Return to the apocalypse and hug your small thighs tightly

From the moment Yang Kailin was sent back to this home, he often felt depressed and disgusted.

The woman who should have been called aunt now calls herself his mother. Every time he hears her call her name, he feels contempt and disgust in his heart.

But he still had to ask this woman for living expenses, which undoubtedly hit Yang Kailin's self-esteem.

He was in high school at that time. He came from a school in a small city to a key high school in this big city, and he was completely unable to keep up in every aspect.

The pressure from studying and the oppression from family made Yang Kailin full of contradictions.

He knew very well that he could never go back to his grandparents' house until he became an adult and independent, and he also knew very well that he could only rely on himself now.

But every night when he couldn't sleep, he would always think of the days when he lived in that compound. His grandparents treated him very well, and Li Gengrong treated him very well too...

But missing someone couldn't solve the problem, and the situation Yang Kailin was facing remained unchanged.

There is still no progress in my studies and the air at home is still turbid.

Yang Kailin's nominal father was very angry about his grades. He accused him of bringing shame to the family in front of the whole family, and then completely restricted his monthly spending.

In that key high school, Yang Kailin had almost no time to breathe. He had classes and self-study from morning to night, and he had to do morning exercises after school in the afternoon.

It was already 10 o'clock in the evening when I could go back to the dormitory. I went back to take a shower and wash clothes, and then the lights were turned off.

This goes on every day, and if there is even the slightest mistake, you might miss out on everything that day.

When I returned to that home on Sunday, I was faced with a stepmother who was disgusting both mentally and physically, a selfish and arrogant father, an indifferent eldest brother, a rebellious second brother, and... a fourth brother who made me feel sick just by looking at him.

All of them annoyed Yang Kailin.

Later he simply decided not to go back, since there was no place for him in that home anyway.

only……

The same thing happened with school; he couldn't stand it there.

Yang Kailin had no friends at school and no time to make friends, and he had no money to go out and hide.

Numbness and pressure permeate Yang Kailin's every day. He is like a tight rope that will break if he takes a wrong step one day.

It was at this time that Li Gengrong's letter arrived. The familiar handwriting was neatly written on the letter paper, and it contained worry, longing, and instructions.

Yang Kailin received the letter at noon. He didn't dare to read it. He couldn't explain why he was afraid, but he was really confused.

His fears were also correct.

After secretly reading the letter under the quilt that night, Yang Kailin cried like a loser, and his days after that became increasingly depressed.

The more he missed the old days, the more disgusted he felt with his present life, and the heavier the burden on his heart became.

Yang Kailin did not reply and spent his days alone in the school.

Li Gengrong often wrote to him. Sometimes he would read them, but most of the time he would just keep them.

To him, Li Gengrong's concern was a burden that he could not bear.

After a long time, Yang Kailin adapted to the life in this school and became a puppet living in the school like everyone else.

He still hadn't read Li Gengrong's letter. Subconsciously, he was reluctant to open it. The letter was like a key. Once it was opened, all that awaited him was collapse.

A year later, Yang Kailin's grades finally showed steady improvement, and he finally had enough money to leave school and no longer had to stay in school all day long.

When did the correspondence stop?

Yang Kailin now laughs self-deprecatingly when he recalls the incident that happened after the Qingming Festival that year.

That time, Yang's father sent a driver to take him back. The journey and time were all arranged. Yang Kailin first went to sweep the tomb and then visited Li Gengrong's home with the gifts prepared by the woman.

No money, no freedom.

He was sent back to that home after leaving the yard that day.

Later, Li Gengrong stopped writing to him.

He knew that Li Gengrong was angry, but when he picked up the pen he couldn't write a single word.

It’s not that I can’t write it, I just don’t know what to say.

It’s not that I don’t know what to say…

When Yang Kailin thinks back to how cowardly he was at that time, he is too embarrassed to say that it was him. He didn't know what to say, he just thought it was troublesome.

