After His Majesty was reborn, the poor little girl in his previous life was spoiled to death
Chapter 177 Heartbreaking
Xiang Ming waited outside the room for two cups of tea before the door opened. Ning Er still had a hint of anger on her face, but when she saw her, her expression softened and she whispered, "Sister Xiang Ming, let's go."
Xiang Ming was startled for a moment before she reacted and couldn't help but asked happily, "Miss, are you willing?"
Ning'er's strength had not yet fully recovered. Most of her body was leaning on Chuncao. She whispered, "What's the point of talking about willingness? The Marquis wants to see me, can I still hide?"
Xiang Ming laughed and said, "Miss, you are joking. The Marquis is thinking about you and must come to you when it is convenient for you."
Ning Er smiled and said, "It's convenient now."
Xiang Ming carefully led her to the Marquis' courtyard and said softly, "The imperial physician said that the Marquis has recovered well today. You will know it when you see him."
Ning'er thought about it and asked casually, "When Master Ying and Miss Yao went to visit the Marquis, was he awake?"
Xiang Ming looked at her expression and shook her head: "When my brother and sister went there, the Marquis had just taken medicine and fell asleep, so we didn't dare to disturb him."
Ning'er listened and remained silent.
Seeing this, Xiang Ming dared not say anything more. She led her all the way into the inner room where the Marquis was recuperating. She did not even report to him. As if she was sure that Shen Chongyan was not asleep, she only knocked lightly on the rosewood moon door of the inner room: "Marquis, Miss Ning is here."
After a moment, a low voice came from inside: "Come in and sit down."
Xiang Ming winked at Chuncao and said to Ning'er, "The Marquis likes quietness during his illness, so we will wait outside and not go in and make noise. If you have any instructions, just call me."
Ning'er said "hmm" softly and walked in slowly.
Shen Chongyan's room was very well tidy. Although he was recuperating, the room was quiet and bright without any trace of illness. One could even smell a faint fragrance of plants and trees.
A foot away from his bed, there was an exquisitely embroidered cushion with lotus and crane patterns, as if it had been prepared there a long time ago, quietly waiting for someone to come.
Ning'er stood in front of the couch, neither greeting nor speaking in a hurry, just looking at Shen Chongyan quietly.
His already deep eyebrows were now sunken even deeper, his eyelashes drooped tiredly, and his skin was as pale and bloodless as jade. When he lay there without speaking, he looked like a lifeless jade sculpture.
Ning'er secretly compared the Shen Chongyan in front of her with the powerful and cold Xin Yuanhou in her nightmare, and couldn't help but frowning in distress.
Before she could figure out how to start, she heard the Marquis greet her softly: "Ning'er, why don't you sit down?"
Ning Er tilted her head and answered honestly, "I want to take a good look at you. If I sit down, I won't be able to see you clearly."
Shen Chongyan laughed softly: "What's so good about me?"
Ning Er said, "It's not because you look good." Her eyes were serious and persistent, falling directly on the pale and thin face of Xinyuan Hou, and she sighed, "You have suffered."
The Marquis spoke slowly, but his words were very clear: "Suffering is when you don't deserve it. I brought this upon myself, and I deserve it."
He looked up at Ning'er, his tone indescribably gentle: "It's you who is suffering, not me."
"What crime have you committed to deserve such a severe punishment?" Puzzlement appeared in her eyes. "The old lady said that you were loyal to the country and were stabbed by a traitor, so the emperor graciously sent the imperial physician to treat you."
Those crystal clear eyes looked at him like that, making it impossible for him to tell a lie.
Although he knew Ning'er might not understand, he still tried his best to explain to her: "I made a big mistake, so His Majesty wanted to punish me. But he might think that my crime is not worthy of death, so he showed some mercy and spared my life."
"Your Majesty?" Ning'er slowly sat down on the embroidered cushion. In her mind, His Majesty was just a vague and ethereal figure in the Golden Palace. Apart from the imperial meal, there were the endless compliments from Liu Ying and Lin Ruozhan.
