Reborn As An Evolving Monster

399 The Wheels Of Fate Are Already In Motion

This place is amazing.

Even inside the Dungeon where there was no light on certain Floors, it wasn't as dark as it is here.

It almost feels like the trees, the ground... Everything sucks the Light before it can even be seen.

The Monsters here aren't used to seeing Light. Feels like they hate it.

I like this place.

After everything that happened, it felt perfect.

The Dungeon with the Undead Lich...

I'm convinced that the Mural depicted the Demon King and the battle that took place a thousand years ago, ending his reign.

The Triad, the Undead Lich that was inside that Dungeon, Gaavah, Dragons, Giants... I am getting so many clues.

Nothing conclusive, but it feels like I am starting to understand things.

Things I had no idea about.

It was also something I could focus on. I could focus on this, and forget about...

But you just had to go and die, huh? Just had to turn yourself into a goddamn Item.

If I could, I would have stayed there. In that room, in that Dungeon of yours.

But I couldn't.

My mind wouldn't let me. My thoughts wouldn't let me.

I have to move. Otherwise, I start remembering...

I need something! The next thing! The next clue! The next fight!

Something to focus on, so that I...

I need to keep moving so that the past doesn't catch up to me.

Funny, isn't it?

I think it was the same about my Past Life.

But I remembered my Past Life. Memories that I had begun to fear... I remember them now.

Those memories... Allowed me to forget about it. About Elisa. About what happened.

Remembering one thing allowed me to forget about the other.

It's cowardly. It's selfish.

But I don't mind forgetting about her for now. Because I want her to forget about me.

I'm scared.

I fear that I might have... Scarred her.

I'll leave. So forget about me. Keep going, and forget about me.

I don't want to become... A source of nightmares for you.

I don't want to think about it.

I don't want the past to catch up to me.

So then... Why are you here?

How did you get here?

Why... Did the Past catch up to me?

Because it's not truly the Past? But I left it all behind... Did I?

What does it mean to break away? To leave it in the Past?

I see... I didn't do it properly.

I remember something I heard in my Past Life.

They say you need to burn the memories to forget. Burn the things that remind you of the thing you're trying to forget.

Is that why flames are rising from my hand?

Should I burn it... To leave it all behind?

I don't want to forget about that Past though.

The memories hurt. They make my skin crawl and my heart ache.

But I don't hate that Past.

I don't want to forget about it. I want it to forget about me.

Why didn't you forget about me?

Why did you come into this dark and disgusting place?

Are you trying to bring me back to that side?

I won't. I can't.

That part is over. It was a clean break.

Why did you have to mess it up?

I can't... Bring myself to ask you that.

I need to keep moving.

I can't even look you in the eyes.

If I do... If I turn around... I'm not sure how I will act. How I will react.

Truthfully, those eyes have always made me feel uneasy.

I've always hated those eyes.

It's like they're screaming at me that I am not good enough. That I am a disappointment.

The same eyes... That my younger self looks at me with.

I could bear your eyes before.

But now, after what happened, I just... Can't.

It took me a while, but I get it now.

You're not really judging me or anything. Your eyes are simply too pure. You are. And I am not. That's all there is to it. You don't judge me with those eyes. I judge you, and then me.

I'm already having a hard time. If I have to look into your eyes in addition to that...

The instant that I left you, I was pulled back.

Ancient Commanders, an Ancient General, the Undead Dark Triad, the First Demon King...

I was pulled back into that World. The World that Gaavah wanted me to be a part of.

This is the World that I'm supposed to be in, not yours.

I don't deserve to be in yours.

There was a time when all I could do was watch others play and compete from my window, while I was stuck in that room.

It was fun, but I started hating them at some point. Because all they did was play. I could tell that they never trained or tried to get better.

They simply remained the same.

Years before that, when I was much younger than them, I was training and trying to get better. The World punished me for trying to be better. But it's different for you all.

Why aren't you trying to be better?

That's why... I won't waste this potential.

I don't deserve to be in your World. And I won't let myself be in your World.

You deserve to live peacefully.

It's different for me.

If trouble doesn't find me, I will go find it.

I refuse to put you through that. One, because you deserve better. Two, because I wouldn't be able to fight and protect you.

If you had been by my side against the Undead Lich...

It was perfect.

Why did you have to mess it up?

Why did you have to come find me?

Why? WHY?

Are you saying that I can make it right?

Is that how much you like me?

If you had followed me this way in the Past, I probably would have been moved.

But not now.

Right now... You're just a bother.

I can't be forgiven. I don't want to be forgiven.

Because I can't forgive myself.

If she hadn't taken this eye of mine, if she hadn't stopped me then...

The Demon Lord Of Lust is to blame.

But I am also to blame. For letting myself be influenced. For not being stronger.

These Shards of the Deadly Sins surely allowed the Deadly Sin of Lust's Influence to be stronger. But those also make my strength. Sacrifice, huh?

You came alone.

Did you expect me to go back with you? Go back to her?

Go back into the Demon Lord of Lust's Territory?

I can't do that.

The Ancient General that the Undead Lich summoned...

We're lucky that we survived.

The Demon Lord Of Sloth sent to Commanders.

I wouldn't have survived had the two of you not been there.

But what if a Demon Lord decides to send a General my way?

I wouldn't be able to defeat something like that... Not yet.

Having you by my side wouldn't help. The difference in strength is too large. What if I try to run away and the General goes after you? Then I will find myself running after you and the General.

It won't work.

Even if... I were to bypass the rest, it just wouldn't work.

If I'm dying anyway, then I might as well die alone.

I won't drag either of you with me.

The two of you have somewhere you're supposed to go to anyway.

Even if I could let myself, I wouldn't.

I've already run away.

Don't you see?

Even now, the instant that I saw your snow-white pelt, I turned away.

Before I could even see your clear eyes, I was already running.

Had I kept being my younger self, my younger self that wasn't punished, that didn't hate the world, that didn't hate himself... Then maybe.

But not now.

I can't choose you.

I don't choose you.

The reasons don't even matter. My body started moving before I even thought of those reasons.

I started running right away.

How long did I stand under that dark sky debating which direction to take?

Had I started moving right away, you wouldn't have found me.

Had I taken more or less time against the Undead Lich or inside that room, you wouldn't have found me.

I kept thinking about which direction to take, but I was unable to choose.

The Past(You) caught up to me.

But I am already running. I guess that is just what I do.

How did you find this place?

How did I find this place? After that long dream about my past life... Was it a Dream or a series of Visions? Both, I suppose.

You found me.

Now, I'm running.

Thanks to you, I am moving.

Thanks to you, I didn't have to choose a direction. You chose for me.

You did enough.

Now, go back. Go back to her.

***

The inaudible echoes of Darkness once said,

"Keep going.

Keep moving forward.

You'll have all the answers. You will find everything as long as you look for it. Keep going. The plan is already in motion. Everything will happen as it should.

Do not think too much. Do not try to understand. Do not worry. Everything will happen as it should. In due time, everything will become clear.

The World has already decided.

You had a choice. But you couldn't choose.

And so, the World chose for you.

You refused to choose.

And you let yourself be moved.

Like a leaf blown by the wind, you relinquished control.

Like the leaf that you are, follow the wind.

The World will guide you.

I will guide you.

Follow the darkness in your heart.

The essence of who you are.