Emotionally stable, but continuing to go crazy

The two of them tacitly chose not to mention this series of complicated things, as if as long as they didn't mention it, the entanglements and doubts would disappear.

The relationship between them seemed to have returned to its former ease and harmony. Wei Zhe'an still amused Li Jinhe with his humorous words, and Li Jinhe occasionally responded to his jokes, teasing Wei Zhe'an in a relaxed tone.

They went to eat Cantonese food together, and then Li Jinhe drove Wei Zhe'an back to the base as usual.

But this time, Li Jinhe did not personally send Wei Zhe'an to the dormitory door as usual. He just accompanied him to the elevator and watched him go in.

The two stood inside and outside the elevator, one sitting and the other standing, saying goodbye to each other. They reminded each other to go to bed early, drive safely, and said good night to each other in the night.

The moment the elevator door slowly closed, both of them knew in their hearts that something had changed quietly, and the relationship between them was no longer the same as before.

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Li Jinhe drove back to his residence - a large flat decorated as exquisitely as a prefabricated house.

He casually threw the car keys on the table in the entrance hall, looking a little absent-minded. Then, he walked to the wine cabinet, poured a glass of wine, and sat on a chair on the balcony, quietly overlooking the night view of the city.

The city's neon lights flickered in the night, shining on his tired face.

He sighed, took out his phone and looked through the address book. His finger finally stopped at the name "Xie Yuanjun", he looked at the time, and then dialed the number without hesitation.

A familiar voice came from the other end of the phone, and they talked briefly for a while and agreed on a time to meet. After hanging up the phone, Li Jinhe sat quietly on the balcony, gently placed the wine glass on the small table, and then leaned back dejectedly, staring at the amber whiskey in the glass with unfocused eyes, as if looking for some answer or comfort.

Ever since the cat left, he seemed to have fallen into a deep loneliness.

For a long time, he felt repulsive to any form of intimate contact. He kept telling himself to stop, but deep down he instinctively resisted all closeness, whether psychologically or physically.

Although he had enough food and clothing in his childhood, he was extremely lacking in emotion. This lack of emotion was like an irreparable void, making him feel confused and uneasy when facing intimate relationships.

He longs to be understood and accepted, but at the same time he is afraid of being hurt and betrayed. This contradictory psychology makes him appear both alienated and eager in interpersonal communication, like a trapped beast struggling in an emotional cage.

His memory of home was limited to that magnificent yet empty and deserted villa.

It was rare to see my father, and every time he came back, he was always accompanied by the pungent smell of wine or unfamiliar women. He never stayed overnight at home, and even if he came back, he would just rush to get some information. I treated him like a small pet at home, teasing him briefly and then ignoring him.

Although his mother was often at home, her mood fluctuated greatly, sometimes she burst into tears, sometimes she smashed things violently. His attitude towards her was either indifference or scolding.

As a young boy, he was puzzled and thought that his parents’ alienation was caused by his own shortcomings, so he sought answers from other children of the same age and tried to repair the family that was on the verge of breaking up.

The children told him that as long as he did well in his studies and got first place, his parents would be pleased and happy. So he devoted all his energy to studying, constantly striving to be first in his grade, and even skipped grades and participated in various competitions to win honors. However, no matter how hard he tried, his mother's expression never changed.

Later, he was taken to live with his grandfather, who was more demanding of him. At first, he was still receiving education in school, but as he kept skipping grades, he had no friends of the same age around him, and his life became tense and monotonous.

Until his grandfather thought that he had mastered the basic knowledge of school, he hired a tutor to teach him at home. At that time, he was only thirteen or fourteen years old.

He also asked his grandfather how to win his parents' favor. His grandfather initially told him that excellent grades could win his parents' favor.

However, when people around him were praising his excellence, he asked this question to his grandfather again, but his grandfather told him lightly that he didn't need to care about other people's preferences, and his own strength was the most important thing.

As he grew older, he stopped asking this question. He understood that he was not loved in this family. He comforted himself that this was normal, his mother's mental state was unstable, his father was busy with work, and maybe they were born to be more unfeeling.

He just came a little late, and their love was just not enough for him. In this logical self-consistency, he numbly followed his grandfather's arrangements and accepted the family's expectations in a law-abiding manner.

Until he came of age, when his mother remarried and gave birth to his half-brother.

He still clearly remembers standing in the corridor, looking through the windows and doors, he saw his mother lying on the hospital bed, holding his younger brother tightly in her arms, his mother gently teasing and kissing his half brother, her face filled with a smile she had never had before. His stepfather and stepsister surrounded her bed, they talked and laughed happily, the family of four was having a great time.

That scene hurt his heart deeply, and he finally realized that it’s not that a mother can’t laugh, hug, or kiss her children.

It turned out that her indifference and neglect towards him over the years was simply because she didn't love and didn't want to love him.

Looking back on the past decade or so, he felt that his life was like an absurd farce.

No matter how hard he tried to please, no matter how outstanding he became, no matter how much praise he received, no matter how many people had high hopes for him, he could not change his mother's indifference towards him.

It turns out that it wasn't that he wasn't good enough, it was that she didn't care. No, it wasn't just her, it was that no one cared.

Praise for his maturity and stability since childhood, he completed his studies at the age of 18 and was able to take charge of a department of the family business.

However, it was not until the third month after he became an adult that he suddenly realized that he had been living in a self-deceiving fantasy for more than a decade, thinking that he could win his family's love as long as he worked hard enough.

He finally understood that all the cold treatment and neglect he had received over the years was simply because this family had never truly accepted him.

From the moment he was born, he was destined not to be loved. He became a symbol of his father's inability to break free from the constraints of the family, a clear proof of the painful separation between his mother and her lover, and the embodiment of this fragmented and distorted family relationship.

Even though the grandfather seemed responsible, he actually just wanted a qualified heir with the surname Li, and it didn't matter whether it was Li Jinhe or anyone else.

In this family, his existence only serves to intensify contradictions and conflicts. How can he be loved?

From that day on, he began frequent psychological counseling, trying to get rid of the shadow of the past. He actively sought independence and wanted to get rid of the family that regarded him as a tool.