My Little Pony: My Little Pony The Martian

AMICITAS Mission Three – Mission Day 115

ARES 3 solar day 116

Recipient: Mark Watney ([email protected])

From: Anne Montrose ([email protected])

Topic: Filthy Fred Interview

Mark, I want to emphasize to you now that communicating via private email is to avoid you having a public outburst about this later.

Last night an internet personality named "Filthy Fred" took advantage of the audio of your interview and edited a fake interview using parts of the sound clips. The main content of this joke (more like a farce) is to claim that you have an alien harem on Mars.

This is actually the man's usual modus operandi. His previous glorious deeds include pranking various celebrities, politicians, and even the former president. He often makes people laugh by creating unexpected sensations and has a small cult following. Originally this trivial matter should not be worth mentioning at all; however, since your name has always been a hot search keyword, it is estimated that millions of people are now enjoying his editing works.

We wish you to maintain absolute silence on this matter. The result of our original discussion was not to inform you of the existence of this matter at all, but I have talked to Teddy and Venkat, and the probability that this matter will not be accidentally disclosed to you is almost zero. Because of this, there is no point in keeping the truth sealed from you. But we still think it's necessary to warn you and warn you to pretend this never happened.

Mark, I'm serious this time; a direct response to this bastard is totally useless. Your opposition and protest will only allow him to enjoy the success, which is tantamount to adding fuel to the fire: he can take this opportunity to get more attention and traffic, and public opinion will begin to doubt whether there is the truth behind this farce. So it’s better to leave this matter to us. Our solution was to show off lots of photos of ponies, especially those with their cute big eyes, so that our argument became self-explanatory: What kind of filthy motives would a person have to commit the first time in human history to a human being? Contact with extraterrestrial civilizations was fabricated into a vulgar and obscene joke?

Finally, I would like to emphasize again that this incident was not caused by your fault. We do warn astronauts to be careful with their words in public interviews; but no matter how carefully you choose your words, something like "Filthy Fred" will pop up and catch you off guard. So don't worry, just leave everything to your Aunt Anne to take care of it. Rest easy, I guarantee this piece of shit will be ripped apart by an outraged public opinion.

Annie

Recipient: Anne Montrose ([email protected])

From: Mark Watney ([email protected])

Subject: Re: Interview with Filthy Fred

I guess you couldn't secretly send me the audio of that guy's work right under Kapol's nose, right?

mark

Recipient: Mark Watney ([email protected])

From: Anne Montrose ([email protected])

Subject: Re: Interview with Filthy Fred

No, Teddy and Xiaowen have already discussed this, and they believe that the details will not be of any help to you. However, I still found a way to copy the following conversation record from the department report on this incident; they are all my own, no need to be polite. (Those numerical markers can be simply ignored: in the original text of the report, these indexes will link to the corresponding fragments in the real interview recordings. Originally, we fully expected that he had added information to it himself, so that we could seize the opportunity and take legal action. He arranged it clearly; it turned out that this guy was completely pieced together from the original audio piece by piece. I didn’t have time to delete all these marks, so I had to make do with it, sorry.)

Annie

---Attachment: filthy_fred_transcript.txt

---Attachment: filthy_fred_dialogue transcript.txt

＜Suggestive＞

FF: Hello, you fucked-up freaks and you freaky fuckers, this is Filthy Fred again- and this time I've got the best interview EVER! Yours truly has scored an interview with our favorite Martian himself, Mark Watney! Say hi to our listeners, Mark!

FF: Hello fellow citizens, cats and dogs! Your old friend "Filthy Fred" meets you again - and this time I bring you the best news ever! That’s right, I had the pleasure of having an exclusive interview with our favorite man from Mars, Mark Watney! Mark, say hello to our fellow viewers!

MW: high(1)

Mark: Hi. (1)

FF: Now, I’m given to understand that you’re just hangin’ out on Mars with five aliens, four of which are females who prefer to go around naked. Are you gonna tell me there’s nothin’ goin’ on up there?

FF: Now let’s get down to business: I understand that you were recently on Mars with five aliens, four of them female, and you liked to wander around naked. You won't tell us that there's nothing wrong with your place, right?

MW: No, seriously(2)

Mark: Yeah, I'm not kidding. (2)

FF: That’s what I thought! So, what’s it like, fuckin’ four alien girls?

FF: The heroes see the same thing! So let me ask you...how does it feel to have four alien girls?

MW: it keeps you warm on a winter night, you know what I mean?(3)

Mark: It can keep your whole body warm even on winter nights, okay? (3)

FF: Yeah, but really- four aliens?

FF: Makes sense, but seriously – four aliens?

MW: I figured NASA would want someone who could do more than one(4) pony(5). Turns out I was right.(6)

Mark: I think NASA would prefer a (Japanese) pony (5) generalist. (4) It turns out that my intuition was correct. (6)

FF: Sounds like you’re having a ball up there!

FF: It sounds like you are really enjoying yourself on Mars!

MW: the ponies all like it, too(7)

Mark: The ponies love it too. (7)

FF: Which one of your bunk buddies is your favorite?

FF: So which chick is your favorite in bed?

