After a simple rebirth

Fu Ying held a book in her hand, but couldn't concentrate on reading.

Over the years, Fu Ying has gone from being inferior to being confident, to being mildly depressed and finally facing herself. Whenever she encounters something she cannot get over, she has thought about ending it all.

In 07, that little girl in the second grade of junior high school lived in a rental house in Guangdong Province. In that home, the living room was filled with laughter from visiting relatives, and the kitchen was filled with Fu Ying cutting herself with a knife.

I tried twice, but the knife wasn't sharp enough and I didn't have the courage to use force, so I didn't cut it. I cut it at that impulsive moment, but I found that I didn't really want to end it. There was no need to use my own injuries to make others regret, so I gave up.

The reason for her impulse at that time was not a big deal. She was just woken up because she wanted to sleep in on the weekend. She had worked hard to clean the house, but Fu's mother asked her to go to the kitchen to wash vegetables and prepare lunch. She wanted to be lazy and take a rest, but Fu's mother scolded her for being lazy.

She felt that she had done a lot. Why was she the only one who had to do so much? She felt that she also had to save face. She went to the kitchen in a sullen mood. After more than ten minutes, she learned to let it go a little bit.

Since she was a child, she envied those who could lose their temper at will and dare to make trouble at any time; she envied those peers who could not go downstairs to eat when they were angry and would not be scolded; she envied those whose families gave them pocket money on their own initiative, and who were cared for and held in the palm of their hands.

She knows that she doesn’t have the confidence to do many things, which can also be understood as a lack of love. Even in a relationship, she doesn’t dare to make too many demands, doesn’t dare to get angry or lose her temper at will, and she will return gifts given by others, not wanting to owe anyone anything.

During the years she was in love with Zhang Zun, she was polite in the first year and tried not to bother him. In the second year, they were intimate but still did not dare to lose her temper. In the third year, they were an old married couple and she just sulked.

She learned to keep it to herself and digest it on her own, and gradually developed a cold and violent personality.

To a certain extent, Fu Ying firmly believes that she has only herself and can only rely on herself.

Whether he is a loner or has a bad temper, the changes in Lao Huangniu's character are all the result of his awakening from constant disappointment and disappointment.

Accepting oneself is also learned from messy experiences. Perhaps obedient and hardworking people seem to encounter more injustice.

But fortunately, I have enlightened myself, learned to analyze right and wrong, accepted the good and bad of my original family, lived my own life, and am not so fragile inside anymore.

It is because of the weakness, saintliness, suffering and stubbornness in the previous life that Fu Ying has become the tenacious, self-disciplined and determined person she is today.

She faces herself and her past squarely, and never deliberately forgets her experiences. Her good memory also allows her to often recall some things from the past when she sees something.

Just like she will never forget Zhang Zun, she will not deliberately cut off the relationship and start a new life, nor will she rashly rekindle the old relationship. The two people have different experiences, and their ultimate desires may not be the same. Trying to help him return to school is the only idea. Years of getting along is friendship and conscience.

Just like when she was getting along with Fu's mother, she would not deliberately soften her attitude, nor would she force Fu's mother to listen to her. Fu Ying spent many years learning to understand the difficulties of her parents, accept their imperfections, and get along with them naturally. Similarly, because Fu Ying already understood Fu's mother's personality, she would avoid her mother and prevent her from interfering with her decisions.

Just like Fu Zhe's study, she didn't want Fu Zhe to drop out of school early, didn't want him to regret not achieving anything, and wanted him to become steady and studious. But high-pressure control was Fu Ying's past, and it won't be Fu Zhe's future. Beating and scolding that goes against his nature is not suitable for him at this age, so he should use methods and let nature take its course.

But for some people, it seems like their destiny is predetermined, or it seems like the consequences of their own actions. Fu Ying can only watch coldly.

Fu Ying cherishes the opportunity of rebirth and will be content. Rebirth does not mean that she must immediately take advantage of the situation, ask Fu's parents to give up their jobs to start a business, and then force them to buy a house, invest, and make a fortune.

Impossible. Fu's family would only suspect that she was crazy from studying and wanted to take her to see a doctor.

Fu Ying would also feel that she had gone crazy. Didn't she know how much money and ability her family had? She was trying to take shortcuts and make a sudden breakthrough, but she also wanted the Fu family to be able to defend itself.

The caution and conservatism that comes from being a rural person are not necessarily wrong. What Fu Ying wants is how to subtly influence her family and make things better little by little.

After such a long time of rebirth, Fu Ying's mood is relatively stable. Except today when Fu's mother was confused and she thought about the other party always taking advantage of her, she got angry and quarreled with Fu's mother.

Back to herself, she has to work hard, anyway the result will not be worse than the previous life.