I Have Crossed Over, but You Are The Second Week?

"Ram--"

Subaru wanted to interrupt Ram, but his voice was once again ignored by Ram, she just stood there and said what she wanted to say.

"However, I realized... there is no way to erase what has been done, and there is no way to escape everything in the 'past'."

"It's just, a despicable woman who wants to be self-satisfied. It's impossible to like someone, or be liked by someone!"

Chapter 227 Bear Our Sins Together

What is the relationship between Ram and Subaru Natsuki?

After hearing Emilia speak about his own future named 'King of Purging', Subaru once thought about it once, and at that time he thought that it was just a simple, enemy relationship.

Although I don't know why he should be the cruel "King of Purging", he just imprisoned Ram who wanted to kill him instead of completely solving it, but Subaru didn't think too much at the time, and even exaggerated. Ram is a love-hate guess for him.

And now, Subaru once again thought about his relationship with Ram, what kind of relationship should the two of them have in the 'future'?

Enemy?Maybe it was an enemy, Ram thought he was the murderer who killed his sister, and wanted to kill him for revenge.And he became a cruel existence named 'Purge King' during Ram's pursuit.

But is it really an enemy?no...

Natsuki Subaru, who became the "Purge King", didn't do anything to Ram, he just imprisoned her. If it was really an enemy, shouldn't he kill Ram in the first place?

So...the relationship between the two is not actually an enemy, is it?

However, if it is not an enemy, then what kind of relationship is there between them?

Ram hated Natsuki Subaru and wanted to kill Natsuki Subaru, and also killed Natsuki Subaru.However, after being reborn, the hatred of the past disappeared like smoke, getting close to him, caring for him, liking him, everything seemed to be the lover of a girl named Ram.

With such contradictory feelings, Subaru had no way to go deep, no way to probe into the deepest root.

However, there is one thing Subaru knows, that is, Ram is fearful, regretful, and tortures himself non-stop.Subaru couldn't ignore her appearance as if she was stuck in a deep abyss and wanted to leave but couldn't.

She couldn't leave, she wanted to leave, she couldn't leave... Ram liked him, but at the same time, she was afraid of his liking.

"I'm...just a mean woman."

"certainly not--!"

Subaru rushed forward recklessly, no longer trying to estimate Ram's evasion, no longer paying attention to Ram's resistance, he forcefully pushed Ram into his arms, only the arms around Ram seemed to want to Exhausting all his strength, let Ram and himself become one.

"Rahm, it's not that kind of woman."

"Barus...wouldn't understand..."

"I know!"

Subaru interrupted Ram, feeling the warmth of Ram in his arms, feeling the touch that belonged to Ram, Subaru said loudly: "Of course I will understand!"

"Lam's gentleness, Ram's kindness, and Ram's strength, I understand everything!"

"I knew it... I knew it from the beginning."

Subaru hugged Ram, and as if exhausting all his strength, he spoke to Ram from the bottom of his heart.

"I've known it from the very beginning, the future named 'King of Purging'..."

"Barus, you know?"

Ram, who was hugged by Subaru, raised her head slightly, showing a slightly dumb expression for the first time.After Subaru came back here and came to her, she actually knew, Subaru must have learned from Emilia, the future called "Suppressing King", what she did to him The future of the irreparable thing.

In fact, Ram has been terrified and avoiding those things.

After rebirth, whether she actively wants to change the future, get close to Subaru, or establish a romantic relationship with Subaru, all of them are her behaviors that she wants to avoid, forget, and hide. It's like self-protection. .

The closer she gets to Subaru, the more she enjoys contact with Subaru like lovers, and the more she shows her liking for Subaru, the more she will be able to distance herself from everything in the 'past'.Deep down, she might think so.

Therefore, her love for Subaru is actually not pure, her love and closeness to Subaru are actually only for the satisfaction of herself, to make herself feel at ease.

And Emilia's words told her that no matter what she did, that 'past' could not be escaped, and no matter how hard she tried, that 'past' was a fault she could not ignore.All she does is in vain, all she does is complacency.

What liking Subaru, what making up for Subaru, what loving Subaru, what she could do for Subaru, all of them... were just her selfish actions to satisfy herself and make herself feel at ease.

In the final analysis, it was just a despicable woman who wanted to escape the mistakes she made, and made what seemed like compensation.

Is such a love full of impurities really love?Can such distorted feelings really be accepted?

Ram knew it, he should have known it from the beginning, it was... a feeling that could not be accepted.

but……

"I know!"

Subaru told Ram that he knew it from the beginning.

"I eavesdropped on the conversation between Emilia and Parker, and I knew it from the very beginning, the future called 'Purge King'."

"Whether it's about Rem, about Ram, about Emilia, or about me, I knew everything from the beginning!"