MW: I wish you could see Spitfire shaking her butt(8)You take one look and you know it’s going to taste SO good.(9)

Mark: The scene where Spitfire shakes her ass is definitely worth seeing. (8) Just one glance and you will understand that the taste of this thing will definitely make you want to die. (9)

FF: Got a thing for butts, eh Mark?

FF: You seem to have a soft spot for butts, right Mark?

MW: I want to feel them in my hands(10)

Mark: I long to caress them with my hands. (10)

FF: Tell us about Spitfire’s butt, Mark.

FF: Mark, how about talking about Spitfire's ass?

MW: It’s so hot and gooey(11)

Mark: Steamy and juicy. (11)

FF: What does that do to your dick when you think about it?

FF: What was your reaction to this?

MW: It’s long(12) and(13) hard (14)

Mark: Long and hard. (12) (13) (14)

FF: So what do you do with it?

FF: So what’s next?

MW: I stick it in(15) the right place(16)

Mark: Just stick it in (15). (16)

FF: And what do you do when you’re done?

FF: What will you do when you're done?

MW: C’mon(17) those innocent, cute little faces.(18)

Mark: Shoot (17) those innocent and cute little faces. (18)

FF: Sounds like you really have fun up there, Mark!

FF: Mark, it sounds like you are having a great time on Mars!

MW: the ponies all like it, too(19)

Mark: The ponies love it too. (19)

FF: I guess they must! But what about the dragon guy, what’s his name?

FF: That’s natural! But then again, there is another dragon, what is its name?

MW: Fireball’s(20)

Mark: Fireball. (20)

FF: How does he take your hogging all the girls?

FF: So how did he react when he saw you having those girls all to yourself?

MW: even he’s hard(21)

Mark: Even he was hard. (twenty one)

FF: What?? You mean to say you’ve got a dude doing you too?

FF: What? ? ? You mean there's another guy doing it with you?

MW: I put it in(22) that big adorable schnozz?(23)

Mark: I stick that thing in (22) that cute big nose? (twenty three)

FF: Damn, Mark, how long have you been swingin’ both ways?

FF: Gan, Mark, when did you start working with both men and women?

MW: since college(24)

Mark: Since college. (twenty four)

FF: Where did you first experiment with this sort of thing?

FF: When did you have your first time?

MW: everywhere when I was a kid.(25) I was young and healthy enough(26)

Mark: When I was a kid, it was all over the streets (25). At that time I was young, vigorous and healthy. (26)

FF: What was your favorite place to screw?

FF: What’s your favorite place to do it?

MW: my best friend’s basement(27)

Mark: In the basement of my friend's house. (27)

FF: Sounds kinky, Mark. What would you say to people who think it’s kind of fucked up to have sex with an alien, never mind five?

FF: That sounds really perverted, Mark. Some people think that having sex with an alien is morally corrupt, and having sex with five is even more sinful and promiscuous. Do you have anything to say to these people?

MW: don’t let that stop you. Don’t even let it slow you down. (28) that’s how you make a fun evening. (29)

Mark: Don’t stop eating because of choking. Never slow down in your exploration. (28) Have fun all night long. (29)

FF: Words of wisdom, Mark. Your transmission’s breaking up. Any last words of wisdom for Earth?

FF: Mark, your words are indeed wise. But now the signal transmission is about to be interrupted. Are there any other proverbs you would like to impart to the people on earth?

MW: if (30) more people (31) really want (32) to lay(33) the ponies, well, I’m sure they all want it too.(34)

马克：如果（30）还有许多人（31）非常希望（32）日（33）小马的话，我很确定小马们也都趋之若鹜。（34）

FF: Thanks again, astronaut Mark Watney! And let’s hope you get rescued soon… but not TOO soon! (lewd laughter)

FF: Thanks again to astronaut Mark Watney for his wonderful remarks! I hope you can be rescued as soon as possible...but not too soon, otherwise it will be a loss of interest! (lewd laughter)

---enddoc

---End of document

Recipient: Anne Montrose ([email protected])

From: Mark Watney ([email protected])

Subject: Re: Interview with Filthy Fred

...It seems that I will have a psychological shadow on the "this is what he said personally" in the future. I used to laugh out loud when I saw other people making such jokes, but that was because I had never been personally targeted - not to mention my guests, who must not be involved in such an incident. Go in. After this guy got the audio of my interview and manipulated it, I became a living pedophile. How fucked up is it for you to say that this kind of thing happened to me inexplicably.

Thinking about it now, it's a good thing I didn't mention the word "sister" at that time, otherwise the consequences would be unimaginable. But even being like this now is enough for me: I can't wait to find a crack in the ground and bury my head in it, hoping to have a time machine to go back and take back the words I said.

...Gan, it’s over. Starlight was standing behind me just now, and she saw all these things. She now insisted that I explain myself. Sorry, I have to destroy the innocence of a cute unicorn now.

mark

Recipient: Mark Watney ([email protected])

From: Anne Montrose ([email protected])

Subject: Re: Interview with Filthy Fred

Mark, I'm glad it's you and not me. But please don’t forget to remind others not to talk about this.

