Shape Moon, The Road to the Magician

What is alive? What exactly does it mean to be truly alive?

Emiya Kiritsugu had long been confused about the definition of living or not.

He had been lost as early as the day he killed his father with his own hands.

At the moment when he was enveloped by the angel's light, his mind was emptied, and everything he had experienced so far replayed in his mind like a revolving lantern.

The meaning of life, human will, and everything he expected were emptied out at that moment, and his soul seemed to be truly liberated at that moment... An Xin, everything he has pursued so far is to get real peace of mind..

And when he was resurrected and his soul was forcibly summoned back to this world by a miracle called the Cup of Heaven, he was confused and in pain.

He doesn't even know whether he is dead or alive now?

Looking at the intact city, the streets with people coming and going, and the busy neighborhoods, a feeling called despair and loneliness has tightly surrounded him, and he can't breathe under the pressure.

Looking at the restored city around him, he only felt strange.

Everyone is back, and these seven days of life and death are like a dream.

The dead came back to life, the broken buildings remained intact, but only his lover disappeared forever.

"Ellie!!!"

Emiya Kiritsugu, a miserable man, knelt on the edge of the road and cried bitterly. His desperate cry was like a child who had lost something he loved.

After experiencing another loss, the man was completely desperate. All he could do was to cry out. Emiya Kiritsugu's helpless cry echoed throughout the street, attracting the attention of surrounding residents and passers-by. They didn't know who Emiya Kiritsugu was or why this man was crying. All they saw was a mentally ill man in shabby clothes. No one dared to step forward to ask about the situation. Most of them ignored him indifferently and chose to leave. The kind ones called the police.

But this situation did not last long. Maiya, who had just been resurrected and was constantly looking for Emiya Kiritsugu, followed the crowd and found him wailing and crying.

"Kiritsugu……"

Kuu Maiya watched with distress as the young man who once rescued himself from the devil's cave with great hope and determination to save everyone has now become like this.

Despair, sadness, powerlessness, all kinds of emotions enveloped his heart. When all the farce was over, he knelt here and cried loudly.

"Sorry, Kiritsugu"

"If I could have been more useful, if I could have helped you more, it wouldn't have turned out to be, I'm sorry... Kiritsugu, I'll take you out of here right now."

Kuu Maiya also had tears in her eyes. She leaned over and hugged Emiya Kiritsugu's neck, letting his head lean against her, trying to bring the last trace of warmth to this man.

Although she knew that these actions were in vain. That's all.

Then, Kuu Maiya used her slender hands to support Emiya Kiritsugu's body and gradually led him away from the crowd. There was a long line of pedestrians on the roadside looking at the man and woman. Some people also asked if they needed help, but She rejected them all. Just like that, she took Emiya Kiritsugu, who had completely lost hope, and left here before the police arrived.

Until... an unexpected figure appeared in front of them as the sun set. The shadows continued to lengthen with the sunshine, and the slender figure stretched out his hand and said hello to them.

"Who are you?"

"Hey, long time no see, justice’s partner and his reliable assistant."

The figure waved to them from a distance.

"Are you leaving in such a hurry without even planning to have a good talk with your savior?"

"A savior? Did you resurrect everyone?"

Xia Yuan's words made Jiuyu Maiya stunned.

"Correct answer, but no reward. I am the victor who helped you clean up the mess with my own hands, and made a wish to resurrect everyone."

"Why did I die so miserably in order to solve the mess you left behind? The pain was really terrifying. I even watched my body being torn apart by a little bit of magic power, starting from the brain."

Xia Yuan raised a smile, pointed to his forehead, and then mocked Emiya Kiritsugu mercilessly.

"But what happened to you, Emiya Kiritsugu? As a partner of justice, why did he suddenly become depressed? Didn’t you successfully make a wish?"

"Is this appearance due to despair after witnessing the shattering of dreams? Or are you repenting for the mistakes you have made? After all, this time you are the biggest accomplice in pushing mankind to the brink of extinction. The entire Fuyuki City, or rather the entire world, has been turned upside down by you."

"Stop talking!"

Seeing Xia Yuan's constant words irritating Emiya Kiritsugu behind him, Kuu Maiya hurriedly stopped him.

"Hush, be quiet, Miss Accomplice. I'm here to find this righteous partner. You have no place to speak here."

"you……"

"Wait, Maiya, let him continue. I also have something I want to confirm with him."