This was the first time she heard the word "Your Majesty" from the Marquis.
But this seemed inconsistent with her previous impression. Ning Er asked hesitantly, "Were the people who assassinated you His Majesty's men?"
Shen Chongyan laughed and said, "How could that be? Why would Your Majesty resort to such a wicked trick? It's just that Daonan's trip is dangerous. He originally had someone in mind, and he sent me there temporarily. I think he also expected that I would suffer a lot there."
Ning Er listened and thought, "It seems that His Majesty is a bit stingy."
Shen Chongyan smiled slightly: "That's not the case. Your Majesty is actually a very generous and benevolent monarch."
Ning'er opened her eyes slightly and said, "When you came back to the Marquis' Mansion, you were barely alive and could hardly be saved... Is His Majesty's treatment of you like this still considered a benevolent monarch?"
Shen Chongyan said, "It was probably my fault that I ended up in such a situation. Although your majesty is the ruler, he is not a god who can foresee everything. I'm afraid he didn't expect that I would be so useless."
Ning Er couldn't help but raise her voice slightly: "My Lord, please don't talk about yourself like that."
Shen Chongyan looked at the girl in front of him. Her heart was as soft as the first snow on the branches of winter plum trees. He smiled bitterly and said, "Ning'er, do you think I'm wrong?"
"As a minister, I have great faith in the emperor's grace, but I cannot share the emperor's worries. As a son, I feel guilty towards my late father, for not serving him, and for often causing my mother to worry."
"As a husband," he shook his head slightly, "I'm not afraid of Ning'er laughing at me. Although I can fulfill my duties as a husband to Luo, if I ask myself, I have not been able to do my best, so I can't really be called a good husband."
"As a father..." Shen Chongyan closed his eyes and let out a long breath from his chest: "I have failed miserably."
Perhaps because he was sick, he looked so sad and heartbroken.
Ning Er couldn't bear it after all. She hesitated and said, "My Lord, the young master and the young lady came to see you this morning." She comforted him awkwardly, "Miss Yao cried very sadly after she came back. No matter what, you are the best father to them."
Who would have thought that after hearing this, Shen Chongyan's eyes revealed deep pain. He couldn't help but ask back: "Ning'er, while in the mansion, hasn't she heard the rumor that Marquis Xinyuan is not kind to his children?"
Ning'er choked. When she first entered the mansion, Chuncao had found out from somewhere and told her. She could only explain dryly: "But I know that those are just rumors..."
Shen Chongyan looked at her with burning eyes: "But what if I tell you that those are not rumors?"
He closed his eyes in pain, so as not to let Ning'er see his embarrassment. For the first time, he confessed his feelings to the person he owed the most in his two lives:
"Perhaps I am not born to be a father... As much as I want to care for Ying'er and Yao'er, every time I see them, I subconsciously feel alienated and distant."
"I know very well that the rumors in the mansion have never stopped. They all say that I alienated the children because of their mistakes when they were young. I have always known this, but I have always let the rumors go, until even my mother believed it to be true..."
Revealing the worst thoughts in his heart, his body trembled slightly: "But in fact, only I know. Even if it weren't for that incident, I would have found other reasons to hate those two children sooner or later. At that time, I hated Ruyao for being so cruel and ruthless at such a young age, killing innocent lives. But after being sad and angry, the deepest thought in my heart was actually relief!"
"I think that from now on, I only need to fulfill my duties as a father. I will take care of their daily life, food, clothing, future and life. But I don't need to force myself to be close to them anymore..."
"Even to my mother, because of the rumors, I didn't even have to explain myself, she would naturally find a good excuse to excuse me."
He opened his eyes and looked at Ning'er with difficulty, using up his last bit of courage: "But mother doesn't know that the son she and father have loved all their lives is actually a ruthless and cold-blooded beast... He is not worthy of being a father, and is not worthy of being a human being!"
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