It is troublesome to read letters, it is troublesome to write letters, it is troublesome to deal with emotions, and it is even more troublesome to deal with missing someone.

It is better to cut off ties with the past, not think about it, not miss it, and not care about it.

After receiving the letter, Yang Kailin simply went to the bookstore less frequently, and his life did not change much.

After the college entrance examination, Yang Kailin did well. His life was no longer filled with heavy and numbing studies, but his nausea doubled.

The only one in that family who felt as disgusted with his stepmother as he did was Yang Laoer. Yang Laoer was raised in his grandparents' home and had frequent contact with his aunt since he was a child. Logically speaking, he should not be so repulsive.

But my aunt's rebellious behavior made my grandparents so angry that they were hospitalized together. After that, Yang Laoer held a grudge against her.

Yang Laoer is different from Yang Kailin. His grandparents gave him a lot of money. He didn't want to stay at home, so he went to the Internet cafe outside. He even cursed that woman whenever he wanted.

In order to spend less time at home, Yang Kailin got in good terms with Yang Laoer during the summer after graduation, and the two of them often ran out of the house and stayed in hotels.

Later, Yang Laoer saw that he hated the woman as much as he did, so he called him brother.

Yang Kailin borrowed some money from him and bought a ticket. Yang Laoer took him to the station, and he got on the bus with his ID card.

After three years, he finally returned to that small city by himself.

However, Yang Kailin did not see Li Gengrong. He was not at home and had not returned all day.

The next day Li Gengrong was still not at home.

Later, he learned the news of Li Gengrong's parents' death from other neighbors.

Since his parents passed away, Li Gengrong no longer left school during the winter and summer vacations. There was no one at home anyway, so it made no difference whether he came back or not. He could also save money by not coming back.

The enthusiastic neighbor gave him Li Gengrong's phone number, which has remained in the cell phone that Yang Kailin got when he graduated from high school.

He didn't hit out, nor did he dare to hit out.

What did you say when you called?

The connection between them had been severed the moment Yang Kailin was unwilling to reply.

Because he is not proactive, he doesn't know what to say even if the conditions are met.

He no longer had the face to look for Li Gengrong.

Although Yang Kailin's score was much higher than before, it was still much lower than the scores of his elder and second brothers. Yang's father was very sarcastic about this.

The woman often persuaded Yang's father in front of him with a kind look.

Because of his limited scores, the school Yang Kailin applied to was not the one his father expected, and his living expenses in college were still strictly limited.

But he is already an adult, so with his ID card he will not have trouble finding a part-time job.

Yang Kailin had a good relationship with his roommates. He would go out to work part-time from time to time and bring them some snacks or meals.

Xu Yue appeared when Yang Kailin was in his freshman or sophomore year. It was then that Yang Kailin learned that there was a student who graduated from the same high school as him in the university.

Yang Kailin still had some impression of Xu Yue, who was quite famous in his previous high school and was a year older than him.

At that time, Yang Kailin's "reputation" for taking part-time jobs had spread to the teachers, and Xu Yue's part-time job in the club was introduced by his class teacher.

The main thing is to be a model, standing, sitting, leaning, lying down, and of course wearing clothes. Yang Kailin simply ignores any excessive requests.

At first, it was Xu Yue who took the initiative to add the contact information. Later, she contacted Yang Kailin frequently, talking about what she saw and heard, daily sharing, good morning and good night, etc.

As time went by, Yang Kailin would talk to her more, and later Xu Yue confessed her love, and the two naturally started dating.

After being with Xu Yue, Yang Kailin would spend more time on his part-time job. Like all men, he cared about his reputation and it was impossible for him to spend a girl's money while he was in a relationship with her.

Xu Yue's family was well-off and she didn't lack anything. Although she didn't directly ask Yang Kailin to buy anything for her, Yang Kailin still took the initiative to spend most of his money on her.

