After rebirth, she first killed the book thief, and she was busy writing articles to save people

This million-word novel, which took more than nine months to write, is officially completed.

This is the first time in all the years I’ve been writing novels that I’ve written more than a million words, so I thought I had to write something at the end.

Even if it's not for others, it's for yourself.

for myself.

This has been my original intention for writing from the beginning to the end. Writing may presuppose readers, but I can say without hesitation that, except for commercial manuscripts, every time I write, no matter the subject matter, even when I was writing essays when I was studying, it is because of my desire to express myself.

However, when a novel is actually written and has readers, especially when it is linked to data and money, I can no longer write it purely for myself.

This is actually a very normal thing.

But the scary thing is that when we have expectations for something, once these expectations are not met, we will fall into depression, either doubting ourselves or blaming others.

I am a bit of both.

Sometimes I would think that if no one reads and the data is not good, it must be my problem, because I didn’t write well enough.

In fact, when I saw some comments, I felt that some readers were very pertinent. For example, my beginning rhythm was not good, the overall story was bland, or there were too many foreshadowings, especially the proportion of the controversial male characters in the early stage of the book.

When I was writing this book, I was unable to revise it, mainly because I didn't know where to start and I didn't have the time.

For me, who is writing this book, after not having written a long novel for many years, the most important thing is to keep going, put aside data and income, and persist in writing one million words to the end.

Now, this goal has been achieved.

So in the later stage of writing this book, when I started preparing for the new book, I spent a lot of time on the beginning and the overall outline, trying to solve the problem of the beginning being not attractive enough, and the problem of easily deviating from the topic while writing and adjusting it, like the first book.

But every time I see books by other authors that I like, I still feel a chill in my heart: I am simply not on the same level as them.

But even so, I never thought of giving up.

Because I gave up before, but I still like it and still want to write, so I came back here.

I still remember that a reader once commented that he envied the protagonist in a rebirth novel because he could use rebirth to change his past wrong decisions. But I think that although life cannot be reborn like in novels, we can still correct past mistakes as long as we really want to and as long as we really do it.

Like I said before, I write for myself.

Many friends around me know that I have been writing for many years. Although I have put it on hold for some time due to my studies and career, I have never stopped writing. I can continue writing even if I have not achieved any results. They think my persistence is amazing.

But in my opinion, it’s not persistence at all, it’s just liking.

Many things in the world have logic to follow, and you can investigate why you do something or not, but liking and loving something is the only thing that has no logic.

I just like it and I just want to do it, so I will try every possible means to accomplish it, otherwise I feel like I am just a walking corpse living.

But these are also "nice words" to a certain extent.

Because when I really see that the data and income are terrible, I will blame the "readers" who may not even exist, and wonder why no one understands me.

In fact, this emotion is not a blame or accusation against someone. It may be more like a grievance. It not only appears in the matter of writing novels, but also appears at any time when we feel that we are not understood and our efforts are not recognized.

This feeling troubled me for a long time.

Because I don’t think I should have such emotions, because no one has ever forced me to do this, to choose such a "niche" track, and to write such things.

On the contrary, many people gave me a lot of advice, teaching me how to follow hot topics and then write novels that can attract more traffic and revenue.

I rejected those and chose this path.

But I chose this path, but when I encountered setbacks, I complained and broke down internally. I cannot agree with myself being like this.

Until recently, I watched the TV series "When Mountain Flowers Bloom" which was adapted from the deeds of Principal Zhang Guimei.

When I saw her doing something that had nothing to do with her and was for the benefit of others, but because she thought it was right and she wanted to do it and help others, she was so brave, not afraid of any difficulties, smart, and always optimistic after despair, I suddenly felt that the pain that had been bothering me for a long time disappeared.

Because my pain comes from the disappearance of my subjectivity, I am led by external things, so I blame myself and others.

And now, the feelings still exist, but I no longer regard those feelings as pain, because it was me who chose to write novels, chose the online writing platform, and chose to only write stories about women.

I chose all of this.

So I have the ability to face it all.

