Shadow of the Beautiful World

Hell's Kitchen, St. Matthew's Church.

One Merlin is saying his last farewell to his family, and two Merlins are preparing their final weapons in the mysterious room.

But there was another Merlin sitting quietly in the last row of the old church.

That's the real Merlin.

He sat quietly in the last row of chairs just like he did when he came to this church countless times in the past.

He didn't come here to repent, but simply wanted to find peace of mind.

Or express your feelings about life and life experience, in order to make your heart more peaceful in the upcoming final battle.

But he couldn't find it.

He couldn't forget everything that happened today after closing his eyes.

In this day, Merlin's world has changed.

Just like those ordinary people who are afraid of change, Merlin once thought he was firm enough.

He was no longer afraid of the heavy pressure from life, but Merlin didn't realize it until fate made a big and malicious joke with him.

He also feels uneasy and uneasy about the future.

And New York today, and the city right now, is really not a good day to come to church.

Especially in the Hell's Kitchen neighborhood, the Cybertronians and the Hydra battle had already messed up the neighborhood, and most people hid in nearby shelters.

Some people went to Queens, where it was said that a group of mutants had established a security line of defense, and they also took in ordinary people.

In short, St. Matthew's Church is now quiet.

Only Merlin sat in the church alone...

Uh, no, it's two.

Another nun is kneeling before the icon and praying.

Is Sister Maggie so sincere?

Merlin asked softly:

Who is she praying for? For herself? For her dead husband? For her son?

Don't be so mean, Merlin.

A slightly old voice sounded behind Merlin. The old priest Paul in Hell's Kitchen walked into the church holding the Bible as usual.

When the whole city was in chaos, the priest remained calm as usual.

He acted as if nothing had happened, he came from the door and stood beside Merlin.

Looking at the praying nuns in front of the church, he said:

Maggie is a silent and inarticulate person, but maybe you should change your impression of her...

Yeah?

Merlin said softly:

She didn't attend her husband's funeral, her son lives a few blocks away, and I've never seen a gift arrive for Matt's birthday...

How can you make me think of her as a good person, Father.

A person who doesn't care about his loved ones, who hides behind his beliefs and evades responsibility...

Merlin raised his head, looked at the old priest, and asked:

What reason should I respect her? Just because she is sincere?

Shh! Merlin.

The old priest shook his head, he sat beside Merlin, he made a silent gesture, he said:

The Lord is watching, don't say such things in church...

But speaking of it, why are you here? Shouldn't you be with your family at this time?

Father Paul asked:

Did you take them to a safe place?

They'll be safe.

Merlin leaned back in his chair and said:

And I'm with them too... talk to me, Father, I'm in a bad mood right now.

I can tell.

The old priest chuckled, put the Bible aside, and said:

You are not usually a person who likes to criticize. Judging from your expression, you should have encountered a lot of trouble? What is it about? Work? Or the disaster that is happening in the city?

Both.

Merlin said in a low tone:

Father, as for me, I used to be very simple, always thinking that I was doing good things...

You are indeed doing good.

Father said:

As far as your help to the children in the orphanage is concerned, there is no better person than you in this neighborhood, and there are probably only a handful of people who are better than you in this city.

Listen to me, Father.

Merlin smiled and shook his head. He looked at the icon in the church in front of him and said:

But just a few hours ago, it dawned on me that I'm really just a marionette trying to get things done quickly, and someone's always behind the scenes... I hate that feeling.

Actually speaking, I realized this very early on.

Merlin took out a cigarette, but didn't light it.

He held the cigarette under his nose and sniffed it, and said:

I realized early on that those disasters...

Those on the news, or those that you don't know, but those that actually happened, those disasters, are more or less related to me...

Do you believe in God, Father.

Merlin's question made Father Paul's eyes twitch.

He seriously suspected that Merlin had drunk too much, and actually asked a man who had been a priest for decades in the church if he believed in God.

But looking at Merlin's earnest eyes, the priest realized that Merlin's question had something to do with it.

He thought for a moment, then said:

Of course, I believe in God,

But I won't push everything on my god. Faith is my own business, just like my life is my own.

I thank God for giving me life, but I also know that my life needs to be lived by myself, whether it is happiness or pain, I need to bear those by myself.

Well, very sensible.

Merlin nodded, he pointed to the sky, and he said:

My troubles come from the gods who live in the sky...

Don't look at me with such eyes, Father, come on, don't pretend, we have known each other for almost 20 years, I don't believe you can't feel my abnormality...

Merlin stretched out his fingers, and a dark red arc of flame burst out between him.

The surprised expression of Father Paul beside him changed, and a few seconds later, the priest coughed.

He calmed down and said to Merlin:

Okay, go on, what did those 'gods' do to you?

They, they're playing a game.

Merlin said in a calm tone:

Games always have chess pieces, and there are always bets. This world is their chessboard, and there is only one chess piece...

You see what I mean? Father, I'm not bragging.

A smile appeared on Merlin's face, and he said to the priest:

This disaster, these chaos, those pasts, they used challenges again and again to shape a destiny. They had a great time playing, but they didn't care about the feelings of the child of destiny.

And now, that fate has entered a fork.

Choices...choices bring results, but among all the choices, none of the results satisfy me, so I'm thinking...do I have to make my own choices.

Do I want to resist?

The priest frowned and listened to Merlin's words. To be honest, what Merlin said was a bit unbelievable to him.