The feeling of being in love is wonderful. Yang Kailin can feel that he is needed. The dark times in the past seem to be thrown into the sun and faded away.

But such days did not last long.

When Yang Kailin was a junior, Xu Yue was a senior. She went out for an internship, and came back not long after to break up with Yang Kailin.

The reason for breaking up is very simple, it’s just that I feel that the two of us are no longer suitable for each other.

Xu Yue sighed deeply in the surprised look of Yang Kailin, "Actually, I really like you, but I also need to consider the reality, don't you think?"

"...You like someone else?" Yang Kailin asked.

Xu Yue nodded without hiding it, "You can think so."

After that, the two parted unhappily.

Not long after that, news spread around the school that Xu Yue was dating the rich young man of her internship company, and there were even photos of them.

The photo shows a man driving a convertible sports car and stopping at the school gate. Xu Yue got out of the car, probably going to the counselor's office to hand in some information.

The classmates who were interning with Xu Yue recognized who the man was, and the school was full of rumors for a while.

It’s just that these two people are not in school, so the only one who suffers from the rumors is Yang Kailin.

The photo of Xu Yue boldly confessing her love to him and the photo of her getting out of the luxury car were talked about crazily by people in the school.

During his last two years at school, Yang Kailin was surrounded by all kinds of gazes. Just when he was walking on the street, people would cast abnormal glances at him from time to time.

Those looks might be sympathy, might be watching the fun, or might be ridicule.

But no matter what it was, he deeply hated the feeling of being treated like a monkey.

"Are you okay?" Perhaps Yang Kailin had been very depressed recently, Pei Zhuangzhou couldn't help but worry about him, "She's just a girlfriend, so let's break up. If she doesn't cherish you, there must be someone who does!"

Yang Kailin was a little dazed when he heard his comfort. He was indeed very depressed during this period.

On the one hand, his self-esteem was indeed hit by the breakup with Xu Yue.

On the other hand, he was uncomfortable with the various negative rumors circulating in the school.

But the most important thing was that Xu Yue's breakup and the rumors at school aroused the inferiority complex deep in his bones.

"I'm fine." Yang Kailin said lightly.

"That's good," Pei Zhuangzhou touched his head and looked at his other roommates, "Well, let's go out for dinner tonight!"

At the urging of his roommates, Yang Kailin did not refuse.

When Yang Kailin was young, he was left to be raised by his grandparents in a small city because he had one child outside the family planning rules. He spent a relatively good time there.

But when he was a child, he didn't understand, and he often wondered why his parents had to send him to his grandparents' house so far away?

Is it really just because of over-birth?

Or is it because he is too young, likes to cry in the middle of the night and is not well behaved, so you don’t want to keep him around?

When he grew up and returned to that home, Yang Kailin found that the home was full of contradictions.

Although my eldest brother has always been raised with his parents, the difference is that he does not object to his aunt being his stepmother.

He was much older than Yang Kailin, very mature and also very cold. He showed only a little friendliness towards Yang Kailin's return, but mostly ignored him.

When he graduated from high school, Yang Laoer took Yang Kailin to live with his grandparents for a short period of time. He thought that his grandparents would take good care of him, after all, he was also their mother's son.

But it didn't.

They were even afraid that Yang Kailin would compete for the property left by them and their mother for Yang Laoer.

Every time he thought of this, Yang Kailin couldn't help but laugh at himself.

After his grandparents passed away, no one loved him or cared about him anymore.

Xu Yue's incident made him understand the matter more clearly.

After graduating from university, Yang Kailin encountered a problem that all graduates will experience: employment.

Like Pei Zhuangzhou, he studied biology. After graduation, he would either go on to graduate school or take the civil service exam. If he didn't want to do either, he could only work for a large related company. If he was lucky, he could apply for a job at a large related company, but they recruited very few people.

Yang Kailin submitted his resume to several large companies, but most of them received no response. The ones that responded thought he was good-looking and wanted him to move into human resources or public relations.