"I don't care about that kind of thing at all. Whether it's the past or the future, if you take the things that have passed, let them go. If you take the things that haven't happened in the future, you can change them."

"I like you and want to be with you, isn't that enough?"

"Different……"

Ram shook his head.

"It's different..."

"That kind of thing, how could it be said to be in the past..."

Ram broke free from Subaru's embrace, tremblingly raised his hands, trying to touch Subaru, but retracted like an electric shock.Just touching Subaru, she seemed to return to that day again, the touch that took Subaru's life in her hand, which made her feel scared and flinched.

"These hands... that is, I use these hands..."

Looking at Subaru's neck, Ram felt that it was so beautiful there, there was not a single trace of superfluous damage to the seamless neck, and there were no strangle marks caused by her being pressed in the snow in her countless dreams.

"During this time, every night...every night I would have the same dream."

"Barus is lying on the cold ground, and I... use these hands, without hesitation, to hold you..."

"That was just a dream."

Subaru objected.

"That's not a dream at all!"

Ram cried out in pain.

"That's not a dream at all..."

"How could it be like what you said, I tried...I really tried..."

"I want to forget, to escape, to be with you, Barus, to start a new life... But, I can't escape at all."

"These hands, the hands that have done something irreversible to you, and I... have no choice but to stay by your side."

"...That's not the case."

Subaru stepped forward and grabbed Ram's wrist, and said with a firm expression while placing Ram's hands around his neck to fix them.

"It's not like this, it's like now, Ram, would you do that?"

"No, this is enough!"

Regardless of Ram's resistance, Subaru dragged Ram into his arms together, and said in a strong tone, "I will never let you go."

"And, if you can't escape, then just don't escape!"

"Don't... escape?"

"Ah, that's right, as long as you don't run away, it's fine, right?"

"Rahm, the fact that you killed Natsuki Subaru will not be forgotten, nor will it be erased. It will always be remembered in your heart, and at the same time, it will always be remembered in my heart."

"However, as long as this is the case, you are Ram, and I am Subaru Natsuki. Let's bear this kind of thing together, bear the fact that I was killed, and continue to move forward with this fact. Just go down!"

Ram looked at Subaru blankly, she couldn't imagine what kind of consciousness Subaru had to say such things, she didn't dare to think about them at all.

"But, it's too painful..."

"No, that's definitely not a painful thing!"

Subaru refuted Ram, his tone was firm, and his expression suggested, as if he was speaking the truth.

"I am Subaru Natsuki. Even Subaru Natsuki who is called 'King of Purging' is just Subaru Natsuki, so I understand him, and at the same time, I understand you too."

Maybe it was a fantasy, or a hallucination, Subaru seemed to have crossed time and space, and saw the "Purge King" who once sat on the throne of the Pantheon.

At that moment, he seemed to see the 'future', and seemed to be thinking about the 'past'.

He seemed to see the innocent people killed by him, as if he saw the living people who hated him and terrified him, Emilia who was 'imprisoned' in the room, seemed to see the people who were placed in the room Ram in the dark room seemed to have seen everything over there, and also seemed to have experienced the final death.

He is Natsuki Subaru, and the 'Suppressing King' is Natsuki Subaru, even though he hasn't experienced what the 'Supporting King' has experienced, even if he can't feel the pain that the 'Suppressing King' has experienced.

But he believed that in that body, in the deepest part of his heart, the essence belonging to Subaru Natsuki must have never changed.

"For everything that Ram has done, I believe that the 'future' me must meet death with satisfaction and gratitude!"

"Barros..."

Listening to Subaru's words, Ram's stiff body seemed to become difficult to move, and she leaned weakly in Subaru's arms, as if she had returned to that day, the last day in the 'Pandemonium' over and over again.

"Finally... have the idea of ​​seeking death... Balus."

Those were the last words she said to him, and all she was greeted with was silence.However, she knew at that time, she knew the thoughts of Subaru who had already become the "King of Purging", she knew that the so-called death was actually a satisfying relief for him.

She knew it, and killing him with her own hands was what he had longed for...Salvation.

"I believe, Ram, you must have saved me..."

Holding Ram tightly in his arms, Subaru said softly.

"Natsuki Subaru will always be Natsuki Subaru, no matter how it changes, I believe the essence of his heart is the same, and I... can understand it."

"That me must have fallen into the abyss long ago. It's an abyss of darkness, loneliness, and despair."

"And I believe that for me, you, Ram, must be the only light among them, and you must be the most important person to me."

Is this really the case?Perhaps, it was like what Subaru said?

For Ram, at first she just couldn't accept the death of her sister, so she vented all her pain and hatred on Subaru.

She knew it, she knew it from the beginning.

She was just making trouble for no reason, she was just venting her pain on Subaru, she was just doing despicable things.