Star Trace Gate

My name is Ren Daguo,

I am a down-and-out middle-aged writer.

When Xiaoye was six years old and Qingning was three years old, I got divorced.

I remember that it was raining lightly on the day we signed the divorce agreement. After shopping in the mall, she and I took shelter from the rain in the coffee shop on the first floor.

That day, I was in a bad state. I didn’t say much. All I could think about was why my manuscript was rejected again. What was wrong with what I wrote? Moreover, I am not feeling well, and there is always a dull pain in my abdomen. I went to the hospital for a check-up before, but the results have not come out yet...

I acted silent, but that wasn't surprising at all.

For a middle-aged man, work and income are the backbone that supports his back. If he doesn't get along well, he will always be very silent.

However, what makes me very strange is that she was also very silent that day, which was quite abnormal, because in the last few years of marriage, the memories she gave me were that she was very busy, she seemed to be sending messages and talking on the phone all the time. .

After finishing a cup of hot drink, it was still raining outside.

She suddenly told me: "There is a good opportunity at work, and I am going abroad. Let's... get a divorce."

I was stunned, and I felt a feeling that was neither unexpected nor unexpected.

Before we got married, we were at the same starting point, so we were considered a perfect match. After getting married, I chose to work freelance and write at home, while she chose to work hard little by little in a foreign company.

One is always fast and the other is always slow.

When she looked up again, she became the regional director of a foreign company; and I had accomplished nothing, had no name and no money.

Joining a group to keep warm has turned into a standout, the marriage relationship is out of balance, and divorce is normal...

She was obviously prepared. After speaking, she took out the divorce agreement from her bag.

I don’t want to appear panicked or humble, because I know that she is a person who will think about it countless times in her mind first when something happens. Once she makes a decision in her heart, it is difficult to change it. Even if I knelt down and begged her that day, Nothing can be saved.

I thought I was very calm and asked her: "What should I do with the two children?"

After she finished speaking, she paused for a few seconds, seeming to be thinking.

I immediately said: "You are too busy at ordinary times. You have to work hard when you go abroad, and you don't have time to take care of them. You should follow me for your two children."

She paused for a few more seconds: "Then I'll pay the child support and leave the house."

I said stubbornly: "No need for child support, their surname is Ren, I can support them."

When she heard what I said, she showed a very dissatisfied expression on her face: "Ren Daguo, why are you so stubborn despite being rejected by publishers every day despite being able to do it?!"

I looked at her in embarrassment and asked softly: "Then if I kneel down to the publishing house, they can accept my manuscript? At this moment... is there any use for me to give in?"

She turned to look out the window and didn't reply to me.

……

Marriage is really a very strange thing. A piece of paper can make two strangers, under the same roof, extremely intimate; and another piece of paper can cut off this intimacy in an instant, and they can meet as strangers from now on.

The day she got the divorce certificate, she was leaving at night.

We originally agreed to go to the kindergarten together at noon, pick up Xiaoye and Qingning and go out for a meal. But when she reached the entrance of the kindergarten, she didn't dare to get out of the car. She just hid in the car and watched the two children cry.

After so many years of marriage, I have never seen her cry like that. Even when her father passed away, she didn't shed a tear and only took one day off.

I can really understand her mood. It is true that she wants to leave at this moment, and her love for her children is also true.

In this life, some people live for their parents; some live for their children; and some live for their money, power, and themselves. Of these choices, there is no question of which one is more noble or which one is more despicable, nor is it right or wrong.

You choose your own life, just like me... I keep throwing myself into the street, but I still want to write.

divorced.

I thought it was the rebirth of a middle-aged man...but I didn't expect that blessings never come in pairs, and misfortunes never come alone.

The day she left, I received two pieces of paper.

A divorce certificate.

A hospital diagnosis certificate.

Mid-stage liver cancer.

I confirmed again and again, but this is really not a rebirth, but a rebirth for me.

That evening, I picked up two children from kindergarten and took them home like a zombie.

On the way, they asked me: "Is mom on a business trip again?"

My brain was buzzing and my legs were weak, but I still childishly lied to two naive children: "Yes, she is on a business trip to make a lot of money. If nothing happens, you will become the second generation of rich people."

The two children were not very happy, especially Qingning, who was not yet four years old. She kept her head lowered and didn't know what she was thinking.

Of my two children, the younger one is indeed more silly and easier to deceive; while Qingning looks silly and cheerful, but in fact she has a very sensitive personality.

That evening.

I sat on a worn-out chair, smiling as I dealt with the chatting neighbors; I held the divorce certificate and medical certificate in my trouser pocket tightly with my hands.

cancer!

Why me, why?

I watched two children playing with a group of children in the courtyard of the community, looking dazed and despairing.

They are still so young!

What will they do if I die?

The lives of these two children are really too hard. Born in a not-so-rich family, my mother bought a one-way ticket and left crying after her career improved. But my father has accomplished nothing, has no background, and no financial ability...and now he is about to lose his life. .

I live in such a miserable state, just like when it rained that day, the stray dogs who had nowhere to hide outdoors pretended to run happily despite the heavy rain.

At night, after the two children went to bed, I stood on the balcony alone, drinking beer, eating peanuts, and watching the bright lights of thousands of houses.

I suddenly felt that I should not be defeated by cancer, just slumped, and then lay on the hospital bed groaning and waiting to die.

why?

Because, I feel that I have never been a good father or husband.

Although I have never asked for anything from this family, I have also contributed nothing.

so far so good……

God has also left me some time. I can do my best to do something for my children, make more money, love them more, and make them feel happy. This is enough.

After I die, my ex-wife will probably come back and take them away, right?

Most definitely.

……

In the following period of time, I did not go to the hospital for chemotherapy or take any medicine, but I became more disciplined in my daily routine.

I pick up the children in the morning and evening and start learning to cook. I cook whatever they like to eat.

At work, I am no longer stubborn. As long as Party A gives me money, I dare to accept any customized theme.

Borderline, royal, violent, terrifying... As long as the price is right, you decide the bottom line.

I knew that no matter how hard I tried, I would never be able to save a wedding house for my son and prepare a dowry gift for my daughter in such a short period of time.