For Yang Kailin at that time, being able to get in was already a great achievement, so he thought about it and agreed.

Yang's father somehow knew that he was going to do a HR job with a salary of only 2,000 yuan, so he got furious and scolded Yang Kailin to pieces. He also called the HR person who contacted Yang Kailin and scolded him.

The job just fell through.

In their eyes, Yang Kailin's resistance was like a crying child, just a joke.

Later, Yang's father used his connections to send Yang Kailin to work at the police station. He only had to pass a written test and a physical exam, and there was no need to look at his major.

According to Yang's father, working here gives him face and will help him in the future. The most important thing for Yang Kailin is the high salary.

However, the news of this backdoor transaction had already spread throughout the police station, and Yang Kailin was unsurprisingly isolated.

But it didn’t matter to Yang Kailin at that time. He was freer to be alone.

Until Chen Mi brought Qi Sheng into his life, Qi Sheng was his college classmate and was also forced into his life by his parents. Chen Mi studied medicine, but the work in the hospital was too hard, so her brother thought it was not possible and forced her into his life.

The three people who got in through the back door got together and were often talked about behind their backs by others.

Working at the police station was not bad. The police station provided food and lodging. Yang Kailin left that home as he wished and started his lazy life.

However, such days were shattered after Chen Mi confessed her love. Even though she was rejected by Yang Kailin, she remained optimistic and even felt that Yang Kailin was too decadent.

She wanted Yang Kailin to cheer up. She felt that as long as she remained optimistic and encouraged him, Yang Kailin would change and accept her sooner or later.

After all, she was the one who got through it all with him, wasn't she?

But that was just Chen Mi's wishful thinking. Yang Kailin did not feel that he was decadent and did not need redemption.

In the end, Chen Mi's earnest advice and persuasion successfully annoyed Yang Kailin. He got angry, asked for annual leave and hid back in the dormitory.

Lying alone in the dormitory, Yang Kailin felt very quiet. This was his own corner.

But Chen Mi followed him to the dormitory and said a lot of things at his door.

Yang Kailin was completely speechless and lay on the bed pretending that no one was there. Chen Mi talked for a long time but no one paid attention, so she waited for another ten minutes before leaving.

Really painful.

Being chased by a self-righteous person who asks you to strive forward, to rise up, and to live a positive life every day.

He really doesn't understand. Shouldn't it be up to him to decide what kind of life he wants?

Although Yang Kailin thought so, he couldn't help but doubt himself during these few days of free time.

Is he really as decadent as Chen Mi said?

Is he really indifferent to life?

Why is there always someone telling him what to do with his life?

Since moving into the dormitory, Yang Kailin has moved all his belongings into the dormitory, but has never sorted them out.

If you are feeling upset now, you might as well take this opportunity to clean it up.

Yang Kailin was thinking while eating the food he brought back from the cafeteria.

He didn't have much stuff. Apart from clothes and daily necessities, the rest were books from high school and college, and a small box of letters.

“……” Yang Kailin was stunned for a long time when he took out the box of letters.

These letters have been sent for such a long time, but he has only read a few of them, and he has not read most of them.

Now... everything is alright.

Thinking of this, Yang Kailin took out a letter, tore open the envelope, took out the letter paper, and read it page by page.

The letters Li Gengrong wrote to him were all more than three pages long, and they talked about a lot of things about himself, including the happy, sad, hateful and likeable things.

But at the end of every letter she would ask him how he was doing and whether he was doing well over there, and later she would ask why I didn't write back to him.

Yang Kailin squatted on the ground, reading the letters one by one, and then put them away one by one.

Read from day to night.

The late-returning birds chirped back to their nests. Yang Kailin held the letter and looked out the window. There were several bird nests on the tree outside the window.

Yang Kailin couldn't recognize those birds.

But he seemed...

Let your little bird fly away.