One more thing, a special request here: we need you to take more pony photos. We will give you about a day or two, take as many pictures as you can, especially their faces, don't be soft-hearted, so that we will have enough pictures to publish, and also for our Public opinion responses have added “cuteness” chips.

There are a few requirements for these photos:

(1) Don’t slap your butt. It's obvious; even if they're wearing spacesuits or underwear, we don't want to hear anyone ask, "Where are his eyes looking?"

(2) Pat the face, pat the face, pat the face again. Say important things three times.

(3) I understand you still have to take photos of the composting system for a bunch of botanical researchers here, but stop it. A pony covered in flying has nothing to do with the word "cute".

(4) It turns out that Dragonfly is not nearly as cute as the other ponies. Don't take pictures of her unless her behavior is truly endearing. In addition, fireballs must not appear in the photo. The public does think he is cool, but it is not "cute" at all; and what we urgently need now is cuteness and innocence.

Many thanks!

Annie

"How could a human being do such a thing?"

Berry couldn't believe her ears. First, Mark told them what happened, and then Starlight Glimmer provided additional explanations for some underachievers whose English skills were temporarily unable to keep up.

"Yes, I knew it!" Starlight was very excited. "Maybe this is the nature of these monkeys? Are the entire race addicted to erotica?"

"You're too naive." Spitfire seemed very calm about this, "For example, the Wonderbolts always stay within the guest area when attending public events. This kind of precaution is not groundless. Those paparazzi will look at it eagerly. Stand by and wait for you to sneeze unsuspectingly, so that there will always be photos from certain angles where it looks like you are peeking at the anus of a colleague."

"No, I'm serious. I feel that this should be a unique attribute of a certain race." Starlight is still persistent in her own point of view, "Remember what I told you before, what happened on the way to find the Pathfinder? Something?"

"Tch," Spitfire said even more unconcernedly, "I've seen this kind of thing a lot. I once witnessed a group of military academy ponies conducting an emergency gathering at five o'clock in the morning for a surprise inspection. At that time, their stuff could barely fit into the flight The suit is so stuffed that it’s full to the brim.” The experienced former commander of the Wonderbolts raised his eyebrows, as if he was hinting at something in his words.

At this moment, Berry obviously couldn't bear it anymore. She hugged her head tightly with her hooves, as if her brain was about to burst out in the next moment: "Why do you have to tell me this kind of thing now! I don't want to know this kind of thing at all!" "

"Then welcome to my world." Fireball began to complain at the side, "You mammals are simply unreasonable. We dragons only use the only appropriate way to deal with such sexual desire problems-to negotiate a long-term prenuptial agreement. After that you can do whatever you want.”

Berry then turned to Tingting for support. The changeling was seen sitting quietly on a stool, seemingly thinking about something in silence. "Dingting, you... uh, what are you thinking about?"

"It's nothing." Dragonfly remained motionless in its original posture.

"Okay." This sentence obviously failed to convince Berry, "In any case, I am giving a direct order now: every pony, especially you, Dragonfly, are not allowed to..."

"What?!"

Mark checked his e-mail inbox again after explaining the mess he had made about the despicable human and his internet radio show. At this moment, he was sitting blankly in his chair, far away from the computer screen, glaring angrily, as if he had been fatally insulted. Then he seemed to have made up his mind, nodded and closed the computer, walked to a locker, grabbed a still life camera and came to the pile of ponies.

"Earth wants more pictures of you." Mark held a camera in his hand. "And they have to be cute ones. But they don't want pictures of fireballs; and unless the dragonfly looks like she's doing something stupid, she I don’t want any photos of you either.” He smiled maliciously and said, “So today’s English keyword is: Intrusion in a fancy way.”

He explained this again. The changeling and the dragon looked at each other and smiled.

"Wow!" said Dragonfly on the side, "Mark, I never knew you could change your color! Did you... forget it, just pretend I didn't say it."

At this time, Mark's face was flushed from holding back, and he looked like a fire truck. However, he still controlled the smile on his face and said: "It's time to show off your skills. Let's do it."

Anne Montrose stared at the pile of photos from Pathfinder. For some unknown reason, fireballs appeared in the background of every photo—sometimes passing by, sometimes chewing rocks, sometimes staring at the computer, and so on, without missing a single one.

In every photo, Dragonfly is acting silly - making faces, sticking strange things into holes in its body, playing tricks, and sometimes even sitting on Berry's head.

In almost every photo, Feihuo would forcefully insert his butt into the camera frame in various ways, making the real protagonist of the photo feel embarrassed.

In fact, Starlight Glimmer is either absent or completely absent from almost half of the photos.

But whether she liked it or not, all of these photos would be released to the general news media in less than twenty-four hours.

"Watney, I'm a fool," Annie couldn't help but roared at the computer screen with impotence, "You are the one who has a job. You must be tired of living!!!"

Recipient: Anne Montrose ([email protected])

Sender: Feihuo ([email protected])

Theme: (no theme)

We are not children. We also won't allow you to act like a bunch of kids.

We are a team. We will not allow you to make any of us look like we don't belong on this team.

Remember it for next time. Also please tell the people of Earth that I have shown you something that none of you can have.

Flying fire