Fall in love with your enemy

When the fog is cleared, the stars in the sky are like a downpour of rain, and every drop hits the bottom of my heart silently. At that moment, I turn my head to look at you, and I am willing to be trapped in a moment, born and died. ——"Chasing a Deer"

I don’t remember the last time I listened to this song. In fact, the meaning of the lyrics is not necessarily about love, but more like a person pursuing a dream. The road to the future is far away and vague. Thinking about it at this moment, it is probably Because of the two lyrics in it: "Let's elope tomorrow, okay?" and "Tomorrow is always far away."

I am becoming more and more confused. Why do things always have to happen to keep me when I make a decision? Why did I have to hear his cries, his pride and frustration, greed and humility, regret and unwillingness on the night before he was about to leave? Why did I have to tell me that he only had me.

Gao Xinci squeezed into my arms, resting his cheek on my leg, stroking the space in my palm as he spoke quietly.

"Shishi, do you know? No one has liked me since I was a child. The Gao family is tired of me being the first heir and feels that my existence will take away their property. The outsiders feel that my position is out of reach, even if People of the same age are willing to communicate with me, and their parents also drag them away, saying that they can't afford to offend me, and they can't afford to hide. They come from a wealthy family and have strict upbringing, so they can't reach high places. So no matter how much money I have, I still can't afford it. The most lonely one."

"I often think, poor or rich, aren't they all human? Why don't I have half the friends? What are they afraid of me? My body is strong, even if I break it in a fight, it will hurt. I'm not gold, I can handle it even if I knock it off. Why don't you like me? But no matter what, I lived like this in my childhood before I was seven years old. Wherever I went, I was the one in the corner. Lulu was my only one. My friend, she is the only one in the world who dares to push me down and beat me up. However, she has too many friends and I am not missing one."

"I have been alone for a long time, and gradually I no longer care. My mother said that as long as I have a friend, even just one, it means that there is nothing wrong with me. It is not my fault. Moreover, as long as I become better, everyone will naturally Then you will like me, I tried, I thought, maybe friends are not necessarily that important. Even if friendship is missing, at least my family is happy, my parents love me very much, and I can still live. They lived a very happy life until they divorced when they were seven years old.”

"I have cried and begged, but no one is willing to stay for me, but it doesn't matter. They want to pursue their own happiness. They are independent people and should not be forced to squeeze together for me and compromise. I can understand it, but why , the two couples who have always been very affectionate suddenly separated, and they must be so cruel both overtly and covertly? "

"I can't help but watch my father bring different women to the door to humiliate my mother, and pretend to love me more. Every time we meet, he says he's sorry, I don't know what he wants to apologize to me for, even if He really feels that he owes me, so why does he never just apologize and correct himself? Isn't that just the three words "I'm sorry"? I can say it a hundred times, but can he stop doing things that embarrass me? No, he will repeat these processes next time as if he has lost his memory. I am wondering, does he only think of me as a tool to clear up his guilt? Am I that cheap in his eyes? ?”

"And my mother, she obviously still loves her very much. Once my father comes, she will cry in confusion. From time to time, she will also say sorry to me, and then she will destroy everything my father has built day and night, until she is nowhere to be found. When I was venting my anger, when I saw that I looked similar to my father, I was beaten up and thrown into the basement. Many times, I was beaten for no reason. I had no choice. I didn’t have the ability to live independently, so I could only be scared. , endure it day after day.”

“As I grew up, I suddenly gained a lot of friends out of nowhere. At first, I was happy because there were people who were willing to share my joys and sorrows, communicate with me, and accompany me to do what I wanted to do. , but gradually I discovered that the friendship I had been looking forward to for a long time was different from the definition in my heart. It seemed that everyone came with a purpose. Later I realized that in addition to treating each other sincerely, there is another word in a person's life-long relationship. , it's called 'flattery'. It doesn't matter, I accept it. Short-term flattery is also good. It can be considered as giving me some fun in my boring life. As for what I pay, it is regarded as the reward for this time. I accept it. After that, let’s get together and disperse.”

"But why would someone betray me in such a deal? Fortunately, I soon figured it out again. Why should I feel sad for the betrayal of someone I don't care about? If I take revenge, it will be even if I go back, and my life will still be the same. Later, the family became stable, and people from both good and bad backgrounds dared to get along with each other. I got to know Zhao Kanhai and Hou Xiangyang. Their future paths were not consistent, and they were not a perfect match for each other, but at least they could sit down together when they got together. Having a good meal and not having to worry about betrayal makes me feel better. Although my mother still beats me, at least I have someone to talk to."

"I changed the trajectory of my life when I met you. I don't think it was the first time I met you on the first day of school. The first time I saw you, I felt so familiar and wanted to get closer. I didn't know you I don’t know your name, but just by looking at you from a distance on the playground, I am convinced that I will love you for the rest of my life.”

"It was the second time I saw you that I decided to come to propose marriage. I never mentioned it to you. At the dinner party that same day, when you came back for the first time, I saw you looking confused from the eyes to the bottom of my heart. You were wearing a black dress. I didn’t know anyone in my long dress, I was just standing there alone, holding a bouquet of flowers. I thought at that time, I must not let you be in the same embarrassing situation as me, I want to protect you. , so I put all my thoughts on you, whether it’s making friends or falling in love, I just want to be with you, and it will gradually evolve to the point where I only have you.”

"Only you in this world would stand up for my injustice when I was being beaten and punished, and take me to elope. It was after that time that I escaped from my mother's domestic violence. Only you would correct my mistakes and treat each other sincerely so that I would be fearless." We are on an equal relationship. Only you will treat me as an ordinary person. You will not hold me high and treat me like a god. You believe that I can survive all the storms smoothly. I am not like that. I know where to stand. The higher you get, the worse you will fall. I am also afraid of wind and rain. Only you will love me, feel sad for me, worry about me, and think of a way for me, even if it is a bad idea. A good idea can only take refuge. You tell me, they are all ordinary people, they are all teenagers, so what’s wrong with cheating?”

"Because of your love, I have a standard. No matter where I can perceive and distinguish, the love others have for me is fake. Even if it is mixed with a little bit of true love, it is still a strong desire and pertinence. A little bit of his conscience was mixed into his purpose. It was his conscience, not the essence of his love for me. Gradually, I was willing to abandon everyone. The relationship was on the surface. If something happened, just say it was okay and get out. In these false relationships, Including my friends, colleagues, brothers and sisters of the same race, and even my parents.”

"When I fished out my father's body from the Linjiang River, I was dumbfounded at that moment. I thought I should cry, but all I could think about was the continuous use and deception he had used and deceived me over the past ten years. I heard that Your mother also passed away. When I was sad about this, I squeezed out two tears. I am sad why you have experienced the same suffering as me. I did not take good care of you and made you sad. Even if I try harder , and can’t control people’s life or death.”