, prepare well, and go back to your room to rest after eating."

"Yeah." I nodded.

"Go back to school early tomorrow to review." I haven't been back for almost three months, and I planned to go back to school tomorrow afternoon.

I was a little surprised, but I could only nod "Yeah."

After closing the door, I suddenly wanted to laugh.Oh, these are my parents.Grades and grades, why don’t you ask if I’m still used to it in that experimental class? Why don’t you ask if I get along well with my classmates at school? Why don’t you ask if I’m happy at school?

Ever since I was a child, I have been terrified of holding parent-teacher meetings, and I am also terrified of every exam, and I am also terrified of my behavior being a little inappropriate.

I feel like a bird in a cage that can never escape their sight, can never break free of their shackles.