"Kiritsugu...okay."

Looking at Emiya Kiritsugu, who was gradually standing up with the help of Kuu Maiya, a smile appeared on Xia Yuan's face

"What's wrong? My righteous friend, are you willing to have a good talk with me now?"

In fact, Xia Yuan was not surprised to see that Emiya Kiritsugu was almost mentally collapsed.

For a guy like Emiya Kiritsugu, the greatest punishment is to hold his head down and force him to witness with his own eyes that everything he has done is shattered, making him deny the meaning of himself, and torturing him both mentally and physically.

However, even when he saw Emiya Kiritsugu fall into this state, he did not feel as happy as he expected. Instead, he felt a touch of indifference and pity.

"So sad."

This is the most intuitive feeling in his heart.

During his resurrection, in order to solve the hidden dangers of those who could be resurrected through the power of the Holy Grail, he first rushed to Matou's house to kill the old bug, and then found the dragon. The killer's limbs were also broken by him and thrown at the door of the police station.

It can be said that all the people who should be dealt with are being dealt with in an orderly manner. The only one left now is Emiya Kiritsugu, who suffered the most in this Holy Grail War..

And now he has obviously received the punishment he deserves, and has fallen to the edge of mental breakdown.

"You are the final winner...then your wish is to resurrect everyone?"

Looking at the person who appeared in front of him, Emiya Kiritsugu looked at him and spoke with difficulty.

"Yes, my wish is to resurrect everyone"

"That……"

He guessed in advance what Emiya Kiritsugu wanted to ask and shook his head.

"Stop teasing me, Emiya Kiritsugu, I know what you are thinking."

"The scope of everyone is limited to human beings. At that time, Irisviel had completely become the container of the Holy Grail. Of course, she was not considered a human being, so she was completely dead.

Hearing this question, Xia Yuan grinned and laughed:"As for the guy who forced her to completely become the Great Holy Grail and give up her human identity, you might as well guess who it is?" How about it?"

Hearing this reply, Emiya Kiritsugu couldn't help but widen his eyes, and his hands and tone began to tremble uncontrollably.

Just now, Natsuhi's words completely shattered the last possibility or hope in his heart.

"It's... it's... me, I killed Ellie with my own hands again... I am the murderer……"

"How does Emiya Kiritsugu feel when he once again pushes the one he loves into the abyss? What you did this time was a regret that even the miracle of the Holy Grail could not save. Are you still looking forward to your delusion of saving humanity to this day?"

Emiya Kiritsugu's eyes shrank and he clenched his fists subconsciously.

After learning this answer, his mood was hit again.

Human rescue?

Losing loved ones again and again, putting them on the scales as bargaining chips.

Use their sacrifices to save humanity.

After saving, he kills again, and again and again, in the end, he doesn’t even know what he is doing.

This is true. Can it be regarded as saving humanity?

What have I been doing so far? The only reason I have been able to persist until now is because of the light that is silently illuminating me.

And now, the last light is the only one left. extinguished by his own hands

"What on earth... am I doing! Ahhhh!!!"

He grabbed his hair tightly, and his nails dug deeply into his hair. He was like a wailing child, letting out heart-piercing cries.

At this moment, he was losing his beloved things again and again. Finally, he finally understood everything, but now he obviously understood it too late

"It seems you finally figured it out, Emiya Kiritsugu."Seeing Emiya Kiritsugu kneeling on the spot with a look of despair, Xia Yuan sighed and walked towards him.

"Unfortunately it's too late"

"Just like the trolley problem, there is a train running fast on the rails, and it is difficult to stop immediately at this speed. There are two rails on the way, with one person tied to the left and five people tied to the right. As the decider, you can only change the trajectory once. Which side will you let survive?"

"If it were you, you would definitely choose the side of the majority without hesitation. Isn't sacrificing the minority to save the majority your choice from beginning to end? But...Emiya Kiritsugu, what do you think of life? Chips? Something that can be measured?"

Emiya Kiritsugu raised his head and looked at Xia Yuan in disbelief, but he couldn't refute because he knew that he would really make such a choice if faced with this situation.

But... what if he didn't do this? What to do?

Isn’t it even more wrong to sacrifice the many to save the few?

So what is the correct answer? Is there any better answer than sacrificing the few to save the many? What should I do to be correct?

"Idiot, is it still hard to understand until now? You put your life on a scale to seek balance, but where can you get balance with one hand on it?!"