What I need to think about is not why I chose this difficult path, or why there are so few people traveling the same way on this path.

Instead, try every possible way to continue on this path.

If the story is not touching enough, then I will write more, read more, and learn more. If I am not satisfied with this book, I will write another one.

There is no need to complain about poor income. I have hands and feet, and there are many ways to make a living. I pursue my own ideals, and I should not force others to pay for my ideals.

I often think, if people who are worse off than me can try their best to pursue a better life, then why can't I do better?

Under a clip about "When Mountain Flowers Bloom", someone commented that even if these girls from the mountains walk out of the mountains, they will find that the outside world is not that simple. After working hard to get into college, they may not be able to find a good job, and life will still be very hard.

This is actually quite realistic, but someone responded to it, saying that it is better than getting married and having children at the age of fourteen in the mountains for a dowry of thirty thousand yuan (the money does not go to the girl).

However, the reply that moved me even more was that life is about climbing over one mountain after another. Climb when you have the strength, and take a rest when you are tired. You have only one life to live, so just keep fighting if you refuse to accept it.

I really like these eight words: You have only one life to live, so just fight if you don’t accept it.

I once struggled in the quagmire of pain and thought about death many times. Until one day, I suddenly thought, if I am not afraid of death, then why should I be afraid of being an idealist? Isn't the worst result to fail in the pursuit of ideals and die in poverty?

Then I wasn’t afraid anymore.

What saved me spiritually were existentialism and feminism. The former allowed me to reconcile with my resistance and encouraged me to take action, while the latter gave my novels a core that could be explored infinitely.

I believe everyone has heard the saying "When the country is in misfortune, poets are fortunate". Many authors also say that people can only create good works in pain.

But perhaps I am more optimistic and luckier, and I don’t have so much deep pain.

It was not until I experienced the pain of women as a group through myself and others, and was truly able to regard their pain as my own, that I finally understood the meaning of the four words "voice out when you feel injustice."

Later, I read a passage written by Professor He in the book. She said: "So when I came into contact with feminist theory, I realized that gender identity and its identification process is a process that we can analyze, explain and identify. For me personally, this is really a great relief... I realized that the problems we encounter are not private problems, but the practice of a certain social structure on individuals."

It can be said that feminism gave me a second life.

It allowed my life to break free from the shackles of society's regulations on "what women should do" and "what women should do at what age", and break free from those established rules.

This feeling of completely owning, embracing and loving yourself is truly wonderful.

I really want every woman to feel that.

But my enlightenment was actually very slow.

When I was in college, I discussed Camus and existentialism with my teachers, but I was still convinced that marriage must exist. I even vowed, "If my parents had not gotten married, how would I have come into this world?" When I was in graduate school, I missed many classes taught by top domestic female scholars. I didn't know what I was thinking every day, and even went on blind dates frequently after graduation. I once thought that getting married and having children was the right path for me.

But even though I am so dull, slow and clumsy, I have made it here.

This place may be very small. There are only a few hundred people reading this book, and only a few dozen people are following it.

But it's nice to be seen.

Because I only have one person, if I can make a girl realize that she doesn't have to live according to the trajectory preset by others, and can start pursuing the life she wants at any time according to her own ideas, it will be a good deal.

As long as you exceed one, every extra one is earned.

I am really grateful to the readers who have been following and rewarding me. You have given me a lot of strength. Although I am good at comforting myself, there is nothing more gratifying than finding that there are still readers reading when I can't write anymore.

Although serialization is like a gamble and a long marathon for readers (I myself don’t read serialization very much, I find it too torturous, so I understand some readers who don’t read serialization), similarly, for authors, accidentally seeing unfriendly comments can easily make them feel cold in their hearts (I have a fragile heart and dare not read them, so I hope the readers who have commented will forgive me).

But the existence of the series did allow me to hear the echo of my soul during the writing process, and let me know that perhaps the path I chose is not so easy to walk, and there are not many people walking on the road, but I am not alone.

That alone is enough.

Well, thank you for reading this. I'll see you in the next book.