The old priest thought for a few seconds, and he said to Merlin:

I can't answer you, because if this choice is really so important, I don't think I should affect you.

All right.

Merlin sighed and said:

Then be a listener.

I'm thinking now, in my previous life, every time I chose to accept a mission, did I ever choose to refuse? Did I have the right to refuse?

I have ever stopped to think, or asked myself, who, for what purpose, asked me to do this and that...

Merlin looked at his open hand, at the white fingers.

He can even smell the bloody smell from his fingers, thick, overwhelming...

He said to the priest:

Now that I think about it, I understand that everything I do for my boss, or my former 'friends', for the world, brings the world closer to turmoil...

That's not what I thought it was...peaceful, orderly, nice, that's not it.

It's just an illusion implanted in my brain by the shadow behind me...

It's an illusory thing. It has never appeared through my hands. The harder I try, the more I fall into it, like chasing the sun that will never be reached.

The old priest beside Merlin listened quietly.

He already understood that what Merlin needs to appear here is not to find answers.

He has made a choice.

All he needs is a listener.

Father Paul has a good feeling for Merlin. They have known each other for almost 20 years, and Merlin is his friend.

And no matter what Merlin wanted to do, the priest felt that he might not be able to help.

But at least he can listen to Merlin's inner troubles and entanglements here, so that Merlin can face everything that is about to happen with a calmer mind.

As a friend, that's all he can do.

Those villains in the city, those villains, and the masters behind them, they are just a group of insignificant... children.

Merlin frowned and came up with a suitable adjective, he said to the priest:

It's safe to say that they crave attention and try to use fear to dictate the direction of public opinion. They act like they don't care about anything, but they really care about what other people think or feel.

That's the meaning of their existence. Just like the seemingly powerful shadows, they only need a ray of light to make them disappear completely. They have never been a big problem.

But unfortunately, those... those gods don't care!

They don't care what anyone in the world thinks or feels.

And based on my current experience, even if these two things appear in their minds, they never last long. This kind of disrespect for life, to be honest, makes me very...

anger.

Merlin said softly:

After all, it's something I've been guarding for the past ten years. They just trampled on it, stepped into the mud, and got torn apart, just because they wanted me to do what they wanted.

Hey, maybe I should learn to be more ruthless, but not everyone is lucky enough to see their true nature...

He opened his hands and said to the priest beside him:

A world shaped just because I need to live, to be born, to grow...this world exists because of me, Father.

I was born with a heavy fate and death disaster that ordinary people can't imagine, and my whole life is also atonement for it.

I want to keep going and do more to lessen my guilt...continue to bully myself.

I may be a cowardly person. Only by living a lie can I get closer to my ideal.

Merlin closed his eyes, and concluded as if dreaming:

But those sins, too many...

Father Paul had been listening quietly, but when he heard Merlin's helpless conclusion at the end, he finally couldn't help it.

The old priest reached out and patted Merlin's arm, and he said to Merlin:

I can't imagine your experience, Merlin, and I can't bring myself into your field of vision to see all of this. After all, I'm just an ordinary person.

But in my faith, I feel that my God created everyone for a purpose, you understand?

He wants you and me to have your place in this world...

Merlin glanced at his father. He didn't want to argue at first, but after a few seconds, he still said:

Then why did your God throw demons into my heart?

Why now I can feel, in my soul, in my heart, there is a devil desperately trying to get out?

Is it howling and urging me to destroy everything brutally and simply, and then use my hands to rebuild the perfect world in my heart?

Merlin's tone became intense, and he asked back:

Those two voices have been entangled, do you understand?

One makes me embrace the forces that can help me, and eliminates everything with great power; the other makes me destroy those things that make me unhappy... Oh, yes, there is a third voice!

Merlin clenched his fists and said:

The third voice told me to quit!

Like a coward, at the cost of being wronged by yourself, to get everything back on track...

Why? Explain, Father, why are those voices there, why do I feel hesitant?

The priest was not angry.

Instead, he patiently explained to Merlin:

Maybe, those clumps of demons just want to awaken your human side, maybe it's the plan of those gods, this is the real struggle in your heart, so that you can recognize your true self!

You know what, Merlin.

There is only one thing that can make people truly recognize themselves, and that is the fear that the devil is about to catch up with them, the fear and consternation when facing disasters, and the entanglement and hesitation when making difficult choices.

Father said:

Maybe, they give you demons and pressure. They don't just want you to make choices, but they want you to understand more clearly the role you play in this world.

You want to be a ruler? A destroyer? An evader?

Father Paul stretched out his hand and nodded on Merlin's heart, he said:

Or follow your own will and be a... um, a rebel?

Or, the one who broke the shackles! The liberator who gave everyone freedom, freedom to himself, and freedom to the world?

Merlin's eyes twitched.

He looked at Father Paul, he pursed his lips, then shook his head, he said:

I don't think those guys would be so kind...but your explanation is interesting.

Well, I admit, I'm actually a little scared.

Merlin's expression became relaxed, and he said to the priest:

I'm worried that I'll just go and never come back...I'm even more worried that everyone will forget me so silently, as if it happened once.

After all, what I want to do is something that has never been done before.

Well...if it's just fear.

The priest blinked, and he said to Merlin:

I might be able to help, but do you have time? Listen to an old man tell a story of the past.

time?

Merlin sensed the progress of what was going on at home and in the mysterious house, and he said to the priest:

There's some left.

Speak, Father, I am listening.

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