"So...how to make the right choice?"

"So your brain really can’t turn around. Xia

Yuan opened his hands and said very relaxedly:"Then don't choose.""

"If you are a tram driver, you don't have to worry about whether the lane changes or not, just brake hard and be yourself. If you are the decider, you don’t need to choose either. Just let nature take its course and follow your destiny, because you are not qualified to kill anyone at all."

"If the result is really not good, then it can only be like this. After all, you are not the one who brought them to the track. As long as your choice is correct, it will be fine."

"The so-called trolley problem is a joke, and although it sounds cowardly and like a cop-out, I don't want to weigh the value of two lives. So I would rather work hard until death than decide how many people live and how many die. Do you understand?"

"I would rather work until death...than measure the value of life……"

Emiya Kiritsugu was in a daze, murmuring what Xia Yuan said.

"But...is this the correct answer? Can those who survive be saved? Obviously carrying the lives of others"

"Who knows,"

Xia Yuan continued with a slight smile,"I am only a human being, not an angel. I have no right to decide who will be saved. Who will be saved, as long as you make your own choices, you will have a clear conscience for the journey you have taken. There is no need to feel guilty about anyone"

"Okay, I've said all that needs to be said. There's no need to continue talking about your current desolate state. It's time for me to take action."

Looking at Emiya Kiritsugu, who was already in confusion, Xia Yuan knew that there was no need to continue talking.

All that needed to be said had been said.

Although he also sympathized with Emiya Kiritsugu's miserable character, But that's just sympathy, and I'm not so kind as to forgive him without caring.

I don't have the qualifications to forgive him for the lives that died because of this guy, and the most important thing he left to himself is happiness and grudges. Proverbs.

So he raised his finger, preparing to take something away from Emiya Kiritsugu.

"What are you going to do to Kiritsugu?"

Seeing Natsu Yuan raising his hand to harm Emiya Kiritsugu, Kuu Maiya ignored the difference in strength and suddenly pulled out a dagger and stabbed him in the neck.

It could be seen that she had wanted to do something against him from the beginning. He was on guard, ready to draw his weapon at any time, but it was too slow, and such an attack was not even considered a joke in his eyes today.

"Really, I told you that I came to see Emiya Kiritsugu, Miss Kuu Maiya. Why do you have to do this?"

"Don't be kidding me, I won't - ughhhhh!!"

The moment Kuu Maiya spoke, before she even finished speaking, her person had disappeared.

With a shrill and surprised scream, she flew out.

It was like being hit head-on by a truck. He flew towards the clothing store behind him, then hit the wall and fainted.

"Maiya!!!

Seeing his assistant being blown away in an instant, even the depressed Emiya Kiritsugu couldn't help but scream.

This was one of the few people he cherished in this world, and he couldn't lose her anymore.

"Kill me! Please kill me! Don't hurt Maiya. All these mistakes are because of me and have nothing to do with anyone else. Don't continue.……"

Emiya Kiritsugu kept pleading with Natsu Yuan. The man who had lost everything choked with sobs and wanted to use his own life in exchange for Kuu Maiya not being harmed.

Just this scene, why does it make me look like the villain in the movie? It was obviously Emiya Kiritsugu who started the trouble, and he was just here to settle the score.

But it is true that as Emiya Kiritsugu begged, Xia Yuan did not intend to involve too many people.

Although Kuu Maiya can be regarded as Emiya Kiritsugu's right-hand man, he is just a tool at best, a tool that will only follow Emiya Kiritsugu's orders unconditionally. It's not the turn of one tool to bear the grievances between them

"I didn't kill her, I just controlled the force just enough to knock her unconscious, even if she broke a few bones, she wouldn't be able to escape. But you are the only one I want to deal with from beginning to end, so I won’t implicate anyone else."

As he said that, Xia Yuan reached out and grabbed Emiya Kiritsugu's collar and picked him up.

"If I say this, can you feel a little more at ease? Emiya Kiritsugu"

"Thanks……"He lowered his head and murmured

"Don't thank me, this is just a settlement. Of course I won't kill you, because for you, death can now be called salvation, and I won't be so kind to you."

"You must bear those sins and continue to live on. Now I am going to take something away from you. You have to grit your teeth and endure it."

The words fell.

Poof - a bloody petal bloomed in mid-air.

A ball of golden light was pulled out from his chest.